Being called "fat" makes me want to overeat!

Alright, so my brother is a jerk. Today our mom gave us some chocolate to share, and after we each took one he hoarded the box. I told him to just put it back in the basket, but then he told me that I had no will power and that I couldn't be trusted around chocolate. He said that he had to hold it for me, and then told my parents to hide the chocolate so that I wouldn't eat it all. They did.

Yes, everyone in my family thinks I am a fat pig who can't be trusted around chocolate. They say that they need to hide the chocolate from me or I will "sabotage" myself because I have no will power.

This makes me EXTREMELY angry. I had an EATING DISORDER! Of course I have will power! I have more will power than all three of them combined! It made me SO angry, I had to eat that chocolate. 

My question is, why? If my entire family says that I'm a pig without will power who would eat the whole box of chocolates if given the chance, why would I want to do exactly that? I found myself driven to eat that chocolate on the grounds that I would "prove THEM wrong"! This makes no sense. I am just doing what they wrongfully accused me of!

The whole situation REALLY pisses me off. Not only do I feel bad about being insulted, but I also feel bad about living up to the insult!

How can I respond when my family treats me like a glutton with no will power? I don't understand why they view me like this! When I have trouble with my diet, my dad accuses me of eating at night and not counting the calories. This drives me INSANE!!! I NEVER eat at night, and I count EVERY calorie! I don't know where this is coming from! How do I get it to stop? More importantly, how can I avoid the overeating spurred by these insults?

That's horrible! Your family needs to realise that bullying someone because of their weight or eating habits is conducive to an eating disorder, not helpful! It's possible that they have their own issues with food that they're projecting onto you but that's really no excuse. Your diet is your decision and your business and it's wrong of your family to try to interfere, especially when they're more interested in insulting you than they are in supporting you. From your profile I can see that you already have a healthy BMI so they don't have the excuse of being concerned for your health.

Essentially this amounts to bullying. I'd say that you probably overate as a reaction to your family trying to strip you of the control you have of your diet. This is similar to trying to forcefeed an anoretic; it's not going to help, it's just going to make things worse.

Anyway, the best advice I ever got was from St Francis of Assissi: "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." You don't have the ability to change your family's food issues, thoughts or bullying behaviour. However, you do have the ability to control your own thoughts and your own diet - no one can take that right away from you, either by taking food away or telling you that you have no will power.

Try talking to your family about how they're making you feel. If they carry on, just try to ignore them as best as you can. Feel free to PM me if this happens again and you need to vent your frustrations. Good luck!

 i feel the same!

We recently went out of town and i like to "pick" at my families food. You know to try different things. They get really angry(even though i am more willing to share my food) and say i eat a lot. it makes me mad also... i just can never stop!

Wait, you get insulted about something and the first thing you want to do is do more of that thing?

You know, there's a lot of mental-support super-sensitive people who would probably try to counsel you and work out the emotional problems this causes you and all that, but let's be honest here. None of that is productive. Their actions are not the problem.

I mean, you could say they're a problem, but realistically, it's a variable you can not control. People will make fun of you at some point for almost anything. In life, you can either be a reactionary - meld in to your environment and accept everything that comes your way as fate - or you can exercise control over the only actual variable you CAN control - yourself. Nobody lives in such a sweet world that their vulnerabilities go unchallenged. You've probably thought things about their shortcomings too.

Now, you certainly could over-eat. But why? You have to understand that while that makes you feel good for the time being, that makes you feel worse in the long run. "Happiness" is the pursuit of something. You get depressed when you ask yourself why you are depressed. You perpetuate behavior by accepting it as a problem you can not control.

The other thing you could do is analyze their motivation. Criticism of other people is generally impersonal. Everyone is starved for recognition by other people. If they can mentally put themselves above someone, it makes them feel good. It's their biology, it's not you. You can pity them if you want, because they're just as insecure as you are.

And lastly, you can work to improve your situation. Do you want to lose weight? Then the only answer is to deny yourself the short-lived pleasure of overeating, and put your efforts into losing weight. Things are relative, anyway. Once you get used to a new diet, what "overeating" or "cheating" even means will change. I personally couldn't gain weight even if I "cheated", but that's because the boundary of "cheating" for me has heavily shifted. Instead of drinking sodas and eating cookies and french fries when I "cheat", I allow myself a big bowl of pasta with chicken and parmesan cheese, and some lightly sweetened tea. That still is a really, really satisfying meal when you've become used to a can of raw tuna, a spoon of peanut butter, and fish oil caplets (Tonight's dinner for me)... or other things like that.

Fact is that the only way to feel happy is to work on improving yourself. And if you do seriously work on it with a well-informed and disciplined effort, you will become healthier than they are, and you'll have to hold your tongue and laugh to yourself at the awful diet choices they are making. My whole family used to pester me about being fat; now they come to me for health advice.

Really? Usually that just makes me want to kick some a**.

Anyway, brothers will do that, friends and family won't understand, that's just something that happens, and you'll have to learn to ignore. I'm not saying they are right, just that they are.

But personally, based on your pictures, I think you're a very attractive girl, very cute, and not fat by any means

I suppose that eating chocolate is a rather ineffective way of getting back at my brother.

A few hours after that incident my dad accused me of eating all the cereal and walnuts in the house. I think I'm just the family scapegoat for missing food. Still infuriating, but I didn't feel driven to overeat. My reasoning: If I didn't eat them, someone else did, so it's in my best interest to take the blame for it because then the person who REALLY ate all the cereal and walnuts will continue doing so, and will in turn become fat, meaning that I can make fun of THEM!

I hear ya!  And to those people who don't understand this behaviour......haven't you ever told a kid "no" before?  Does that make them not want whatever they were asking for?  No way!  Now they just want it more!!

I think it's terrible that they said those things to you.  I don't know what it is about food issues, but for some reason a lot of people think they're "helping" when they try to prevent us from eating anything bad.  The decision has to come from us, or it's just going to make us crave it all the more.  Forbidden fruit and all that jazz.

Next time they say something like that, you could point out that they're really just making it worse, but honestly, the best thing you can do is be aware of your emotions, and the fact that your craving is really just a reaction to being told what to do.  If you can own up to your feelings, it's a bit easier to get control of them.

Good luck and don't let the brother get you down.  I have one too and he was a pain in the arse growing up lol.

Original Post by tealpenguin326:

I suppose that eating chocolate is a rather ineffective way of getting back at my brother.

A few hours after that incident my dad accused me of eating all the cereal and walnuts in the house. I think I'm just the family scapegoat for missing food. Still infuriating, but I didn't feel driven to overeat. My reasoning: If I didn't eat them, someone else did, so it's in my best interest to take the blame for it because then the person who REALLY ate all the cereal and walnuts will continue doing so, and will in turn become fat, meaning that I can make fun of THEM!

It's probably bad, but I get satisfaction out of watching my overweight father eat, now that I am slim.  He used to remark on my weight all the time.

Just think... if you hadnt' eaten that chocolate... your brother would have!  Imagine how much weight he'll pack on every time you prove them wrong from NOW on!!!

You strike me as a very stubborn person... your stubbornness helped you overcome your ED, your stubbornness is helping you lose weight at present, and when people tried to coerce you out of eating that chocolate your stubbornness made you eat it. Am I right? When I was trying to recover from my drinking problem that sort of thing would be a total trigger.

Your family may be difficult, but they obviously care, and I'm sure that you can express your stubbornness better.

God, how awful for you! I think your family's behaviour was totally out of line - it hardly shows that they 'obviously care', imo. And yes, ibez, there will always people out there who might make fun of you - but family is supposed to be supportive, and a refuge from the rest of the world. I guess siblings do have a habit of squabbling but this sounds more personal than that. And your parents should not be tolerating your brother's behaviour, let alone reinforcing it.

Just remember tealpenguin, how strong you must be to recover from an eating disorder. You need to harness this strength to stop overeating, and second to stop yourself slipping back into ED habits.

Finally, remember that you won't have to live at home forever! I had an unsupportive family who were absolutely no help at all during my anorexia and I left home at 17 - it was the best thing I did.

I only ate two piece of the chocolate, before they hauled it away. My brother ate the rest. 12 pieces of chocolate, 100 calories a piece = 1200 calories. The only problem with my "he'll get fat" theory is that my brother has also developed an eating disorder. He lost 5 pounds this week! I don't know how he did it... perhaps he just threw the chocolate away and showed me the empty container to piss me off.

It seems like your parents are just creating problems with food for both of you. Your bother probably acts like they do toward you and food because it takes focus off of him.  It may be damn near impossible but to ignore but just keep moving forward with your diet choices. when i was really young (about 8 years old)  my dad would tell me that i was too fat and he was putting me on a diet then he would make me eat ice cream when i would say no. so i know it can be hard to have non supportive parents.

Jessicar! My dad is JUST like that! He'll tell both of us that we're too fat, but once we lose 10 pounds we're suddenly too skinny and he's shoving ice cream at us!

I really think that the eating disorders my brother and I deal/ dealt with are directly related to my father. They say that an eating disorder is about control, and I think that he's trying to control his children through food. Nothing will satisfy him. Just like anorexics will never be "Thin", despite the fact that they can become grossly underweight, my dad will never approve of my brother and I, no matter what we weigh.

The way i delt with it was ignore it when i could then when i turned 18 i stopped all contact with him. my dad did more than just pick at my weight he picked at everything my hair my nails my teeth my skin my job i had anything he could put down he did. now cutting him out of your life may not be the answer for you and if your dad is at all understanding then talking to him may be easier. Mine was impossible to talk to no matter what i was wrong im not sure how old you are but i know i became alot happier once i didnt have to hear it all anymore and it has been alot easier to lose weight and be healthy the way i want to be. and trust me your not alone I see people treat their kids like this all the time and it pisses me off because i know what long term damage can be done by it. just be strong and confident with yourself and start to try not to care what anyone thinks it takes time but i did it so can you.

Okay, I'll start a little harshly.  Don't use them as an excuse to feel sorry for yourself and overeat. 

On the other hand, brothers are jerks...God made them that way-they're men in training :-)  On the other hand, you'll eventually find them useful in some way or another.  Maybe he'll have cute friends or marry someone who turns out to be your best ally.  Mine is 14 years older than me and had no use for me until I was 16.  It took another 20 years before he  admitted he was insecure because I was the "smart one." You do not have the face of someone who has a propensity for pounds!

Dark chocolate and low carb ice-cream are just as tasty and you'll feel better after eating them.  You know that pasty feeling in the back of your throat you get after eating that cheap basket crap---doesn't happen when you get rid of a lot of the sugar.

Some will jump on me for the next suggestion, but I lost weight quickly---it's been off for years, my cholesterol is lower,  my diabetes is under control and I EAT MORE THAN ANYONE IN THE HOUSE.  Counting calories is counter-productive and evil.  Counting carbs gives you more control and a lot more good tasting food.  You can shovel in a snack every 2 hours.  I went off for a few years because my doctor got worried when everyone joined in on the low carb bandwagon-half-heartedly.  Everything spiked and I ended up on lots of medication.  When I got weighed, the same endocrinologist  was surprised at the weight gain and suggested cutting carbs.  Duh?  Now I'm back to having snacks like sf chocolate pudding with full fat whipped cream, strawberries in cream sprinkled with splenda.  People worry about arterial clog, but honestly, if you eat a few more times a day, you won't be ABLE to eat a dangerous amount.  You can't cheat, but once you get used to it (about 2 weeks) you won't want to and sugary snacks just feel disgusting.

Okay, I'll start a little harshly.  Don't use them as an excuse to feel sorry for yourself and overeat. 

On the other hand, brothers are jerks...God made them that way-they're men in training :-)  On the other hand, you'll eventually find them useful in some way or another.  Maybe he'll have cute friends or marry someone who turns out to be your best ally.  Mine is 14 years older than me and had no use for me until I was 16.  It took another 20 years before he  admitted he was insecure because I was the "smart one." You do not have the face of someone who has a propensity for pounds!

Dark chocolate and low carb ice-cream are just as tasty and you'll feel better after eating them.  You know that pasty feeling in the back of your throat you get after eating that cheap basket crap---doesn't happen when you get rid of a lot of the sugar.

Some will jump on me for the next suggestion, but I lost weight quickly---it's been off for years, my cholesterol is lower,  my diabetes is under control and I EAT MORE THAN ANYONE IN THE HOUSE.  Counting calories is counter-productive and evil.  Counting carbs gives you more control and a lot more good tasting food.  You can shovel in a snack every 2 hours.  I went off for a few years because my doctor got worried when everyone joined in on the low carb bandwagon-half-heartedly.  Everything spiked and I ended up on lots of medication.  When I got weighed, the same endocrinologist  was surprised at the weight gain and suggested cutting carbs.  Duh?  Now I'm back to having snacks like sf chocolate pudding with full fat whipped cream, strawberries in cream sprinkled with splenda.  People worry about arterial clog, but honestly, if you eat a few more times a day, you won't be ABLE to eat a dangerous amount.  You can't cheat, but once you get used to it (about 2 weeks) you won't want to and sugary snacks just feel disgusting.

I think this is one occasion that Mister Rogers has all the answers...

"What do you do with the mad that you feel
When you feel so mad you could bite?
When the whole wide world seems oh, so wrong...
And nothing you do seems very right?

What do you do? Do you punch a bag?
Do you pound some clay or some dough?
Do you round up friends for a game of tag?
Or see how fast you go?

It's great to be able to stop
When you've planned a thing that's wrong,
And be able to do something else instead
And think this song:

I can stop when I want to
Can stop when I wish.
I can stop, stop, stop any time.
And what a good feeling to feel like this
And know that the feeling is really mine.
Know that there's something deep inside
That helps us become what we can."

It seems silly to think of children's songs, but the basic principle still applies. No matter what other people do to you, you can always, ALWAYS, control your reaction. Sometimes being the better person is all the revenge you need.

Your father is pushing his insecurities on you and training your little bro to be a prick (he'll probably see that soon himself..will he change? who knows).

My father is COMPLETLY obessessed with image and attention. He kisses eveyones ass who kisses his and treats his imidiate family like servants and traps us in guilt.

I completly avoid him as much as possible. People that make you miserable are not worth having in your life. If you've tried talking to him and he still bullies you, I would let me know that enough is enough and if he continues to do so, it'll jeapordize your relationship even more.

My dad has this total complex about not smiling in pictures bc he thinks it shows weakness or somthing, or he thinks he looks more attractive it he looks "caught of gaurd" in the pics.

Well, I made business cards with my pic for real estate and I thought I looked approachable and sweet (not to sound cocky).  First thing he says after I made 1000 of them!: "let me pay to make you new cards. This doesn't look like you"...he kept pushing and pushing and I told him to leave me the hell alone. then he says " I was just trying to help bc your nose looks this big..." (and reaches up to the sky).

What a **** D*ck.  totally insecure and pushing that on me??

Anyways. I hate my father so I don't have a prob not seeing him, but if you want a relationship with him, I'd speak to him LIKE AN ADULT and let him know.

Good luck.

my dad will never approve of my brother and I, no matter what we weigh.

Yeah, I am gonna go a step further - your dad is abusing you.

Really, he is - to put so much pressure on a child for something that is both psychologically and physically damaging is going to ruin his bonds to you. He is HURTING you. Abuse isn't always a an open wound on skin.

Tell us, if you can - what is your mother like? Does she let this happen?