Why can't friends just say... You are looking great

I have neighbors on our block and we all use to walk every night in the summer.  Some... well all have quite and found other things to do including me!! But this Jan. was my wake up call. I decited to change for good and have droped 25 pounds, it has been hard as you all know and now I see a huge diffrence in me.  None of the girls that I walked with back then have not yet said good job, or your doing great.  Keep in mind they are all the same size.  One of the girls was the same size as me about a 16 and probley still there.  I look at her and wonder if she see's a diffrence or inside upset cause she can't commit to becoming healthier. 

I know what it shouldn't bother me but it does and really bumms me out.  I look at her and think wow I am doing really good and I'm proud of me!! Cause like I said we had the same size and looking at her I know that I have changed for the better.

It would be nice to hear compliments from them.  But I guess that won't happen.  I just have to accept it.

Anyone else been though somthing like this. Just wondering

First of all, congrats on your loss so far!  The non-reaction is a real bummer 30somthing. 

I've gotten:

-Oh, are you still trying to eat good?  How's that going for you?

-You are eating vegetables?

-Hmm, you haven't been eating out lately, are you budgeting?

-So how long are you going to diet for?

-Isn't that soup a little salty!?  Is that really a good idea?

I almost want to hide out at my desk and eat but I know that'll provoke "anti-social" comments.  What I really want to do is say F#$% off...but I do need to work for a living.  Lol

Sometimes you can only win with yourself and to heck with all the negativity around you.  Thank goodness for this site and it's positive feedback and letting us relate to similar situations.

I wouldn't be offended, some ppl are just oblivious. I lost 43 lbs before anyone outside my immediate family commented. Even close friends and roomates didn't say anything.

the best "advice" I have is to stop waiting for that compliment.  I know that is so easy to say.  I don't understand why people are like that.  But for me, I obsessed over "why haven't they said anything", so, when I finally turned that loose, things got better.  hang in there!  And I bet when 1 of them finally say something, they'll all chime in!

I DONT understand why people react like that. Last time i saw my older sister she had noticed that my stomach had gotten a bit flatter and she said "your stmoach is smaller" with an attitude. I began to explani to her that i just started running and trying not to eat at much junk and more water and she just walked away from me while i was in mid sentence as if she didnt even hear me. It's very discouraging. And my mom, she thinks im turning anorexic because i dont eat in fron tof her, but thats only because whenever i see her we order pizza or junk food. so she's always asking me "how do you feel today?" What hav eyou eaten"? Stuff like that.

Very frustrating.

I know this is because I am in better shape than my sister and because my mom and siste rhave never been diligent when it comes to health.

I DONT understand why people react like that. Last time i saw my older sister she had noticed that my stomach had gotten a bit flatter and she said "your stmoach is smaller" with an attitude. I began to explani to her that i just started running and trying not to eat at much junk and more water and she just walked away from me while i was in mid sentence as if she didnt even hear me. It's very discouraging. And my mom, she thinks im turning anorexic because i dont eat in fron tof her, but thats only because whenever i see her we order pizza or junk food. so she's always asking me "how do you feel today?" What hav eyou eaten"? Stuff like that.

Very frustrating.

I know this is because I am in better shape than my sister and because my mom and siste rhave never been diligent when it comes to health.

You have to do this for you and no one else.  Go look in the mirror and be proud - you should be!

I once told a lady I know "Wow, you look great!" She looked me up and down and said "Well, I have to work at at." What a hag. You don't sound like someone who would reply that way. Hopefully you're not looking the other girl up and down when you see her. She's probably the one in more emotional pain right now.

Maybe these people know that you are living a healthier life and are upset with themselves because they are not.  YOU know that you are looking and feeling better and living healthier, and that is what really counts.  I know myself that I have had anger toward people who are doing things the right way when I was not. Irrational thinking, yes. (I don't think that way anymore)  Keep your chin up and keep up the good work. And try not to let her negativity get to you!!!!

Thank you all.  No i'm not really looking her up and down.  It is just like, we were  a mirror immage of one another and sense I refused to have my picture taken when I was heavier, I guess she is my "picture" if that makes any sense.

I glad that I have all of you to help me through, somtimes positive support helps me and when you see them and they don't say anything it is like "huh maybe it doesn't show"  but I know that it does and the only person that I have to "measure up to" is myself.

Thanks ladies

Weight and diets can be a real touchy subject.  It's possible she feels that if she says something she may somehow offend you? 

"I look at her and think wow I am doing really good and I'm proud of me!!"  Whose to say she isn't happy with herself and her size?  As long as you are happy with what you are doing, how you feel, and yourself....that's all that matters.

I have the opposite problem. Im not over weight but decided i want to drop 10lbs. Ive been exactly the same weight for 8 years, but for some reason friends who i dont see often always say 'you look good, youve lost weight' Whilst im sure they mean this as a compliment, its a little frustrating when i know i havent. If i lost weight every time they said it i would be skinny by now, im not, nor was i any bigger to start with, i hate the idea that they think i used to be fat. Think its become such an easy compliment to give that its dealt out every day and your supposed to be grateful.

I'm going to say this as politely as possible: the world is not all about you. :-)

It could very well be that she hasn't even noticed!!! Yep. Perhaps she has been preoccupied with her own personal dramas playing out at the moment. Maybe she has health issues, or a loved one does, or her marriage is falling apart, or her children are struggling in school... it could be a lot of things.

With that said, I like compliments too! And when I am not getting my fill, I deliberately fish for them... hee hee... my DH and my girls are always good at feeding my ego when it needs a boost. :-)

I think sometimes it makes people nervous. For example if they said "Wow you look great, have you lost weight?" they are afraid it comes off wrong. To sound as though you looked bad before.

And then of course there is that horrible fact that women are always comparing and competing with one another. We are bothered that the other girl is prettier, or has a better job, or lost the baby weight faster etc. etc. It's sad but true.

Also, as others said she may not have noticed.

Bottom line though, you are doing great! 25 pounds! That's awesome. It's all for you right? Just enjoy it. Or, if you really like the ladies still walk with them every once in awhile. They'll come around and eventually probably want to know what you have done differently!

Some women 'friends' can be poison.  I found that there is so much competition among some so-called friends that it is best not to expect any type of encouragement from anything other than the mirror and the scale.  The worst are the ones who tell you that you look thinner, but you have a long way to go.  Talk about left handed compliments!

Your friends are probably envious that you have managed to literally break away from the pack. 

By the way,  you are doing great and I hope you achieve your goals.  Way to go!

this is why most of my friends are guys.

they are nice and obvious and just blurt crap out.

"like hey did you lose weight"

ahhh...dudes
;)

yeh...my mother is like this...she would continually say how fat i was when i was overweight and now if i ask she does that
'weel what do you think you should do" crap when i ask her if i should lose another size of if my butt looks big in something.
and its not that nice way...its that catty way. and points out every single problem area now (things normal people dont even see or something thats not even there)

i got called anorexic for not eating more than three pieces of pizza by this other girl who was the same size i was back in the day.
she did it all glaring and said it wierd. like a couple people looked at her like she was nuts. (again no-nonsense dudes)

but really dont look for validation in others.

they wont be around as long as you anyway
if you are the only one getting healthy.

;)

some people just get jealous when they see others suceed.
i dont understand it.

its not like you are not working hard.

are you still wearing you old clothing though?

that will make you look bigger than you actually are.



 

All my friends do is bring me down and/or try to sabotage my diet by taking me out for junk or trying to force feed me crap food and even wheedling me out of excercise to "hang out".

My friends / parents are horrible about my diet.

"You?! Eat less?!"
"You?! Eat healthily?!"
"You'll never be able to lose weight."
"You eat the house out, you're a pig."
"You're flabby aren't you?"

Etc.   

When people give another person a compliment, it usually makes them feel bad about themself. Like, if they say, 'you have lost weight and man do you look great!' they stop and feel guilty or jealous that they haven't lost weight.

So, it may not be as satisfying as receiving it from a friend, but congradulations 30something. You made a change that many people do not make or commit to. And even if people don't say anything about it, it doesn't mean that they don't notice. They're probably just dying of jealousy. :) Congrats again, you should be very proud.

You are all right. Thank You.  I do wear smaller sizes now.  I am so happy to get out of the larger size.  I feel better and look healthier. 

It is the commitment that is hard.  To finally say I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!!

I know that I will be the one making the changes.  If they are not ready to change, that is okay to.  I need to be happy for myself and all that I do.  TO all the others that never say anthing to me.  Thats fine...and so am I cause I'm doing it for myself and NOT them

Thanks

Last night i saw my sister for the first time in a few months. She said "you lost a lot of weight, you're too skinny, you dont look good". I was so suprised at HOW RUDE that was of her. She's about 15-20 lbs over weight and i KNOW she's just jealous that i have a better body than her, and that I have the mind and strength to olose weight. I'm in a healthy weight right now and I'm still planning on losing abother 5-7 lbs and still be in my healthy weight range.

after she made those RUDE comments she said "looksl ike you're starving yourself" and i said "maybe i'm just eating healthier, ever thought of that?" and she said " i don tknow what ou're doing but you dont look good". I couldnt believe it.

She's older than I am by 6 years and I dont mean to sound condescending but I KNOW she makes these comments because she's jealous. She's never really been a good sister and she's a real Bi*chy girl anyway. It was just so rude..

I do have a dilemma i need some advice on concernng this issue, but with another person, my boyfriend.

He told me he doesnt want me to lose more weight and he said that he's sick of me counting calories. He always offers me food to taste, you know? food he's made and he wants me to taste it. I usually dont taste it because I count everything.. he called me obsessive. BUt i'm not obsessive. I'm not upset or depressed. I just really dont want to try anything i'm not going to count, you know? I told him i'm not 100 percent satisfied with myself yet and I still want to keep counting and losing a little bit moore and he's all the sudden getting mad. He's didnt think i'm getting dangerously thin or anythin gbecause I'm not. its just that I guess he likes the way I am now. but I dont, so what do i do? DO i just have to dael with an unsupportive boyfriend?