I can't believe I did this...

So. First off, I hadn't been doing that great as far as eating under my limit despite my efforts for the past 2 days or so (though I've still been pretty active), but today was the worst...

The first part of the day I had some essential 10 cereal and skim milk (around 400 cals worth)

For lunch I had a better 'n peanut butter sandwich with some nonfat yogurt and blueberries and half a banana and some honest tea (around 450)

Then before I left work I had some cheetos (150)

After my workout I had a 200 cal-ish protein smoothie

This left me with around about 300 calories left for dinner.

Meanwhile, I'm a nanny these days so this morning I took the toddler for a walk in the stroller for about an hour, then after work I went to the gym, where I did about a 15 minute warm up run, about 45 minutes of weight training, and then 35 minutes of running.

So I came home feeling pretty good about myself for the day and had every intention of having some fish and veggies with a piece of fruit for dessert but ended up having like half a jar of that Peanut Butter & Co. peanut butter/dark chocolate fusion stuff with some yogurt and protein powder which ended up being roughly 1500 calories.

Total for the day being around 2800 calories and so I ended up forcing myself to throw up.

I can't believe that I did that and I feel horrible. This is probably even only gonna make me fatter anyway because no matter what it's still a crapload of calories plus people who make themselves throw up are all bloated and it's not like I ever want to do it again but I don't know what to do because I feel like my weight hasn't gone anywhere and I've tried everything as far as eating more, eating less, exercising more, less, weight training, not weight training. And for most of the time the type of food that I eat is really really healthy so I just can't figure out where I'm going wrong and for me to do this to myself just exacerbates the whole thing. Help me please.

It sounds like you end up binging when you don't have other things on your mind. So what if you try having something set to do... like a craft, or writting a story or poem. I knwo that helps me.

As for the purging... you know its not healthy... in face, it is quite dangerous. every time you purge you mess up the electrolites in your body. This is often the cause of death in bulimics. (elcetrolite inbalence= heart faliure) So please don't do that to yourself.

But realize this... today is a new day. You are given this day because you are strong enough to live it. Have fun and enjoy. Make strong choices each day, to make for a better day one by one. you can get through this... it will just take some time and lots of hard work.

All the best! Caroline

I find it very difficult to distract myself. I've got alot of free time and it's really easy to eat since I'm constantly thinking about food/weight loss. Actually one of the few things that keep me from munching is this website/the internet in general because I spend alot of my time just online reading weight loss tips/advice and fitness articles. I'm kind of obsessed with nutrition which is ironic since I just binged on crap. I'm just really distressed right now and I just want to be able to be happy and comfortable with myself and I feel like I'm dragging myself further and further away from my goals. I want to cry.

Please don't be so harsh on yourself, hun! If you are having trouble binging, I suggest that you just try to maintain your weight rather than lose. Get into the habit of a healthy, stable diet that keeps you satisfied all day. Once you overcome binging and are comfortable with your diet, then you can slowly start to cut calories.

I think part of the cause of your binging is due to the foods you eat. Your earliest meals and snacks should be rich in protein and fiber. Breakfast cereals are often processed, sugary, and not high in protein. Try lean meats, eggs, lentils or beans, oatmeal, protein smoothies, etc. Protein helps you to keep full.

Also, try protein-rich snacks or mini-meals such as salads with beans and chopped egg, cottage cheese with fruit or veggies, cheese and fruit, peanut butter on whole wheat bread, etc.

If peanut butter continues to be a problem, you may have to stop buying it until you can control yourself around it. To get your healthy fats, continue to eat fish. Also, try nuts, avocado, seeds, and olive oil to boost your fat intake. If you have any more questions, feel free to message me. Good luck. :)

I usually do eat pretty high protein breakfasts... Most days I'll either have 2 eggs (if I know I'll be having a larger meal later in the day I'll have egg beaters instead) and a piece of toast (no butter) or some lowfat yogurt with whey protein and muesli.. it's not very often that I'll have cereal.

My lunch is usually a veggie dense salad with some shrimp or edamame and then if I'm feeling lazy or have to take my lunch somewhere I'll make a peanut butter sandwich.

And Dinner is usually fish and veggies.

I also snack on fruit throughout the day and if my allotment allows I'll have a 100 calorie pack. If I workout over an hour I'll have a protein smoothie afterwards.

I really don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong as far as that goes. I really think my biggest problem is more of a mental issue. I think if I could manage to look at food in a different way and concentrate on just living my life and enjoying it I might have better luck but I've tried to do that before and it doesn't work for me. I don't know how. Oh, and I don't usually binge like that.. normally if I eat over my allotment it usually just ends up being more like maintenance than for weight loss which still messes up my progress but eating as many calories as last night rarely happens.

- def get a hobbie or some kind of focus for yourself in the evenings/night

- try to work the foods you like to overeat into your daily calorie plan by planning in advance using the calorie counter thing

- i think a lot of losing weight has to do with needing a certain mindset. for me--i tried to do this so many times, but it's like i was setting myself up for failure. i didn't have the strength, will-power, or proper support team to really be *good* at what i was trying to do. then finally one day it snapped and all the sudden my focus is on point. let's just say this...i gained a ton in college, have been trying to lose since ~2002...it's 2008 and i'm finally "ready" (despite trying for years..). anyway, be easy on yourself...and help yourself get into the proper mindset of why you want to lose weight and your actions will follow. i think if it's just for looks, it might not be the best motivator.

well as of last night, I've come out to my parents about my obsession with food/weight.. I really want to try to undo my entire mindset of the past year and get calories out of my mind. I want to think about food like a normal person. Deep down I know, I know, that diets don't work. I need to stop depriving myself of the foods I enjoy and stop being completely focused on all things healthy and natural. There are plenty of people in the world who eat what they want, work out, and live a healthy lifestyle, even if that means having something to drink instead of water, or having some sort of protein that isn't fish or protein powder. The problem is that saying and doing isn't the same thing. Part of me thinks I need to go back on antidepressants and see a therapist again, but I don't know. I've got problems.