Breaking a routine and "Deridgidizing"

So simply put, how do you do it?

I've been trying to gain weight, increasing my calories, and following an eating schedule for the past few months.  the schedule was not prescribed by anyone but it has a calorie target, which every so often i've increased to continue with the gaining, and I eat every few hours.  Now, I'm pretty rigid.  I eat at basically the same times, the same breakfast and lunch, pretty much the same snacks, and a different dinner.

I want to be able to try and "listen" to my body but I dont  really hear it, I wont crave anything, and when I try and do this, Ill see that 3 hours have passed and im not hungry, so I just pick a routine food and eat it.

Ive been eating about 2500 that past week and a half and am waiting for 2 weeks to pass before i weigh, i was about 97lbs and am about 5'4 the last time i weighed.  i feel as though ive gaied but am pretty sure its a combo of water, my head, and some real weight. 

im sure im still underweight but im wondering how and when routines are broken, how can i learn to eat what i want, when i want, and how much i want?

thank you! good luck to everyone!

oh, no no no, deff proceeding as normal regardless of the cookie today!  i guess its more worrying about how ppl not gaining would proceed, but, i guess if i think about it, somone not at an unhealthy weight can afford to have a treat then yes, have a bit of a smaller dinner for example to compensate bc theyre not in any danger with their health.  i suppose thats maintaining and balancing.  i know my paresnt's behavior of eating so sporadically cant be healthy and if thats what they want to do, then fine, but no way will i eat so little after i gain, no way.  ill do the rt thing, 3 meals, snacks...

i guess im just also wondering when to weigh, its hard to balance eating more knowing i need to gain and become healhy, but not having any knowledge of how im doing, or, its just the ED thought that im eating too too much, i just feel like ive gained.  part of me wants to see my weight and the other part doesnt.  i guess i need to decide whether or not i should weigh thurs-2 weeks at 2500.  but how do i know if i sohuld be eating more than 2500 if i havent weighed?

but no way, no skimping today!!!! or tomm....lol

thank you!!!

Original Post by agruskin:

  but how do i know if i sohuld be eating more than 2500 if i havent weighed?

 Because your body *may* be gaining on 2500 because it's still making every calorie stretch. If you eat more than that by 500+ you are more likely to give it the resources it needs to make all those repairs and function normally.

So regardless of whether your gaining at this point, your best interest is to keep increasing your intake to what you "should" need [3000+] giving your ody as many resources possible, and it will respond accordingly.

lol, ok, im excited!

the next 2 months are actually filled with holidays for me, so it means lots of eating with family etc, like tomm were going to my aunt's house, so it means lots of eating out for a while and deff the abilty to eat, a lot.  but also, eating "unknown" foods, eekers!  but, i want to reocver and i need these daily challenges in order for me to progress.  altho it would be easier to increase with foods i know-which means just seeing the cals, as long as i know the stupid cals im ok. 

well, im going for health, i want my body to respond accordingly-wahtever that is, lol.  im not going to limit my foods or any such nonsense tomm bc im eating out-a huge meal, and i know that if i went trying to gain and was at a healthy place, cutting a little bit, just a little, when im eating a bigger meal later, will be ok, then right back to routine the following day bc when im at a healthy weight, it wont be dangerous to do. 

hhmmm, i guess when my mother asks again ill just tell her ive gained, eventho im not actually weighing myself and really cant tell for sure? i dunno, hopefully she wont and my parenst are deff trusting me w food more bc they see me eating more and acting a bit more normal regarding food, so thats good!

ok, more printing tomm morning! thank you!

Original Post by danamichael:

I know we are emailing but I just want to say I agree.  My eyes are bigger than my stomach.  I dont know full or hungry I just want food all the time and never.  And it feels like I cant go out bc i need to eat by the clock and I have to eat at home and I have to eat at certain hours and I want to cook it bc I will know whats in it, plus I can make it better than a greasy gross restaurant.  And I am most comfortable eating at MY kitchen table by myself so it feels like I always have to be home if I am to get in 6 meals a day and reach my goals.... theres my vent:)

 this is me exactly!! I became really antisocial because of this and because i feel like I always want to be at home. I don't even like inviting people over. What's helped me is finding ways to keep myself really busy. If i have plans I have to work my eating around what I'm doing, not the other way around. If my friends ask me to go out, I say yes even if I really really don't want to. You just have to do it, and usually you'll find you end up having fun. If you're going to be out for a while be sure to pack snacks. I know I get really nervous if i start to get hungry or feel like too long has passed and I can't get food right away.

I've been trying really hard to be normal, but it's really hard to balance not obsessing about food and still eating enough. If i get busy and go for foods I naturally crave, I end up eating a lot of fruits and vegetables and eating 2500 or a little under. And i lose on that. So, I think I'm still going to have to plan things out more for a little while, but I'm going to try and continue being really busy and I'll plan my foods but not place as much importance on it, if that makes sense.

As for the cookie, a normal person wouldn't think twice about it or adjusting their intake, some days you'll eat cookies, others you wont, their intake may fluctuate by thousands of calories day to day but they don't know it. it all evens out in the long run. I put honey on everything, and have several spoonfuls daily, but I"m still really excited for this week! Hope you enjoy your holidays and all the good food!

(agru and dana, I'll respond to your messages tomorrow! I need to sleep now, but you're both doing great! )

i am so glad you both understand!  ahh what a weekend!  its 2am and im still up only bc i still have one snack left... isnt that mad!!!  i have to be up at 830!  but i was at work before and didnt get to have afternoon snack so it had to be done tonight bc i was uncomfortable eating there and i knew it would be "better" at home.  i want to enjoy food again not just rush it bc i have to gain and get "something" in just "anything" i would rather have something i enjoy.

gibbit... i freak when i dont eat on time... i get panic attacks and think im gonna pass out or die or something its crazy!  i totally understand!

i have to be out tomm. from 11-1 and from 6-9 and im so worried about it.  messes up lunch and dinner.  i would rather stay home.  and thats just silly!  over food!  does it ever change?

GIBBIT-thanks!  i suppose even trying to conceptualize what "normal" eating is, even if i may not be ready for it, is tough since i apparently have no clue what is.  my ideas regarding eating are so skewed taht i cant even realize taht ppl eat cookies or wahtever and then not change the rest of their eating that day???  what a foreign concept to me?!

i almost need a lesson in eating i think but i cant worry about that now, now i have a diff goal, not a maintenance one, and worrying about the future is pointless, ill get it then.

still dont know if and when to weigh myself?

keep truckin everyone!

Why weigh? I mean you are still underweight even if (and it's only an if) you've gained weight. Why does the number matter when your goal is health? Tuffstuff advised more calories either way because if you are gaining maybe your metabolism hasn't fully recovered. Even if it has, more calories would simply bring about a faster gain, restoration of health and life sooner. Just some food for thought...(pardon the pun)

CHARLIE-thanks so much, i just signed on and am about to go to my aunt's for a huge holiday dinner, she doesnt eat but drinks wine, my mother will copy her, etc etc, and i dont even like the food she cooks, spicy andi cant even have it bc GERD, well, whatever, i needed the reminder taht you just wrote, you just really helped me!  thank you!

i dunno, about 2 weeks ago i was 97 so if i did gain 20lbs-and i have no freakin clue where i am, then i would be at a healthy weight for my height.  i dunno?

thank you!

No way you gained 20 pounds in two weeks. Anyway, that would only be 117, which, as you've noted before, is low for your height and build. I'm thinking of you tonight. I just ate a fear food and it feels awesome. You have encouraged me to do things like this so we'll both challenge ourselves tonight and tell ED to take a hike!

so i deff broke ground, i think, i mean i ate dinner at my aunt's and the food ws so spicy and gave me killer heart burn but what, was i going to not eat? eventho that tends to be the trend at their house.  so i ate well but i never know how to estimate other ppl's cooking, oil and stuff, or the foods, like those little red potaotes.  its bad bc my sense of portions is still skewed so i dont know if i had enough, not enough, a portion or what? lol

also had cookies, best part, lol

but yea, if i did gain 20lbs in 2 weeks, which has been done by ppl, it would put me at 117 at 5'4ish, but, lets say im still clinging to those cals, eating even more put rev and restore my metabolism, maybe cause me to continue gaining, but i think i just answered my own q in that it would also be good for me, even if i did continue to gain a bit now?  hmm

CHARLIE-thank you and fabulous job "deridgidizing" w the FF, lol

ED-hit the roadddddddddddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!

agru: Thank you and you too! It is hard to know what a "normal" portion is after years of abnormal eating, huh? That's awesome that the cookie was your favorite part. It makes me smile.

so i just remembered, i think a big step for me last night at dinner, i was so talkative and really barely noticed what other ppl were/werent eating, i really felt  semi-normal! ha

woo!

Original Post by charliebo:

agru: Thank you and you too! It is hard to know what a "normal" portion is after years of abnormal eating, huh? That's awesome that the cookie was your favorite part. It makes me smile.

 That's where the "retraining" comes into play with the counting [for amounts] and food challenges [to reset actual tastes and needs vs. ED's safety foods influencing your cravings].

And yay for last night!  You'll find that the more you get refed, healthier, and ED out, the more the "real you" get's to bloom.  So when it hurts so bad to go against ED, think of it as pulling weeds out [ouch!] so that YOU--some amazing flowers.--can grow. 

Temporary sacrifice [discomfort] for LONG TERM LIFE AT IT'S BEST!

hi, yes, one of the bests parts last night was being able to focus so much more than before on the actual concersation at the table, not just what i was/was not eating and what others were and were not eating, i was so much more present, lol, weird.

so today and yesterday i didnt actually "log" my food on the site but im tallying it on the above thread so i can at least estimate and keep track, plus, the majority of waht i eat is the same so i know roughly, excpet tonight's dinner, no clue, brisket? lol

TUFFSTUFF-is their a site or referene that you could reccommend for me to refer to to learn portions? i mean i think protein is 3 oz but what about potatoes, or those little red ones lol.  i know now i need more rather than less, but i dont even know what a portion is so i dont even know if im eating a portion to begin with.  the whole retraining thing is hard bc i just dont know. 

thank you!!!  and honestly, i really do want to know how youre doing, i just want so many good things for you, as corny as that sounds, that you reach all your athletic dreams and such bc youve truly truly helped me so very much!

hmm, so just to add, its one thing to continue eating to gain weight, but something ive noticed is that initially ill have lots of energy in the morning, but then about 1 hr after bfast, i feel physically and sort of mentally weak.  i think a little slower and my reaction time is a little slow, and my body just feels sort of weak, so im guessing this is all bc im still malnourished, despite eating much more than i have in years, my body is not yet recovered.  so its like not only a weight thing, its healing my body, which i dont know if im doing it right or what i need to do.  my bfast is about 550 cals and about 2 hrs later i have another 300ish cals and after that i feel much better for the rest of the day, so i dunno, just thought id throw that out there if anyone had any advice?

thanks!

ugh, me again, but im still rigid.  we had/have ppl over for dinner(theyve been here 4hrs) and i ate normally, took whatever, dessert included, till i was pleasantly full.  at like 10 30 i was getting tired and went up to my room while they were all still talking, but like, im tired, and now its almost 11 and im hungry again but theyre still here and i feel weird going back down bc yes, they ate more than i did, at the time, but i was full and am going to eat again since i am hungry, its jus tthat i get full faster and so inturn eat more frequently, but i guess thats me being rigid again? i just feel awkward and want them to go.