I just cannot bring myself to maintance?!??!

I have been CC-ing since May..religiously counting every calorie and exercise calories burned to lose weight. I have lost a total of 15 pounds..starting weight 131..now weigh 116 I am 5'4" maybe 5'3 1/2" as I have gotten older don't know where that 1/2 " went lol. I cannot bring myself to the point of bumping up my calories on a daily basis. I know I can but I have such a fear of the scale going back up. Last week I had a very uninspiring week..only got two GOOD workouts in the rest was just light activity. I managed to bump up my calories for two days of the week but then cut back the rest. I do not have an ED but maybe I am starting to? I don't know. I obsess over everything I am eating..I talk about it all the time with friends and how I lost weight. I have become annoying. I like the weight I am at now..if I stayed at this weight I would be comfortable..I also feel like I could lose another couple of pounds as a security blanket going into the winter months. I don't know how to get past all this anyone experience anything similar? Is it normal ? Thanks for all your help in advance..CC has been a great place for me to come everyday for my weight loss struggles everyone here is so supportive!

Original Post by personaltraining:

I have been CC-ing since May..religiously counting every calorie and exercise calories burned to lose weight. I have lost a total of 15 pounds..starting weight 131..now weigh 116 I am 5'4" maybe 5'3 1/2" as I have gotten older don't know where that 1/2 " went lol. I cannot bring myself to the point of bumping up my calories on a daily basis. I know I can but I have such a fear of the scale going back up. Last week I had a very uninspiring week..only got two GOOD workouts in the rest was just light activity. I managed to bump up my calories for two days of the week but then cut back the rest. I do not have an ED but maybe I am starting to? I don't know. I obsess over everything I am eating..I talk about it all the time with friends and how I lost weight. I have become annoying. I like the weight I am at now..if I stayed at this weight I would be comfortable..I also feel like I could lose another couple of pounds as a security blanket going into the winter months. I don't know how to get past all this anyone experience anything similar? Is it normal ? Thanks for all your help in advance..CC has been a great place for me to come everyday for my weight loss struggles everyone here is so supportive!

Wow i don't remember writing this post??? when did i write it?? was i drunk??

I totally know how you feel i keep "trying" to up my calories but i always seem to find a reason why i don't deserve them, or some way to do just alittle extra exercise just in case.

What makes it worse is my Personal Trainer actually wants me in a bulking phase and that means eating over maintenance... i can't even cope with maintenence without having a compleate mental breakdown... *sob*.. i keep finding im lying to her about how much ive eaten ... it's BAD ... really BAD and i know it but im terrified of gaining and ruining all my hard work.

 

This is scary! As I am reading your response I cannot beleive what I am reading. My personal trainer says not to eat under 1700 a day! She wants me more at about 2000..I eat on average about 1200-1400 a day..not taking into account my calories burned .I "save" some of those for my weekends so I can enjoy myself . So when I check my analysis at the end of my 7 days it says I am eating about 1500-1550 a day with my weekends depending. I workout 5-6 days a week..2 times a week with my trainer 1 hour sessions..I run 3 days a week for an hour..and I do a total body tone class at the gym 1 day a week for an hour..so on average I burn about an extra 2000 cals a weekthrough my workouts. I take in 10500 average according to my logs..cc says I burn 1740 a day light activity..without adding in my workouts so I get a deficit of 3680 every 7 days. It takes 3500 cal deficit to lose a pound soooo..why would I bump up my calories higher than that if I want to lose? I don't even know what I should eat to maintain calorie wise...and I do want to try to go to maintance and see if I still can lose upping my calories as my trainer says or will I gain? Is it just mind games we are playing with ourselves..or what??

I know exactly how you feel. I'm the same height and weight (but i started at 137) and I'm scared to eat more now! I'm trying to but I'm terrified at putting the weight back on!

Well today is the first day of my real bulking, goal today eat 2200 waaay over maintinance so i can build muscle ... tbh i'll be happy if i eat maintenece as it will be most than ive managed to eat all week haha ... wish me luck.

 

You know, as someone who has had an ED I can tell you that completely know what it is like to have a phobia of weight gain! That said, a am currently very health, fit and only 3lb underweight.....still working on that.... To my point! I am very active, a runner, biker, martial artist, and mother (well, mother first but we're talking expenditure here) The best thing I did for myself we get EDUCATED. understanding nutrition and metabolism is key to being able to relax and know what you are doing. I suppose you could say that understanding gives you that "control" that we think makes us feel better. lol

Here's a good analogy: think of you metabolism like a fire pit. If you are always skimping out on the wood you put on that fire, it is only going to get cooler. 

at your activity level you body will conserve those cals. so here's the kicker, you are afraid of putting weight back on. but the longer you keep those calories too low, the more your body will adjust to that, and you will start storing again...all while eating less and less!

Take some advice form a recovered anorexic, listen to your personal trainer! add those calories back slowly (200 each week say) you'll see that it will be OK and you won't put that weight back on. YOU WILL IF YOU RESTRICT!!!    i KNOW!!!

personal stroy:  5'6 104lb start really getting better and working out.

start eating 1800 cal/day (really hard to do)

gained 5lb in two weeks

Shortly after, LOST 6lb (you could NOT have told an anorexic that eating more working out would take LB's off)  -that's 1800 from 500 by the way.

So guess what, now that the fire was burning again, I felt like I could eat anything I wanted! wow liberating!!! My body was healing and I could eat without the fear! (There's a lot more to it that this, BUT for this argument all leave it at that)

Well sorry, that was a lot longer than it was supposed to be;) You've lost the weight. DON'T keep restricting or it WILL come back!  Congratulations!  now nourish your body,  stay fit  and love food! 

feel free to Pm me any time.  I know that demon fear....

ooo the security blanket can be a tricky route. im only 18 y/o but i've been down that route. in a matter of 3 months of severe restriction and exercising i went from 5'7 and about 138lbs to 123lbs which is where i wanted to be. but 120lbs sounded so good. so i lost another 3. then it's only 5 more pounds to 115lbs. and so and so forth... till we come to my low point of 5'7 and 105lbs. yeah not a pretty picture. i know where you're coming from and if you think you can prevent an ED then go for it. mine is what sparked my issues even further. i became anti-social, extremely weak and tired, refused to go out and it became harder for me to focus in school.

happily though. im back up to fluctuating between 114-117lbs. phewww. not quite there. but im happy for now. this is my security blanket for college. hehehe and i think i can control this one. congrats and best of lucck to you!

It is so nice to hear other peoples stories and to know I am not alone here. I want to be able to eat more....who doesn't really? I can't go over 1700 without feeling like I have overeaten. Today we went out for a nice day at the beach...got some pizza for lunch..one slice and my sons crust and now I feel like I need to shut down for the day..since NY pizza is upwards of 600 calories. I did not exercise today but swam in the ocean..no idea what that burned? I need to let myself relax because it is becoming obsessive a little...and now I want to lose so more weight after seeing some new photos I took yesterday..not much but the 5 that I was kind of so so about. I understand the logic or restriction..I am going to just have to bite the bullet and overcome my fear before it gets worse. Thank you all for sharing your stories and for your help.leiela let me know how you make out with your bulking..what are your routines? My trainer has me doing circuits now..but I think I need to beef up my weights to burn more calories for the future since muscle burns more and is healthier ..I also read on another post that treadmill and cardio in general is not the best way to lose weight..although great for cardiovascular health hence the name cardio..they say the best route for weight loss is through lifting weights..hey as I type this I realize the word weight in weight training..any coincidence..I think not. I may just pass the treadmill by for a while and see how I do. Like lifting way better anyway.

I have gained back several pounds that I lost last year.  I'm 5'2 and was 106 in about October.  I thought it might be a bit too light for me so I added some calories, then some more, and over the holidays ate pretty freely.  So by the end of February I was up about 5 lbs.  Then I went on holiday to Australia and ate feely again!  So up another 3 lbs!  By then I was 114, and I was demoralised.  I gained about 6 lbs.  Now I'm struggling everyday not to gain more!  It seems like it's full on dieting for me, or eating whatever I want.  I want to have a happy balance!  I've decided 115 would be a great weight now, specially since I've got a bit more muscle than a few years ago.

Anyway I hate to say it, but you have every reason to be concerned.  The weight is so hard to take off and so easy to put back on!  I ride my bike quite a bit and walk, so maybe I'll try doing more with free weights (although for me it's hard to find the motivation for that type of exercise).

Maintenance weight means eating what you're burning. No calorie deficit. If you've been running a deficit for a long time, then bring the calories up gradually until you reach that happy equilibrium.

I personally have been loving eating more after 7 months or so of calorie restriction. My weight has not shot up, even though I have begun upping my calories. I've added about 1000 calories per day to my eating when all is said and done (from about 1800 to about 2700 or 2800).

Yesterday was soo hard, i did a very brave thing and admited to my trainer that i've been worried about my intake and that worse i've been over exercising and cutting back even further rather than upping the calories like she asked me to do weeks ago.

We sat down and talked about it, and even though i already knew everything she was telling me about my metabalism because it's advice i give frequently on these boards even if i seem incapable of following it. We talked about the last few months of dieting and that the only time i really lost weight was during the time i carb cycled, when my cals where much higher than they are now.

It was funny but i suddenly realised that i've suddenly dropped my cals in the last month in panic over a show i have in a few weeks, but it hadn't really gotten me anywhere because i've suddenly stalled.

We talked about my long term goals and my plans to start bulking and again she told me stuff i already knew about the fact that it was a physical impossibilty to gain mass while restricting calories .. Anyway she was really nice about it, and i felt suddenly very silly i knew all this stuff already but i think i just needed to hear it again from someone i trust.

So we come to a deal this week for the first time i AM going to eat 1,600 ... im not going to count 1,600 and then throw half my dinners away, or eat 1,600 and go for an extra swim i am going to do the exercise she's laid out no less no more and im going to eat 1,600 which although is still way under maintence is more than the 1,100-1,200 ive been living off for the past 3-4weeks, then if i manage that next week we'll up it to 1,800.

Yesterday i managed to eat 1650 cals which is way more than ive eaten in quite some time, and i'm going to re-start my journal because in all honesty it's the only thing that kept me honest... when i stoped writing everything i ate down in a place other people could see it i started cutting back and back and back.

Don't get me wrong i don't think i have an ED but i think having consistantly justified cutting back and lying even to myself about how much im eating for the past few weeks im getting to the point where i need to bring it under control before i lose control of it and it turns into one.

So how's  this for upping my calories.. 2008-08-10 1,996 1,146 32 199 82 C+ 2008-08-11 1,479 1,179 29 202 72 B 2008-08-12 2,166 961 92 199 108 C+
I usually zig zag even when I am not upping..I got bad grades in my food choices..mostly because of lean cuisines  and eating out last night. I have upkept my workouts and hello my weight has gone up. Now I know it could very well be water weight because it is 1 lb but it is one lb in the wrong direction. What do I do now? Do I continue on this week trying to average out at 1700 a day or do I go back down to my 1500 average a day?

leiela- I give you alot of credit for coming clean to your trainer..I did do the same thing and got the speech I am sure very similar to you about how your body needs so much for this and that and so on and so forth. I was losing at the intake I was living on so it was working...I think I may just go back to it and lose a little more. They do say it is good to give your body a break from restriction once and a while so I think I will just take these 3 days as a break and go back down to my weight loss intake..which BTW as I lose more it gets lower and lower so my guess is my maintance cals may not be as high as I think. How do you determine what about you should be taking in? Scratch that I re-read durgy's post and it says eat what you burn..thanks for that info. I know I am all over the place here and I apologize I guess I am just having some issues right now..worked so hard and DO NOT want to go backwards!!

yeah its all very stressful....

And yeah im gonig to be a big fat hypocrit here and say that you need to trust that your body can cope with more than 1500 almost no-one maintains on 1500 ... stop watching the darn scales they WILL drive you insane with thier constent fluctations ... when you weigh it can be all over the place depending on water, whats in the belly, time of the month ... blaaa blaaa blaaa.

So please please please don't get yourself upset over one days reading... infact throw that pesky scale away.. it's evil EVIL!!!!

Work out what your "maintence" level is ... this is a good site http://www.phord.com/cc/ then EAT IT!!! EVERY DAY!!!

Weigh yourself once a week, if you must but even better use a tape measure to judge yourself, if you weight go's up (consistantly not just based off 1 weeks reading because one reading is NEVER acurate) cut back 100 cals per day ... if you lose wieght add 100 cals a day ..

Finding your true maintence level is abit tricky but trial and error will do it, just don't panic your not going to suddenly blob out because you eat slightly too much for 2 weeks, youve worked really hard to get to this point, so what if it takes you 3-4weeks to work out your true maintence level??

So what if you gain alittle before working out what it is?? how much are you seriously likely to gain?? Not much in all honesty because using the calc your likely to be "pretty close" at most it will be a couple of hundred cals off in either direction and if you do gain 1-2lbs working out your "true" maintence you can always note it down, cut back 100cals for a few weeks till you lose it, then add them back, besides i doubt a couple of pounds will really alter the way you look?? 

Ok lecture over .... *Sulks off so she can continue ignoring her own advice* haha

by-the-by, the auto-determine feature on that website is f'd up.  I'm 5'3", 115 lbs, 15% body fat, 25 inch waist, 32 inch hips, moderately active, and it told me I need to lose weight.  Heck, it was worse than my mother.  I punched in 110 to see what it would say.  Still says I should lose.  105.  Still says I should lose.  At 105, I would have a BMI of 18.6.  Just *barely* above underweight.  Not to mention I'd like to keep my C-cup.

Screwy.

OKay so I brought myself to maintance this week and it wasnt hard being that I was approaching that time of the month :0)...this is what I took in this week average 1720 cals per day...I burn with light activity 1740 a day. Now I know I still could have bumped it up because I was exercising which adds about 300-500 a day depending this weeks exercise activities added up to 1580..I was lazy this week. Now I got on the scale this morning and I went from 115 up to 117...could this be the gastly water weight from ttotm OR is it actual weight gain??? I should have just stayed the same weight even with a very very slight deficit. I will have to keep you posted..you can bet I am just a BIT FRUSTRATED right now!!!! You can also bet this week I am going to go back to my weight loss intake of 1300 a day :0(