How to get the butterflies back

In a nutshell, I've been with my SO for almost a decade.  I recently saw a photo of an old fling who I did/do not love but had an amazing sexual relationship with.  I got butterflies.  And it felt great. 

I realized I haven't felt that in a really long time.  I miss that feeling and I want it back without seeking some strange.

Anyone have any ideas how to get the butterflies to come back?

Nope, but we are starting counseling next week.  Hope that will give us some clues.  Good luck with yours!

Butterflies are the result of insecurity, what Dorothy Tennov called limerence. Once you are secure in a relationship, they go away. If they remain, it is because your relationship is not doing its job, namely making you feel secure and loved.

Another possibility for the butterflies is something called New Relationship Energy.  Also temporary, and also inherently doomed in a good long-term relationship. Once you really get to know a person, there is not much they can do to surprise you (unless you have a really underactive sense of empathy and/or imagination).

Honestly, long relationships have many benefits, and there are trade-offs for those benefits. Losing the butterflies is one of them. Sorry! You can, however, wind up with a warm steady glow coming from inside your belly, where the butterflies used to flutter, and get a little smile just by thinking about your love.

Do something together that you are both a little insecure doing - something new, like a dance class.  Go for a long walk and touch each other like teenagers in love.  Find out ways to do "naughty" things in public without anyone guessing.  Spend an evening talking over wine and dessert.  Go to a sex store and buy something new.

You CAN recapture the tingles and glows.

I think the funniest part about being in a committed relationship for so long is that one can take the other for granted.  Your comfort level assumes you know all.  But really you have continued to change and grow as individuals. 

Sometimes rekindling that new feeling means starting with the things you started with when your love was young.  What is your favorite movie and why, what is your favorite color etc.  It sounds stupid,  but the idea is to realize that there is nothing you can take for granted with your loved one.  That they have remained an individual.

Their answers to the silly questions might surprise you.  The silly questions might also lead to more intense questions that dig deeper into who you are as individuals and, if you are honest, can mean an opportunity to not only rekindle the "newness" of love, but to deepen the bonds you share.

Original Post by missthatfeeling:

In a nutshell, I've been with my SO for almost a decade.  I recently saw a photo of an old fling who I did/do not love but had an amazing sexual relationship with.  I got butterflies.  And it felt great. 

I realized I haven't felt that in a really long time.  I miss that feeling and I want it back without seeking some strange.

Anyone have any ideas how to get the butterflies to come back?

 Grass is always greener on the other side. If you don't believe me, go get that strange.  Then...................you will see.....

Everything [or almost everything] is more appealing when you don't have it. There is a reason you and your EX are no longer together...remember that.

As far as getting butterflies back.....sex toys. New positions. Dress Up. Go out to  a bar and pretend you are both single and try and pick up other people...while the other is watching...it's a turn on. [As long as you don't take it too far]. Options are endless.

Stand at the edge of a tall building and have your SO hold you as you lean over the edge.  I guarantee you'll feel butterflies, and you'll be doing something together.

Look at him in a different context than usual - when he's out of his element he might seem like a new person.

I also get butterflies when I see that my boyfriend is looking at me like I've just caught his eye.

Original Post by rosieblue:

Stand at the edge of a tall building and have your SO hold you as you lean over the edge.  I guarantee you'll feel butterflies, and you'll be doing something together.

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