Got called "fat"... feeling insecure

I've always had weight issues.  Mostly during middle school I gained a lot of weight cause I went through depression and my parents were going through a terrible divorce.  I felt disgusted with myself and finally decided to do something about it during the end of my high school year and freshman year in college and lost A LOT of weight.  People were surprised at how different I look and it felt good that they said that I lost so much weight.  The lowest I got down to was about 135 (I am 5'6").. I looked really good at that weight cause I carry my weight pretty well I think.  But even at 140 I looked really skinny.  People would think I was like 125 or 130.  Then I got into a serious relationship in college.. and I slowly started gaining weight.  Next thing I know was 150!  I tried to loose the weight but I started going through a lot of my problems in my life and I guess I became an emotional eater.  But even at that weight, I still didn't feel like I looked fat.. I just didn't like the number I was seeing on the scale.  Then last year I weighed myself and found out I was 160!  I could not believe it cause I really did not think I looked 160.  I was so terrified with seeing that on the scale that I started working out like crazy and even got a trainer.  She was surprised that I was 160 and said I looked really good for being 160 and that I carry my weight well.  Although I know it's not about the number on the scale, I just wasn't happy with my weight.  I didn't think I was "fat" but I guess more "curvy."  Anyways, I worked out pretty much everyday and tried to change my eating habit, but for some reason my weight stayed the same for a really long time.  Then I ran into my bf's ex gf one night at a club.. too make a long story short.. we got into a *little* heated argument (very stupid) and she called me "fat."  Although I pretended that it didnt bother me.. it made me feel 100x more insecure than I already did.  My bf kept reassuring me that she's just jealous that im with him and that I'm not fat.  But it made me feel really depressed and want to work out even more.  Ever since she called me that, it has been like haunting my mind everday.  I pretty much went to the gym almost everday or as much as I could (still am).. its been about 8 months.. and I have finally lost about 5 pounds (it fluctuates).  I have gotten a lot more toned and everyone thinks I lost a lot of weight but its only 5 lbs.  My goal is to be 145.  Anyways, the pic in my profile is of my body at 160.  I know that is a pretty high weight for my height but would you consider that to be fat? Thanks for taking the time to read this long post!

160lbs was only a little overweight for someone 5'6"...  The top end healthy weight for that height is 154 so if you're 155 now that's near enough.    You can't afford to take the comments of your boyfriend's ex seriously. &nbs p;  She'd have found some minor physical flaw (real or imagined) to pick on, let's face it.... rationality and balanced judgement rarely surface when people are in a jealous hissy-fit!!  You've got the guy... she's just pissing in the wind...

Yeah I know.. but I can't seem to get over the fact that she called me that :(  Sometimes I replay that in my mind over and over.  I constantly ask my bf if I look fat and he always tells me no.  I feel so insecure about my body.  I've been working out the most i have ever worked out in my life.  The process has taken long but I am slowly seeing results.  *sigh* I'm just having a hard time moving on from the past.  It really hurts me that she said that.  She's also really skinny so she must think im like obese compared to her.  My body has always been curvy.  I have big hips but a small waist.. I guess a pear shaped body.  I know I'll never be stick thin and im fine with that.  I just want to see 145 on the scale and ill be happy.

Based on your pic, you look like you're at a good weight to me. Definitely not what I'd consider fat.

But ignoring everyone else's opinion, if you feel that you'd be healthier at a lower weight, go for it! Your weight goals should be based on what you want and what's healthy, not someone else's opinion.

Thanks Rindi.  That pic was me in September last year.  I have lost about 5 pounds since then and feel better but not at my goal weight.  I am going to keep working hard until I reach my goal weight.  Losing the last 10 pounds has been so hard!! 

I hope you have better luck losing the last 10 than I've had so far losing the last 50, lol. Just keep it up, and you'll get there!

Original Post by jadorehellokitty:

She's also really skinny so she must think im like obese compared to her. 

You're making the incorrect assumption that 'skinny' is automatically more desirable....  and presumably the ex-girlfriend mistakenly thought that way as well!!  (How dare she steal my man when she's bigger than me... etc.)  But stop comparing sizes for a second and look at the facts....  You're the one with the loving boyfriend and she's all alone.  She may be thinner than you but she's obviously not attractive in the slghtest.   If she resorts to hurling futile personal insults she's showing her true colours... no class, no imagination, quite bitter. 

Keep making the most of your appearance and looking after your body because it's an intelligent and sensible thing to do.  But learn the lesson that 'size' has very little to do with 'attraction'... it's a valuable one to remember.

You have lovely curves and IMHO whatever further weight you lose should be for health concerns rather than aesthetics. That skinny b*tch sounds like she has serious insecurities and is taking it all out on you. If I were you, I`d try my best to focus on my qualities rather than my flaws; after all, self confidence is very attractive, and I`m willing to bet your boyfriend`s ex lacks it and that may very well be one of the aspects that pushed him away.

Please don`t take this the wrong way, but from my personal experience, I can tell you that men don`t enjoy being nagged with 'am I fat' type of questions.. A much better approach would be to get into a sexy outfit and say something like 'you know, I`ve lost a total of X lbs/inches so far, how do you like my body now?'. You`ll get your confidence boost when he goes cuckoo and starts drooling all over you, I promise. :)

Some people have a skewed idea of what would classify as 'fat' and your boyfriend's ex is one of those people; the picture in your profile is most definitely not 'fat'.  If she was making fun of your weight, she must have been both a) a toothpick and b) an angry, miserable person - and really, neither of those are things to strive for.  Being waif-like is over-rated, and being miserable just isn't fun or desirable.

I know it's easier said than done, but it would do you well to stop and think about all the things you appreciate about your body; diet and exercise are important to our health, but the number on the scale is just that - a number.  Taking care of yourself also means being kind to yourself, and if her nasty comment really hurt you, then your confidence must have been quite low - if the means are available, perhaps you should look into something that will boost your self-esteem and let you work out? 

I've heard that pilates and belly-dancing classes are fantastic for that - but if you're up for high impact, I would personally recommend going into a martial art or kick boxing, because both did wonders for my self-confidence.  I've never been more proud of my body at this stage.  :)

shes jealous.

dont let her ruin your self love or your relationship with your bf. youre not fat!

I think you look GREAT! Also try and remember that muscle weighs more than fat...from what i can see in your picture your legs are pretty muscular. Try not to follow the numbers on the scale ( i know that's hard) and just go by what you see in the mirror and how your clothes fit =)

She is jealous, and was grasping at straws. But if it's motivating... Its a good thing, you'll have her to thank in the end.(not that you would) lol. I'm always jealous of woman that can carry a few extra pounds and look sexy. You've got it going on girl! You look great!

Ever notice that 'fat' is the one thing you can call a woman-any woman-that will make her go into a spiral of self-doubt and insecurity. Doesn't matter what her actual weight is, she will still pick apart her appearance obsessively and agonize over the insult.

Which is exactly why she called you fat.

And you aren't. Not even a little bit.

Do not let her "win" by ruining your self esteem and putting a strain between you and your bf! She would love nothing more than that...

she's a seriously UGLY person to try and hurl "fat" at someone to insult them.

at least you are above that.

and anyone can hurl the word "fat" at anyone, it doesn't mean anything.  i still remember the time my ex called me "chunky".  people think he's insane when i tell anyone that.  and then they think i'm insane because i let it bother me.  and i sort of am because i KNOW he said it to make me feel insecure because he was feeling insecure but the words still haunt me because it feeds self doubt when i'm feeling down.  you know you are being healthy, active and everyone else said you are looking good.  don't let words that are said in obvious spite, plague you.

Wow, you look great! Curvy, womanly, etc. Not a toothpick, but who wants to be like that? Nobody!

Don't let her comment bother you. By all means keep working out if it makes you feel great, and exercise is never bad thing!

She's just jealous that you have a loving boyfriend, and she doesn't. :)

(It is interesting, like other posters said, that you can call ANY woman 'fat', and she'll obsess over it. Doesn't matter if they're 100 pounds or 400 pounds, they always take it like it's the truth.)

Also wanted to tell you that there are a lot of people who'd kill for your body. From people who want to slim down to people who aren't as curvy as you.

:)

Just wanted to say that by no means do you look "fat."  Its really hard to get past things that others say, but, just remember that most people do and say things out of fear - out of fear of the unknown and their own insecurities.

I say keep working out, but don't overdo it, and don't beat yourself up over not getting back to your lowest weight.  You look like you are already in great shape, so just keep working out to give yourself that peace of mind, knowing you're taking control, and keeping yourself healthy.

Good luck and stay healthy.  Don't lets someone else's issues/jealousy bring you down.

Yeah I agree with the others. The only reason she did that was to make you feel really bad. Don't let her succeed any more. After all, her ex decided that he didn't want to get with someone who had an ugly personality and a complete lack of originality and genuinity. She's a loser.

IMO you look fantastic. You really do carry the weight well, but you actually look very athletic and toned. Remember that a lot of 'skinny' people can look really out of shape.

Original Post by fruit_tart:

Also wanted to tell you that there are a lot of people who'd kill for your body. From people who want to slim down to people who aren't as curvy as you.

 

:)

Hear, hear! As far as aesthetics are concerned, I prefer staying slim, because, well, I`m a bit shy on the boobage department. No matter how much weight I gain I`m not going to have anywhere near that hourglass figure, more like huge hips and belly, and a medium-sized chest that would look terribly disproportioned.

Maybe your boyfriend`s ex has the same problem?

Either way, long story short: though I am at my ideal low weight, and pretty much on the slim side, yes, I would kill for your curves.