can't stop crying... ='(

hey everyone, this is unrelated to weight loss and etc, but i have never been more depressed and since everyone here is SO much older and has life experience. i really need some advice please.

so please don't delete this post =(

me and my bf of 21months have jsut broke up. i'm dealing with it really horrible. i cry for no apparent reason and i jsut can't make the pain go away. we broke up because he felt that he wasn't ready for a serious relationship and that there are responsibilities that he cannot handle at the moment. but i don't understand? he loves me and i love him and breaking up is hard for the both of us, so why can't he suck it up and stay together? why is it hard for him to be in a relationship? he doesn't want to be with other girls, i know that for sure. so why can't he be with me and be free?

when WILL he be ready to commit? i know we are only 19 and SO young. i just don't understand him when he says he's not ready and there are too many responsibilities to being in a relationship.

can u tell me what i've done wrong?! or what i can do? i feel so lost and so hurt. its so hard not being with him. he was there with me all through my eating disorder. we've been through a lot, isn't that enough for us to be together? why isn't he ready?

please help me ='(

This may be a dumb question, but why are you asking us instead of him?

What is he afraid of? What pressures does he feel you are putting on him that he can't handle? What pressures does he feel LIFE is putting on him that he can't handle?

I'd talk to him.

all i can suggest it since u r too young probly he is right and he sounds mature when he takes that decision.  So let it go and there is some kind of saying that if you let love go and it comes back it was yours otherwise it never was.. So you concentrate on your career etc and let him do the same after say 4-5 yrs when u r matured then both of u would be in a position to take a right decision for you both. Good luck and dont think too much...conc. on your studies/job etc...and try to go ahead in it..Love n all other good things will soon follow...

First of all, get your self together NOW. It is not your fault. Some men mature slower than women and in fact, he might not be ready for a life time commitment. Almost all of us ladies have been through it, at least I have few times. The pain feels like a knife through the heart I know but guess what, it does get easier. Time heals and I guarantee it. Give him the space he needs, if he wants to talk or work it out, he will find you, if not, it was not meant to be. This time will actually be good for you too and you will see if you really miss him or just someone special in your life. what you should do right now is show him that you love yourself by taking good care of yourself. Go to the gym, get your hair done, get a new hobby, etc. If you feel depressed and sorry for yourself, he will see this as negative but if you show him your strenth, he will see it as positive. also, don't think as if you lost him forever, give yourself a time line, like in 8 weeks, I will talk to him and see how's he doing, but if you know he is not ready to talk, revise your time and give another 4 weeks and so on.  It is easier than you think, I promise.

Natalie

Oh honey its nothing you've done wrong. Really don't beat yourself up over this.

I had a similar experience this past summer and I was in your same shoes. I cried constantly and was so filled with anger and pain that I couldn't do anything. Trust me its not the age entirely, this guy I was dating was 26 years old and he could not commit and did not want to be with other women but he did not want to be in a relationship and I could not understand why

I spent a long time wondering what I did wrong until one day I said "What's wrong with him?" then I realized. It has entirely nothing to do with me as does this. It has nothing to do with you. This guy is just obviously not ready to be in a relationship and sadly your feelings had to be spared to find this out.

I cant tell you anything that will magically pull pain away, love hurts. However I can tell you that it gets better:) Maybe with age he will find that he is ready and maybe not. All I can say is you have to deal with these issue, dont hide them like I did. They only come back to haunt you and you have to deal with them all over again. So cry away if you need to, be angry, get it out! (I started running when that guy broke up with me. Sweating to an angry cd was great therapy) Dont' keep it in. But also know that you are wonderful and obviously so worthy of a wonderful relationship, it just takes time!

Who knows maybe there is a lesson in this for you too :) Be strong and find comfort in those around you. Have a girls night, or a mix gender night and laugh:) The more smiles you make the more tears you wash away. Good luck to you...and I can't say this enough....It gets better..promise :)

its not a bad thing to wait on each other.  if he isn't ready, you would be asking for trouble if you push him into something he isn't ready for.  take the time off as an opportunity to get a college degree, maybe take a trip and see some of the world before you settle down and start a family.  i wish i had done this,,you think it is bad now,,what if you push him into marriage and find out too late that he really wasn't the man of your dreams.  cheer up and smile,,at least he respects you enough to tell you he has concerns and he isn't hiding this from you.  he is doing what a responsible man should do...he is protecting you and himself.  rejoice in that and wait patiently. 

Oh Chrissy, I have been where you are - I am so sorry for your pain!  This is one of life's hard and terrible lessons.  I will tell you what I learned from my experience - if it doesn't apply to you, then just chuck it out okay! 

First of all - you are going to be ok - you have to believe it. 

When this happened to me I hit absolute rock bottom - I asked the same questions you did up above.  The answers are there is nothing wrong with you.  Most likely he is not ready at this time in his life to have this kind of relationship - you have to accept his decision. 

You need to take stock of who you were in this relalationship - I was a pleaser - he would ask "what do you want to do"  my answer "I don't know, what do you want to do"  It grew annoying and he didn't want an opinionless servant - he wanted a firey woman who would stand up for herself and is not afraid to fight. 

I went to counselling - I was so seriously messed up!!  I discovered my weaknesses and became stronger.  One man who is a counsillor said to me once. "Isn't that nice of you to give him all of this power over your happiness and quality of life!!"  Shocked me!!  I still love that man for that!!  Go through the pain but don't dwell - life is for the living!!  Where there was this guy, there is thousands more - some better, some worse - choose wisely next time and pick someone who has the same intentions etc as you do and remember to hold onto yourself and who you are - don't give that up for anyone!!  The pain will heal itself and you will be happy again!! First be ok with just you though.  Realize your strengths and become who you are supposed to be!! 

As a foot note once I got me back I got him back.  I can't promise that will happen to you - you have to ok either way - I am!!  Romantic love can be replaced - as harsh as that sounds - it's true - this I know for sure!!!

Cry for a little while, couple of days - then get back to living your life - he only has the power to destroy you if you let him!!  You can become a better stronger woman and a better partner out of this.  Until then, take care of yourself and surround yourself with those who love you!!   

Chrissy, this is a common guy thing.  He says he's not ready for a serious relationship, but you've been dating for 21 months?  That sounds pretty serious to me.  You say you both love each other, but it takes more than that.  I know it's hard, but you just have to move on.  I wasted YEARS of my life living in the past and trying to get back together with people I broke up with.  All it gets you is a broken heart and a complex.  Time will heal this wound...but you gotta move on.

Some people say to try to work it out and get back together.  But I've found that if you broke up, it was for a reason...and that reason is most likely still there.  It's not worth it.

I agree with finewine. Its tough but its most often the truth that sets you free from constantly beating yourself up over this. Still *hugs* for you.

Why are you crying over someone who did not worship you for the goddess you are?

Come on - you  deserve better then this. Instead of feeling sad and depressed....get mad. At least getting mad will get you through the bad part.  And when I say get mad... I mean adopt the attitude of
HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO ME.  It's okay to be sad but don't dwell in it. He's really not worth it.

Ignore him. Don't try to contact him. Go off and have fun with your girlfriends and enjoy the summer. Hey it's summer! The prefect time to be single.

There is life after this BF (who doesn't deserve you anyways) 

Find someone who will love you just as much as you love them.  Have fun in the adventure of the discovery.

That is what I would tell my daughter who is the same age as you.

Amen, Ninav...staying hung up on him will only make things worse.  Unfortunately, this is only stuff you learn AFTER you've already made the mistake of trying to reconcile.  Stupid immaturity.

finewine58-

what makes a guy say he's not ready?

i mean, he loves me and i love him, isn't that enough to stay together? do u htink he has fallen out of love, maybe thats why we broke up? what takes more than love?

kpearson-

did u ever find out why he wasn't ready to commit. he didn't wanna see other women either, SO WHY? SO BREAK UP?

if u know why, please tell me. what is NOT ready mean? is it cause he doesn't love me no more?

What makes a guy say he's not ready?  For me it was because my g/f at the time smothered me.  We were never apart and I had no personal life outside of her.  Things got WAY too serious and I couldn't take it.  I think when a guy says he's not ready, it's code for something else.  That's a nice way of saying "I'm tired of you" or "I've found someone else."

As for the love?  You sure it's love?  You can be with someone and grow accustomed to them and CARE for them, but not love them.  Sometimes when you're younger, you confuse the two.  Really caring about someone's wellbeing is different than loving them.

A man says he's not ready when he's not ready. Hell, I wasn't ready to commit at 19. I needed to be able to EXPERIENCE lift for a little longer.. go to college, get a job, now that I have a job, an apartment and my own life, only now could I seriously consider a serious level of commitment.. marriage, children, etc.

Not all of us are ready to get out of high school and commit to a life together.. the world is too big and there is too much to explore to find ourselves tied down, for good, in our small corner of it.

I hate to say it, but I don't think he loves you.  Sorry. He just doesn't know how to break it to you.

What's that book called "He's Not That Into You"?

Yeah, here you go..

finewine58-

so u broke up with her because u needed more space and couldn't take it no more? weren't u still in love with her though? why did u guys try to work things out?

hkellick-

what makes u think he's not in love with me?

if u met a girl that u were in love with at the age of 19 and thought she was the one, would u still wanna "experience" life a little longer and break up with her? but my ex bf doesn't wana a relationship with ANYONE other girl, he just wants to be alone.

Honestly, chrissy, yes.. if I was 19 and we'd been dating for nearly 2 years and I was going away to school.. I probably would have broken up with you.

Again, I wasn't ready to get married until NOW.. and I'm 11 years older than you.

But, again, the one who can answer if he loves you or not is him, not me or any of the rest of us.

chobe-

what makes u say he doesn't love me?