Why break ups suck...

Just wanted to start a thread on how to get over break ups and struggles with relationships. I myself have just gotten dumped by my 4 year college sweetheart who claims our long- distance isn't working (he only lives 2 hours away). This situation has really been hard for me mentally, and I am still in the final stages of recovery. I have taken pride this summer to find happiness in the small things in life and to lose control when I feel like I need to control my food intake. I have recently been successful with hitting a healthy weight and maintaining it. I have taken up yoga, spending time with friends, and even gotten a new (way more $$) job. But for some reason I am so afraid that this break up is going to hender my "new healthy lifestyle". I am forcing myself to eat, due to lack of appetite, but still managing to hit my maintanence level daily.

I know that many of you have consoled me over this whole break up in other threads, but I was wondering what some of you think I should do next. I know I am strong (I have beaten my ed), but at times this whole thing just puts me in that horrible mindset.

What would you do? Break ups suck!

I am so sorry to hear of your breakup. I was just recently dumped to. No long distance he just felt we were "to different" whatever that means. It sucks!!

You have come to far in your recovery to let this wreck it. Maybe it will turn out to be a positive thing. You have a new lifestyle now, maybe it's good to have a fresh start without a boyfriend. You can focus on yourself for awhile.

Congrats on the new job. Take some of the $ and treat yourself to something.

Stay strong!!

Laurie

Break ups do suck, even those that with the benefit of hindsight really were best for us.  If you're still trying to maintain a friendship I would try no contact for a while until you feel more emotionally stable.  Sometimes it takes a new love interest to prove to yourself that you won't be alone forever.  Sometimes it just takes time and sometimes it takes getting out and doing things until life becomes normal.

Why break-ups suck;

• they make you focus on flaws, not strengths
• you have to redefine yourself as "I" not "we"
• you have to find more things to do to stay distracted
• you get a yucko feeling in your chest
• you have a hard time thinking about anything else

Why break-ups RULE;

• you can enhance yourself instead of someone else
• you become an "I" not a "we"
• you can do things they held you back from
• you experience a powerful feeling that envinces life
• you'll put more effort into thinking about other things that you hadn't before

I am sorry for your break-up and that you have been hurt. I've had my own heart crushed and can sincerily say...one day you may not see it as a bad experience and instead might see it as a time of transition and growth. The best advice I have is accepting the relationship as part of your past and slowly knocking down those images you had of your future. Start the mental furnishings of a new future and the possibilities you begin to see will far surpass the loss you feel. I wish you the best.

im sorry for your break ups, im going through a break up too, we have been together for 10yrs we have 4 children, its me that is doing the breaking up tho, i just cant take no more, hes been different the last couple of yrs, he goes to the pub every weekend and gets drunk from friday to sunday, he goes out when he wants never thinks about me or the kids, and hes been really horrible bout my anorexia, he blames me says i wanted this and i like it, he dont listen when i try to explane, he just shouts and swears at me, told me last week to just hurry up and die said everyone would be better off if i was dead, im looking at somewhere to live so hopefully i will be away from him soon, and then i will find beating this anorexia a bit eaiser.

lucyxx

hey linny,

when i was 24, my high school sweetheart of 7 years (!) and i broke up.  one the one hand, i was completely devastated and didn't know how to handle it.  it was mostly him that wanted to break up, but deep inside i also knew that we had just kind of  outgrown each other.

on the other hand however, i was amazed at the new found freedom and independence i never really got to experience.  it was kind of scary at first, but you start to remember all the things that you love YOURSELF rather than what you and your boyfriend love.

plus it sounds like you have a great support group with your friends and family, plus your little puppy!!  trust me, pets help soo much, i wouldn't have gotten through it without my kitties!

so...bottom line...you WILL get through this, and you will come out a much stronger and independent woman!

best of luck, and if you ever need to talk, please don't hesitate to contact me!

and always remember that YOU DESERVE BETTER!!  =)

Sorry for the breakup, it's hard, i've been through one myself just about 3 months ago, 8 years of friendship, 4 years of relationship.

 I can say one thing, enjoy being single because it won't last long. Independence and not having to have any regard for anyone else is pretty addictive.  I've spent all day yesterday thinking how to get rid of a relationship that's starting up seemingly by itself (yah, that happens too).

i did the breaking up a couple of months ago (which in many cases is just has hard.  trust me, i've been on both ends...) and while i was sad at first, i realized that this was my chance to turn things around. 

i don't have an ED, but i AM an overeater, i always have been.  is that an ED...?  anyway, whatever, the point is that it made me realize that i had this whole new chance to do the things i always wanted to do, like get healthy and not let food control my life, and while i was really hard, the last couple of weeks i've been doing good and that makes me feel good about myself and i know that i can do anything i set my mind to.

i realized that i deserve the best and if the person i was with didn't see that (in your case) or took me for granted (in mine), well then they aren't good for me.  i want to surround mysekf only with people who love me for who i am, who want to spend time with me and see me laugh and have fun.  so think about that: the people who you love, and who love you in return.  hang with them. 

that's the great thing about a break-up: you get to spend more time with your friends.  adn sicne them, i have vowed never to ignore them again.  never to spend all my time with one person only.  i can't do the co-dependent thing anymore.  i love my independence.  and you can be with someone (in a couple) while both keeping your independece.

that's my 2 cents.

Why breakups suck: Your social life is turned upside down (i.e. who do I watch 'The Office' with now on Thursday nights?)

Why breakups are good: You realize that you are a strong, independent person and at least in my case, you gotta use it as inspiration to do something outside of your comfort zone. 

 

remember, you are so much more than a relationship! go linney, go! 

Thanks everyone you people really made me smile, I think I'll go knock a few back and dance a bit with my best girl tonight!