Can't talk about dieting with anyone:(

I work in a psychology lab, where we study eating disorders, so we're surrounding by how disordered eaters feel about themselves all day.

I talk about how I'm trying to eat healthy, and workout more.  I try to put the emphasis on the fact that I'm trying to be more healthy, but I have mentioned that I'm trying to lose weight.  Maybe it's because I'm surrounded by people talking about their eating habits etc, but I talk about it a lot now too.

The other day I was talkign to someone about calories and she told me not to go below 1200 calories, and I was like "oh, of course not.  I know how calories work, and with my level of activity that would be dangerous for my body.  I just don't like it when people get my intentions confused with anorexia." and the girl's response was, "well maybe it's how much you talk about it". 

We got interrupted so I couldn't get into it firther with her, but it hurt my feelings.  I'm not anorexic, and I don't want to be, I'm just very careful about what I eat and how often I workout.  It may sound obsessive but why should that matter as long as I'm staying healthy?  It bothers me that girls can't talk to other girls about weight issues without someone assuming your going to become anorexic, especially people who should be senstive to these thing since they work in this field!

hmmmmm....

you know, i don't think i've ever been able to really talk to people in depth about the nitty gritty of dealing with food, eating patterns and diet & exercise...

people will talk about the latest crash or fad diet, maybe talk about food and stuff for a few minutes...

but, nope, never have had support in the real world where i could really talk about this kind of stuff...

it's why i'm so delighted to find calorie-count and {{{friends}}} here who are willing to talk about this incredibly important stuff we're doing ~ share support, a hug, a kind ear or shoulder...

But that's what bothers me!  I found this place, and with tons of peope to talk to, to the point where it feels normal and good to talk about food, and then I take those feeling into the really world and get accused of having "anorexic ideations" when I'm still chubby!

Yeah.. pretty much anyone I mention calorie-counting to assumes I am doing it to starve myself. ALOT of people think that the act of counting calories itself is an eating disorder. I totally disagree, of course. But, for example, my sister thinks that since I count calories I have an eating disorder ever though I always get 1400 or more depending on exercise.

Yeah, I'm almost embarassed to tell people I'm dieting because so many girls my age (18 and a high school senior) develop eating disorders, that it's almost like a wake-up call. Dieting =/= on the path to starvation!

Besides the fact that I'm not dieting so much as developing a healthier lifestyle to stick to in the long run, and losing weight in the process.

But it's annoying me that being overweight is perceived as negative (and it is unhealthy), yet dieting is also perceived as negative. The campaign today is, "Oh, accept yourself and don't be silly, just eat that brownie," with those people not realising that you can't be accept your weight and binge on sweets and still be healthy unless you are one of those lucky genetically-gifted people. And you know what? A lot of those thin girls who eat everything and don't gain weight, do gain when they get older.

People treat the habit of watching what you eat as if it is an extreme thing... I am not obsessive, but I am thorough and careful so as to instill good habits for the rest of my life.

I think most people pooh-pooh watching food habits because they feel guilty... they don't *want* to know what their food is composed of, they dont *want* to have to go to the trouble of having to analyze and reassess their habits... and it probably makes them subconsciously agitated because they know it would be better if they did.

Some people also don't want to admit that they are subconsciously worried about what other think... as if it is somehow "uncool" to admit you watch what you eat... "Let's impress everyone with the illusion that I can eat potato chips with no ill effect." *Snort*

So, perhaps they view people like us as annoying little Jiminy Crickets...

People will often negate what others believe to make themselves feel better.

Personally, I think obsessing over television stars and sports is weird (no offense to anyone here)...

Baby!

u r 2 lbs from Goal and look HAWT.  U do NOT look chubby. 

U may want to lose 2 more lbs and then tone up but no one could possibly see you as fat.  They probably do get concerned if they hear you talking about losing more weight.

Is it worth the argument?  Find the balance.  If the subject of health and eating gr8 comes up, join in.  Otherwise try to just eat the way you want and if someone asks, tell them.

oh, and come yak it up here!  We'll yak with ya.

It's funny for me because this whole thing started with a friend who was a total health nut...well perhaps not so much in practice but in theory. So I became really involved with understanding how different foods affect your body. And I am trying to lose weight--alot of people say to me: you look fine as you are. But the thing is, I don't hate my body at all. I just know I've gotten flabbier in the last four years and I want to tighten it up!

Anyway now I'm more into this than my friend is! On the other hand, it's nice to have the support in my context. Only I think he thinks I'm obsessed... But I'm really just into it! :) Thanks cc

I'm really glad I found this discussion forum! I'm so tired of people pulling the "oh you're so anorexic" because I care what I put into my body. Like some said before, we like to watch what we eat and how much we excersize. I don't see what's wrong with that. We are going to live longer and healthier lives for it! I agree that other people are just expressing their own diet frustrations when they attack your eating lifestyle.

I'm finishing up college in South America right now. I'm living with a host family, which was really worisome for me because I would lose control of the kitchen. I've lived with host families in other countries before (before I decided to REALLY change my diet lifestyle) and I know the weight gain consequences of eating random host family foods.

So, when I came here, I decided that I would lay down the law with my host mom. I was determined to keep my diet lifestyle, because it is not a fad, it is a way of life for me now. So, I'm two months into my stay, and I' m having problems. I had the healthy food talk with my host mom, but despite my best efforts, her idea of what's "healthy" is just NOT what I consider healthy at all. As much as she tries, and thinks she is making me healthy food, im drowning in carbs, oils, and saturated fats.

I joined a gym, don't eat sweets etc. but I find that food is becoming a bigger issue than I would like. I just know that I will be stuck until I'm back in the states in my own apartment! As we have all said in this chat, we are not trying to be anorexic, we are not crazy about food etc. but I feel like i'm going crazy! I don't want to eat this stuff anymore. It's difficult to admit that it really affects how I feel about my self/self image/ weight etc, and I can't talk to anyone about it here because they will pull the "anorexic" card on me.

I guess I just needed to vent without feeling judged. I know that the only solution is to be proactive and tell her i dont want to eat it/tell her what I'd rather eat. It is SO easier said than done because even my host mom pulls the "your SO healthy" card on me, making me feel like the dieter freak. She has even gotten out her scale TWO times to weigh me to see if I've lost weight since i'm "so healthy" in South America. My thoughts are, well if I didn't have a problem with food before, I will if she keeps pulling out the scale!

Anyway, just glad there are people who share my view of food. We are committed to eating right and excersizing because ITS GREAT FOR OUR BODIES!!! Lets keep it up.

blackthorne, I think you are exactly right: to people who don't care, don't know or don't want to know what's going into their bodies, any amount of calorie-counting, healthy eating, etc. seems obsessive and anorexia bound. 

I tend to be a very organized person, so writing down my calories for the day helps me to understand exactly what's going into my body, and it also helps me to understand what my triggers are -- it's how I learned that when I get home from work, I'm tired and cranky and I sit at the computer, read my blogs, and consume a bag of Pirate Booty.  Once I saw that pattern emerge in my journals, I was able to curb the destructive behavior.  But some people simply wouldn't understand that and would see it as OCD or something.

But I do totally understand what you are going through, baby_creature, I just got into an argument with my best friend about it the other day.  She thinks I'm obsessing over the numbers (I'm not.  I'm just careful about what I eat since I have thirty pounds to lose).  But this is the same person who has said to me, "I don't write down what I eat because I'd be afraid to know how many calories I eat every day." Which is why I'm losing weight and she's not.

Annnyway, in the end, just go with your gut.  You're eating better, feeling better, and that's a good thing, no matter what those around you say.  And really, they're probably just jealous because you're achieving the success they want. 

it's like even if you aren't talking about losing weight, people will still have their own ideas. for example::

sometimes i choose to bring healthy foods with me to work. i work in a restaurant that serves a lot of fried foods, so i don't want to have to eat those when i am hungry.

it makes me not want to bring my own food( like yogurt or cottage cheese or fruit) when people constantly say.."why are you on a diet? you're skinny." i don't like having that attention, especially when i feel like it's bad attention...as if i'm TRYING to lose weight and become anorexic. i'm just eating healthy. what can i possibly say back?! i just don't understand it

I am so glad you started this topic!!  Yeah, I don't talk about my "new & improved" eating habits except with a couple of people.  I'm a little overweight & until very recently I ate like crap every single day.  Now I am eating better, feeling better, and am starting to lose my belly - for which I am very happy.  The natural reaction is to want to say something once in a while about it - heck, I'm even a little proud of myself!!

I've learned better though - the whole "Why are you on a diet, you arent fat" thing and the assumption that I am on the road to ruin because I am counting calories are annoying and demotivating.  What the hey?  Nobody was worried about me when I ate 3x a day at Mcdonalds - isn't that a bit scarier!!??  There is NO way I'm going to over-diet myself to a stick - it's hard enough to just keep within my calorie budget and to eat healthy!!  But who says you have to wait until you are morbidly overweight to start making a change in your eating habits?!!

I know that the folks saying that stuff think they are being kind (by saying I don't need to diet - I think it is intended in sort of an affirming way)  and I also know that those folks are probably also on some level trying to negate their own feeings that perhaps it might be time for them to look at what they eat & make some changes... but boy it sure isn't fun.

I am so glad I found the forum on here.  Even when I don't post it is inspiring to hear the progress (& struggles) of other folks on here.  It makes me feel less isolated!!

I feel like this is the only place I don't feel attacked when I talk about food.  The last couple of weeks I've tried keeping my comments to myself to avoid rude comments. 

Right now what I'm most worried about is the last few steps of my weight loss... Right now I weight about 111 lbs, but I'm not very toned.  I know I still have love handle, flapping chicken arms and stocky legs... (I get them from my lovely mommy).  I've been steadily lossing weight for the last two weeks, and I know I'm over that rough starting stage, so it's only going to get easier to stay on track.  In a week and a bit I'm going to start my job serving again for the summer, so I'll be constantly active and will have an easy time dropping the numbers on the scale.  The reason I'm worried is that I know it's going to start being noticeable soon... summer clothes are coming out and if I get the sexy body I'm working hard for, my friends are going to notice, and then I won't have to talk about it... they'll be talking about it for me, and probably giving me a hard time.  yeesh! 

You know, I feel your pain.

It kind of upsets me, as an "obese" person (per BMI standards) that "skinny" society wants us to lose our weight because of many different reasons.  They treat us like we're diseased or something, almost as if coming near us will cause them to become obese (hey, no offense to those of you who are naturally slender or have no problem losing/keeping weight off. This is how it looks on my side of the fence).  But when we get the motivation and start working to lose our "disgusting fat", it still isn't good enough. 

One of the driving forces in me to lose my now 63lbs to go, was a 3 day long argument I had on an MSNBC Posting Board regarding an article they had on the "Morbidly Obese".  I couldn't not believe that there was still so much ignorance and intolerance in our world today!  Some of the most hateful, mean and insensitive people in the world...  See for yourself...

Clicky to Posting Board...  (I was posting as DarkestMyst)

I have very few people in the real world that I can talk to about food and such, even then, I know it's has a limited tolerance.

But, I don't let any of that bother me.  That's why I keep this site open all day when I am at work so if I have a thought, I can think about it here. :)

Hava Great Day, everyone!

I've found that the less I talk about what I'm doing, the better.  I too get tired of fielding those comments and assumptions.  If I'm asked how I'm losing the weight, I just say smaller portions and exercise.  I don't go into detail  Acutally, most of the time I don't need to, because the other person goes off about how they can't lose, or talk about the latest fad diet.  I just hold my tongue.  Not easy, but after all, I have all of you to talk to.

I don't have some of the problems you do, cause I am "obese", but people I know do get annoyed when I talk about my new eating lifestyle, cause they want to continue eating all the crappy stuff all the time. I try not to judge them, but when I order a healthier meal and only eat part of it (reasturant portion sizes...) and someone else orders a cheese burger and gives me a hard time about my salad or something, well, I am gonna speak up. I turned down an altoid the other night, not because of calories, but because I am working on more mindful eating and not picking at food all day, and I got a comment about that! I love altoids, so it was hard to turn down anyway. argh. I am at the point where people are starting to notice my weightloss, and people are like "wow, you look great, what are you doing?" I tell them I am eating healthier food in smaller portions and becoming more active. Then they go on about how they can't loose weight. If I can, they can! yikes.

So, I'm all for being healthy and everything, but outside of these forums I don't talk about it.  It's a pretty boring subject for people who aren't trying to lose weight. 

Any time I talk about (this subject) with any member of my family other than my daughter and husband they always accuse me of calling them fat.  Which I would never do.  They ask me questions, I answer them and then, I am told that I have called them fat.  The way I look at it it is a lose, lose situation.

I totally know how ya'll are feeling.  I can't talk to anybody about my trying to lose weight other than here and with my younger brother (sometimes).  I tried talking about calorie counting with my mom and she just rolled her eyes.  (Oh how I love my mom - her motto is "I'd rather die fat and happy than skinny and miserable" - she's not fat, she's just not a fan of dieting...) And, if I even think about saying anything to my boyfriend, he cuts me off and tells me I'm beautiful just the way I am.  While I appreciate him saying that (cuz I'm pretty sure he means it), I really would like to have somebody to talk to about it.  He says as long as I am healthy, that's all that matters to him, not my weight.  I try telling him that watching what I eat and excercising will make me a healthier person, and that's where our conversations end... lol... Not too exciting or detailed, which is why (as cjeka had mentioned) I keep CC open pretty much all day while I'm at work now... cuz ya'll are great in giving the much-needed support I've been searching for!

Thanks CC!

Yeh me too...I feel like none of my friends understand the difference btwn anorexic and diet. And most of them are heavier than me! they think once you go on diet,you have anorexia.

I just want ppl (who are ignorant about dieting) to know that ppl who suffer from anorexia are in pain and they DON"T like to be sick! They didn't choose to have anorexia. Nobody likes to be sick rite? Stop blaming on ppl who has this ED.

I don't talk about my lifestyle change anymore with anyone except mysister, because she's the only one who understands and she introduced me to pilates.

Agreed with pretty much everyone above.  I eat sensibly and work out.  I NEVER go hungry. but when my mother (who is mildly overweight) saw me losing weight and heard me talking about calories, she automatically assumed I had a problem.  she actually went to my husband and asked him if I was eating.  He's been behind me 100% this whole time and it took HIM assuring her that I eat and that I'm being healthy for her to believe it.

Secondly, my whole family gets mad at me when I say that I would like to lose that last 5 vanity pounds.  I know my height and my weight and I know my BMI and even though I'm not overweight (anymore), I would still have a perfectly acceptable BMI if I were to lose 5 more pounds.  that would put me at 125 lbs and 5ft 5in.  I've finally had to just drop the subject and tell them that I'm just maintaining and working on toning.  My problem is that I should not have to lie to my family and friends and I should not have to feel bad because I'm trying to lose 5 pounds.