I can't forget his insult - can you advise?

I am a fat girl. I admit. but I know that I have a big heart with warm feelings for all people around me.  now I am 32. I met a guy through a friend, being shy didn't help me to tell him during our first phone call that I am fat.

after a few phone calls, he asked me about my weight ...I told him I am heavy without revealing any number. ( 219 pounds) 5.3

He said that now he knows why I am 32 and not married ...that is because no guy would like me because I am old and fat

After that conversation, I left the guy even after his apology and phone calls. He tried to reach out to me several times with no luck.

I have started a diet and lost 11 pounds in 4 weeks..

I will not look back... ever.. but

I am sad and can't forget .. maybe can't forgive...

I think because I know he was right ..  many guys refused me but peacfully without any insult or hurt.

I don't know some friends told me that it was not right to run away after the first fight. I should have offered him a chance to discuss it together... Am I right or wrong?

dude what a prick! no need to give him a chance ..whatever he said what he said take it and use it as motivation! do this for u not for anyone else.. ur beautiful and if he couldn't see that then he's a blind jerk!

Ill give you the same advice i gave my daughter when she came home one day from her first job ready to cry because the other girls she worked with were mean to her. She just couldnt understand why someone would be mean to another person for no good reason.

My answer was, "some people are just assholes," and theres nothing you can do about it. There is no rhyme or reason to it, you just have to live life around them.

Just checked that you responded to my post.

I admire your honesty concerning physical appearance.  I'm kind of sick of people who refuse to admit that yes, how we look does play a big part in how we're perceived.  Kind of hard to believe you have to convince people of that, huh?

The question isn't "why should he have a relationship with a fat girl", necessarily.  Yes, overweight women (and people in general) are generally given lower status in our society, like it or not.  I mean, it's not that there's no guy out there who sincerely does love your extra pounds and find them sexy.  Still, it sounds like you really don't want a guy to admire you in that way, and I can respect that.  As for that guy who was interested in you: you didn't find him attractive, so you didn't want to date him, simple as that.  No need to feel guilty, as long as you were civil about it.

Just be glad you have options.  Eventually, you CAN lose the weight and won't have to worry about a guy mentioning it.  I, on the other hand, am given the fun task of learning to accept that I'm unattractive, and can't do a single thing about it other than maybe brainwash myself into thinking being big is somehow attractive. 

Thanks everyone for your kind support. I really enjoy reading all these replies and truly feel much better.

Ignoranceandwant:

Thanks for checking my post again. Yes, you are right. I don't want a guy to admire me in that way. I just wanted to meet someone who can accept me like that then support me in my weight lose journey to become a healhier and sexier woman. That way, I will know for sure he loves me for who I am.

Anyway, I know it is hard to find someone like that. I must keep moving on. The story another chapter I didn't mention. It is not that important to mention that he tried to meet a new girl the following week. It sounds she didn't meet his high standards so he sent me messages asking me to call him. I said no. go and have fun with the other woman. It was funny because he was chocked. Anyway, that the end of this sad story.

I guess it is not the end, it is the beginning of a new and healthy ME.

Don't brainwash yourself. If you believe that being big is not attractive, then work on your body to change it to a new YOU and attractive YOU.

Good news??? I am about to leave the 200+ club soon. Hopefully this week. LOVE YOU ALL.

Peace

Sounds like he just has ridiculous high standards. What a schmuck. Maybe the fact that he called you back is a sign that he liked you as a person, which is more important. Still, he's a jerk, and you not going back to him is teaching him a lesson not to treat women that way.

As far as I can tell, your friends have a poor definition of what a fight constitutes.  In any relationship, no matter what a fight is about, no guy/girl should ever treat their partner with disrespect.  That is exactly what he did. 
If he talked to you like that over something as trivial as weight, I wouldn't waste my time trying to find out what he'd have to say when a major relationship issue arose.  He sounds like a disrespectful arshole who isn't worth the time it'd take you to hit redial. I'm glad you ignored him.  I hope it taught him a lesson.
And I hope you taught your friends a lesson too.

elab: Thanks for the support. Thanks everyone. I am no longer friends with the woman who introduced me to him. She is a manager and she supposed to help me to get a job at her company. I left her offer. I am no longer her friend. I also got a better job with nice people.

All what I want to do now is to keep losing weight. Wish me good luck. :) I wish you good luck too.

dgny...I didn't read the rest of the posts so I'm sorry if I end up repeating something, but when I read your post I almost cried. HE IS NOT RIGHT.  I know this for a fact.  My husband now of 8 years met me when I weighed 220 lbs, we got married when I was approx 250lbs.  I have gained a lot of weight over the last 8 years for many reasons, but he is still with me, still loves me and still wants to be with me physically.  Please know that there are many many people (men and women) that will judge you because of your weight among other things. You have to take it all with a grain of salt so to speak, the you have to let them go and move on.  People who would treat you that way are telling you up front what type of person they are.  You do not want that in your life.  I think it is wonderful that you can use this as motivation to loose weight and get healthy.  But do it for you and not for anyone else. 

What a heartless pig!

He really doesn't deserve a second chance.  If he was a nice guy with a good heart, he wouldn't have said that, let alone asked about your weight, in the first place!  Allowing him a second chance would be giving him the message that "it's okay to say offensive things to people as long as you beg their forgiveness if they get upset with you."

I'm so sorry he said that to you.  You will find someone that loves you for you!!!

ignore him. what a complete tosser.

congrats on the weight loss, you're doing FAB, and you deserve a guy who loves you for you. (that's what I'm learning too.)

he's the one who's missing out--don't feel sorry for you, feel sorry for him! hah!!

good luck and keep up the good work! b happy!!

~hugs~

May I introduce you to my 21 yr old son in So IN who loves older women with a bit of meat on their bones?  Hang in their gal and remember you must love and respect yourself first before anyone else can love and respect you!

Absolutely not.  He disrespected you so thouroughlythat he deserved everything he got.  You should concentrate on your goals and forget that guy.  He obviously isn't ready to be a mature adult yet.

Lesson #1, dont ever allow some idiot to put your confidence down. If you want the world to appreciate your beauty it needs to start from inside, you can loose weight so quickly its all about motivation. Stop putting it on hold, get up go out and start with walking for 2 hours everyday make sure you sweat you will loose 20-30 in one month, also cut out the sugar, and carbs, cut your meals in half...you can do it!!!! Oh, one more think your not OLD at all...your so young...do it now while you can.

Oh wow...I cant believe that guy. How old is he? Thats something I would expect from a teenager but certainly not a man in his 30s. Anyway, I dont think he is worth your time. I feel that if someone can be that straight forward hurtful when you dont even know each other well, then what he can do when he knows you well is something to be scared of. Its just my opinion but I am speaking as a 45 year old who was married for more than 20 years to a man who thought I was beautiful inside but fat and unattractive on the outside. It made for a lot of years of self hate and sadness. Its not worth that and sometimes people dont deserve a second chance to be a jerk. Now you must put him behind you. Dont even think of losing weight for any man. You must do it for yourself and a man must love you completely and for who you are. I know you have probably heard it hundreds of times and its so simple, but its true. Losing weight is a wonderful idea. You will be happier and healthier. Happier and healthier is attractive in itself as is a confident woman. Good luck dgny and always remember "You Are Worth It".

Why give him another chance to hurt you.

I would try to use the pain to help me lose weight. UNLESS you are not ready to lose the weight.

As far as being too old I met my husband when I was 42 and he is perfect. All I kept thinking was never give up and keep being as fun and happy as you can be, be someone you would want to hang out with...

you must move on. you deserve a happy life.

Hello, I'm going to have to be the odd woman out...

If he was just saying it to be an asshole, why would he try to make it up to you and apologize? 

Everyone always pretends nothing wrong.  Everyone tip toes around everyone to not hurt anyone's feelings.  It's ok as long as you feel good!! Bullshit, it was an honest response (maybe he even surprised himself with it).  Probably more honest than anyone you love would tell you.  "You're perfect just the way you are" bullshit. If we were all perfect, if we were estatic about what we looked like, we wouldn't be here.

I don't know what his tone was, but maybe it was genuine.  Yes, it hurt your feelings (truth usually does) but did he mean it to hurt you or to tell you how guys think, to try to help you see it's not your personality it's men's shallowness?

 We're you overly defensive? Was his apology authentic? Why castrate him for giving you an honest answer just because you don't like the answer?  I didn't know we were looking for robots, if you think he was being mean...kick him to the curb.  If you're too embarassed that his honesty hit a nerve, kick him to the curb and make it an untrue statement.

In a way, he helped you.  Those creul words got you here, because you knew it was true, you knew no asshole was going to tell you how your life is and now you see that your life is in your hands.

sigh...ok hate me now, I'm a Fat Old Lady (36 - 5'1" - 208lbs) waiting to get hate mail...I don't want to be fat, I don't want to be old, but I am and I'm doing my best to make it untrue and no matter what I need to learn to love myself and this is how I do it...the truth.

squeakygurl: I agree with  you that truth always hurt. I know. but don't you agree with me that you no body should make fun of me because I am fat and "old"?

His tone? he was making fun. he mentioned that no girl would like him because he is 400 pounds and 50 years old. Of course he is not. He is slim and 38.

Yes, he helped me. But i hate him and I hate myself because I allowed someone like that jerk to insult me. I am the one who is responsible for what happened.

I don't really know why did he try to apologize and yes he wanted to see me. but you know what? he said it. he said " I want to meet you and if I don't like your size, I will refer you to one of my friends who doesn't mind plus sizes. "

I think I have a point here. No?

Well, my mother always told me. It's only okay to make fun of something a person can change. Call it shallow. Whatever... But, his comment only seriously wounded you because you saw truth in it.. and the fact that you could change it.. Which is why you've been doing the work now, to make all the difference. I don't think that he was ' right ' in the way he treated you. But, still. Take the anger and hurt from the experience and do something positive with it. Just as long as you're changing for yourself. Not some guy.

He treated you horribly. There's really no reason, in my opinion, that he would deserve a second chance. Even if he wants one. I don't even care if it was something said in the heat of the moment, it was entirely disrespectful.. and that's not something you can just take back. So, no. I don't think you're wrong. I think HE was wrong.

I can understand your hurt. I just hope you're making this change for you.

Either way? Even if you had stayed at the weight you were at before.. you do NOT deserve to be treated like that. If they treat people that way, they don't deserve your respect or your time.

You deserve better. and you'll get it one way or another, I'm sure.