I was called a Panda........

The other day I was with some old friends and they had a few new people with them and I overheard them saying something about a Panda.  I asked what they were talking about and then they asked me to be their Panda mascot and to change my name to Amy.  I know what being called a panda means.  It's slang for a fat girl with a cute face.  I was so embarrassed.  :(  How do I deal with this?  I'm 28 (going to be 29 in a week), married and have a 9 year old son, so I know this shouldn't bother me but it really does.  I've feel like just going under a rock and never coming out.  I wish I could just lose the damn weight and be done with it.  But I can lose 20 and then gain it right back.  I guess what I'm asking for is some inside as to why people are so mean when they don't even know who you are?  And any ideas on how to keep the weight off and stop being lazy would be much appreciated.  Thanks for at least reading. I needed somewhere to vent.

Holy cow -- and do you still speak to these "friends"?

And so people are mean BECAUSE they don't know you -- if they knew you, they wouldn't feel comfortable being as mean (generally).  That is what the problem is on line -- it is (more or less) anonymous, and so people have no problem at all being A-holes to others.

You are the only person who can decided to make the changes and keep them that will take the weight off and keep it off.  You can't decide to lose the 20 lbs and then go back to eating or exercising the way you were -- you have to decide to make a lifestyle change, and understand that this is the way you will live your life from now on.  That means developing and eating/exercising plan that you CAN live with -- instead of fads.

I'm sorry people were rude and unkind -- there really is no excuse for it.

That is outrageous. I felt so angry reading this. 

These people obviously aren't worth your time. I am assuming that since you are going on 29, that they must be in the same age range. Yet there they were, acting like a bunch of high schoolers, making fun of your weight behind your back. You are a wife, and a mother, and probably a great person, but all they care to see or talk about is a "panda". That's infuriating to me, and I don't even know you. These people need to treat you with respect, and you shouldn't be afraid to tell them that.

A couple years ago I was going for a walk.  At one point I neared the driveway to a parking lot, and I noticed a minivan approaching.  As I got closer it came to a stop to wait for me and road traffic.  As I got closer I looked to see if I could see the driver, just so I could tell if they see me or not.

Turns out there were two teenage girls in the car.  As I walked past the van, the girl in the passenger seat opened her door and shouted at me "Fat man walking!".

I turned to look, and she quick shut the door and the driver took off.  I kept on walking, thinking "WTF" to myself.  I did nothing to provoke this and couldn't figure out why she felt compelled to act as she did.

I thought about it for a few minutes then I came to the realization that she was right.  I was a fat man, and I was walking.  I started laughing to myself.  I wound up chuckling for the rest of my walk.

I still don't know why she said it, but I laugh to myself whenever I think about it.  I even have told this story to several friends.  I guess I have a pretty thick skin and just don't let things like that bother me.  It doesn't excuse her actions, but I wasn't about to let her "win" by letting it get to me.  I'm a better person than that.

You are too.  You may allow things to affect you in a different way than I do, but that doesn't make you less of a person.  I can't tell you to just forget what this person said, but try not to let it get to you.  Just know that you are not alone.  Other people are victims of these cruel statements all the time.  You can't control what these idiots say, but you can control how it affects you.

Original Post by majorpayne05:
You can't control what these idiots say, but you can control how it affects you.

This.

Hi googlycakes! 

This story makes me very mad and I would LOVE to pick a fight with those people. On second thought I must say: get rid of those so called 'friends' as they aren't friends and you will lose way more than 20 lb INSTANTLY! :o) 

Friends would never talk like that. Friends are supportive or they shut up and let you do what you think you need to do. Friends don't talk about weight BECAUSE IT DOESNT MATTER! What matters is you, is family, is politics, is music, is movies, is hobbies, is pets, is jobs, is school, is religion, is pretty much anything but surely not weight! 

Big hugs!

Brigit

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I get so sick of the 'oh you have a pretty face' BUT comments. I have heard them all my life. I have also had very hurtful things said to me. They are idiots and immature definitely if they feel they have a 'right' to say such hurtful things without repercussion in their own life. I have one word 'Karma' and it will happen. They may not know when where or how but sadly enough we don't go through life and get to act like this without having to answer to it.

I do hope you are able to allow these mean words to roll off your back. Just think of all the people in the world and just as many mean ones there are kind ones out there. Thank God there is some kind of balance.

I wonder if the person who said that comment had actually had a baby like you and has a family. These insensitive thoughts and words are everywhere, even here on CC I've seen it. But what others said it's up to us how were going to allow it to effect us. I know it's not easy but think of all the wonderful positive things in your life in comparison to those hurtful words and try to let them go.

Hugs.

How absolutely vile! These people are not friends, and losing them would be a good start to getting rid of what you don't need!

As for why people are mean, its usually because it makes them feel better about themselves. Those who are mean to others usually don't like themselves very much.

That said, I've been in your shoes so many times, girl..hugs to you. I'm sure you know of a lot of things you *need* to do, but here's my one advice-

Be good to yourself. You are not a panda, and you are not lazy. You're raising a 9 year old, for Pete's sake! From what I can tell from the tiny profile pic, you are gorgeous! Give yourself credit for all the good things, and work on losing weight for your health, your beauty, and because you want and deserve it. Good luck!

Original Post by googlycakes:

 I wish I could just lose the damn weight and be done with it. 

Just do so. It's possible to lose and then maintain by keeping a healthy lifestyle. I have never been insulted while being overweight, I noticed that most ppl reject obesity, but being somewhat fat or out of shape is not an issue. Strange.

Thank you all for the words of encouragement and motivation.  I really do appreciate it.  One day at a time right!?!?

I agree with everyone in that, these people are not acting like friends should.

Something positive though is you have a pretty face! Hehe, take it from someone who is fat AND ugly, enjoy the compliment, however backwards it is and forget the rest :)

I think most of us have been in the same sort of situation, being called fat in some way. I know I have. You have to let it make you stronger! Even when its coming from friends or family, dont let it get to you too much. Sometimes people suck. We may be over-weight, but we arent jerks.

Are your friends' new friends in middle school? If someone over 21 yrs old is talking and acting like this, I think they have a serious problem. It just sounds so incredibly immature. I think I'd be infuriated but since I didn't have it happen to me (too big for a panda, maybe more of a polar bear), I just find it sad for them. So you're pretty and you're fat, that sounds fine. But the whole Panda mascot part is clearly denigrating, like they're trying to take away your humanity or identity. What combination would be acceptable for someone to just be a regular person? 'Fat and ugly' or 'skinny and pretty' or 'skinny and ugly' or 'skinny and fat'?

Anyway, it sounds like they either had something against you or that they were naturally a group of people who kill housepets for fun. If it wasn't your weight, they probably would have found something else to make you uncomfortable.

Or maybe the twist to the story is that they thought they were all fat and you were the prettiest one there?

You tell these people that you have no room for people like them in your life.

A hard lesson that I learned early on is to not waste time with people who make you feel bad about yourself. This is hard enough without the negative energy that comes from other people. 

You deserve better.

Hey, at least you have an adorable face. Try being fat AND ugly. Being called a panda would be a compliment for me. :(

Anyway, cut them out of your life pronto. Surrounding yourself with people like this will sabotage you emotionally, and you'll have a harder time breaking the cycle of "lose the weight, then gain it right back". I cut two very shallow people out of my life late last year, and suddenly I was motivated to lose ALL the weight I had been trying to lose for a couple years. Just like that. A very positive change for me.

Original Post by yummy_kitty:

Hey, at least you have an adorable face. Try being fat AND ugly. Being called a panda would be a compliment for me. :(

 

You're 110 pounds. Kindly shut up.

Original Post by jannid:

Original Post by majorpayne05:
You can't control what these idiots say, but you can control how it affects you.

This.

 Wow.  I like.  That is stronggg!  Reminds me of this quote by Eleanor Roosevelt:

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Original Post by jackattack07:

Original Post by yummy_kitty:

Hey, at least you have an adorable face. Try being fat AND ugly. Being called a panda would be a compliment for me. :(

 

You're 110 pounds. Kindly shut up.

I didn't used to be. Thanks.

This thread is about GOOGLYcakes -- not yummy_kitty or jackattack07. 

YK -- you are are not ugly, your comment sounds like you are trolling for compliments, regardless of whether that was the intent. 

JA -- there is no requirement to respond to any post, regardless of how visceral the desire is.

For all:

Please -- when you respond to a thread, try to respond to the OP's thread, not something that is veering off-topic.  If you can't say something constructive (I understand that constructive is not always "nice"), then please refrain from commenting.

Personal attacks on the OP, respondents, comments, opinions, etc are NOT constructive.  I understand, sometimes that is very hard to do -- I often end up deleting responses without sending.... try.

I was responding to the OP. And I wasn't trolling for compliments! I was trying to tell her that having a cute face is a far better virtue than being skinny based on my own ideals. Because if you're kind of ugly, then no matter how much weight you lose, you are still screwed.

But she's adorable at any weight.

I think her friends are rude as hell (and I gave her advice about them). I fail to see why I'm suddenly the devil.

Thats mean. I dont think they raelize what they're doing, and If they do, then they're not friends anymore.

Atleast you have a cute face, better than Ugly and fat

Original Post by yummy_kitty:

I was responding to the OP. And I wasn't trolling for compliments! I was trying to tell her that having a cute face is a far better virtue than being skinny based on my own ideals. Because if you're kind of ugly, then no matter how much weight you lose, you are still screwed.

But she's adorable at any weight.

I think her friends are rude as hell (and I gave her advice about them). I fail to see why I'm suddenly the devil.

Patience is a virtue, the ability to not judge somebody based on whether or not they have a "cute" face or any other physical attribute is a virtue.  Physical cuteness is merely an accident of birth, not a virture.  The sweetest, most loved person I have ever met in my 63 years was very overweight, had stringy (but clean) hair and a glass eye.  She was physically very unattractive.  She would also give you the shirt off her back, though she was very poor.  She always had a kind word for everyone.  She wasn't screwed; she was absolutely loved by everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, who knew her.  Being cute or adorable doesn't, as a rule, last forever; a kind heart does.  Please forgive me, if I sound "preachy," but I guess I was just put off a little by your "cute face" comment.  We all have a right to our own "ideals."