On the brink...

Hey everyone, I hope you're doing well!

I'm on the brink of weight restoration... on the brink of full recovery. I can feel it, but along with the accomplishment, I expiriencing overwhelming conflict. I'm 5'4.5" tall, and according to my growth charts and treatment team, I have to reach a weight range of 108-112 lbs. and then I can maintain.

Today was my last day of a Partial Hospitalization Program. We get morning weigh ins up there. I have finally reached a point where my treatment team thinks I'm ready to graduate into Outpatient Therapy. This means afternoon weights, but alot more time at home. My team kept on mentioning today how afternoon weights are higher than morning ones. But if I'm getting afternoon weights taken from now on, won't those be the ones determining whether or not I'm in my weight range? I just don't want to come up at 114 lbs. or something and have everyone say it's okay since it's just an afternoon weight!

Also, I'm so scared that my body will never start gaining weight. I am at 106.2 lbs. as of today, and I have to be at the 108 lbs. to exercise. But even once I hit my range, I'm not allowed to cut back calories, since I'll be exercising (at first, for 30 minuts, 6 days a week followed by and hour a day six days a week.) I currently take in 3100 calories today, and just recently gained .6 lbs. in the past three days. Although, this amount has made me gain as much as 3 lbs. a week before! Will my body ever stop?

I'm just flipping out. I feel like I look good for the first time in a very long time, so naturally, the ED is taking my contentment and trying to manifest some point of misery to obsess over. Thanks for listening, and best of luck to you all :)

I had the same concerns when I was in partial. I was terrified that they were just going to let me balloon up and it would be uncontrollable. It helped me alot to just keep in mind that this is their job! They are professionals, they do this for a living, and if they weren't good at it, they wouldn't be doing it any more!

At this point in recovery, you need to put all your trust in your team. They won't lead you astray.

Good luck! You are doing a great job!