Why can't they just be happy for me?

So, I'm a little frustrated. I'm a freshmen at college, I've lost 22 lbs (5'3" CW: 123 GW: 115) I've got like 8 lbs to go before my goal weight and I haven't really told anyone that but all my friends, roomate, boyfriend, family, etc. keep saying things like "you're so skinny" or "don't lose anymore weight" well, i know my body thank you and i know my goals. i'm not going to give them up just because you've gained all the weight that i've lost this year! geez! it's just annoying. my roomate today said somthing like "i swear, i'm going to destroy that calorie count website if i keep seeing you on that. you look fine." and walked out of our room when i was logging my calories.  i just wish i had some support. it makes this weight loss thing 10 times harder without it. can anyone sympathise? 

i see where your coming.  i'm also 5'3 but i think 115 might be a little low.  Know what you look like and if you look skinny before you reach 115 dont try to lose more weight. your friends might just be worried about an eating disorder, so dont pay too much attention to them

Well let me just say that your current BMI is perfectly normal.  21 is really good. I won't lecture about a few vanity pounds.  I am sure there is somone on here that will take it up shortly :)

But I do know what you mean.  I have lost 20 lbs and am still at 30 BMI and very much in the overweight category.  I have at least 20 lbs to lose still.

But the appearance of thiness is dramatic to others and based on perception people are already telling me not to lose any more weight.

It is absurd of course.  Overweight is still unhealthy.  And I want to be as far from that overweight line as I can healthily be.

But I do know it is just that they are used to seeing me at a heavier weight.  They will get over it.

But do be sure you are not focusing on a number instead of good health.  Sometimes our friends and family DO see what we don't when we look in the mirror.

I can completely relate. I am in college also (Graduate Student) and started on here at around 140lbs in January. I am also 5'3 and currently very happily 122.2 lbs! My GW is 112. I am sorry to hear about your friends and family, luckily I have a lot of support from my family, but honestly I am sad to say I cannot say that about some of the girls I thought were my closest friends. All was fine and well while I was fatter and bigger than they were, but as soon as I started getting closer to their weight, this major judgemental attitude surfaced that is just plain mean. It's really sad that people can't just be happy for you for being healthy and accomplishing something positive for yourself, you know? I also want to congratulate you on your success! Seriously, I understand the hard work and determination it takes! If you ever need a friend, please don't hesitate to message me! Also, in regard to people who think maybe it's because others in our lives are worried we are not being healthy and may have an ED, this is not the case for me, as I am extremely healthy and balanced in my lifestyle and all of my friends know it, so there is no margin for 'worry' there. I guess as my mom always says, time will tell you who your true friends are. And sadly, the skinnier I get (and granted I'm no twig, and have lots of muscle which I love) the more girls I find are not so nice to me. Another word of advice, also from my mother, a wise woman, kill them with kindness, complement them at every chance, anything and everything. Trust me, it helps, at least a little. :)

I think I've a pertinent quote for your post!

"Choosing a goal and sticking to it, changes everything". -Scott Reed-

It usually goes beyond significantweight-loss.  Yes, that's what people will respond to initially, but is there anything else that could alarm them?  Are you logging calories all the time?  Are you obsessing about food or exercise?  Criticising other people's food choices?  Have you isolated yourself in any way simply to get slimmer?  Has your behaviour/mood/personality changed at all?

I used to share a house with a girl at college that wanted to get slimmer.  She did get slimmer but we all started to notice that she only ate an apple & a biscuit for lunch, stopped joining the rest of us for meals, other peculiar behaviour.  She started to look pale, hollow-cheeked and miserable rather than slim and energised.   Finally, when we went to an aerobics class together and she was getting changed it was obvious things had gone too far.  When I tackled her about it and said she'd become too skinny she simply accused me of being 'unsupportive'..... 

Reassure your friends that you have only healthy goals in mind & examine your own behaviour carefully.  

Original Post by cferrari:

So, I'm a little frustrated. I'm a freshmen at college, I've lost 22 lbs (5'3" CW: 123 GW: 115) I've got like 8 lbs to go before my goal weight and I haven't really told anyone that but all my friends, roomate, boyfriend, family, etc. keep saying things like "you're so skinny" or "don't lose anymore weight" well, i know my body thank you and i know my goals. i'm not going to give them up just because you've gained all the weight that i've lost this year! geez! it's just annoying. my roomate today said somthing like "i swear, i'm going to destroy that calorie count website if i keep seeing you on that. you look fine." and walked out of our room when i was logging my calories.  i just wish i had some support. it makes this weight loss thing 10 times harder without it. can anyone sympathise? 

Remember you are doing this for yourself, and you have to tell them or talk with them and tell them that this is what YOU want, not what they want

*btw, soz, i just posted this i havent read all the other comments :P

Ya my lady has this coming from her Mom, Dad, girl firends and people at work.

She was 153 in Jan 09 and we went on a weight loss program I designed thru CC...she is now 123 and is being bombarded with these requests, as are you.

She had been over weight for years so this is a significant change for those you love her and see her daily.  They remember that rolly polly jolly lady of the past and want that person back.  The new one, has had to down size her wardrobe, does not eat like she use to when they go out and she is going thru adjustments in loose skin tightening and bringing home a different diet that her family is not use too.

More of a Vegan diet, but with, eggs and chicken but only water.  Her socialites are upset to, because she is not drinking the booze now either and that seems to upset her friends and co-workers because they want someone to join in their stupidity when trying to lose weight too.

But she looks and feels so much better, has lost more weight than anyone of her friends for the first time in many years.

She will soon be her ideal weight of 115 lbs, but she has more energy, stamina, her BP and pulse have improved significantly, she sleeps better and has fixed up minor health problems she has had for years which included hair, skin and eye problems.

Does she want to go back..no!   Will the others accept her new body...of course...and she has no saying how she feels about her new body.

So stand your ground!  State you are eating a well balanced diet and that is that.  

..aaahh I assume your eating a well balanced diet and not on any starvation diet..dieting thru starving is not healthy and you will not look that great even when you think you do.

Original Post by cferrari:

So, I'm a little frustrated. I'm a freshmen at college, I've lost 22 lbs (5'3" CW: 123 GW: 115) I've got like 8 lbs to go before my goal weight and I haven't really told anyone that but all my friends, roomate, boyfriend, family, etc. keep saying things like "you're so skinny" or "don't lose anymore weight" well, i know my body thank you and i know my goals. i'm not going to give them up just because you've gained all the weight that i've lost this year! geez! it's just annoying. my roomate today said somthing like "i swear, i'm going to destroy that calorie count website if i keep seeing you on that. you look fine." and walked out of our room when i was logging my calories.  i just wish i had some support. it makes this weight loss thing 10 times harder without it. can anyone sympathise? 

Happens a lot.  Some people are genuinely concerned for your health and think that you might not be eating (if for example they don't see you very often so get a shock the first time they see you).  Others are just thinking about themselves.........either they don't want other people looking better than them for competitive reasons (are these people single, or insecure in their relationships?), or they feel guilty/unhappy about their own weight/appearance, and seeing you take control of yours exacerbates this guilt and makes them feel worse about themselves. 

Actually, one other potential reason......you are changing your life, so maybe your habits and interests are changing also?  Maybe you're spending time at the gym that you used to before spend on the sofa or at the bar with these friends.  Maybe you've made new friends at the gym, or at whatever team sport you've taken up (if you've done any of this).  Maybe they're just feeling abandoned and lonely and are genuinely missing you, rather than harbouring any bad motives towards you, but are just not expressing this?  Just a suggestion. 

As sos47 says, kill them all with kindness.....your true friends will be happy to stand by you, and will find a way to share in your new life - whether it's in the gym/team/pool or not. 

Sounds like your roommate could be a little jealous.  Maybe she was used to getting all the attention or being the "hot" roommate...and now she's got some competition and doesn't like it! :)  I went through that once when I lost weight in the past.  I lost 20 pounds between my sophomore and junior years in college and a few "friends" who were used to my being the chunky one started putting me down because I was suddenly getting just as much attention from people (mainly guys) as they were and they didn't like it.

Don't let other people get you down.  Draw on your inner strength and remind yourself that your goals are still in the healthy range for your height and age.  Good for you losing 22 lbs!

If you are being healthy about it dont fret.

I am trying to lose twenty pounds.( I would like to loose more later but this is my summer goal) I am 5'2''145 pounds and really want to get healthy/fit before I start nursing clinicals. My step-mom however doesn't want me to lost weight at all. She will buy delicious snacks that are hard for me to resist and makes really good meals. She is really thin and its hard for her to gain weight so she loves to watch people really enjoy their food. She says my current curves are beautiful and I dont need to lose weight. But I am not losing weight for her and you are not losing weight for your friends. many other people have already said this but I hope that I will be forgiven for my repetition; You made a goal and as long as you are being healthy and safe about it, you keep doing what you are doing.

Hello, I have SUCH a similar situation!!!  I just finished my sophomore year in college, and I've lost about 23 lbs.  I have about 10 more until my goal, and I get identical comments, especially from my mom about the "Don't lose anymore weight!"

My cousin and some of my friends definitely say the "You're so skinny!" thing too.  Except I'm not skinny, soo these comments bug me.  My roommate also joked around and said I was addicted to the gym (unnntrue).

Lately, I sat down and had a talk with my mom (the worse offender with "Don't lose anymore weight!!!!!") and explained to her that I'd done my research and I knew what was healthy, and I had a little more to lose.  She's calmed down a lot since then.  You also have to remember you're doing this for yourself, for your health and happiness.  Don't let other people confuse you--you know what you want. :)

You are much more critical of yourself and notice things that others don't.  My roommate has the body of a super model, and yet she stands in front of the mirror and points things out to me that I can't see even when she explains them to me.  This is what is happening with your friends and family, your harshest critique is yourself, which explains why you think you need more improvement whereas they think you look great.  Rather than feeling they are attacking you about your weight loss, think of it as a compliment.  You have two choices here: to either take what they are saying negatively or positively.  Put the optimistic spin on it, everyone is envious of how you look! 

Make the changes you feel comfortable with as long as they are healthy.  It is your body after all and you are the one who has to live with it. Maybe you need to tone your body rather then lose weight.  If you are skinny but looking flabby, it could be from lack of muscle. 

I've always gone by a general rule-of-thumb that a woman who is 5' should be 100 lbs, and then add 5 pounds for each inch afterwards.  So someone who is 5'3" should be about 115 pounds, and I'm 5'6" so I should be 130 (currently 137 and I'm not happy with it). 

Keep it up.  Sounds like you're doing great!

That rule of thumb only works for small-framed women.  I, for one, would look emaciated at 115 (117.5? since I'm 5'3.5).  My much finer boned mother, on the other hand matched it reasonably well when she was younger, weighing 8.5 stone (119 pounds) at 5'2.5" and she was TINY (25" waist and everything).

It also breaks down for taller women since height and weight do not scale linearly. 

Congratulations on losing the weight. It might just take your friends and family time to adjust to the new you. As others have stated, your family might be concerned; your friends may be jealous or some people may just want to let you know that you look good the way you are already but are thoughtless in their comments. Try not to take it personally, and eventually your friends and family will get used to the thinner you. Maybe you could reassure them that you're eating a healthy diet and that you're not underweight.