Got called "fat"... feeling insecure

I've always had weight issues.  Mostly during middle school I gained a lot of weight cause I went through depression and my parents were going through a terrible divorce.  I felt disgusted with myself and finally decided to do something about it during the end of my high school year and freshman year in college and lost A LOT of weight.  People were surprised at how different I look and it felt good that they said that I lost so much weight.  The lowest I got down to was about 135 (I am 5'6").. I looked really good at that weight cause I carry my weight pretty well I think.  But even at 140 I looked really skinny.  People would think I was like 125 or 130.  Then I got into a serious relationship in college.. and I slowly started gaining weight.  Next thing I know was 150!  I tried to loose the weight but I started going through a lot of my problems in my life and I guess I became an emotional eater.  But even at that weight, I still didn't feel like I looked fat.. I just didn't like the number I was seeing on the scale.  Then last year I weighed myself and found out I was 160!  I could not believe it cause I really did not think I looked 160.  I was so terrified with seeing that on the scale that I started working out like crazy and even got a trainer.  She was surprised that I was 160 and said I looked really good for being 160 and that I carry my weight well.  Although I know it's not about the number on the scale, I just wasn't happy with my weight.  I didn't think I was "fat" but I guess more "curvy."  Anyways, I worked out pretty much everyday and tried to change my eating habit, but for some reason my weight stayed the same for a really long time.  Then I ran into my bf's ex gf one night at a club.. too make a long story short.. we got into a *little* heated argument (very stupid) and she called me "fat."  Although I pretended that it didnt bother me.. it made me feel 100x more insecure than I already did.  My bf kept reassuring me that she's just jealous that im with him and that I'm not fat.  But it made me feel really depressed and want to work out even more.  Ever since she called me that, it has been like haunting my mind everday.  I pretty much went to the gym almost everday or as much as I could (still am).. its been about 8 months.. and I have finally lost about 5 pounds (it fluctuates).  I have gotten a lot more toned and everyone thinks I lost a lot of weight but its only 5 lbs.  My goal is to be 145.  Anyways, the pic in my profile is of my body at 160.  I know that is a pretty high weight for my height but would you consider that to be fat? Thanks for taking the time to read this long post!

I actually think you look really sexy and I'm a totally straight girl! Lmao! You have wonderful curves, very much like Selma Hayek. :)

Don't let the ex get to you, *fat* is a word that bothers everyone so she knew by using it, it would bother you. She couldn't think of anything else. Where you could call her boobless, a**less, bitter personality and damn right obnoxious and you can see why your current b/f left her unpleasing a**. He has a REAL woman now and she can shove it. Ha!

:P

Original Post by gi-jane:

Original Post by jadorehellokitty:

She's also really skinny so she must think im like obese compared to her. 

You're making the incorrect assumption that 'skinny' is automatically more desirable....  and presumably the ex-girlfriend mistakenly thought that way as well!!  (How dare she steal my man when she's bigger than me... etc.)  But stop comparing sizes for a second and look at the facts....  You're the one with the loving boyfriend and she's all alone.  She may be thinner than you but she's obviously not attractive in the slghtest.   If she resorts to hurling futile personal insults she's showing her true colours... no class, no imagination, quite bitter. 

Keep making the most of your appearance and looking after your body because it's an intelligent and sensible thing to do.  But learn the lesson that 'size' has very little to do with 'attraction'... it's a valuable one to remember.

 

 

 You're right Gi-Jane.  I sometimes think being skinny is more desirable than being curvy and beautiful.  I've always had issues with my weight ever since I was young and it has been a constant battle.  Even when I did lose a lot of weight and was at my lowest weight, I still didn't feel skinny enough although everyone was telling me I looked great.  I've always been obsessed with my weight and I'm trying to accept the fact yes I am a curvy woman.. and I am not "fat."  But when someone calls you that, it's really makes you think.. hmm maybe they are right, why else would they say it.  However, I've seen people call celebreties like Kim Kardashian or Beyonce fat.. and I think they are far from it!  They just have curves!  I hate the fact that people see woman that are volumptious.. are fat.  But oh wells, I guess I need to try to not let that bother me anymore.  I need to learn to be happy with myself.  And in the end, I got the man and she turned out to be the bitter jealous ex.

Original Post by ily51:

You have lovely curves and IMHO whatever further weight you lose should be for health concerns rather than aesthetics. That skinny b*tch sounds like she has serious insecurities and is taking it all out on you. If I were you, I`d try my best to focus on my qualities rather than my flaws; after all, self confidence is very attractive, and I`m willing to bet your boyfriend`s ex lacks it and that may very well be one of the aspects that pushed him away.

Please don`t take this the wrong way, but from my personal experience, I can tell you that men don`t enjoy being nagged with 'am I fat' type of questions.. A much better approach would be to get into a sexy outfit and say something like 'you know, I`ve lost a total of X lbs/inches so far, how do you like my body now?'. You`ll get your confidence boost when he goes cuckoo and starts drooling all over you, I promise. :)

Thank you so much ily!  The funny thing is, after she called me the "f" word, I totally acted like it didn't bother me cause I knew if I did she would think I was insecure.  Instead, I just turned around and walked away and laughed at her cause she was being histerical.  I'm sure she thinks that she is so much better than me because she's like 110 pounds.. but whatever.  Right now I'm trying to just work on myself and lose the last 10 or 15 pounds so that I can be happy with myself.  I'm not doing it for others, but for my own satisfaction.  I want to be able to feel comfortable in my body.  And you're right, I know that asking my bf "am I fat" will just make him annoyed and just think im really insecure about myself.  Lately ive been telling him how much weight ive been losing and how much ive been working out.  I am so focused on achieving my goal weight!

Original Post by nomnom:

Some people have a skewed idea of what would classify as 'fat' and your boyfriend's ex is one of those people; the picture in your profile is most definitely not 'fat'.  If she was making fun of your weight, she must have been both a) a toothpick and b) an angry, miserable person - and really, neither of those are things to strive for.  Being waif-like is over-rated, and being miserable just isn't fun or desirable.

I know it's easier said than done, but it would do you well to stop and think about all the things you appreciate about your body; diet and exercise are important to our health, but the number on the scale is just that - a number.  Taking care of yourself also means being kind to yourself, and if her nasty comment really hurt you, then your confidence must have been quite low - if the means are available, perhaps you should look into something that will boost your self-esteem and let you work out? 

I've heard that pilates and belly-dancing classes are fantastic for that - but if you're up for high impact, I would personally recommend going into a martial art or kick boxing, because both did wonders for my self-confidence.  I've never been more proud of my body at this stage.  :)

 Yeah, I hate how some people think celebrities such as Beyonce or Kim Kardashian are fat.  I think they are beautiful and they are women with curves!  My ex's gf really was a toothpick.  She was very skinny.. so of course she'll think I am fat. 

Right now I am trying to focus on being healthy and active.  I work out as much as I can and when I have time cause it really makes me feel better afterwards.  Actually I have done a lot of kickboxing :)  I love it cause I can get my agression out and feel better afterwards.  But I guess what his ex still bothers me.. not as much as it use to but it's still there.  I do, however, feel a lot more better about my body especially cause I can see myself getting smaller and toned and beacuse everyone keeps telling me that I look like im losing weight.  Anyways, thanks for your feedback!  I really appreciate it.

ktjo - Yes you're so right.  I think she is jealous.  And thank you for your comment!

coltonsmom - Thank you so much!  My trainer told me the same thing, that I am probably gaining muscle which is why weight wasn't going down for awhile.  I was so obsessed with the number on the scale before.. like it didn't matter how I looked, all I cared about was the number going down.  I'd get so frustrated sometimes seeing that number stay the same or sometimes go up a little!  But everyone kept saying I lost weight and I couldn't understand why I wasn't losing the pounds.  You're right though, I should go by the way I look in the mirror and how I feel rather than the number on the scale.  Btw, you look absolutely great in your pic! 

judy - Yeah it is actually kind of motivating.  Although I did not like her comment, it made me want to work even more harder to my goal weight.  Thank you so much for your comment!

chocorific - You're absolutely right.  As soon as a woman hears the word "fat" they go crazy and start to think maybe I am fat.. or at least I did!  Even my friend's bf called her fat when she is far from it.. but he was and is a total jerk.  I guess he purposely was trying to make her feel insecure about herself which it did.  In fact it made her even more insecure than she already was and she became obsessed with looking skinny.  I guess kind of like how I did. 

I guess all girls know that if you call another girl fat, it will definitely push a button!

jcl76 - Thank you so much for your comment.  It made me feel a lot better.  The weird thing is, I don't think I look my weight either but the number on the scale bothers me a lot.  I have a small waist and a flat tummy but my thighs are thick and I kind of have flabby arms lol.  I guess my fat goes to my thighs and arms? Anyway thank you again.  You look great as well!!

cerealaddiction -  How dare your ex call you chunky!  But obviously he was doing it to hurt you.  My friend's bf did the same thing.. but called her fat instead.  She is still traumitized by it and I still try to tell her that she is not fat, her bf just did that cause he knew it would get to her.  Funny how a three letter word can do so much damage to a person.

fruit tart - Thank you for the sweet comment.  It really made me smile. 

blondiecath - Yes I agree, she is a LOSER :)  Thank you so much for the comment!  I feel like I don't look my weight but somehow I really do weigh that much.  I think I have heavy a bone structure too.  My body is also not petite.  

silentdeadlyrose - Thanks so much!! Wow, Selma Hayek.. what a compliment :)  I easily could of called her boobless (well I dont have big boobs either but I just wear a good bra haha) cause she really did not have any.. or a butt either!  But whatever, I just walked away.  Btw, you have a rockin body as well :) 

Darlin'?  One question:

Which of you did he think was pretty enough to leave the club with?

Yeah, I thought so. 

160lb? Let me assure you..you dont look like you are 160 (not that there is anything wrong with being that weight) But you look healthy, in proportation and great! I assure you this girl was probably jealous of you dont let her vicious tongue bother you and if you are really feel down about yourself work at toning rather than losing a ton of weight. Ive been at both my highest weight and my lowest one and I can assure you being thin doesnt make ou feel anymore confident within yourself that comes from inside.

I think you look great in your pic.I would not think you weighed 160 at all.Your bf's ex is clearly jealous and had to use something to pick at. All girls are insecure about their weight even if they are toothpicks so a jealous girl will always pick on another girls weight regardless if they are fat or not. I would just use her comment as a motivator.Seems to be working so far. Don't stress that your fat because you are clearly not and when you lose more weight just think how even greater you will look and make your bf ex even more jealous.lmao.

OMG! You're not fat; you're hot!

I hope to look like that when I reach my goal weight (120-lbs).

His ex is clearly jealous...don't pay any attention to her comment.  She may have said it to hurt you, but you turned it around and used it to help you get into even better shape.  Kudos!  :)