CAN'T stop eating.

my aunt passed away on wednesday after a 3 year battle with cancer .. so needless to say, the past few days have been very emotional. i feel like today i can't stop eating. i'm not even really HUNGRY, i just keep sorta picking at things. i know the calories don't add up to much but i really don't want to be someone who resorts to emotional eating :( here's what i've eaten today ..

8am - Fage 0% greek yogurt with blueberries & raisins
10:30ish - apple, baby carrots
11:45 - egg white sandwich on whole wheat bread
12-1ish - blueberries, peanuts (a pretty decent amount)

now i'm sitting here eating oatmeal. i feel like i've just been stuffing my face all day with no real 'hunger pangs', but now that i look at what i've eaten, it's really not that much. i plan on going out to dinner later tonight after the last wake .. i don't know. it's been a rough week, maybe i feel like ate a lot because it was a pretty big amount of food for me within a small time frame (4 hrs).

eh sorry, kind of a rant i guess.

To me, that doesn't seem like an excess amount of food. Even if it seems you've been eating more than usual, at least the snacks/meals you've listed are all pretty healthy. A lot of the emotional eating I've heard of involves mass amounts of chocolates and other sweets/unhealthy foods.

I'm sorry to hear about your aunt.

yeah, i felt kind of bad about eating food pretty much mindlessly but felt a little better when i wrote it down and saw that what i was eating really wasn't that bad. i just don't want it to turn into me eating unhealthy foods, yeno?

and thank you

I think it seemed like more when it was in your head.. once down on paper it is not that bad.. and maybe you should take this week off.  Let yourself grieve and get back on it next week... Throw off the metabolism.  Sorry about your aunt!

yeah, definitely seemed like more when it was all in my head.

i don't count calories .. i used to, but then became way too unhealthily obsessive with it so i tried to give up on it. i just try to eat as healthfully as possible & TRY to watch my portions. for some reason, i always feel like i have to eat everything that's in front of me .. regardless of whether i'm starving, not-so-hungry, or so full that i'm sick.

I completely understand what you mean by "mindlessly eating"! Especially right now when you're experiencing an enormous loss. I hate to say that it's "normal" at time like this because it sounds so heartless, but it is really since you have to find a way to grieve and gain closure while still getting through the day and accomplishing everyday tasks and goals. It's just a physical response to coping, ya know? Like, at first all you can do is weep and wonder why, then the brain says "Ok, I can't take this anymore" and becomes numb for awhile because it still has to work through the problem, but needs to focus on other things too. This could translate into mindlessly flipping through channels on the TV, mindlessly eating, mindlessly cleaning for hours even though nothing's particularly dirty, etc. These feelings are temporary though and I'm so sorry this happened. *hug* Cancer is a thief that has robbed us all. If you're really concerned about messing up your health though (although the foods you mentioned are totally ok), I'd try taking some 5HTP. It'll give you a natural serotonin boost so the numb and bummed out feeling will be easier to deal with. Feel better, I know it's hard sometimes *another hug*

I'm sorry to hear about your aunt.*hug* As a recovering emotional eater, I can tell you that emotional eating does not have to involve just candy bars, etc. You are still emotionally eating, but you are making a step in the right direction with eating healthier foods when you feel the need to emotionally eat. However, if you truly want to be free of it, it is important to map out specific things that you will do when the urge to emotionally eat hits. You need to have a plan for dealing with any emotions that cause you to emotionally eat - boredom, family stress, work stress, etc. For me, my plan for dealing with the urge to emotionally eat due to family stress is as follows:

1. Breathe deeply- really experience the emotions. Don't try to push your grief away, or "be strong".  You are eating because you don't want to deal with the feeling of grief which is very understandable, but in order to begin to heal, you must allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions that you have without judgement.

2. hug someone - hug as many people as you can as often as you can. Not the superficial, quick pat hugs, but hug someone that you can get so close to that you feel their heartbeat. that is a real hug

3. write in a journal - write down everything that you are feeling. Don't try to judge your feelings or explain them, just write them down. Remember to use the word "feel" when talking about your emotions, rather than "I am".

4. listen to soothing music

5. talk to someone. talk to someone that you can express to how you are feeling - your desire to want to eat to deal with your emotions, your grief, your anger - whatever it is, just someone who you can talk to without reservation. Posting on this site to my small group has helped me out alot.

6. do something to relax - take a hot bath, get a pedicure, anything that makes you feel good physically and mentally and is safe (meaning- don't use alcohol or anything like that to deal with your emotions)

Hang in there. For us emotional eaters, grief can really send us in a spiral downward if we allow it to. Just remember that you are not alone. My prayers are with you.