So Burnt Out...

[I feel I must warn you, this is a long rant/dump about a plateau and some insecurities.  I just needed to write it down.  There is an actual question at the end, though.] :)

I'm so burnt out on weight loss.  I've been stuck on this plateau for almost 3 months now and nothing I do seems to be able to change that.  I've been zigzagging my calories, sometimes by up to a 800 cal difference between days, I've changed up my workout routine, added more protein, everything I could think of...

Nothing seems to be working and I really feel like crap.  I've been doing this since February.  I've hit plateaus before, worked them out, and kept going.  I measure everything I eat and always exercise 6 times a week.  I haven't "fallen off the wagon," but I have carefully planned cheat days.  My husband calls me his free nutritionist. 

But lately... I'm sick of weighing everything.  I'm hungry all the time.  Things that used to fill me up, like cucumbers, don't seem to be working anymore.  I'm completely unmotivated to exercise and I used to love riding my bike or hiking.  I've been forcing myself to workout but I'm not really putting forth my best effort.  I feel tired and achy and unhappy.

I feel helpless and hopeless about my weight loss.  Nothing is changing.  Why am I spending so much effort and getting nothing?!  I start crying when I think about it.  And then I feel ashamed because I should know better and things are getting better.  I've read everything I could get my hands on about this stuff, I know about plateaus and calories and exercise.  I shouldn't be upset.  I feel like if I were a strong, confident person, I wouldn't be feeling this way and for me to feel this way is shameful.  My fitness is still improving, that should be enough, right?

But I don't care.  I keep saying that I'm doing this to be healthy... but deep down, all I want is to be thin.  I have this feeling, that even though my life is great now, everything will be so much better when I'm the right weight.  My mom used to tell me, when I wasn't good at something (like, say, debating), it was because I was fat.  How can I be truly successful if I'm fat?

Ugh, nothing feels worth doing.  I don't want to do any of my normal activities.  I don't want to see my friends and I haven't made my obligatory weekly phone calls to my family.  They live across the country, but I have to go see them for Thanksgiving and I'm not looking forward to it.  They're not going to look at me and say "Oh, you've lost a lot of weight, good job!" No, they're going to pull me into a corner, ask me if I'm on a low-dose aspirin regimen yet (despite me being 28 with perfectly average blood numbers and no genetic disposition to heart disease) and tell me that I should get some exercise.  And I'll tell them that I hiked to the top of four mountains, each with over 4000 feet of elevation gain, and then they'll tell me that I should join a hiking club so that I could get exercise on those hikes.  WTF?!  This was an actual conversation I had with my mother.  She told me that hiking with my husband wasn't exercise, but if I did it in a club, then it was.  Growing up, she told me that it only counted as exercise if you did it on a team.  When I tried to lose weight in HS by walking/running, she ridiculed me.

Add to that my doctor telling me that my overall weightloss is just "ok" even though I've lost 40 lbs in less than a year, and I feel pretty darn terrible.  It's like I'm two people, the rational me and the emotional me.  The rational me knows this will pass, I'll lose weight again, and it's important to keep exercising and counting calories, that I'm still showing positive signs of improvement.  The emotional part of me is terrified that I'm going to stay at this weight forever, that I'll never be good enough for my family, and that it's all, everything, it's all worthless.

I feel so ridiculous even posting this long, stupid rant.  This shouldn't be bothering me so much.  I should know better.  My husband says that I judge my feelings too much and that I shouldn't feel ashamed of this, but I do.  He's trying so hard, but he doesn't understand the "crazies" (even though he's loosing weight too, we're in the same weight loss boat). 

What do you guys do when you're burnt out or feel unmotivated or hopeless?

Listen to your H, he sounds like a TERRRIFIC guy, what a blessings!:), losing weight and changing your lifestyle is HARD work! 

Doesn't sound like your "family" is all that supportive, so why bother with them?  Especially right now when you are sorta beat down? 

Why do you HAVE to spend Thanksgiving with them?  Maybe this year you can just stay home with your wonderful, supportive H and have some friends over........

When I get the whole Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde personality thing going on I'll just embrace my craziness for a couple of days and then force myself to think and act on something outside of myself.  Whether it be making all the appointments for my kids and pets that I've been putting off or helping out with some project going on with Scouts or church.  In other words stop focusing on my frustrations with weight loss and involve myself in other people.

Hope this helps

HUGS!

Knit,

I know exactly how you feel.  My last plateau lasted 9 months.  I felt so worthless, and hopeless and just like why am I doing this if I'm just going to stay at this weight.  I still kept going...counting calories, exercising.  I slacked off a little in the counting, then I made a decision to cut a little exercise off...I was feeling burnt out. It lasted one month, a month I took a vacation to Mexico, it was a family reunion.  Didn't matter to them that I had lost 60 lbs. since the last reunion.  I was told that I was really fat, and that I must be really unhealthy.  I had gone from 260 to 200...no encouragement.  I was a weight that I hadn't been in 10 years.  So felt down, horrible, worthless.  My husband is wonderful and got angry at the whole family for me.  Asked me how to say, "my wife lost 60 lbs, and I am proud of her." in spanish, so that if anyone said anything to him, he would respond with that. It didn't matter what they said to him, he was going to tell everyone that.  I love him.

That was August.  I got back on the excise wagon in September, and the calorie counting strict again...and have lost 10 pounds in 8 weeks.  :)  The plateau seems to be over.  Just understand that it happens, and talk to us at CC if you need support.  You will get through this, you will be the healthy happy person you deserve to be.  You are not a number a scale, your value is not dictated by the number on the scale.  You doing every thing right and at some point the stubborn part of your body that is uncooperative will give in and you'll begin to lose weight again.

I hope you don't mind I friended you.  

Laps

Okay, sounds like you have a couple of things going on... first, your weight-loss plateau... I have been there, trust me! It gets super frustrating and really depressing... the thing that really helped me the most was changing my foods... I went to the store minus a list and looked, I mean really looked, at all of the foods on the shelves... I found some really new types of veggies, fruits, crackers, snacks, dairy, etc... if I hadn't taken the time to do that, I totally would have burnt out on eating healthy...

I also jump started my diet by changing the types of exercise... instead of running on a treadmill, I now run 2x a week in my neighborhood, which is ALL hills... started out as torture, but now I love it... I also swim once a week, and mix it up as much as I can... I think you are on to something with your cheat days... I have one (Monday evening)... sometimes I can get through the week only by knowing that I can eat a "good" meal on Monday night...

Okay, so the other issue is surrounding yourself with people who will support you. It sounds like you have a great husband... awesome! I'm with smora... if you can skip Thanksgiving Day at home, do it... no need to stress yourself out! If not, just call them out on it... if they say something to you that hints that you aren't doing enough, say something back to them... ask them what their motivation is in ripping you apart... or tell them that you are an adult and can handle your diet yourself... or just get honest and tell your mom (or anyone else) that the comments they make are not helpful and hurt your feelings... and tell her/them that if it continues, you aren't going to be around them...

Is your mom heavy? I have found that parents who are heavy themselves can be particularly tough on their kids about weight... if she is, suggest that you two could keep each other motivated. My mom and I live 6 hours away from each other, but we still talk food and have weekly weigh ins with each other... it helps us both to be on the same side.

Sorry to hear that your environment is not helping you to lose weight... it sounds like you are doing the right things, just keep the faith... maybe ask your husband for a little extra support in the short term!!!

I just starting reading "Break Through Your Set Point; How to finally lose the weight you want and keep it off" by Dr. George Blackburn.  I checked it out thru my local library.  Only one chapter in, but so far it suggests to maintain at the plateau for 6 months so your body has time to adjust at that weight, then try to lose weight again.  Give it a read and see if it helps...

I hit a plateau and stayed there for 3 months (May, June, and July) and I got so mad and so discouraged. Like you I tried everything, from zig zagging calories to switching up my workouts, lifting weights, everything.  I finally got so mad that I decided to take a month off.  For all of August I didn't log a single food item.  The only workout I got was from playing baseball once a week, and playing roller Derby twice a week.  I also went for the occasional walk to clear my head but nothing official.  I didn't "go nuts" and eat everything.  But I didn't stick to any kind of strict food plan or calorie budget.  If I wanted chips, I went and bought chips.  I estimated roughly the amount of calories I was getting and made some pretty healthy decisions in terms of fruit and vegetables, but I didn't go crazy with calculating everything or percentages of carbs or fat or anything.  In that month my weight fluxuated 2 or 3 pounds.

Coming out of that month I joined a new gym, started going regularily and started logging all my food again with a renewed resolve.  It seems to be working because my weight is creeping back down.

Maybe you just need to take some time off, maybe give yourself a month off to read up about nutrition and excersize more, formulate a plan, and then input that plan when the new month arrives.

It is what worked for me.

Dont give up though.  You have come so far already, dont give up.

Take some time off! Do it! I would take a week maybe even two w/o logging, w/o working out. Take a vacation from losing. Your body has gotten so used to what you are doing, that it's learned to run so efficiently that way.

If you take some time off, you'll shock your body back into when you start up again. Plus mentally, it sounds like you need a break. I'm not saying go nuts and eat donuts all day every day.....but don't weigh the food, just eyeball it.

And maybe when you get back in to it, pick a new workout routine...one that seems interesting, or challenging or even just outside of your comfort zone.

Thanks for all the great responses.  I'm feeling a little better now.  My husband has been trying to convince me to "take a week off" for a while now and I'm more willing to try that now.  Luckily, skiing season is starting soon (well, in a month) and that's so much fun, it's doesn't even feel like exercise!  But we burn a lot of calories skiing all day.  I'm really looking forward to that.

Unfortunately, I can't avoid visiting my family for Thanksgiving. For one, we have non-refundable tickets! :)  And it's the only time i get to see the people in my family that I like, like my sisters.  I hope this year won't be as bad as normal.

My husband was reading your responses and he came up with a new way for me to look at things and says it to me when I start going a little overboard.  He says that I shouldn't look at the plateau as a failure in my weight loss, but that I've been so good that my body needs a break.  I hadn't thought of it that way and he hadn't either until we read your posts!  So thank you very much.  Things are looking better!

Hi, knitter,  given what you said about motivation, taking some time off sounds excellent.  I lost 30 pounds from last September to June, took the summer off, and am about to start focusing on weight loss again.

You also mentioned being hungry all the time, and (in another thread) that you had been doing RFFL.  How many calories have you been eating / how much of a deficit have you been keeping, if I may ask?