Bulimia... help me PLEASE...

So I can't even believe I did it but I purged today for the first time in like 6 months.. I'm so upset I have been trying to recover and I really thought I was over it I hadn't done it since like December 08 my new years resolution was to stop b/p and I even started using those whitening strip things for my teeth... sounds stupid i kno but it has stopped me lots of times from purging cuz i dont want to ruin my teeth, that and the fact that I'm so afraid if I do it even once I'll get addicted to it again.  Anyways I binged soo bad today and I felt so sick I could not stop myself from doing it. :(   since i stopped the b/p in Dec. i have just been binging and fasting which is bad enough I know...  I don't mean to be disgusting but after binging w/o purging for so long it felt so good today to just instantly get rid of all that food and then to look in the mirror and still look ok and not fat and bloated.... I am so freaking out now b/c now that I did it once I'm so scared what is gonna happen if I binge tomorrow?... how do I stop myself from purging again?? I was completely addicted to it before and I don't want to go through this again ;(... any recovered or recovering bulimics out there especially... what can I do pleeease help!!?!? ;(

I'm not familiar with binging/purging, but am familiar with addictions...I like cigarettes, for instance. I quit smoking 2 years ago and want to light up every day. I know that if I ever smoked again, it will lead to another and another, if I am not very careful. So....I don't light one up and the way I keep from doing so is by reminding myself of all the disgusting things I can recall about smoking. The smell, the yellow fingers and teeth, cancer, formaldehyde in tobacco, etc.

Dare I suggest you try and do the same for yourself regarding purging? Start with the smell, your esophageal lining, health issues, etc. Make sure you remind yourself of all the funky issues that go along with b/p and be as graphic as you can - gross yourself out if you can.

That may help some and I wish I had better advice. Have you spoken to anyone in your real world about this? A counselor or doctor? It's hard, I know. Keep talking here, just keep talking, you'll find your way and we'll be here to help. xoxo

Hey, don't worry about it. Pick yourself up and move on. One slip up does not mean you have to go down that road again

Do you know what may have set this off? Are you stressed,depressed,anxious? I think regardless you are in a unhealthy cycle b/p alone. Binging and restricting is not healthy as you know. I have friends who switch eds it does not make them recovered just switching ways of coping or not with life. I wonder what makes you not take care in a healthy manner? Can you start off pre planning meals and snacks that are balanced? Look into why you do this

Original Post by merylwhite1:

Hey, don't worry about it. Pick yourself up and move on. One slip up does not mean you have to go down that road again

This :)

Original Post by wjones33086:

 :(   since i stopped the b/p in Dec. i have just been binging and fasting which is bad enough I know... 

Ok.  So, you know it's bad.  But do you know why it's bad?  When you fast, it causes your body to get desperate, which is why you end up going into mindless binges.  To stop the bingeing you MUST stop the restricting.  I don't care if you binge for 3 weeks straight.  Do NOT restrict the next day or week to make up for it.  You have to get your body used to steadily getting enough food.  Then, eventually it will stop wanting to binge.  This takes time, I know.  But it's the only way to stop this horrible cycle.

Oh yeah, I have been dealing with this long enough I'm pretty sure I know exactly why I did it. Well... I was trying to fast first of all (and yes i kno its bad) cuz i had eaten the day before, and I would have been ok except that I didn't have to work yesterday so I was home alone with a whole house full of food, and my mom whenever she sees I'm not eating much or losing weight she goes out and buys all my favorite foods to try and tempt me to eat :( so yeah that, the fact that i was starving and also feeling alone, depressed cuz i dont like being alone and bored out of my mind and anxious cuz of the food and stressing and worrying about some things that are happening in the next few days...

So yeah i'm pretty sure I know why I do it I just can't seem to find a way to fix it :(  and oh about preplanning snacks that are balanced.... I have a hard time with that too I pretty much eat nothing or everything lol if i try to eat a normal sized meal i'll either end up binging or i will like not eat anymore food that day after the one meal cuz i'll feel like its too much.. :(

I know that many people regard b/p to a physical aspect of your life, however I think that you should talk to a counselor or someone of that nature to get stuff out.  There are problems underlying why you are doing what you are doing.  Also keeping a journal of how you feel when you b/p so you can see exactly how you were feeling that morning, night before, etc.  Maybe something happened that triggered it a few days before and it is just now surfacing.  Regardless, this is not something you should deal with alone.  I know, I have been diagnosed with bulimia as well.  Talk to your mom about buying all your favorite foods and maybe compromise on your favorite HEALTHY foods so that when you do have a snack, you won't feel as guilty.

But please do not do this alone.  Talk to someone!

Jocey

While I was suffering from bulimia I was told the most important thing to do is STOP compensating, whether that means fasting or purging. If it means you binge every day for four months, then so be it. The likelihood is that when you know you are not going to purge or restrict, you'll stop binging because of the effect it has on your body. You'll also realise that you simply don't need that much food because you won't be constantly hungry. Of course it's not easy, but it is possible, and I think if you were binging only that would actually be one step closer to recovery.

I want to be helpful....b/c you asked what to do.  I am 33 yrs old and have suffered w/ ed  since I was 8.  Its been a long hard road...I am currently riding the rollercoaster of recovery and am encouraged to know I'm not alone.  But the one thing I want to tell you is that I believe you need more help than we here can give you.  This is a forum...and yes we can offer what we deem our best advice...some of us have been there and some have no clue what to say or think...and you're opening up to that...which I commend you for, on the opening up part.  But in the over 25 years that I've struggled, there has never been a time where the kind opinion of a friend or stranger has rocked my core enough to pull me from the death grip that ed can have on us.   I just spent 2 months in treatment and a beautiful retreat type place in oregon.  It has now been two years, and the slippery slopes get fewer and further between.  But while I was there, for the hundredth time in treatment, it was the women, and girls, that I sat face to face with on a daily basis who helped treat me, and hopefully I, them.  There were checks and balances, and knowledgeable staff and the sudden understanding of self fulfilling prophecies.  I've read on another forum that someone said ED is a choice...I don't believe that I believe it is an addiction, and a very strong one at that.   But the choice lies in us to get help and to not give up and to get back on the horse every day, every hour every minute if we have to.  "Ok, I fell off..in this next minute I will try again. "  We don't say "never" that only sets us up for failure.  We empower ourselves with the decision to try.  And in that lies a wonderful sense of control that only gets stronger as more minutes go by in which we succeed in trying.  At the end of the day, or at the end of reading this...look not at your binge and purge and rip yourself to shreds, but look instead and count, even write down your successes.  i.e.   "I got out of bed....I smiled.   I moved around.   I got dressed...I lived...I breathed....I talked...I opened up....I believed in myself and my own self preservation to reach out.! "  Put a period after each...do not add the "buts"  do not rip yourself....With our successes we can find our worth and therefore desire to try even more. 

I realize that although I'm not  a doctor, I do work  in the medical field and I hope that no one honestly believes that bingeing w/o purging or fasting is the key to breaking that hellish cycle.   We would all turn to only fasting.  Before we hand out advice like that,we need to understand my idea of a binge is a half of a bagel w/ fat free cream cheese....a binge that landed me in a hospital emergency room fighting for my life, due to a method of purging that was as extreme as this disease often is.  Someone else's idea of a binge may be more, but it may be less.  Bingeing is such an equal entity of the disease...that they blend together and we often think that w/o one there won't be the other.  Instead, to you , it is scary to think that the cycle will continue to repeat.  But, look not at yourself with disgust and disappointment, instead try to remember what set off the binge.  Not the purge.  Before that.  What you need to realize and what only took me 25 yrs to see, is that these are symptoms, they are not the root of the disease.  What was that food to you?  What did it symbolize?  Or what were you escaping or facing?  Where were you?  What was the stresser?  Or the factor that drove you to need that coping mechanism once again?  For me "bingeing" was the sponge I used to soak up the negative feelings that always seemed rooted in my stomach.  Or that is how an 8 yr old would explain it.   For some that I knew it was an emptiness.  But search your steps and the revelation may soon be your key to recovery...not the end but at least a head start to a beginning/

Original Post by slm1976ore:

I realize that although I'm not  a doctor, I do work  in the medical field and I hope that no one honestly believes that bingeing w/o purging or fasting is the key to breaking that hellish cycle.  

 Well....sometimes it IS the key.  Obviously it depends on why the person is bingeing.  If they are bingeing because they restricted the past few days, then it's likely that it's their body telling them to eat more and continue to eat more on a regular basis.  Once they do this, the bingeing should eventually stop.

However, for some, there are other underlying issues.  So in some cases, you would be correct.