Posts by xmasbaby1974

hi guys, went to my doctor, gota have a blood test tomorrow, he said about not enough protien like you said gilly. what foods are high in protien?

lucy

hi guys thanks for ur replys, anwsers to q, i never add salt to my food, im very careful bout salt intake, i drink lots, i go for walks every day, im sleeping better, ive not had my period for 6 months, its not just bloating, my legs r the worse, i can press on my legs with my finger and it leaves a dent and it stays there for ages over an hour, only time its ok is if im lying down with my legs up.

lucy

thank you for your replys, im going to see my nurse today, im still feeling very low and want to cut back on the calories, i dont want to gain anymore weight, i only had 900 calories yesterday, and want to stick to 1000 calories aday, i just feel like ive gained way too quick, i feel so fat, i have enjoyed eating, but im so scared i wont be able to stop eating and i will get really fat again, i used to be a size 16, then i did weight watchers just to lose a bit, i wanted to be a size 12, i dont really know why i did it cause i was happy, i like food, i really enjoyed going out and eating and eating what i liked and not worrying about it, but all the ed thoughts are coming back, im scared that if i put on anymore weight no one will like me, and my family will feel ashamed of me, my head is driving me mad, i just dont know what to do.

lucy

hi guys, wow so busy since i was last on, well done on going for an indian thats so cool you must be so happy with urself, im going out next weekend with my mum and stepdad for a meal, will be the 1st time going to a resturant and im nervous, just gota pick where i want to go, any ideas?,

went to the park again yesterday my god it was cold, still not feeling well my thoart is so sore, and my head still hurts. yesterday i ate a massive fear food, i ate rabbit and i have to say its very nice, i made a soup with it, having it for my dinner again tonight. here what i had yesterday

B= porridge

L=one slice of bread with sliced egg white, tiny bit of mayo and a salad

D=rabbit and veg soup (very yummy)

i think its good, and it made me laugh for the 1st time in ages, so thank you

hi guys, my god this board has been busy while ive not been on for a day or two.

anyway i told you that the hospital rang me on saturday, about my blood results for blood sugar, they wanted me to go up there right away but i couldnt as i was not of town, was told to have a fruit juice and go to the doctor 1st thing monday, anyway i did as i was told, doctor sent me up the hospital today to have a glosuse tests, but you have to book appointments for that and the nearest one they could give me is 22nd oct, 3 weeks tomorrow!, anyway i rang the doctor and she sending me for a blood sugar level blood test tomorrow and see what it comes back at, if its still low shes going to get on to them, get me tested sooner. last night i was very bad with it, i felt awful, never felt that bad before, and dont want to feel that bad again, told my doctor how bad i felt and she told me if i feel like that again to go straight to the a&e, not to hang around, also my calcuim levels have dropped again, i had an op last year and they removed 2 calcuim glands, so im on calcuim pills all the time, i was taking 4 aday but they have been upped to 5 aday now. my sugar levels are ok as long as i dont eat anything sweet, like biscuits chocolate things like that, so im not eating them anymore which is so hard as i crave sweet things, god i need help with that. anyway enough of me going on, heres my food plan for today.

B= didnt have any cause i thought i was having a glosuse test and cant eat for 12 hours.

L= big bowl of carrot and corrinda soup and slice of wholemeal bread 250 cals

S=3 carrot sticks

D=half a roast beef dinner with veg 200

S= not sure

hi guys, went to the doctors this morning for my blood test they will be back next friday, i walked to the doctors then did a bit of shopping at the supermarket, had to go have a sit down and had 2 cups of earl grey, got very worried at one point, i felt so tired and weak, didnt think i was gona make it home, and i had to pick my daughter up from nursery at 11.30, i rang my mum got her to meet me at the school so i had someone to walk home with, dont really understand why i felt like that, i upped my cals last night and had my breaky this morning, i went to the cafe for lunch like i told my mum i would, i had jacket pot with beans and salad ate half of the pot and bout spoon full of beans, then went to the park it was such a lovely day, it was very warm, love the sun, had a good chat with my mum bout my fear of putting on weight which helped. taking the kids on the train tomorrow to a park to feed ducks, taking a pinic so that sould be fun i find feeding ducks very relaxing, then going to the market, might even buy myself a box of broken biscuits they r my fear but also my down fall, i find it hard to stop eating them when i start, not sure what to do buy them or not?, anyway foods so far

B= porridge 98 cals

L= half jacket pot, spoon full of beans, salad 250 cals i think

D= sausage and veg 168 cals

milk for the day 50 cals

566 cals so far, will have some more porridge before bed. really want something sweet tho like huge bar of chocolate.

hi guys, woke feeling very weak this morning and felt funny, think ive been over doing it with the walking, but i just cant seem to stop, i need someone to tie me down and stop me, my feet are so sore. i tried a bit of pancake yesterday, when my dad rang last night i told him as i was so pleased with myself, and he said whooooo whipp eeee, not in a good way he then said u need to eat the whole lot, not a bit thats not good enough, couldnt believe it, couldnt believe he said that, it made me feel like crap, but ive been strong and not let it bother me too much, i had a nice bowl of porridge last night before bed pushed my cals to 800, need more i know. tryed not to do any walking today but failed, didnt do quite as much as i normaly do but still had to do it, im not sure how im going to break this, ive been feeling very fat today, and horrible, hope i feel better tomorrow, i so want to beat this. went to the doctor today, because of my sore tounge, my over whelmin thirst and the fact that my toes keep going numb, she is doing some blood tests for sugar, full blood count and other things, she asked me if i could farst for 12 hours!!!!! i ask you is she mad? i told her no way, i was pleased with myself for that as only 2 weeks ago if she had said that i would have said yer no prob, give me a real reason not to eat then, so gave myself a pat on the back for that.

butter fly in the sky: im sorry you are feeling the way you are at the moment, i know how it feels, i quite other think about ending it all, then all this crap would be over, but i keep thinking of my kids and my family, what would they do if i did do that, then i think well they would be better off without me, which is stupid cause they love me, please try and talk to your mum, you need to tell someone how you are feeling so they can help you, i wish you all the luck in the world, and if u ever need to talk im here xxxxx

food for today

50 cals for milk for the day

B=porridge 98 cals, earl grey tea

L= half jacket pot with beans and salad 250 cals

D= veg, 1 sausage, i slice of bread 213 cals

total 611 cals, going to have porridge soon, maybe 150 cals worth,= 761, cant think of anything else to have, havent got much here, all my foods are at my mums, going there to stay for the weekend tomorrow, so will eat more.

lucyxx

went to the doctor today and she is doing some tests, checking my sugar levels, full blood count a few other things, hopefully fingers crossed they will come back ok, got to have them done on friday morning wont get results for a week tho, she asked me if i could farst for 12 hours before the blood test!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i ask you what the hell, told her no way, i have to eat breakfast no matter what. she also gave me some stuff that might help my sore tounge.

lucyxx

i also have very veiny arms and legs, even have then sticking out on my stomach, everyone comments on them all the time, i have dry skin, mainly on my hands, but also every where, my knees go purple too, and i lose feeling in my toes sometimes, going to the doc about that tomorrow, also my mouth goes tingly and my teeth, also get a vry dry mouth and sore tounge, im always thirsty no matter how much i drink, i hate it, i said today that i was so thirsty that i could drink loo water lol ewwww how gross but i was that thirsty, one more thing all my glands in my whole body are up and stick out, i know this might be tmi and i will say sorry now, i havent told anyone this but my butt looks like an old persons its horrible. only thing ive found that is good that my hair doesnt get greesy.

lucyxx

good morning everyone,

holbee them muffins sound very nice, really like the sound of the banana one, you are doing so good, hopefully i will be able to do that soon.

feeling a bit more possitive today, ive had my breakfast and im going to the cafe again for lunch, and im going to try a little bit of one of my fear foods, im going to try a bit of pancake, feeling nervous bout it already but im going to do it, wish me luck, i feel so stuffed after breaky, omg my stomach hurts guess its just something ive got to get used to. plan for today

B= apple and blueberry porrigde  131 cals

L= boiled pots and peas 150 cals followed by a small amount of pancakes no idea of cals

D= not sure yet but will be bout 200 cals

S= slice of uncut bread with butter bout 150 cals

milk for the day 50 cals

should make around 800 cals not enough i know but will try and have something, inbetween lunch and dinner. wish me luck for today im gona need it.

hi guys, still feeling like rubbish, had a bit of a binge last night, but i did enjoy it, i liked eating but today i feel like crap, i knew i would, i got in 2000 calories yesterday, god that scares the poo outa me, im so scared ive put on weight, i know i need to but its very scary, im dreading putting on weight, i know i need to get to at least 9 stone. had a bit of milk shake today i forced myself and i had a little tiny bit of ice cream, god that stuff tastes good, thats another fear food faced i guess, ive had a quite a nice day with my daughter, we walked up town and done a bit of shopping, i brought some socks, cant bring myself to buy anything else clothes wise, i hate clothes, i hate getting dressed in the morning wish i could stay in my pjs all day, but i cant give in to that again, ive come too far to go back, have found eating very hard today, very hard, i went to my mums for dinner and now my stomach is so full and bloated, i look pregnant, its horrible, hate it when it bloats. im meant to be meeting a friend for lunch tomorrow, ive text her but got no reply yet, not sure what to do if she cant make it, think i will ave to get my partner to come out for lunch with me, or else i will ave to eat on my own at my mums as all my stuff is there. ive had to get my daughter to hide all the biscuits i brought, as i cant trust myself not to binge on them, im finding biscuits very hard not to eat, i just go so over board, i cant just have one or two i ave to eat them till i feel sick, then i feel terrible, feel like a big fat pig, how do u deal with binging please help. i walked for 3 hours inthe day time and an hour tonight before dinner, know i sudnt but cant help it, my feet are so sore now, got massive blisters, its gona stop me from walking tomorrow now so im panicing, im so stupid. heres what ive had today

B= branflakes 300 cals

L= boiled pots and peas 150 cals

S= half a biscuit( got my daughter to take them away) 50 cals

D= half a roast beef dinner with veg 200 cals

only 700 cals but feels too much, will do better tomorrow i promise myself i will.

lucy xxx

 edit had a couple of broken bicuits befor bed last night made calories up to 800

hi guys, sorry havent been around for a few days, been very busy, and feeling funny, after my weigh in on thursday my dad rang me thursday night, he really upset me, he said i must be lying to him saying that im eating more calories then i was, and that i must be making myself again which im not, he said something isnt right blah blah blah, i nearly put the phone down on him, i couldnt believe it, i know im not eating the right amount of cals yets but i am eating more then i was, and on thursday i hit 1000 cals.

so friday i went to the cafe with my mum for lunch which was good, i ate 786 cals on friday not very good i know but was feeling rubbish thanks to my dad. saturday was my daughters 12th birthday, so me my mum and my daughter went up town shopping we had a girly day it was really fun, we walked for about 3 hours tho, so i guess that wasnt very good, must off burnt a few calories which i know i shouldnt, i had 800 cals saturday, not sure how many i burnt tho, while we were shopping we stopped for a tea as i was so shattered, next door to the coffee shop we went to there is a milkshake store, i treated my daughter to 2 milk shakes, one of which was batternburg, and guess what i had some yer cant believe i did it, milkshake is one of my biggest fears, and you know what it was lovely, after we had fishened shopping we went for lunch, i had boiled pots and peas with tom sauce and i even had a fish finger, all fear foods, later had a few broken biscuits and some popcorn more fear foods, so all in all i think i did good on the fear side of things, i worked out i had 800 cals but again with all the walking i did im not on the cals, do i need to take the cals burnt off my daily calories or leave it as it is?

well today i woke up in a funny mood, i had my porrigde and a 2 spoons of my daughters shreddies which worked out at 150 cals, but then i went shopping, i walked insteed of driving i was walking for an hour, anyone know how many cals that would have burnt, i need to know so i can make them up tonight, then we went up the cafe with my family for my daughters birthday, i had my ussal boiled pots, peas and tom sauce, cals 150, i was horrible to everyone today bitting there heads off, after i made my um and kids go for a walk, i made them walk for a hour and half, so i guessed i burnt lunch cals off too, if anyone can tell me ruffy how many cals ive burnt today i would be very gratefull, as i want to make them up later, had my dinner but could only bring myself to have veggies, which was 100 cals. my dad is ringing later hope he dont start going on at me again, i text him last night and asked him not to ring, i lyed and said i was going out, i just couldnt bear to hear it all again,i needed a break from it, my ed nurse has told me to tell him to stop asking me what ive eaten and that that its not helpfull, it makes me feel like rubbish. im sat here all by myself my mum has gone out for dinner, for my stepbrothers birthday, its times like this that i hate myself even more, i should be there too not sat at my mums all on my own. in the last few months ive missed out on 3 family dinners, and it sucks. also what sucks is my stepdads mum died last week, and my mum told me i cant go to the funeral, cause she doesnt want all the stress of people asking questions about me, when she said that i wanted to cry, i think shes ashamed of me, friday when we were walking to the cafe it was really hot so i said i think i might take my jumper off she told me no you keep it on just roll the arms up, when i did finally take it off she gave me such a funny look, like she didnt want to be seen with me, i asked her out right, but she said no no, but i know she does feel like that, its the same too when everyone is walking round in t shirts and ive got a big jumper on and a coat. anyway rant over sorry if i bored you just needed to get it out. tomorrow im gona do better, and tuesday im meeting a friend for lunch.

love lucy xxxx

thank you holbee for what you have just writen, im trying to recover from anorexia, and im finding it so so hard, the thought of eating any more then 800 calories aday scares me stupid, i just keep thinking if i have more then that the weight is just going to pile on so so fast and i will get so fat, you have helped me so much by what you have writen, you have given me new hope, i know i can do this, and a little extra weight is going to be good for me not bad, i will feel so much better, thank you so much you are amazing, well done on ur recovery you sound like you are doing really great.

lucyxxx

thank you all for your replys, i think you are right, im going to talkto my ed nurse tell her i need more help, i cant do this like this anymore, i want to get better so badly, i feel so bad today, im sat here crying, i dont want to fear putting on weight any longer, ive had enough, i dont want to kill myself i dont want to leave my kids without a mum, im just so down today.

lucy x