Posts by xfallingstar

ladydanger - Hey thanks =) I'm pretty happy that I've come so far as well and when I think back about it, I really regret how I could've put my body under so much stress and do so much damage to it. And I guess now that I'm so close to my goal weight, its a good reason to not backslide and go back to where i was at the start because it had taken so long and so much 'trauma' to reach where I am right now ^^ Anyways I'm sure you're on the right path as well as you've come to this forum for support, and just keep reminding yourself of all the good things that you'll be able to do in the future when your body is healthy again!

dolly - Hey hun I've missed you too! Sorry I didn't reply to your last message, I think I accidently deleted it =s I went to my mailbox and there was like no messages in there compared to the last time where I had like hundreds lol. CC must have cleared it out xD Anyways how are you doing?? Are you getting closer? =/ By skimming through a few posts, I'm sorry to say but it doesn't sound like you're getting any closer to your gw... (I know you can punch me in the face for saying that) But correct me if I'm wrong =) Btw, can i ask... why don't you have any meat in diet? 

My day today was pretty daring haha. I think I'm almost fully mentally healed as I can basically eat anything I want now xD The only thing I still haven't overcome is that I always find ways to 'burn' off some energy. And I always end up doing situps/lunges and other toning exercises -.- I guess its cos I feel bad that I'm eating so much and not doing any exercise... 

But anyway today I went out with my cousins... and we went to CARLS JUNIOR o.o Which is like the king of calories haha. And yeah, I got a little scared so I sneaked in a subway while they ate CJ burgers, but then they ordered the cheesy beef crispy cut fries, and I tried one and it was OUT OF THIS WORLD. So I was just like meh, I'll go order one too. So I had most of the box which is like, 1000+ calories probably! Yay thats probs my biggest calorie consumption in one sitting xD And I didn't even restrict after that because for dinner the parents brought us out for Indian, and I had the curry and all. And then after that we had ice cream!

Wheeee I'm trying to overcome my disgust with triumph!

Hey guys

Felt like I haven't been on here for ages! Just  dropping by to say hey and best wishes to everyone out there! I think that I'm already 99% recovered both mentally and physically... just need to gain about 1.5kg more and I'd be at my healthy weight! ^^ Going for a checkup today. I'm sure its going to go well. Looking forward for the doctor's "ok" for freedom from this disease!!

I'd just like to say thanks to EVERYONE on this forum. Its been such great support and I would've never come so far without you guys. You guys are great and such an inspiration! I really hope that everyone here can continue to pursue the goal of recovery with strength, determination, and courage because I know that you guys can do it! We can all recover and live out life to the fullest, and just enjoy it as much as we can!

Keep it up guys, we are all strong enough to fight the demon. Its just a matter of keeping your head up and being positive. Don't let it drag you down and hold you back, just keep on peservering and you'll get there. And once you're at the top of the mountain, life is going to be the greatest it has ever been =D

Thanks so much guys. I'll never forget any one of you! I'm not going to come on here as much anymore because I'm trying not to focus on food/calories anymore. But once again, best wishes and big hugs!

xx

I realised that I was waaaay under my calorie goal for today, so I got out the peanut butter jar and dug in =p

Mmmm... natural crunchy peanut butter... *slobbers all over ED's face*

How I wish all these charts were never invented because they cause so much chaos and confusion in people's lives x.x

dolly - No probs hun I'm glad to help =) I think its important that the people on this community all try and help each other out as much as they can! And I'm so glad to hear that you have decided to push for 2500! Thats the spirit! Remember that you're not alone. If you're feeling any lack of motivation or need advice on how to overcome obstacles, we're here to help!

I'm doing quite well today actually =p Challenged the ED quite a few times today. The first one was eating breakfast in 10 mins cos I was late (I usually make sure that I eat in 20 mins or more, don't know why), second one was i bought a sandwich that I didn't make, third one was even though I felt really guilty after eating the sandwich, I still ate the apple; fourth one was that because I knew I was having a really small dinner (microwave minestrone soup lol), I had a HUGE afternoon snack even though the ED was screaming at me 'STOP! you had enough!!!' =D

snack after lunch: Mini babybel cheese, 3 vita-weats + 2 vitabrits w 100ml soymilk, nectarines, cashews, almonds, peanuts & sultanas (520ish)

dinner: Campbell's Microwaveable Minestrone Soup + steamed veggies (250)

Thanks everyone, for the reassurance. I hope my hair doesn't keep falling out because it was never really that thick in the first place.

Hopefully Jane is right, that I'll get luscious locks by Christmas xD

ukjane - Haha yeah same!  I never used to think so much about calories during the ED. I'd just go for the lowest cal option whenever lol. But now I have to kinda like read the labels, divide it by 4.2 (cos its always in kilojoules), and add it up to my other foods of the day to see if its enough calories. I know I should be calorie counting to make sure I get enough cals, but at the same time its getting me quite obsessed and I hope I won't be this obsessed when I recover! I'm constantly planning the next meal, and sometimes I even have days where I have all my meals set up for the next 3 days! Exams were pretty good, I think i did pretty well in maths and history besides the constant calorie counting lol. I'm sure I would've done better if I didn't have this ED though... I was abit slack when it came to studying =/

agru - Oh there I go overestimating again... ok I think I need like one of you guys to come live with me and tell me how many cals I'm actually eating lol. Err it was probably like a piece of breast meat from the chicken in basic chicken stock. Just a typical asian dish thats meant to be with noodles but without the noodles lol. I also didn't drink that much of the soup but I finished all the chicken, prawns and veges =D

dolly - Yay thats great to hear! And I'm not too sure about the exercise, but definitely not a huge amount because thats not what the doctors would suggest! He's still not letting me do any exercise, so I guess he wouldn't be expecting me to do an incredible amount in the future. I'm pretty much sedentary the whole day. And ok, for the increasing, I'd do about 200-300 cals more each day. and thats just like adding another 2 tbsp of peanut butter to your oatmeal! I have to admit though, trying to increase my cals everyday was incredibly hard for me to overcome. That was probably the hardest stages of my recovery as ED was constantly screaming at me telling me THATS ENOUGH CALS ALREADY. STOP ADDING MORE! but I just kept reminding myself, no way. i'm not listening to you. i want to repair my metabolism. i don't want to live on a low amount of cals for the rest of my life. And finally after like 2-3months of constant struggle and sheer determination, I made it to 3000 ^^ And it was like a breakthrough. It was like when I reached the 3000 the ED immediately became a much smaller part of me, defeated.

You should try to push yourself to at least 2500, Maria =) It'll really make a big difference to your recovery. I know its going to be hard, but just keep reminding yourself its your life, not the EDs. Anytime you need any support or advice, we'll all be here for you ^^

You know you can do it! Just stay strong! xx

Yeah, thats what I was wondering as well, to what aeropink said.

Will different types of food affect weight distribution?

Because I always get so worried about sugar because I have this obscene thought that the sugar will go directly to my stomach and turn to flab. But I'm pretty sure thats not true. Just wondering though if different types of food e.g. fats, carbs go to different places?

dolly - Hey maria havent spoken to you for awhile =p Thanks it wasn't actually that bad because my dad just let me dish my own serving lol. But it was so bland!! I felt so bad because I don't think he really enjoyed it haha. next time I need to add more tomato sauce! And isn't that great about recovery? Each day there are more and more 'pros' to add to your list!!

i_can - hey there hun, I'm glad you've decided to take the step of recovery. Looks like you're doing well so far, but you need to eat a lot more in order to gain for your height! How many average calories have you been eating before? You should try to gain on around 2500-3000 calories, but don't jump to that immediately. Slowly up your cals by 200-300 each day and you'll get there. =)

Are you having difficulty facing foods? If you are, just drop me a message and I'll help you as much as I can ^^  And for at school, if you don't have time, you should make a small but very dense meal. like a pitapocket stuffed with lots of avocado or something like that!

Hmm should I post my calories again? I cc pretty bad xD I either under or overestimate which really stresses me out lol

breakfast: 50g oats w 200ml soymilk, chopped up strawberries, blueberries, dried apricots and nuts + orange juice (600)

snack: Hot chocolate, Ham sticks, baby cucumbers w capsicum cheese (lol) + mixed nuts (250)

lunch: 2 slices wholemeal bread, ham, mustard, jarlsberg cheese! + carrots & tzatziki dip + banana (400)

snack: Rhubarb & apple yoghurt, mixed nuts + Apricot & honey bar (450)

dinner: Pasta w vegetables (i dunno I suck at estimating? I'll say 800)

total so far: 2500

Wow felt like I ate a lot more than that o.O Oh well night time snack coming soon =D Eep exams tomorrow! Gotta study study study!

OMG OMG OMG GUYS I'M SOOO HAPPY I THOUGHT I SHOULD JUST POST IT HERE COS IM AT HOME ALONE AND I HAVE NO ONE TO SHOUT THIS TO:

The council finally approved our plans to build our house!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!

Ok so you guys are probably like wtf o.O Well we've had this plot of land for like 2-3 years and we've been constantly submitting in our plans to build our 'dream home' to the council but they freakin keep rejecting the plans because apparantly our house doesn't "fit in with the neighbourhood" LOL. But after years and months of changing things around (can you believe its our house but we don't get to decide how its built?) they finally accepted and we can start building!! Whooo I'll finally have an actual HOME that belongs to me!!

=p

afone & aqua - Yeah, I really need to stop this obsessive weighing. I don't want it to become a habit that'll be stuck with me forever! =x But its hard... this morning I tried to challenge myself while making my sandwich. Then I started to freak out because it looked like I put too much ricotta and I ended up weighing everything x.x

agru - Yeah I do normally try to pick apart meals, but at the same time, I can never tell what one cup of rice looks like etc. Even though I've heard countless times its the size of a baseball but a plate of rice definitely doesn't have the shape of a baseball! And yeah you're right! I don't want to go to a friend's house for dinner, bring my plate back to the kitchen, and weigh the meat xD

charlie - I've also heard about that palm-sized portion comparison but I've got naturally tiny tiny hands xD And so when I was trying to follow the comparison, I used to end up with really small portions and my parents would get all angry and stuff. So I don't trust my hands anymore lol

gibbit - yeah you're exactly right! I used to be freaked out if I went for lets say 10g of mustard but accidently put 11g on. I'd actually try to get that precise 1g off x.x Wow I'm so obssessive it sounds disgusting when I actually type it out! But thats awesome that you've managed to stop ^^ Its hard.

slr -Whoo! Way to go girl! =) Thats the spirit. You sound like you've just opened your eyes and snapped into reality! Snapped out of the EDs grip! This arvo while I was showering (lol I always reflect in the shower), I thought - why the **** do I care about my stomach so much? Who the **** am I trying to impress anyway? Not the girls in my school, no. Not the guys around me, they're jerks. So who?? Who was I trying to impress all this time? Answer was: No one. So I've been WASTING months, even years of my life dieting, exercising excessively, obsessively counting cals just to impress no one. What a bloody waste! Warning: This is going to sound really religious and preachy. The only person that I want to impress now is God. And God definitely doesn't judge me on my appearance. He looks at whats on the inside. And so right now I think I've finally gotten over my obsession with my stomach, because GOD DOESN'T CARE IF I DON'T HAVE A FLAT STOMACH. lol

crunchy - Herb cheese is soo yummy! Where are you from? Its a Laughing Cow Cheese wedge. Which is basically just a small wedge of cheese thats easy to carry around! Its really interesting because I bought a packet with 4 different flavours of cheese (herb, capsicum, mushroom & original!) Goes really well with... anything! And I guess I haven't registered how to 'eyeball' things yet because I'm so used to just following the measured amount, if you know what I mean?

dana - Oooh your so lucky you found a whole wheat bagel!!! I've been on the hunt for wholemeal bagels for days now but damn australia just can't use bloody whole wheat flour! But biiiiiiggg congratulations and hugs on eating those fear foods in one day!! Thats something that I definitely find very hard to do so well done!

clay - Hehe I'd love for you to come dance at my wedding xD Ok I know exactly how you're feeling right now, as that was how I would feel after going out for dinner last time. But one thing that you should pat yourself on the back on, is that you didn't restrict before dinner! (well I hope you didnt!) because that is one major thing NOT to do before going out. And if you want the snack, then bloody well go for it! It doesn't matter if you go 'over' 2800 anyway because 2800 is just your MINIMUM cal goal. Isn't you aim to gain weight anyway? Those extra cals from the snack ain't going to kill you. In fact, its going to have the opposite effect. its going to nourish you, and help your body heal faster. So whenever you want food, don't think 'Oh, but I've already had x amount of cals'. Just think, 'More food = more nutrients to help my body recover' =) Now dance at my wedding!

breakfast: 90g (double serving!) special K guardian, soymilk (forgot that I was putting it with yoghurt so I had soymilk as well lol), strawberry yoghurt, strawberries, blueberries, pepitas. Whew!

snack: Apple + ham sticks & cheese wedge

lunch: Ham sandwich w tzatziki spread & ricotta + cashew & almond bar

snack: Vegetable crisps, banana

dinner: Heinz Soup Beef Burgundy + slice of toast

Planning to have a banana strawberry yoghurt smoothie soon =p I'll be waking up the whole estate with the blender but oh well xD

ukjane-  Oooh you do kung fu? How fun! I miss sport =( Haven't done it in such a long time x.x I used to do Tae-kwon-do and was up to my 2nd dan in black belt!

agru - Thanks for the reassurance =p I always get worrying thoughts like 'what if all the fat just goes to my stomach/thighs and never goes to my boobs/butt' but then I'm just like 'nahh. If agru says it distributes, it distributes.' LOL xD Hmm I'm doing 3000cals a day, but sometimes I'm not sure if I get to the 3000 because suck at estimating and I never know the cals of dinner.

dolly - I'm sorry but I have to agree with theo =( I think you think that you are recovering, but what you're eating is not exactly recovery YET. I know you can do it dolly, but maybe not on your own. You need more of a push to make sure that the ED doesn't hold you back. and I know it's secretly doing so. You can also tell me to go **** off if you want but follow Theo's advice first! =D

slr - Its good that your fat intake has doubled! more fat = more chance of getting your period sooner = fertility! Yay! I actually have a lot of fats in my meal, and I get worried about it sometimes... but then I just remind myself that I want to be able to have a baby, so I add even more fats lol.

crunchy - Hey! Thanks. I actually did quite enjoy it last night haha. My dad was being nice and he didn't give me that much, and gave me more fish, and I felt a lot more comfortable eating that way. And also, I am the same as you! I take AGES to eat my food but its because of an ED habit thats grown into me. I want to get rid of it but its hard to just yet... I always make sure that I eat in more than 20 mins. Like if I sit down for breakfast at 7am, I have to finish at or after 7:20am. How obsessive! x.x And recess at school is only 25mins, and it takes me 25 mins to eat an apple lol. So I usually have to continue eating in class, but teachers allow me to cos they know about my situation. Also, maybe you should try for 2500 and stick with it for a week or so to see if you gain on that ^^

breakfast: Big bowl of fruit&nut muesli w soymilk, chopped up apple + 30g almonds

snack: Apple + carrot, celery and dip

lunch: 2 multigrain bread slices w ricotta, mustard & ham + can of salmon

snack: Cheese & crackers + handful of nuts + 4 vitaweat w herb cheese (yum!)

Yeah I know what you mean =p

This ED recovery has opened up my eyes to a lot of the things around me and made me more aware of my surroundings. I have learnt so much through recovery =)

Keep on fighting the ED, and you'll get there! Why do you say you don't expect to be over restricting in a long time? Thats so pessimistic! Be positive! KNOW that you will get over that and it will happen. You have to take action for it to happen, otherwise the fear is going to remain with you until something is done. And the more you avoid the fear, the more afraid of it you get. So keep confronting the fear and you will get over it! =D

xx

You could make a calorie-dense sandwich thats filled with good nutrients.

Along with either bread, a bagel, turkish loaf, large pita or another carbohydrate you could have it with:

Protein - Roast beef, pastrami, salami, ham, chicken, full-fat tofu, whole eggs etc.

Cheese - Feta, cheddar, bocconcini, mozzarella, parmesan... any cheese! (except the low fat ones of course)

Spreads (a must have!!) - AVOCADO, butter, mayonnaise, olive oil, hummus, pesto, peanut butter, any creamy dressings

Veggies (not essential, but if you want some yummy ideas) - Olives, sun-dried capsicum/tomato, char-grilled veggies, coleslaw

Hope that helps ^^

mashed - feeling yoghurt-ed out? No reason to be! My doctor told me that cos we did so much damage to our bodies, our bones became incredibly thin and fragile as well. So he told me that I should be having at least 4 serves of dairy everday. So eat more yoghurt/milk/cheese! They're good sources of calcium and will reduce the chances of osteoporosis! =) Also, are the 0% yoghurts fat free? You should try for the full fat ones. Thats what we want for our periods back =D

lala - Oooh congrats on the job!! how exciting! =) I really want a part-time job because after coming home from school and having no after-school activities/sport, I'm so darn bored. Sometimes I just spend the whole afternoon staring at the ceiling or something (which is not good because an idle mind is the devil's workshop!) But when I told my parents I wanted a job, they were all like 'ohhh its too physically straining on you blah di blah'. Oh well. Gotta listen to the parents.

jane - LOL about the porn thing. Thats so right. When I used to only eat veggies & fruit I ALWAYS loved to look at food that I couldn't eat. Like I'd go to the lollyshop and just gawk at all the candies and crap in there. Then when I pass Baker's Delight, I'd just stop and look at every single product on display. But I would NEVER buy one. Also at bookshops, I'd always go to the recipes and just flip through all the orgasmic (hope I'm allowed to post that lol) looking recipes. Now on the way to school, I pass Baker's Delight and am able to buy a monstersize Spinach & Feta Scroll ^^ yay

aqua - Wow you're tall! and younger than me xD Lucky you. I hate being short. I've always dreamed of being tall but I don't think I'll ever be because I'm practically the same height as my mum now. Why couldn't I have followed my dads genes =(

clay - helloo! glad to see that you've decided to take on the path of recovery! Thats a really big first step that we all had to accept too =) You should make your oats with milk, not water, and add other things in it like nuts or something dense! Also, you should have a morning snack before your lunch like a PB&J sandwich ^^

OK this might be a little TMI to some of you guys... but I just did the biggest poo of my life LOL and my stomach has practically deflated like a balloon. It's been so bloated for a few days now and I was just getting used to the fact that thats where the weight goes to first, but then it just 'deflated'. Thought I'd like to post it so that whoever is concerned about their stomachs DON'T have to be, because its true. It won't stay like that forever =D