I can't forget his insult - can you advise?

I am a fat girl. I admit. but I know that I have a big heart with warm feelings for all people around me.  now I am 32. I met a guy through a friend, being shy didn't help me to tell him during our first phone call that I am fat.

after a few phone calls, he asked me about my weight ...I told him I am heavy without revealing any number. ( 219 pounds) 5.3

He said that now he knows why I am 32 and not married ...that is because no guy would like me because I am old and fat

After that conversation, I left the guy even after his apology and phone calls. He tried to reach out to me several times with no luck.

I have started a diet and lost 11 pounds in 4 weeks..

I will not look back... ever.. but

I am sad and can't forget .. maybe can't forgive...

I think because I know he was right ..  many guys refused me but peacfully without any insult or hurt.

I don't know some friends told me that it was not right to run away after the first fight. I should have offered him a chance to discuss it together... Am I right or wrong?

Honey, it's all about attitude....who cares what some obnoxious ass little boy says.....he's obviously single despite the fact that he's slim, huh? Plus he's older than you!!! Let me tell you something....I am 5'10", was 260 at my highest  and am 26 years old.....I have NEVER had a problem being lonely....Even when I was bigger, I always put on my best face....hair, makeup and a big ol' smile and I've had pilots, bankers, attorneys, etc. chasing me all over town. You've got to believe that you're beautiful and worthy before anyone is going to treat you that way....You just keep your fire going and get to where you want to weight-wise and don't look back. Keep your chin up!

 I hadn't read that part of it dgny123, I had only thought he made a statement.  He was probably testing how much abuse you'd take from him.  Some men like girls with no self esteem so they can control and abuse them.

 I'd rethink being set up by this friend that referred the jerk to you.  You want some companionship, not a restraining ordered.

I guess what doesn't kill you does make you stronger.  Take the positive from it and use it to your advantage.  You need to do this for you, BUT it's nice to have a motivational tool ... aka the jerk.

Sorry I misunderstood, but I still meant everything else...use the truth to keep yourself strong and honest.  And listen to doc2bmo, it's about you loving yourself.  Once you learn to do that, everything else should follow.  Take Care

UGH!  That really would have upset me!  You NEVER want to put yourself in a position allowing someone to talk to you like that.  Disaster waiting to happen.  I kinda want to smack this person,  & hugging you atm.  And I'm so not a touchy feely type  lol 


Now, I can't stand fat admirers I think it's nasty & destructive.  BUT, there's a big difference between loving someone because their fat, being with someone you think will put up with your crap because their fat & loving them even though they just happen to be fat.  That's the only one I'm interested in.  That last one.  Never let anyone treat you that way.  It only teaches them they can & they never stop.  You just make sure YOU know what you're worth.  The more sure you are the harder it is for asses like him to ignore it themselves anyway.

I hope you lose heaps of weight one day and run into him and his probable hideous beast of a future wife & you can just enjoy the hell out of it. 

Take care!

He wasn't right. You can find true love at almost any age and size, and at 32 years old and 219#, you're not that extreme.

The ones that refuse you, you don't want anyway. You can find someone who will love you (in a healthy way) for who you are. Heck, he might turn out to be overweight, too! ;)

What a jerk! You are better off w/o such a guy in your life. My ex did the same with me. He said something very hurtful to me, despite the fact he was very overweight anyway. Needless to say, we are not together anymore, as I broke it off with him. He undermined my confidence. Now I am getting ready to take on the world. You too can do it. Don't look back, except to remember how far you have come and to recognise the winner that you are. Good luck with the ongoing journey. :-)

Thanks for all your support. I really need it. I need every word.  it has been 8 months and I still cry in my bedroom, feeling guilty and angry and hurt. I still remember every word he said, and I hate him. By the way, I saw him once. He is very ugly, his face is very unpleasant.

You may weigh more than you want to on the outside. You may weigh more than popular culture says is "appropriate" or "normal" or "pretty" on the outside.

You have it in your power to change that, if you want to, and that makes you lucky. You have a choice, and all you have to decide is what you need to do to make yourself happier. (Healthier is a side bonus!)

That guy is one of the unluckiest people on the planet. He's ugly on the inside, and that's something he'll never get over. It's something that will make him dissatisfied and unhappy over the entire course of his life, and the really sad thing is that he will probably never know why he's so miserable.

I know it's hurtful to hear the kinds of things he said to you. He had no right at all. No one does. The best thing I ever did to get over being hurt by someone that small-minded was to decide not to be angry at him, not to be hurt by what he said, but to pity him for his permanent inability to be happy or well-adjusted, because that's what he is...pitiful.

Guys who tend to be attracted to the model thin girls who can be real b*tches should not overlook the "nice" girl with a weight problem.  That weight problem can easily be fixed on a trend mill but b*tch is forever. : )

What a jackass!

The only reason to lose weight is for yourself, not for some loser.  I know why you're single, you keep running into jackasses!  And we now know why he's single.  For you, there's a cure, for him there's none.  The only cure for you is for you to feel good about yourself.  Don't lose weight for some jerk, lose it to be healthier, to do more activities, to feel better, whatever floats your boat or if you are truly comfortable, then don't lose a pound!

People find each other at all sizes...it's a good thing you're a girl though, because for every girl willing to date there's at least 10 guys (trust me, I have dates coming out my ears so I know what I'm talking about here). Of those there will be all kinds of different appeals.

Don't not date because you think you're too fat.  Meet people, get comfortable chatting with them, when you do go out, you won't feel nervous.  I don't care how "hot" a woman looks, if she can't carry on a conversation or is a bitch, then she's not worth dating. Yes, I'm biased since I'm female.

It was said directly from his mouth. Not ever thinking how painful it could be. It's a good thing that you cut him lose, if he could have a mouthful of harmful words why should you except it. I think even if you lost the weight and gave this person a second chance he would ridicule the next big person, and bring back the comment he once made to you. We aren't born perfect, but we aren't born to judge. I hope you reach your goal.

If he thinks that's why you're single, what excuse does he have and how old is he?  There are many things I could say about someone like that, however, none of them are politically correct or nice and I refuse to stoop to that level.

Guys have said things like that to me too, and you know what, since I have lost weight and look and feel better, there's still only one person I want to spend my time with - and that's the one that wanted to be with me before I started all this.  Nice guys are hard to find, but don't give up because they really are out there.  and that idiot was probably just making up for his own short-comings.

If a person is not really interested in you, s/he will make up all kinds of excuses that have to do with you and your failings.  Fixing those will not change their actual interest in you because s/he will find some other failing (we all have our quirks which to some are charming and to others annoying), instead you'll constantly be feeling bad.  You want to be with someone that you feel good around, not someone that highlights your bad points.

i am 5'1 and on the day that i married my mr. right i was 210 lbs. he has dated the most beautiful skinniest girls in the past. trust me, i've seen them, but my weight didn't matter, he thought i was beautiful and he loves me. we were meant to be together. if that guy was a jerk hes not the right one, but the one will come along and love you no matter what. you'll see. its amazing and worth the wait.