Bulimia Recovery - Day 6 (this is wearing on me guys!)

I am struggling with my urges to binge eat, and because I've been filling up on blueberries, watermelon, and rice cakes (not at meals, just to fight off the urges)...I find excuses to let myself eat what I want later on.  Plus, I've been waking up in the middle of the night really hungry.  Most of the time I still reach for the blueberries, but last night at my boyfriend's house all I could think of was how badly I wanted the banana bread in his fridge.  So I gave in, ate some, and went back to bed.  In my efforts to recover, I feel as if I'm gaining weight, and I'm afraid of resorting back to purging.  Is that normal?  Will I gain weight before I lose?  I'm still nearly 20 pounds above my goal weight, and reaching that goal is so important to me (it's a healthy goal too, i'm 5'10'' and 162 pounds).  Basically, I'm just looking for advice or words of motivation.  Has anybody else recovered from bulimia and lost weight the healthy way?  How should I keep myself from eating when I wake up in the middle of the night? My urges to b/p are getting stronger.  When does it get easier?

the best advice to prevent binges r to eat good meals once u get the cycle going even if u gain weight ull be able to lose it in a healthy way. like for example today i didnt have the time 4 lunch so i had like a fruit onthego but i got soo hungry in the after noon that i binged on cereal like bad and now i feel guilty.

True recovery might mean that you might have to gain a little weight.  It depends on how messed up your body is right now.

I do know of people...on here in fact, who HAVE gone on to successfully lose weight after recovering from an eating disorder. BUT you have to focus on recovering first.  This might mean that you will need to stay away from the scales for a while and focus on your eating habits and NOT your weight.

Good luck.

It never stops being hard. I'm sorry to tell you that. BUT, you can take solace in the fact that this is as hard as it will GET...and it can only get better. And when you, for some reason, feel like it's this bad again someday---you'll know that you got through it once before.

Getting up, having some banana bread and going back to bed? AWESOME. Retraining your habits is going to take a long, long time. Maybe for a while the key is not to struggle to ignore the craving, but instead to indulge it with a quick healthy treat. Hell, even last night you had it and didn't purge. Step freaking one, I'd say.

I honestly would recommend, not as a medical professional but as someone with an education in mental health AND a history with the disorder....you really need to place recovery as a priority over losing weight right now. The recovery takes mental focus and dedication and emotional work that you can't look at while also dealing with weight loss. The working on weight loss can be not only a trigger, but a saboteur to the recovery by demanding focus you can't spare. You're better off eating at a maintaining level so you don't lose but don't gain. And you may gain at first...your metabolism is **** confused as all hell. But as long as you are retraining your body while still working out, you are likely to stay toned.

Mellow out, kid. You're doing fine. This isn't supposed to be a picnic. It's hard and sucks and you'll hate it until the day you are stoked you went through it because you came out the other side.

Believe that.

(PS: I got so distracted writing this by the time I posted it Peaches gave you a great answer1)

i agree with peaches...

i was an underweight bulimic/anorexic...at 5'2 i was down to 80 lbs, or at least i think that was my lowest. i started eating how i should be, totally stopped purging, and gained 32 lbs in 6 weeks. i was pretty uncomfortable...but then suddenly my metabolism picked up and i dropped back down to around 100 lbs. now i go between 97-105, depending the day and im fine with it usually...i eat what i want but also eat for health. i chose foods and meals because i know my body will thank me for it. but then again i make a mean banana bread that isnt very healthy...heh...and i have a small piece with tea or coffee and am satisfied.

for suggestions-make sure you get enough of all the nutrients in, as well as ample protein. i alswo took up yoga and weight training. id do weights 3 times a week, job for maybe 10-15 mins a few times a week, and do yoga whenever i had time. i found it eased my concerns and helped my body adjust to more food. the weight work is to help speed your metabolism and keep your body healthy. the cardio was because i didnt want to be sedentary and i wanted to stay physically fit.

its a tough road. i found myself feeling huge the other day, but i did a 20 min tae bo workout last night (which i think are fun) and i feel amazing today. hang in there...you may gain a bit at first but eventually itll even out as your body learns to trust you again. try not to weight in for a bit if you can :)

Hi. I totally agree that it's helpful if you think about your priority being recovery over weigh loss. After you recover, there are a million things you can do to reach a healthy weight.

About recovery: something that helped me is have structure in my eating. Don't skip meals, even if you're not that hungry when it's time to eat. And try to avoid your binge foods. I think the ideal thing would be to have about 5-6 small meals a day. Shoot to eat at least the amount of calories CC says you are burning. I know for me it's hard not so shoot for 1000cal/day, but to eat as much as I need. Think of it as part fo the recovery.

Another thing that helped me has been to make sure I'm getting all the protein I needed. An omlette with veggies and a piece of whole-wheat bread (english muffin/oatmeal with no sugar) in the morning helps me stay satisfied for longer. Also, grilled chicken/lean meat and salad for lunch and something hot for dinner(steamed veggies, brown rice/baked sweet potatoe and stewed/grilled/baked lean meat) for dinner. You should also allow yourself to have dessert every once in a while. And allow yourself to snack on healthy stuff: string cheese, hummus and veggies, pretzels, fruit, yogurt, cottage cheese.

I also find it helpful to drink water, I replaced my urge to just snack on sweets all the time with just having a glass of water and drinking all the time. Green tea also helps, because I think it helps with metabolism with all the antioxidants it contains.

Try making a meal plan for yourself and stick to it. And if you feel like bingeing, go for a walk/chew gum/call somebody. Working out regularly (without killing yourself - just do something you enjoy doing) should also help.