Why can't I just say No.

Strong-willed guy.. all my life. No drinking. No drugs. Never did anything that I didn't completely want to do.

Why then am I so weak around food?

I've basically broken it down into two main problems with myself and food.

1.) I emotionally eat. My culprit, boredom. I eat when I'm bored. I feel like I should be doing something.. so I eat. Not chips or anything like that. Maybe yogurt or a banana.. but it's still food.. and I'm definitely NOT actually hungry.

2.) This survival-gene you MUST eat all that you can.. because what if you're starving later problem. All the food on my plate.. gone... you want seconds? Of course. I just ate a full lunch and am stuffed.. get back to work.. anyone want a leftover sandwich from a meeting.. SURE. (actually JUST turned that done.. because I was typing this though).

I just can NOT figure out why I am so ... helpless ... around food.

Why can't I just say "No" ?

First off, don't knock yourself too hard.  I think everyone has one of these areas -- at least food, as addictions go, isn't illegal and doesn't usually involve black-market transactions :)

Moreover, you're obviously doing a lot of things right in your life (you don't smoke, drink, or use drugs; you're working; you're aware that your eating habits are doing you harm). 

That strong will of yours can be a real asset even this area.  It's most likely a question of figuring out how to hitch it to this particular wagon.  I think the answer, more or less, boils down to conditioning -- you know, breaking down existing habits that aren't serving you well at this poitn and building new ones that will serve you better.

Many of us have grown up with this idea (conditioning -- a 'program,' if you will) that wasting food -- that is, leaving food on the plate -- is a cardinal sin, and that it's rude to turn down seconds if they're offered.  I suspect that, to some extent, the Super Size principle also comes into play when seconds are offered -- you know, that thing where most people will automatically accept an 'upgrade' to Super Size if it's offered. 

As adults, we may not necessarily think of it that way, but we continue to carry out the behaviors we learned as children, even if they no longer serve us.  Depending on the behaviors, this can be good -- brushing teeth twice a day, punctuality, etc. -- or bad -- 'cleaning your plate' when most American plates could better be put to use as serving platters, automatically accepting leftover sandwiches, snacking when bored.

Considering this kind of unspoken conditioning, it's really surprising not that we're as tubby as we are as a nation, but that we aren't twice as big as we are.

It also sounds like you may have some deprivation-related conditioning -- if not the kind that results from direct experience, than perhaps the kind inherited from the experiences of parents or grandparents who lived through some hard times.  When you refer to the 'survival gene,' I would guess that's part of the influence.

However, all that being said, I would guess that in your case, the 'why' may not be as important as the 'how.'

'Just saying no' from the get-go is, from what I've seen, kind of like heading to your first track practice expecting to clear 12' in the high-jump.  This seems especially true in the absence of that whole 'one day (or minute) at a time' concept that underpins many of the successful treatment programs for various forms of addiction.

When you turned down the leftover sandwich option, you did a great thing: you took the first step towards re-conditioning your food instincts.  At that moment, you did just say "No." 

Once you've done it even one time, the trick is to start increasing those moments, and eventually to string them together into days, then weeks, and so forth.  It's a lot easier to do this sort of thing if instead of dealing with this nebulous idea that you should just say "No," you deal with the specific idea that you should say no to this particular snack at this particular moment.

The trick is to keep stringing those moments together.  This means being aware of the inclination to say yes, and checking it before that yes comes out of your mouth.  This is surprisingly hard, because it means changing a behavior so deeply ingrained that it is nearly instinctual.

Likewise, it means training yourself to leave food on your plate, to reduce your portion sizes, and to recognize when you're full, so you don't eat the whole plate if the size is larger than it needs to be.

As for not eating when bored -- have you tried chewing sugar-free gum? 

I've fuond this helps me, primarily because when I have gum in my mouth, I don't want to put food in (and taking it out would mean wasting the gum, LOL).  Likewise, I have stopped bringing snacks to work.  My neighbor (who is also working on reducing his weight) and I used to maintain a departmental candy jar; we also nixed that -- and while I don't think of myself as much of a candy guy, I realized after it was gone that I'd been using it as an anti-boredom device.

Perhaps the most important idea for me, though, has been allowing myself the food I actually want. 

My basic diet isn't terrible (I eat a lot of fish, fresh veggies, and whole grains -- okay, and the occasional 6-oz sirloin), but I do like pizza or wings or a Blizzard now and then.  When I tried to cut them out entirely, I found myself thinking about them all the time (sign of a deep-seated rebellious streak, maybe?) -- so instead, I schedule treats into my daily calorie allowance.  For example: my roomie and I have pizza and wings every Wednesday, so I determined how much pizza and wings (2-3 slices and 4 wing pieces, btw) fits into the caloric slot for 'dinner.'  I put the two slices of pizza and the four wings on a plate, then eat in another room, where I can't see the remaining pizza (which becomes breakfast or lunch for several days) and therefore don't feel obligated to eat it.

Basically, if you temper the way you say "No" to food, it becomes easier.  It's like getting into really hot water -- do it a little a time, and before you know it, you're all the way in.

One more thing -- for me, it has also helped to supplement food as a source of pleasure with something else: in my case, Muay Thai (though I had pneumonia recently and am not quite back in training yet). 

When I first started training, I had no intention of altering my diet -- but as I got more serious about it, I found myself highly motivated to eat better food, and transitioned from a diet that was decent, but left room for improvement (you know, lots of home-made tacos and stuff like that; not as bad as fast-food-all-the-time, but not great) towards one that's really pretty stellar (fish, salads, veggies, fresh fruit for breakfast, etc).  I was also motivated to eat less because, quite frankly, if you're training hard in a physically-demanding sport, a full stomach is a liability (sometimes as much to those training with you as it is to you -- take my word on this one).

I've lost 25+ lbs since January, btw -- with pizza and wings once a week, Red Lobster once or twice a month, and Blizzards on a quasi-regular basis (maybe once every 4 - 6 weeks, when the inclination strikes).  I also eat ice cream, etc -- I just make a point of 'budgeting' calories for it, then controlling the portion size.

i do the same! i wont feel hungry but ill think "what is something good to eat in the kitchen right now?" or "what can i snack on?" ill snack on healthy food but if i know i got some kind of candy or treat like that ill eat it right away! thats y i dont keep that stuff in my apt. and i have a rule for myself to not accept anyones extra offers of food, candy, treats, etc especially if im not hungry!