I can't forget his insult - can you advise?

I am a fat girl. I admit. but I know that I have a big heart with warm feelings for all people around me.  now I am 32. I met a guy through a friend, being shy didn't help me to tell him during our first phone call that I am fat.

after a few phone calls, he asked me about my weight ...I told him I am heavy without revealing any number. ( 219 pounds) 5.3

He said that now he knows why I am 32 and not married ...that is because no guy would like me because I am old and fat

After that conversation, I left the guy even after his apology and phone calls. He tried to reach out to me several times with no luck.

I have started a diet and lost 11 pounds in 4 weeks..

I will not look back... ever.. but

I am sad and can't forget .. maybe can't forgive...

I think because I know he was right ..  many guys refused me but peacfully without any insult or hurt.

I don't know some friends told me that it was not right to run away after the first fight. I should have offered him a chance to discuss it together... Am I right or wrong?

I think maybe you're better off... If he can't see that weight is nothing but a number that has nothing to do with your personality, then you don't need him...

personally, I'd view it as a sign of how he treats people in general

some may call it blunt - some may call it unkind

but I wouldn't want to date someone who had so little tact, regardless of what he was talking about...

I'd forget about him.  There are too many men in this world to put up with that behavior...  And men have various tastes and preferences just like we do.  You CAN find someone who will treat you with respect at any weight.  You really can. Don't lower your standards.

*stands with dgny to back her up*

I don't think he was right. Plenty of people find husbands/wives/partners when they are overweight. He should never had said something so hurtful or mean to you.

You deserve someone who will love you for you. If he is not initially attracted to you because of your weight, he is not right for you. If he says to your face such horrible things, I'm not sure he is right for anyone at this point. He needs to grow up.

Congratulations on the weight loss. That is great. I am really happy for you. Do this for you, not for anyone else. Do it to be healthier, to look better, or to feel better, but whatever your reason is make it about you.

My opinion, let him go and make you happy!

What a dick.

I agree with nomo. This isn't about you and your wieght. This is about this guy and his... whatever.. worldview, insecurities, whatever.

If you're going to lose weight, lose it for YOU because YOU want to lose it. Not because some jerk insulted you.

I agree with the above.  Really, the dude is seriously wacked if he even said that.  Thats not a good first impression aand he should know that.  You had every right to cut off contact, in fact, I think you did an excellent job not tearing his face off.  :) 

Just remember, not all guys are like that.  Don't be afraid to explore all the possibilities and don't shy away from stuff just because of numbers.  There are always going to be bad people but the good people will outweigh them (says me in my optimistic ways). 

take care  

One comment and one comment only:

*YOU* are not a fat girl. You are more than the sum of your parts. You are DG.

The weight is just something temporary. It does not define you.

Right on cmillington!!!

Demand you be treated with dignity.  Your weight does not necessitate cruelty.  Compassion is not selective. 

Do what you need to do for your own health and wellbeing. 

His comments say reams about him and his prejudices.  Forgive?  Absolutely.  Go back and date him, no way.

Oh My Gosh - You are so much better off without him. If he says things like that to you when you dating just think of what he will say if you ever got married.

Men like him tick me off....Is he perfect? I think not......

Give me his number I'll call him and get him straightened out!!!!!!!!

Forgot to say .....

CONGRATULATIONS ON THE WEIGHT LOSS!!!!!!

WAY TO GO!!! Keep positive!!!

Hey...dont worry about it...keep your pride and dont talk to him again...

You are doing great! It's really inspirational to hear about how you got throught that...keep it up!!

Everyone's saying it, but it bears repeating!  You are better off finding out about his personality problem now rather than later. 

And believe me, it is HIS problem, not yours.  As for your friends saying that you are "running away" after the first fight with him, I would say, keep running.  If you had gotten in an argument over something insignificant (like sports teams or TV shows or something) and you were ready to call it quits, then maybe you would be overreacting, but what he said is a huge red light.

I am your height and currently weigh 255.  I was maybe 20 pounds lighter when I met my husband, but still a decidedly big girl, horizontally .  Now I am starting out on my weight loss journey, and I'm doing it for myself and my health first and foremost, and I can honestly say I'm glad I met my husband before I lost any weight.  Because I feel like I know that he loves me for who I am inside & out and supports me in every way, not just because I look a certain socially acceptable way. 

So congratulations on your weight loss!  I hope your motivation can start to come from within yourself, and I hope it's not based on one person's ignorant outburst, because that is how you will succeed in becoming the person YOU want to be.  Even though I'm new-ish here, I can tell you that this is a great community, and you will find a lot of people who will believe in you and help you on your weight loss journey.

I think your friends are ABSOLUTLY WRONG! who would encourage a friend to talk to a guy that says that to a person he barely knows. NOT MY FRIENDS!

some people dont relize how much of an ass there are, i remember when i was relocating to GA i was on myspace alot so i looked up some ppl in georgia to try and meet some new ppl not to hook up just some friends show me around this one guy i wrote, all i said is something like hey whats sup im relocating to GA looking for new ppl to chill with, he wrote me back chill with urself fat girl...i was like WHA? basically after i told him what a piece of shyt he was, and that its not like i wanted him, an if he cant chill with someone cause there overweight, its his loss, etc he never wrote again. some ppl only judge u by looks, and being in ur 30's an overweight is not why ur not married... im gonna be 30 this year an im over weight an 85% of the time i never have a problem meeting good looking men, u need to be happy with urself before u can be happy with anyone else, TRUST me im learning that now!

Any man who would say that is a biased jerk. And your friends that told you not to run were totally wrong, believe me men who are rude, or violent do not change no matter how sorry they tell you they are.  I know this to be a fact. I've been  through it. Go on with your life and keep taking care of yourself. The man who accepts you as you are is the one to wait for.  Good Luck

okay, i know i sound like a broken record here (or cd or whatever....) but it's b/c everyone here is RIGHT!!!  YOU are worth more than that!!  If he was to talk to you like this only after a few phone calls, what happens if you date seriously, or married???? 

HE is the that is losing out!!!!  Not you!!!!  Congrats on your weight loss!!!!   

the one thing everyone is not mentioning is, have a talk with him to let him know how hurtful he was. It is obvious that you have left him alone but you have not let go of the hurt.

I would not encourage you to go out with a guy that runs off his mouth like that. The talking is to basically say tactifully what he failed to do to you...treat him with respect...you never know you might rub off on him. Noone has the right to talk to anyone like that and they should know it.

Congrats on your weight lose...keep up the good work

Hello again:

 I am sending a big and warm hug to all of you. Thank you all for taking the time to read my post and respond in such a supportive a nice way. Believe me, I feel much better now. Thank God I really have a great place where I can get excellent support. I am here in a big city alone, I didn't want to call my sister, or my mom because I didn't want to upset them. I kept it all to myself.

akamom2 : you are so sweet to offer calling him to get him straightened out :)  that is so nice of you.

what would you say when you know that he told me  he wanted to meet me to have a look at me, if he didn't like my "size" , he will refer me to one of his friends who doesn't mind "plus size".

anyway, I did pray for him, I asked God to give him peace, and to open his heart for real love.

I have learnt that pain is part of my life and it is important to be more stronger and successful.  I just don't know if I should open my heart " again" to any other opportunities? or just stay away for a while and focus on my weight loss journey?

Don't go away :) I need you all. Please keep in touch with me and write to me so i will update you on my weight loss progress.

Love

Good for you for alling the game early.  Believe it or not, you are lucky he showed his butt this early in your relationship.

That comment wasn't just mean or uncalled for, it was abusive.  Regardless of what the fight or argument was about, making thos kinds of cruel comments meant to tear you down is abuse pure and simple.  Any time someone uses words to try to gain submission, it's bad news.  I don't believe the comment was even a true opinion so much as an insecurity of yours he could exploit to gain control.

You are stronger and safer having called his bluff.

Yay on the weight loss!  Don't worry about the future or finding someone.  When I look at my wedding pictures I cringe at how big and soft I look, but my husband said he almost cried he thought I looked so beautiful.  Wait'll he sees the new and improved me! :)

Keep your chin up and keep getting healthy.  All things happen in their own time and obviously he was not the right person and the right time.

I would just like to say I admire the way you handled it :).  I think you did the absolute right thing by not accepting a toxic person into your life and holding out for waht you really want.  I also find it wonderful that you turned it into something positive in that you are doing the weight loss and getting healthy for you.  

I'm just SO GLAD you didn't look back! Other people would have took it and stuck around. Good for you! You'll lose the weight, so that'll change. Your age won't change, but DAMNIT, you are NOT old. PUH-LEASE. You're a "baby" still. Hell, I am too and I'm 36. That guy was SUCH a LOSER. Anyway, SOME guys WANT big women. 

I feel like I have to post a reply to this one... it hits home in so many ways.  I am 5'4", 126... but used to be about 225.  I worked my a** off to lose the weight about 10 years ago.  A few months ago, I chose to share my past with a guy I was seeing, and his response was to point out overweight people when we were out and ask if I was "that fat".  What a jerk.  Those people lack self-worth and try to find it by putting others down.  Do not let this guy determine any part of your self-worth!!!!!

That said... I will say that when I weighed 225, I got married... lost the weight, felt amazingly better about myself... and realized I'd entered into that relationship thinking "this is the best I can do".  The relationship ultimately did not last.  Don't cheat yourself out of being the best person you can be.  You deserve that.  Keep up the good work!