Catch-up fat

HI- I am new here.  My name is Jen and I am 37 years old with 3 little girls.  I am in recovery from anorexia, and have been for over a year.  My greatest fear is that one of my beautiful girls will follow in my footsteps (I did, my mother is a binger).  

Anyway, I have gained 40 lbs since I was diagnosed and have really made my doctors happy. Unfortunately I am unhappy with all this fat.  I feel like I am wearing a fat suit!  I eat a healthy amount (1400-1800 calories/day) but I have been gaining a ton of weight.  I have gained 30 lbs since March 1st.  It is Aug 18th. That is just 5 months!

I mean I feel strong, healthy and smart, much smarter, but I HATE being fat.  I am almost 160 lbs and everyone says the weight will start slowly coming off when my metabolism recovers from starvation mode, but until then?  I feel like hiding in the house.  I am so embarrassed and people keep asking me questions like "are you pregnant?" "what is diffferent about you?"  

Am I going to be fat forever?  WIll this weight come off someday? Is my metabolism ruined forever?  I have been eating really healthy since March 1st.  How long will it take to burn fat?

Frustrated....

Jen

Also, I run 3-5 miles/day and lift weights every other day for 15-20 minutes.

The best way to make your children anorexic is by example, leading them down that path by example: having the "anorexic attitude" about food and appearance and treating food like the enemy and the mirror like the most important judge in the world.

You are eating a healthy amount of food, and you WILL reach a healthy weight if you continue to do so.  You may just not yet understand what a healthy weight for you is.  A healthy weight for one of my friends is 120-125, at 5'10", while a healthy weight for me is 160 at 5'8" (although I currently weigh more than that).  Both of us eat what we want when we want and both of us are considered pretty darn hot.

Unless you want to go back to anorexia, you need to find the confidence in yourself to be whatever weight falls in that healthy 1400-1800 calorie level and be that woman with flair!  Beauty isn't about weight.  It's about health and confidence.  Be healthy, be confident, and your daughters will be the first (and certainly not the last) to notice exactly how beautiful you are.

Wow- you are right, that was a reality check i needed.  It is just a bad night for me, and sometimes I get sucked back into the "sick skinny brain" that I used to live in.

I'm just glad I could help.  It took me a long time to be convinced that I was beautiful in spite of being classified by the BMI as "overweight".  Sometimes you just gotta get a kick in the pants (a mild one, hopefully!).

So last year the mom's at school gossiped about me being too skinny, and now gossip about how fat I am, (2 mom's especially) how do I not let it bother me?  How do I not feel ashamed?

Tell them to go shove it up their arses and find something better to do with their pitiful lives then gossip about someone's body? Do you really want acceptance from a bunch of women who have nothing worth living for aside from their children and gossiping about other women? Really? They need to find a hobby, and I reccomend you tell that to their faces next time they start talking crap.

Word of advice: When you got self-esteem, you don't *need* anyone's approval. You won't feel ashamed about your body because you accept it. Not to say that you wont have a day where you look in the mirror and say "meh." at what you see, but you defiantly wont be ashamed of who you are.  My suggestions:

A) Therapy.

B) At home cognitive therapy. Address your fears, respond to them. There's tons of methods of cognitive therapy you can do RIGHT NOW! That's right! Google is a wonder, but an easy one that I do is to take a piece of paper and make two columns. Now, write what's on your mind, and do not filter it. After writing it down, respond. For example, I once wrote "I am a failure at my job and no one will love me if I fail at this. I am unlovable, and everyone hates me." That was my exact thought. Word. For. Word. Pretty ridiculous, right? I responded with "Psht. You're still new at this job, and you'll get better because I *know* you have that ambition and capability.  No one around you hates you, and they defiantly wouldn't if you failed at this job." I then went on to list all the people who love me and think I'm amazing. Needless to say, my anxiety after that went down.

C) Self-help books! Female empowerment, or just general self-esteem books from the library are SO SO SOOOO worth the time checking out! Amazon.com has some great reviews, but don't be afraid to check out some that you can't find on amazon.com. My self-esteem hit the roof when I started reading on how I could improve it.

D) Surround yourself with positive people. My friends are all pessimistic, so I just go to blogs for my injection of positivity and optimism directly into my vains. The more positive and optimistic you are, the more likely your thinking will approve of how you look and realize that the mums who are gossiping are full of ****.

C) http://www.wearetherealdeal.com

You are working on your body and improving it. You are a strong woman. You are a capable woman. You're a nice, cool, awesome, freakin' rad woman. Those two women who're talking crap about you don't deserve your time, so don't give it to them. Put yourself in lala land, give them the bird (even if it's only happening in your mind), and stop caring. I know, I know, it's hard. But you gotta keep working. It's hard work! It takes dedication! Make it a goal to stop giving a crap about what they think about your bod. Tell them to cut it out. Do what you can. Make the best of your situation. It gets easier as you keep trying.

<3

Thank you so much for your response.  I am honored that you spent the time to reply with such caring.  I will DEFINITELY take your advice.

Will post it!

Hi. I am sorry you are struggling. I have a few thoughts from someone who has had a long battle of anorexia of 14 years and who has a mom who has had anorexia for 40 plus years. I am doing well now in recovery and unfortunatly she is not. First though about the rude women. I can understand where this hurts trust me I hate comments of any kind. I try to remind myself that people who gossip or say hurtful things are just taking there issues and insecurities out on us. As for the mom and ed. I don't blame my mom for my ed at all. She is and was the greatest mom and my biggest support in recovery and life. I will say even as a 5 year old there was and is a sense of extreme worry. I did not know what was wrong with my mom but knew something was not right. I would ask why she had ants in her pants from all the excercise and wondered why she never ate lunch etc. I think it made me and still today really attatched to her and worry that something would happen. I am not saying this to make you or any mom feel bad but just some thoughts and again my mom is the best and I am sure you are an amazing one too.

As for the weight my ed nutritionist worked a lot with what you are struggling with and used a non diet approach. She worked with people to boost their metabolism and if I recall she did not have anyone on a plan lower then 1800. She had them eating every few hours and a combo of protein/fat/carbs etc. Are you working out? It takes time for the body and metabolism to adjust. Have you had a physical though cause the weight you stated and time frame on that low of calories you may want to see if it is just ed related and your body being confused or another condition. Hang in there

'Tell them to go shove it up their arses and find something better to do with their pitiful lives then gossip about someone's body? Do you really want acceptance from a bunch of women who have nothing worth living for aside from their children and gossiping about other women? Really? They need to find a hobby, and I reccomend you tell that to their faces next time they start talking crap.'

Bucketwithapurpose - What fabulous advice! Just remember these people are gossips because they have no lives of their own they will always need someone to gossip about because they are sad individuals.

Bite your thumb at them, and be a bit kinder to yourself

x

At least while they're talking about you someone else is getting a break!

oh. oh. I forgot to post this link:

http://operationbeautiful.com/

You can defiantly benefit from operation beautiful. ;)

I think everyone could. Try it! Put up a complimenting/motivating stickynote somewhere that you'll see it everyday and read it to yourself when you can.

Thank you all so much for the great responses.  You have given me the best advice.  I desperately needed a reality check and you all were so kind!  Thank you, thank you, thank you!  I'll pass on the sweetness.

Hi Jen,

I went through the same exact thing, believe me that your weight will stabilize after a few months. I restricted and lost a lot of weight and had a ED mindset. Then saw what it was doing to my life/loved ones and i started eating more normally, and not overeating by any means, and i also run every day at least 4 mi/day. I gained around 35 lbs in a matter of months- went up during the summer and peaked in January. Then lost about 20 of those eventually and my body is now at a "happy weight" where it fluctuates near (give or take a few lbs) and the best part is i dont feel like i have to struggle and restrict and it is a healthy weight for my height. Please feel free to message me if you want to talk!