calling out to women 50+

I'd like to start this thread specifically for women who are 50 or over.

As a 53 year-old woman, myself, I am finding new challenges, unexpected difficulties and wonderful insights on my path to getting to and maintaining my health, weight and body shape.

What seemed to work for me as little as five years ago doesn't work quite the same anymore. My body doesn't seem to respond to what I consider healthy eating habits and good workout schedules as it even in my middle to late 40s'.

SO, I am would to hear from those out there who are finding themselves in situations. OR NOT, maybe you can enlighten the rest of us as to how you keep your shape, or how you're getting into better shape and a healthier overall lifestyle.

Hopefully this will be the start of something wonderful, educational, funny-offer up jokes anecdotes, whatever!

LET'S GET STARTED!

One - I think I would try to negotiate a deal with Kieran. Tell him that you would be really proud of him if he would just give it a good old college try for 2 weeks, and if he still feels unhappy and dissatisfied and is absolutely convinced he cannot abide it one moment longer, at the end of the period, he is free to leave, no grudges. I hope your man would understand that and not be angry. Perhaps Kieran could try to make amends to your guy by doing something really nice for him as a thank you, or even just write a note?

When he was a teenager, my son took a job once that his sister stuck her neck way out to get him and after a week he packed it in without notice. She was pretty mortified because she worked at the same place in another department. But after listening closely to his description of what he was required to do with the ancient machinery etc, I could not have imagined staying there either. Asking him to stick it out for 2 weeks and give proper notice is what I would have advised him to do had he asked me first. 

That being said, this is possibly truer - "I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it." - Harry S. Truman

My older daughter got my younger daughter a job at the company she worked at.  I don't think the younger daughter really wanted to work, but her husband insisted.  In any case, she didn't do well and it led to a fair amount of tension between them with younger daughter getting no sympathy from anyone in the family.  Everyone thought she was acting like a spoiled brat.  It has blown over now.  Kids somethimes take a while to grow up.

After that incident, I am firmer with my stepdaughter.  (If I raise enough daughters, I will eventually get it right)  I tell her that if the job were fun, they wouldn't have to pay someone to do it.  I make it very clear that I expect her to stick with it and do good work while she is on the clock.  She doesn't have to like it, but she does have to work.  I also tell her that if her boss wants her to wipe the counters while standing on one foot and whistling Yankee Doodle, she will do that, because she is being paid to do what she is told.  Kids seem to think that work is like home and they can get away with the same stuff with their boss as they do with their parents.  You need to clear that one up in a hurry.

In any case, talk with the boyfriend and remind him that Kieran might still have some growing up to do.  And that might include getting fired from or quitting a few jobs until he realizes what he is doing wrong.  Also, cut Kieran off as far as spending money goes.  He won't value a job if he can get anything he really wants by asking you.  Being stranded at home with no gas money can do wonders for a work ethic.

Robbie:  Yeah, if people are noticing that you lost weight, they you must have looked fatter before, but you knew that, didn't you?  I am sure he meant it as a compliment.  I am always happy when people comment on my weight loss (and I have been getting a lot of them).  But I have lost quite a bit and there is no doubt that I was fat looking before.  I still have quite a ways to go.

Diane:  Welcome and very pretty jewlery.

Wow, so many comments.

Robbie - you're lucky you're allowed to use your sprinklers even though your bills are costing you a small ransom.  Because of the drought, we are only allowed to use hand held hoses for a max of 25 mins a day, 3x a week, between midnight and 10am.  Yeah right, and I'm up at midnight!  Sure, sure, sure.  And what with doing time on the treadmill in the morning, eating breakfast, taking a shower, washing and drying hair, smoothing on the spackle (makeup) and getting dressed for work, and leaving by 7:15am when am I meant to find the time to water ... rant over!  

Oh, and congrats on the weight loss and comments from the others at work.  Obviously your weight loss is showing to other people, even if it doesn't seem obvious to you. 

Dianec - welcome.  This is a great forum and you'll grow to really like and enjoy the people here.  They're really interesting and supporting of each other and its not just with counting calories or weight loss, its all round!  You, me and Robbie are about the same height but Robbie is doing so much better than I with the weight loss.  I'm about the same weight as you 157 so now I have someone to really compete with!  Just kidding.

Bon and Ohio - I went off most coffee a few years ago.  Found that I was getting a really furry tongue and nasty after taste.  Went onto either iced tea or hot tea with milk (like the Brits - well I am a New Zealander!) or herb teas.  There are some great herb teas around these days and the real bonus is, most of them have no calories.   I generally don't get the snoozies in the afternoon - only get them if I eat too much at lunch and that's only when I go out with the others here at work and end up at the Chinese buffet down the road.  Its only $6.94 for all you can eat and there are so many choices - I've been half a dozen times and still haven't tried everything!  And I LOVE chinese.  Haven't been in a while though - probably 3 months or more.

Bex - I'm really jealous of your 2 lb weight loss - this plateau of mine is driving me nuts!

Snow - Impressive all the walking you're doing - you're going to be a sylph in no time at all.  You're also the same height as both Dianec and I are but you've gotten down past my (first) goal which is 140.  Darn, I used to be 135 not so many years ago, but with giving up smoking, going past the dreaded 50 and also menopause, I went up to 165.  Down to 157 as of today but not fast enough for me.

Southern/Beth - OK if I call you Beth?  Congrats on your weight loss.  Your pics look awesome and you don't look anywhere near the weight you say you are.

One - rest assured that noone on this forum is going to judge you.  Its good that you feel comfortable enough with everyone here to even admit that.  As for your son, its difficult to give an opinion without knowing more about Kieren.  I think you have to find out more about the job and what he hates about it.  However I will say that wanting to quit after one day is just a tad fast! 

Makes me think a bit about my daughter Kat.  She originally came to the US with me and my middle son Chris (eldest son Nick stayed in Perth, Western Australia to go to University and lived with my former husband).   Kat decided to go back to live with her father when she was 15 because she felt that Rog and I were too strict on her (and thats another story altogether - think living online and having inappropriate relationship with someone 12 years older than her when she was 14).  Anyway, Kat was in gifted both in Perth before we came here and also here.  So what did she do in Perth?  Decided she didn't like people telling her what to do and dropped out of High School with less than 4 months to graduation.  Now how idiotic is that!  There was nothing I could do from here and her father was less than useless in trying to persuade her to stay and at least finish High School.  But getting to the point - she has not really looked very hard for work over there but has still managed to get fired from one McDonalds and left another branch, before getting fired.  Doesn't like being told what to do.  She's just holding out until she is 20 when she will receive an inheritance that my mother left to each of my kids.  (another long story - maybe one day I'll tell you all about it).  Believe me, had she been over here she wouldn't be sitting on her thumbs and doing nothing.  He father does nothing useful to help the situation either and works away so much that he doesn't know what she's up to most of the time. 

That probably didn't help in your situation but I enjoyed the vent!  I'll ponder some more on your situation and maybe post again.

Does anyone know where Helene has gone?  She was moving wasn't she and also was going to be making a trip to Switzerland and also here to visit a friend.  Maybe she hasn't got access to the internet (though I find that hard to believe).  She was such an interesting person.  Hope she comes back!

OK, thats me for today.  Take care everyone.

Joanna

Original Post by robbie615:
Please don't take responsibility for his decision once you've given him your best and honest appraisal of his situation.

 

I like the way Robbie said that and I agree 100%. Give him your best advice and then let it go and let him live with the consequences of his own decision.

IMO, enabling him is also something you need to be careful about.  IMO, if your son is old enough to work, he is too old to have everything provided for him free of charge. The best way to learn to appreciate having any job is to know that a job pays the bills and puts food on the table. I'm not necessarily saying you should kick him out on the street but I do recommend you consider not paying for anything except his room and board. And depending on his age, I would even consider giving him a limit as to how long you are willing to do that. I say this for your own good but I also honestly believe it is in his best interest.

I have a brother-in-law who still mooches off his mom and he's 40 years old! That is truly sad to me. If she had taken a tougher stance with him long ago he might be a much better person today than he is. But even if he hadn't turned out more mature, at least she wouldn't still be caring for him in her old age when he's the one who should be caring for her.

The other thing I would recommend is that you not get in the middle of your son's relationship with your boyfriend. Let them work that out how ever they are going to. Easier said than done, I know. But that is usually the best thing to do in such circumstances. Again... IMO.

Don't be too discouraged. It's just growing up and growing up isn't always easy. If we try to make it easy for them, we risk slowing down the process or stunting their growth all together.

{{hugs}} Beth

Thank you all for you help, opinions and suggestions.     &nb sp;               &nb sp;               &nb sp;               &nb sp;  I did tell him no one person can tell what a job is like on the 2nd day.  And it is totally natural to feel what he is feeling and that, that feeling might go away in a matter or minutes or hours.  I kept telling him via msn and facebook that he needs to keep  his eye on the prize-that being payday!  When we 'talked' a bit later he was saying how quickly the day was going!  As for my boyfriend, he would take it very personally if Kieran were to quit at this point.  NOW, that is not my main concern.  Kieran is, and always will be.  However, I do think Kieran needs to work through the $hitty stuff in life.  I believe it will help in the long run. 

I gotta run, I'll get back to you ladies later

ciao4now

southern,  LOL  i can't believe you actually walked with the hurricane!  that's awesome!!!  thank god that scale is moving again too.  :D

one, are you kidding me?!  yeah, they all hate their jobs.  that sucks though.  i sure hope he can learn to like that job, or at least just stay there & work for a bit.  i don't think you can make him keep the job, but maybe you can at least make him try it longer.  :D

it looks like you got some pretty awesome advice!

joanna, i go to a chinese buffet often & other buffets too.  i'm trying really hard right now to at least hit 137 before i do anything like that.  i can't even remember the last time i was under 190.  it's been forever!  LOL  i walked 6 miles today so far.  i might just exercise now & use my weights.  i haven't decided yet.  if hubby starts eating again, i'll probably hop on the treadmill!!!

One - I totally agree with Southern - Rog and I tried to tell my ex that he needed to insist Kat get a job and stick with it and not allow her to freeload all the time.  Fat lot of good that did.  He's too worried she'll leave home and he won't know where she is if he puts his foot down!  Hopefully your son will give the job a chance.  Just his comment that the day was going fast was a good sign.  If you really hate what you're doing, the day drags big time!

Snow - you continue to amaze me with all your walking - good on you.  I also came home tonight and walked very briskly on my treadmill for an hour.  I feel good!  Wish I could be as strong as you denying myself some of my favorite things.  By the end of a week, when I've been absolutely wonderful Monday through Friday, I invariably blow my diet with wine over the weekend.  Lets see if I can be strong when i go to the store on Friday night to buy the makings for my next weeks lunches (I make all my lunches on Sunday night so I don't have to mess with it in the mornings) .... Avert eyes from the wine aisle!  Maybe I should select a target weight that I have to get to before I'm allowed to buy any more wine.  I'll ponder that one - sounds like a good scheme. 

Don't know how you guys walk for miles outside.  The humidity here is astronomical and on top of that we're in the mid nineties and you just feel like a wrung out rag just walking to and from your car if its outside.

Speaking of cars, mine decided to die on Monday night outside the Y.  Came out after doing my workout and the battery was absolutely dead.  Rog teaches late (10:30pm or later) on Mondays so I had to leave the car there overnight and phone my father-in-law to rescue me.  Rog took me to work Tuesday morning then went to the Y to put in new battery.  BUT, driving home after work last night, the car died every time I got down to low revs - that was a fun trip home!  She (my car) went to the car hospital today and we've found that not only does she need a new part for the coolant thing, but also there's an oil seal leak, radiator overflow bottle leak, leaky master cylinder, worn out break pads and a broken AIE (air flow control motor).  That about covers it ... so, tomorrow I'll be close to $1,000 poorer.  Oh, she's a 1994 V8 Black Mustang called the Black Beast!  *sigh*  I think I'll be working until I'm 100!

Talk to y'all tomorrow.

Joanna

Oh cars!  You are either making payments on them or paying the mechanic to keep them running.  They are an endless money sink.  I wish I worked close enough to my home to walk or ride a bike.

My heart goes out to you Joanna in regards to your daughter.  It is hard to see so much potential come to nothing.  I agree that your ex should make her learn some responsibility, but he is right about the risk.  He will have to do is sometime though.  Some kids just don't want to grow up on their own.

I REALLY wanted to walk again today and it's been raining all day because of Dolly. Well, I walked this morning in the rain and that was fun. But it wasn't as windy then but the storm has picked up quite a bit since then.

For those of you who aren't familiar with how hurricanes do, they come in "waves" except right near the center of the storm where it is really bad. Well, here where I live, we only got the outer part of this hurricane and only tropical storm force winds and rain (and one small tornado reported, too).

I assumed Larry would not want to walk in the storm, so I asked to go to the mall. But he surprised me and said, "It's not raining right now. Why don't we just go walking at the park." Right when we started out the door another squall came. So we waited that one out and then went.

When we got to the bay front another squall had hit and the wind was REALLY blowing strong. It was a cross wind but we were walking slightly into it, too. It was crazy.  The local news said the winds in that area at that time were steady at 47 mph. I believe it. And, I LOVED it! It was very invigorating. It was only raining a little bit at first.

As we rounded the park and got down by the water it got really fun. The storm surge had brought the water way up and it was splashing on the walkway around the park. The bay was really choppy and muddy. I saw one poor king fisher bird huddled on the ground. He had obviously gotten wet in the surf.

Lots of people were at the park enjoying the storm. We were probably the only ones actually exercising though. We even brought our weights. But walking into that wind was a real workout. Someone teased us about "power walking."

As we got near the end of our route the rains started coming really heavy and it really hurt hitting our backs. Fortunately the wind was behind us and were actually pushing us up the hill we were going up.

I got home and surprisingly I wasn't the least bit tired. I had so much fun. I know I'm crazy but I LOVE storms. My dad used to take me in them when I was a kid. Of course we stay in where it's safe when they are really strong or if it is lightening.

I took two more pictures. Unfortunately, I didn't realize that my cell phone camera was set on the lowest resolution. And I didn't want to get my phone wet so I only took two and then put it back in my pocket to keep it dry. The pictures are in my last journal entry if you want to see them.

I wonder how you log walking for 45 minutes in 47 mph winds?

~ Beth

Carol and Robbie - awesome that people are commenting on your shrinking size! I have lost 23 pounds and nobody has said a word. It's been trickling in over 4 months though so I guess the people I see regularly have forgotten what I used to look like, and the people I don't see often are all suffering from Alzheimer's presumably. Here's a good Alzheimer's joke: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040 there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them. Cracks me up, but then I am pretty cracked.

Beth - you are crazy, crazy! But fantastic at the same time! I could literally feel the thrill you get from walking in the storm through your writing. Loved the pics. That's some wild weather. I am looking for a new place to walk as all of my old haunts were Harry treks at the off-leash parks near where I live. For now I've just been traipsing through the surrounding neighborhoods but I will probably start taking the path around the reservoir next week provided the bikers are not too plentiful. Had an interesting run-in with a stranger on my walk today. Like you, I snapped a pic with my cell phone. Check him out. He's in the gallery. And yes, I live in the city. This is truly the wild west.

Joanne - sorry to hear about the Black Beast. She sounds like a real ripper though. I like some guts under the pedal myself. It's costing a hundred bucks to fill my Jeep's tank these days. Gross. Thanks, Canadian government. Hope you find the willpower to stay away from the vino. But if the temptation is too great, just buy a half bottle and savor every drop. I always liked this little saying..."Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body but rather to skid in sideways, champagne in one hand, chocolate cake in the other, body thoroughly used up, worn out, and yelling WOO HOO! what a ride!".

Probably not the best thing to say around here when we are all trying to eat and live healthy, but I just love the visual on that one.

Take care all - Bex

Bex: Nice quote from Harry Truman

Carol: What I admire most about you is a trait I don't share: you don't say anything unless you have something to say, but when you do, it's always worth hearing.

Joanna: We had a drought like yours (complete with massive fires) five years ago. You have my sympathy. And the only reason I'm doing "better" than you is because I started a year ago.

Felt great empathy with the story about your daughter. I always tell people that while my friends' kids are winning the Nobel in their spare time, my son just got off probation. It's good to know we all have flaws. And, having had my oldest turn the corner toward maturity at 23 (my sister was 38 before she got there), I can tell you that Kat will come around. It's so hard to watch them fall down though, isn't it.

I can't believe you have a Mustang. When I moved to Colorado, I had a five liter Mustang convertible. I assure you, it' was the worst snow car ever. Got rid of it and still drive my 1999 all wheel drive Subaru.

Beth: I don't want to scare you, but you think a lot like me, especially in the parenting arena. Now, I'm not so sure I'd be as brave as you traipsing around in a storm--but my Hurricane Andrew experience soured me on hurricanes! I think you log that as high impact aerobics!

Snow: I'm sure 137 is less than a week away for you. All that work is bound to pay off.

I bought a wedding "officiating" dress at a local shop--for $44. What a deal. It's very simple, but cool and comfortable. And, Carol, you're right, it's hard to look official and comfortable, but I think it came pretty close. I'll post a pic of it with the accessories I bought (also, very cheap). The only part that was expensive was the bra to get support to wear under, since it's a little low cut. Turns out, even though the dress is a smaller size than I've been buying, the bra is bigger. Go figure!

Original Post by rebbex:

Carol and Robbie - awesome that people are commenting on your shrinking size! I have lost 23 pounds and nobody has said a word. It's been trickling in over 4 months though so I guess the people I see regularly have forgotten what I used to look like, and the people I don't see often are all suffering from Alzheimer's presumably. Here's a good Alzheimer's joke: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040 there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them. Cracks me up, but then I am pretty cracked.

You are too funny.

joanna, thanks!  i still amaze myself!  lol  i don't know who this person is anymore.  i am even more determined than ever now.  i'm only 3 pounds away from my goal.  yep!  i hit 137 today!!!  :D  this is way too cool...  i walked 8 miles yesterday, exercised & used my weights.  that's a whole 3 days in a row for exercising & using my weights.  LOL

good grief!  you drink too?!  i drink way too much, but still have lost 81 pounds.  that's 37% of my starting weight.  :D  i've done that!  set a target weight for when i can drink.  lol  that sucks about your car.  that's alot of money.   :(

southern, you are the inspiration here!  lol  walking twice in a hurricane...  and you even brought your weights?  i dunno.  i probably would've done that too when i first started.  i dunno about now though.  i probably would've ate instead.  it sounds like you had alot of fun though!  you sound like a kid, playing in the rain.  :D

reb, nobody said anything to me about my weight loss either, until i lost almost 45 pounds.  LOL  you took a pic of a stranger while you were walking?!  that's too funny...

robbie, congrats on buying that dress!  it must be a relief to have that done.  :D  my bra size keeps going down...  oh well, i'm almost done now anyway.  3 more pounds...  ok, 136!  look out 'cause here i come!!!  there's no holding me back!!!  well, at least for today.  one day at a time...  one day at a time...

i am soooooo freakin' happy!

Thank you so much for the welcome and kind words! I do a gradual increase with the calories and exercise, it worked really well before but I AM older now! I will have to see that I get the metabolism going.

Good morning ladies,

Bex - Is that a deer? Awesome! It looks like just walking around your neighborhood is very interesting.

But I bet if you go ahead and walk your "old haunts" it won't be that bad. Just do it in honor of Harry and think about the happy times with him. That could be a good thing, ya know.

Robbie - I didn't know you were a Hurricane Andrew survivor. I'm sorry to hear that you went through that. A bad hurricane can be tragic. I really do respect hurricanes and I hope I didn't come across as if I don't have respect for them. My father was a survivor of the 1919 storm that wiped out our city and killed 247 people in our area alone. He was only 5 years old but he remembered it vividly. Fortunately, he lost no one in his family but they did loose many friends. My father's family all survived by walking to the the county court house for shelter. They had to tie a rope around my dad's waist to keep him from going under water. Their home was demolished and their family displaced for a year while it was rebuilt by the Red Cross.

Hey, I like your dress. But I'm disappointed! What's the idea of posting a picture of the outfit without you in it???

Snow - I like your new picture. You look great! That tummy is definitely disappearing. You're doing great!

Ohio - I say count those 8 lbs when you loose them! Why not? If you loose them, you should give yourself credit for losing them. The important thing is going in the right direction. Don't beat yourself up about slipping up. We've all done that!  Just get right back up and start all over again if you have to. I've lost 20 lbs as of today and I am just now passing the point where I last fell off the wagon. I am definitely celebrating the fact that I've lost 20 lbs. I say keep your thinking positive. It will help you a lot.

It sounds like you got a great work out on the golf course. That must be fun. I wish I had some sport that I knew to do. I envy you about that.

diannec - When a woman doesn't eat at least 1200 calories a day, it causes her metabolism to slow down. That's because even someone in a coma needs 1200 calories a day. Eating too few calories will actually slow down your metabolism quicker than anything else, including aging. What this means is you will gain weight when you increase your calorie intake even if the increase is only to 1200. That's because your body has gone into starvation mode if you have consumed less than 1200 a day for very long. The only way you can get out of starvation mode is by increasing your calorie intake to a healthy amount and sticking it out - giving your metabolism time to heal.

In other words, you will gain weight at first but then it will start coming down. There are many testimonies on this website from people who have had to do this in order to correct their metabolism. I can't remember how long it takes but I'm thinking it isn't real long. But I'm sure it can be frightening to see the scale going up first. But if you aren't eating enough and you increase your exercise only, you will not correct your metabolism. In fact, you will only make it worse.

Hope this information is helpful. I'm probably not as good at explaining it as some people are. So maybe some additional reading on the subject is a good idea. I wish you only the best.

Have a great day everyone,

Beth

hi ladies,  YA, Kieran woke up this morning with one of his 'tummy aches' and went in late for work!  Already.  This behaviour has got to stop.  IF I keep letting him get away with this, he'll never grow up and grow and pair of balls-if you know what I mean.

I am going to tell Kieran he has to finish this job to the end of the summer and he has to do his community hours.  I am prepared to offer him the choice of doing that or finding somewhere else to live.  He's blaming me for not wanting to work because I am not working.

I have to do this TOUGH LOVE.  If I don't do this now who knows what will eventually happen to him  He's already got into legal trouble.  I have been enabling him all along, thinking I was being kind and understanding to his issues because his father f**ked him up so much.   It's not working.

I hate to do this.  I am asking, praying for the help from my HIGHER POWER.  With Him I can do it and I need to keep saying that to myself. 

A few people have told me, in the recent past to GIVE KIERAN THE CHOICE, YES IT IS HIS CHOICE.  I am not kicking him out.  It is HIS CHOICE TO STICK WITH THIS JOB-GET THERE ON TIME, LIKE ANY ADULT, or find new lodgings.  Sounds mean and all that, and it is so against my grain.  But my grain has not been working so IT IS time for change.  FROM ALL YOU LADIES, I ASK, I PRAY FROM You all to pray and hope for my son, Kieran, and myself.  Please!

I'm off to the gym to, hopefully, get some kind of grounded in all of this.

Good for you, One! Tough Love is tough but it is also the kind of LOVE your son needs right now! It is his choice. The consequences are also his. So give him the choice and then let him have the consequences of the choice he makes. That is good parenting in my book! And YES, I am praying for you and Kieran even now and will continue to remember you both throughout today. God Bless you, Beth

He'll be working on the computer-how perfect is that-on excel and Adobe Photoshop. He really doesn't have much experience on either, however whatever he did at his interview got him the job.

One - is Kieran in over his head, knows he can't actually do the job and is looking for a way out before people find out? Usually people themselves are the first to know when they can't perform. They don't have to wait to be told by the boss. 18 is still so young. He's a baby. It takes boys quite a while longer than that to grow up. I speak from experience. Try not to be too hard on him. He's maybe just scared of failing.

Keep the faith - Bex