My so called best friend is ridiculing me for my ED

-sigh-. Oh lordy lord, i don't know why i get stuck with these folks. We got in a major(seriously) fight the other day, and havent spoken for 5 days. During the fight she brought up all my food/body issues that she knows im sensitive about. She knows I have an ED, to some point at least. She was like your always complaining about your body/you never want to go anywhere/you wont eat anything. She told me i'll never be happy because i'll never eat anything i want.

Then she went on to say guys will never find me attractive because i have no self esteem/i dont have curves(i am thin-ISH due to everything i've been through) and they dont want a girlfriend who obsesses about weight/food. She's like i'm -insert weight here- and guys love me.

Okay, i'm normally a chill person, and she insults me frequently, and i just shrug and dont give a crap. she'll be like oooh your fat/ugly/stupid and when i get upset she'll go I WAS JUST KIDDING GOD. its like i'm not allowed to get angry when being insulted. i said this to her and shes like i NEVER say that.

okay and our guy friend was basically on my side. but then he stopped talking to me and i confronted him and asked, and he said he was on her side because HE KNEW HER LONGER. no forget whats right here, just forget it.

she'll call me fat/ugly then make fun of me about my self esteem issues. I'm also depressed, and shes always on my case about why i dont want to go out.

please, anyone, anything comforting here?

-screams-

sounds to me darling that you just need to get some new friends. Real friends would be there for you, and at least TRY to understand. But these guys...ugh. Jerks.

Don't listen to them Theyre being stupid!!!

Your "friends" sound like real tools.  I mean, with friends like those, who needs enemies.

Don't listen to her and try and meet new people or hang out with other friends who won't treat you so badly.  You totally deserve better!

seriously, you need to get new friends.

I never understood why people have such issues with friends.... you PICK your friends. It's a beautiful thing. Take advantage of it.

I had an Idiot friend like that who controlled my life, Thank God she left my school.  And She was 2 years younger than me---2 Years!  She would always get mad when I wanted to eat healthy and therefore would claim that I'm boring because I won't eat unhealthy things---uh maybe because I think their gross?  And she always used to say that shes bored when shes with me and that im annoying--And then I got sick of it, I ditched her.  I need to care for myself too.

Friend

1 a: one attached to another by affection or esteem

2 a: one that is not hostile b: one that is of the same nation, party, or group

3: one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)

4: a favored companion

 

Enemy

1: one that is antagonistic to another

 

Those people are not your friends, they are your enemies and should be avoided. Get some real friends and you'll be much happier for it. Don't take any of that kind of mistreatment from anyone. Nobody deserves that.

Aw man, get away from these kids.  I used to know kids that would play that game (insult you but then avoid confrontation by saying "I WAS JUST KIDDING GOD"), so I just started talking to them less and less and eventually found friends that I haven't ever fought with.

Also, if your "friend" had any compassion for you she wouldn't be calling you fat/ugly when she KNOWS you already have self esteem issues.  On top of that, she makes fun of for them?  Damn, you seriously need to toss her...

Anyway, I think that the fact that you've hung around her even when she's insulted you shows that you are a person who likes to hold onto friendships and who would probably like work things out, but honestly, if you don't try to work this one out, and try to find better friends instead, you'll probably be happier in the long run.

I know this is gonna be hard to hear because you think this girl is your best friend, but she is not being a friend by putting you down. Emotionally abusive people always try to play off insults as jokes. But I'm sure you don't feel like it's funny. It hurts you, and I totally understand that.

If you're not strong enough to leave this friend, then you at least need to have a serious talk with this girl and tell her that her "jokes" hurt and that both of you should agree to stop using put downs as a way to kid around. Show each other some respect. That means that neither of you can put the other one down, ever... Best friends should love, respect, trust, and support each other, always...

Give it a shot, maybe she hasn't realized that she needs to take a look in the mirror and see how badly she talks to people. and how low her own self esteem actually is. If she can't stick to the new plan, you'll have to find a new person to hang out with. 

I've been through similar situations before, and as hard as it was to leave my friend, I was so glad when I made new ones based on my new standards. I've been much happier and secure since. :)

She was like your always complaining about your body/you never want to go anywhere/you wont eat anything. She told me i'll never be happy because i'll never eat anything i want.

You know this girl better than we do. We're not in any place to say whether or not she's a "true" friend to you. To me, the way she put things is extremely rude (like saying guys will never find you attractive) and inconsiderate. It's just plain mean of her to call you fat when she knows it makes you upset (my friends and I mess around like that a lot and call eachother whales [lol] but it's understood that we're joking and we never say anything we know will hurt one another). But if you've known this girl for a long time, and if you've never known her to be malicious, has it ever occurred to you that she may truly be concerned for you? I say this because her complaining sounds familiar to me.. when things got reeallly bad for me during my ED, my boyfriend would get angered at me whenever I'd talk about food (which was often) and just told me to stop calling myself fat and stop nagging about my weight, and basically he didn't want to deal with any of it (at first). We broke up for a few days, and I understood why he didn't want to go through it: it's a lot to deal with, and he had never even KNOWN someone with an eating disorder before. He was not professionally equipped to help me, and so he became mad and frustrated. After we broke up we had a long talk a few days later in which I told him that I promised to get help, and he said that's what he'd wanted all along. And so I did, and I now consider myself--for the most part--recovered. I still deal with body image issues today but he's been there for me throughout the entire process so he's more knowledgable about everything now, and picks me up when I'm feeling down. What I'm trying to say is, even if you decide that these people are your enemies and not there to help you at all, maybe you should consider what they're trying to say, and think about what others' perspectives are about you.. Is she right? Is this truly affecting your life? If not, forget about her. If so.. well, you can decide how to deal with it.

Aaaahhhh! I'm sorry for such a long response but it just sounded to familiar to me (:

yeh i used to have a friend like that when i was in elementary school... thankfully she moved to a different state so there were no ugly confrontations or anything.  it was weird cuz i knew i shouldn't let someone insult me like that but every time she would say sorry i would just think... welllll i like being friends with her, maybe itl be different next time...
she would do the same thing to me- i was rather chubby at the time and she would call me fat and stuff and i tried to joke back but she would just keep repeating the same insult and eventually id show that i was upset.  "OMG IM JUST KIDDING!" yeh...right
AND, most annoying thing of all- she had the audacity to get INSULTED when i would joke around with other people! she would say, why is it that when i say things to u u get upset but when other friends say things to u u just laugh about it?  and i just couldn't get it into her head that THEY were saying things that i KNEW they didn't believe were true because if they thought something was really wrong with me they wouldn't bring it up! cuz that's what a normal sensitive person does!
anyways, good luck... easier than getting rid of them right away iis to just make other friends and let the old ones slip away... good friends are important so try to find some

Shes just being an absolute bitch to be quite honest, she isnt a friend she is completely trying to belittle you tell her to get lost. I am recovering from an ED myself and boy do I know how hard it is :( The last thing you need is someone being negetive or mentioning your weight.

Strive through your going to be ok :)

*hugs*

x

From experience, when friends are worried, they say these kinds of things because they can't "fix it", and don't understand (despite the fact that they really want to).

It's frustrating for them.

She probably won't understand where you are coming from, because people like us think much differently than non-EDers. Being about 70% recovered, I can see both sides. I have a friend right now who is DEATHLY thin, and everyone is telling her she is going to be certified for treatment. Her response is that she will refuse to eat. I thought about telling her that they can just shoot her up "knock out drugs", put her on four-point-restraint and tube her - BUT! She may kill herself if I tell her that. So I don't.

My point is that your friend doesn't understand how you feel, so she is going to say things like "don't you get it!" or "smarten up and just eat". Maybe it is reality, but it definitely doesn't spare your feelings! It isn't reality AS YOU SEE IT, which is the pivotal difference between you and her.

Just take it as a grain of salt. Focus on YOU, not her comments that are hurting right now.