Bulimia Hell......anyone out there going through this?

I really thought all these years (9 to be exact) I had this under control, but i've just realised this has me under control.

How much damage does purging once a day do? I cant tell anyone i know as im so ashamed and scared to go to a doctor because i dont want this to effect my career!

Im 5'4 and 170lbs, i feel so overweight and every time i eat all i think about is how to get rid of it, im dreading christmas!

But im determined to get through this, anyone else in the same boat?

 

 

I hear ya. I haven't done it for a while though. I used to be overweight. It lead to harsher methods of weight loss. I couldn't find control over food until I learned to accept myself. Then there is room for progress.

Even once a day can be damaging. Not just for your physical health, but your mental clarity as well. Purging will not promote weight loss. The effects are not worth any maintenance you think may be happening. In fact it could throw your equilibrium off into a direction you don't want it to go.

Enjoy the holidays. Surround yourself with people you love. Let the new year bring a chance to focus on your career, and find healthy weight loss options you can mildly obsess over.

 

Im sure i can do it, just posting something on here is a great relief! It's fantastic that you are doing so well and what you have said will help me. Thankyou!

yes. bulimia hell.

Get yourself to a psycologist. "I don't want this to effect my career" were exactly my thoughts as well, but do you think that hours spent binging and purging don't damage your career as well? imagine a life where that's not the only thing you think about! wouldn't that be great! There are lots of intensive outpatient programs that occur at night, when the workday is over- it wouldn't have to interfere with your schedule.

If you have b/p'd everyday for 9 year, i'm willing to bet you've done a considerable amount of damage. GO GET YOURSELF SOME HELP. Take it one day at a time. One therapist visit won't be that bad, you have time for that. From there you can figure out a plan to get on with your life.

I have never been bulemic, only anorexic. I am currently going through recovery myself, but I do know that purging really messes up your teeth and your entire internal system. If I were you I would focus on living life to the fullest this season and don't let purging be an option. You control you....you seem like a strong person...be the change you wish to see in the world. You will attract success and happiness through health. Healing is a matter of time, but just remember it is also a matter of opportunity. You can beat this, instead of purging...watch a movie, go for a walk, think of everyone on here pulling for you. You can make it, and soon you will find that life is what you make it...and purging isn't life!

I purged through college.  This is how bad it can be to your body...even once a day:

I now have almost zero enamel on my teeth.  I've had to have over 40 fillings filled...no lie...some teeth had up to 3 cavities a piece, this is because of the acid in stomach.  It's meant to stay in the stomach, it wears away at the enamel on your teeth.  I have to make sure I brush after everything I eat.  Flossing isn't even an option...it's a MUST and I have to do that every time I brush.  I'm still prone to cavities because of all the damage I've done but I'm trying to stay on top of it, and it's hard.  I will pay for this for the rest of my life because of a 4 year stint with purging.

I have damaged taste buds due to purging and the stomach acid.

Psychologically....it tears you to pieces.  So, even if you didn't want to do it for health reasons...please get help for your sanity.  It is NOT a good way to live...it's not a way to live at all. 

If you do not seek help now at a time where you can, it may get to the point where it becomes so bad you will have to forfeit your career.  Most doctors will have evening and weekend appointments you can make it to.  I don't know how severe your case is, but I would assume they would not immediately recommend in patient, that's usually reserved for a last resort (in my experience).  You will be able to work through this now, but if you let it go any longer, you may not.

I wish you all the best...I hope you are able to get through this.  It is not easy. 

Going to get help doesn't have to effect your job. First they can not fire you for getting the help you need and deserve. I'm sure you will becomre more productive when your body is not depleted cause your mind will be able to think. Do you know some of the reasons why your purge? I have friends that are young in addition to the teeth issue,have pace makers,pancreatitis,esophagus problems I mean the list is endless. This not only destroys your physical health but mental cause your are married to your disorder so you can't let other better things in. I really encourage you to go to the doctor for a physical and begin working with a therapist and nutritionist so you can beat this.

I understand what you are going through. I am newly recovered/recovering. Actually it's only been three weeks since my last purge. But I feel like this time is it. Reason is I actually started counting my calories and logging my activities on here. I'm now accountable to more than myself. And guess what?! I've LOST weight!

You just can't ever lose weight with vomiting and laxatives. It just messes up your metabolism and gives you reasons to eat bad food.

As a healthcare provider I think I was more afraid of what could happen physiologically than people who don't know about some of the things that can happen. Incessant vomiting, even once a day can cause what's called "varicosities" in the esophagus to rupture, leading often times to severe bleeding and death. These are from a build of pressure, usually from liver damage. Liver damage can be caused by many things from medications to alcohol. But what can happen is you start vomiting and one of these backed up blood vessels burst, and you can bleed to death.

Ok, so you have a healthy liver and no varicosities. Great. But what else can incessant vomiting cause? It can cause what's called a "Mallory-Weiss" tear. This can happen to anyone, even if they don't throw up every day. But much more unusual in a non-purger. When vomiting the pressure can become overwhelming to the esophagus and cause a rupture in the esophageal membranes. This would not only be very painful, but life threatening as well. 

Ok, so what isn't this drastic and may be more realistic? You are worried about this effecting work... what would be worse than you needing to go to the hospital because of passing out and severe dizziness? Electrolyte imbalance is the MOST common presentation of bulimia. Electrolyte imbalance causes problems starting with equilibrium on up to heart attack.

If I sound harsh that is only coming from my feelings as a provider. As someone who suffered like you, I know it's easy to think... "those things won't happen to me" or "just for a little while longer, and then I'll stop before it gets worse." Well at nine years you know you aren't stopping alone. 

You CAN do this and I SUPPORT you 100%. I will be here for you if you want or need. 

Throat cancer

i have definetly been experiencing bulimia hell!!  no doubt about it!!    stay strong everyone!! and jessica,  just doing it once is not a good idea, it may lead to an addiction to it, that's what happened to me at first and now i have been stuck with it for about 3 years.  stay strong!!!!!!!  purging only makes things worse

Believe me, I know exactly what you're going through. Everytime I think I've recovered, I relapse. It's vicious, and addicting, and damaging to every single solitary part of yourself! I spent all summer and this past semester at school planning my days around purges. I'd go to meals half an hour earlier so I'd have time to purge afterward before my next class or practice. I'd skip parties and fun stuff with friends to binge and purge because it gave me that sense of satisfaction, that addicting emptiness that comes of feeling like you've gotten it out of your system. I finally decided it had to stop about a month ago, but I can't say I've been too successful. Every day's a battle, but I consider each day I go without purging to be a victory. At my lowest, I was purging anywhere from 1-6 times a day, so now, to have gone a week without (w00t! go me!) is a serious accomplishment. The mentality is still there. I still get that panicky, forced nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach after eating, and I still want to restrict when I know I can't purge, but I know that it'll be better for my body not to. And my body is a wonderful thing, and deserves to be treated with love, care, and respect. You're better than this, and you can beat it. We all have faith in you! 

Thankyou everyone, this has really helped and your honesty is great. I really needed to know how much damage i am doing to help me stop this horrible ritual.

Over the weekend i only purged once over 3 days, im so pleased with that.

I am determined not to do it this week, and if i go a week without doing it i CAN do it every week, forever.

Thanks for you input and support and love and hugs to all.xx