Can't get going!!!

Hi, 

My father always told me that if there was something about my life I didn't like to 'just change it' I've always thought it good advice but when it comes to my size I just can't get to grips. 

I can start out very motivated but struggle to keep my momentum up.  I used to be a size 16 and content with it, but in the past 4 years i've put on weight & am now 18 stone. I've started to lose weight so many times but as I lose momentum I go back to sqaure 1 then end up heavier than before.  

I recently went on holiday & flew using easyjet, I was mortified when the stick thin stewardess made a very loud point of checking that my seatbelt was big enough to fit round me and when getting off the plane many of the other passengers were just staring at me like I was some kind of freak, an utterly depressing episode in the ever increasing list of episodes, defined by my size. 

I go out as little as possible & feel utterly trapped.  I was always prone to depression but even it has gotten worse, I hate myself, the way I look, the way I feel and I hate the way it projects onto my family.  I worry that my daughter gets the mick taken out of her because of me, I worry that i'm an embarassment to my husband so much so that if he bumps into a work mate or old friend, whose never met me, I behave like i'm not with him in case he feels embarassed.  I feel like I have let them both down. I worry that my husband will leave me & I get so depressed about everything that I am positivley suicidal at times, yet occasionaly, I can come out & be very positive & strong.  Last year I climbed Cairn Gorm mountain, my husband was so proud of me and I shocked a great many of the other climbers and it felt bloody fantastic, I felt amazing but when we got home I couldn't harness the feeling to tackle my weight.

I love cooking and cook healthy meals for my husband & daughter who are both very healthy & thin but I comfort eat, cheesy puffs being my nemesis, I can eat 4 packets a day on top of my meals. My main problem is excercise, I have to drive an hour to work & my job is not physically demanding & when I'm home I only do the cooking, cleaning etc I don't do any excersize & I just can't seem to get going I have a complete metal block. 

I know that I have to do something, I want to stop hating myself, I want my husband & daughter to be proud of me, the time has come for a change, I know I have to make a real effort & I know that no-one can do it for me but I don't know how to pull my Jekyll & Hyde persona together, to make a start & not worry about failing again!! 

mirobean

Why don't you suggest to your husband and daughter that you as a family go for a walk after dinner? You could them and yourself that you're doing it to help digest food. Then it's not really exercise it's just a family walk. Heck, tell them you would like to do this everyday it's not raining. I bet they will go along. They want to spend more time with their wife/mother I am sure and here's a way to make it happen not just daily, the walks, but a lifetime, when you lose that extra stones you want to lose.

Ok, step 1 ? no more diets.  Ever.  They don?t work, you?ve proven that, never again!

Healthy eating, a real life style change, taking charge of your life, deciding to get happy, healthy, fit.

Your motivation, your loving husband, daughter, making your family proud.

One day at a time, one meal at a time for starters.

You can do it, you said, you have a lot of determination and you have the mentality to succeed if you want to.  I can?t believe that you climbed Cairn Gorm, well done!!

Here?s my guess ? you can?t get going because you are scared of failing, every time you have lost weight previously you have only gained it again, so why bother?  Why set yourself up for something that you think you will fail at?

You can?t fail at this, you change your lifestyle, you will be healthier, you will feel happier, losing weight will be a consequence of this new healthier you, not a number obsession.

You haven?t posted any statistics so I don?t know how tall you are or anything.  Have you used the tools on here to estimate how many calories you need per day?

Have you logged your food before?  Do you know how many calories you are eating per day?

I took a guess on you ? A 5?6, 30 year old woman weighing 18 stone who has an activity level set at sedentary (office worker) burns approximately 2300kcals per day.

This woman should aim for 1550 calories per day plus any calories burnt off by exercising and could expect to be 13 stone before this time next year.  This woman could lose 3 stone before this Christmas!!  :o)  Does that motivate you?  Imagine how proud your husband would be of you walking around all slinky in a Christmas party dress.  :o) 

You can do this, I know you can, your post makes me believe in you. 

The hardest thing about losing weight is STARTING the process!  I Agree with Kathywainman...ONE meal at a time, ONE day at a time, is what you need to concentrate on in the beginning. 

Start small...I started by logging my food every day.  Just that.  I didn't cut back, I didn't exercise, I just logged everything I ate.  Once I did that for a week and saw how many calories I was consuming it was a little easier for me to cut some of them!

After that, start slowly changing your diet.  Eat more veggies, especially when you get the munchies.  Make sure you have a veggie with each meal. 

It's the small changes that will make the big ones possible.  Don't try to change everything at once....it is like setting yourself up to fail!

Good luck...and we all will keep each other motivated!!  :)

Mirobean, I did the small step idea mockingbird talked about and I'm in my 6th month and still chugging along.  I really have to say for someone like you (and me) it is much easier than doing a "diet".  Diets are so restrictive, aren't they? 

My best small step was my coffee.  I went from 24oz of coffee with 3 spoons (unmeasured) of sugar, half & half cream and a little powder for flavoring.  Yeah...I've never been brave enough to log how much damage that was doing but I can now say that I've slowly cut down over a 5 month period.  I still drink that 24oz but only add in sugar fee powder French Vanilla cream.  And you know what, I did it so slowly that I didn't notice the differences. 

I've done small steps on other things too and have lost 39.5 pounds so far.  I am now around your weight (if I understand stones correctly)...I'm 248 pounds.

I'm in a forum in the motivational section called Over 200 club!  We're a great bunch always looking to help each other out.  We all have our ups and downs but we use each other to get through the day, for tips, or just for a shoulder.  I don't know how to show a link otherwise I'd link it for you.  Either way, check out my profile, I believe you and I are a lot alike. 

I'm befriending you and hope to be able to be there for you.  :)  WE CAN DO IT!!!

Mirobean, you CAN DO THIS! you just need to stop looking at it as a giant obstacle you need to tackle, and instead start taking little steps like everyone else has suggested. if you try to wake up tomorrow and change your whole way of eating drastically and start exercising on top of that you will get discouraged! take little steps instead. you said you can eat 4 bags of cheesy puffs a day? well, try to cut it down to three, then two, then one. then maybe every other day. start by replacing one of those bags with an apple or something else healthy. 

a lot of people get stuck in the whole "well, i already screwed up today, might as well eat whatever and start again tomorrow" mentality. that is not the way to go. everyone slips up. when you do, don't let it get you down. just try to make healthy choices the rest of the day.

also, i have a sedentary job too. you know what i do? exercise in the bathroom! since i've been drinking so much water i'm in there a lot haha, so i'll do a few squats or something every time i go in. start making little changes and you'll see the weight slowly starting to come off. nothing is more of a motivator than those numbers going down on the scale (if you don't have one, time to get one). start logging what you are eating to get an idea of how many calories you are really consuming and start cutting things out where you can.

you sound like such a sweet person, and the idea of you not even wanting to leave your house makes me so sad! if you can climb that mountain, you can do this too! stick around here for support and smile cause you are going to do this!

I know I will probably get attacked for saying this but I felt the same way as you do now.  I couldn't get my eating under control.  My portion sizes and appetite were out of control and make small healthy changes wasn't working for me.  I forgot what REAL, physical hunger felt like and realized that I was eating only for the taste or because I was depressed.   I was stuck in a vicious cycle...being depressed because I was fat and then eating because I was depressed.  I had to make myself and my body remember what real hunger was.  I shrunk my stomach.  I started each day with a latte and didn't eat until dinner.  For the first time in a very long while, I felt physical hunger.  Suprisingly, when I got home I made healthy choices and filled up very quickly.  It changed my life.  I can't imagine what my life would be like right now if I never did this. I now use hunger as a guide and I "eat to live not live to eat".  Food no longer controls my life.  Also, I started walking A LOT.  I agree with thegrayman.  Suggest walks as a family after dinner. 

Thanks everyone for the help & advice i've found it very comforting & it's good to know that there's people out there I can really talk to, honestly express my feelings and not feel stupid or embarrassed.  I hope, with your help, I can start to lose weight & stop my negative regime of self loathing & become the wife, mother & person I want to be.   

Couple of other things I thought you could do after I headed out this am. You can do isometric exercises while you brush your teeth. I suck in my stomach while I brush my teeth. If you have a manual or some other heavy book at your desk, you could lift that up doing simple curls at your desk. If someone stops by you can always just open it and say you were looking something up. Heck you could do either of those while sitting at your desk. You could also put the manual between your knees and lift your feet up off the ground and then put them back down. Shouldn't take but a minute or two. Leave earlier and park as far away as you reasonably can and add a little walk. If you are not taking the interstate, you could put some small weights in your car and do something with them at stoplights. Heck, I've seen women putting makeup on in the car, why not doing a little work out.            

OK grayman, you have got me cracking up at my desk...If someone stops by you can always just open it and say you were looking something up. 

I do the parking thing...it is not only good to get the extra steps but it keeps my car from getting dinged.

Yay!  That is what this is all about...bettering ourselves and becoming the people that we want to be!  The day I shifted my focus from losing weight to being healthy was the day things finally started to fall into place.  We're all here for you!  YOU CAN DO IT!!! 

After reading this quote and the suggestions everyone has offered I think this quote by Vincent Van Gogh seems adequate.

"Great things are done by a series of small things brought together"

Small things can be like eating 3 not four bags of snacks, 10 min walk after dinner. 16oz instead of 20 ounce coffee. These all add up to somthing great.

You know what microbean....I sometimes feel like you and I only have a cat n my house.  There is something about us that makes us feel we are not worthy .  I was on a plane a short time ago and the seat beat would'nt fit.  I just put my jacket over  me so the lady couldn't see it.  I was so uncomfortable in that little seat. And I was mad at myself for being fatt!