Posts by skinnyrkcross

So I haven't posted in FOREVER...life has been quite literally insane!!! And the next three weeks are just as bad...can't wait for finals to be over. Problem was, I have been staying up reading everyone, but by the time I got through reading I was too exhausted to post ;)

However, I have an announcement: (drumroll, please) I am now 115.5 lbs, which is the highest I have been since I was 16 years old!!! (6 yrs ago!!) I am kind of holding steady atm, should I gain more? I was about 120-125 pre-ED....

Quick message to everyone sitting on the fence--life is GREAT, so grab on! I have energy, I have hair, I have biceps (gotta love weight-lifting), I have the freedom to go into a restaurant and actually ENJOY the food and the ppl I am with. I basically don't count anymore--I eat a ton of food, and I am not ashamed of it anymore. If I was made with a fast metabloism, so be it...those darn supermodels can just die of envy ;p And you know what...I had a bit of an epiphany--we all (me included) freak out when we have to go up a size clothes-wise...but then I realised: I have always complained bcuz I couldn't find clothes that were long enough ( I am 5'9") and that were small enough in the waist. There is a logical explanation for this: you aren't SUPPOSED to be that height and have a size zero waist--it's ABNORMAL!!

I can never thank all of you for the support you give! A special thanks goes out to Clay--you have me rofl AND eating my bed-time "meal" at the same time, lol.

Slr--I cannot express how sorry I am for your loss. I know your friend would want you to eat--make this a fight for your friend!

gibbit--glad you are sounding more like yourself--before your trip I was getting worried...and it carried over to my attitude about weight...weird ;) You are absolutely beautiful...go steal that guy's heart,lol.

My advice to everyone is to conquer fear foods ASAP--I have now officially (another drumroll, please) conquered every fear food I can think of...and now happily eat them most days, even if I'm not exercising. Of course, now I hope I never have to go back to the fake stuff...and nobody better ever get between me and my peanut butter, lol.

Does anyone on here have ibs? I sometimes think I may have a mild case...some days I get bloated and have painful stomach cramps...I have definitely ID-ed a few foods that bother me, but it makes it tough to gain...my weight is starting to reditribute, I think, but my waist is still, well, not what I hoped for. oh wells!

Hope everyone out there is doing great---I am off to get a few hours of sleep, and then tackle another crazy day!

Giasbash6260: With complete respect, after looking at your diet listed on your profile, I am somewhat worried for you---only veggies and meat?! I can't believe your mom is letting you do this, especially since you say she is an MD. What about calcium and carbs? Without enough carbs you overwork your liver, and stress your renal system...please get some sound nutritional advice soon, because this regimen is only prolonging your recovery! Remember: "All things in moderation, except for moderation"! Food is meant to be enjoyed so we can have energy to pursue life--not analyzing the minute characteristics of our meals. While I know you mean well, I have had to fight very hard against my "healthy-obsession" beliefes which have held me back from weight gain, and I am only now becoming less preoccupied. Remember: there are no bad foods..it is what we do with them that makes the difference!

I can truly sympathize with what you are going to...this happened to me, only it was while i was in the HOSPITAL!! The unit I was on was not run by the nicest nurses...and they forced me to eat huge amounts of food, including some that I have never been able to eat without significant GI probs. One day they had me eat mac-n-cheese (I can't eat white sauces, and have always been this way, as has my dad's side of the family). I spent all of the next day either in the bathroom or curled up in fetal position on the couch...and they all thought I was "faking it". Try looking up "refeeding syndrome" and show it to your family...what they are doing is actually dangerous! I am sure they mean nothing but the best...so show them you are committed to gaining and they will relax.

Hey there!

As a nursing student, I can definitely second the above recommendation to see your doctor asap..your systolic BP (top number) is high, but your diastolic BP (bottom number) is worryingly high, which means your heart gets very little rest in between beats. Your pulse is also quite out of normal bounds. Possible reasons might be salt-sensitivity or kidney problems...but only a doctor can say for certain. I hope this helps a bit, and that you get the care you need!

Take care, and congrats on your great signs of recovery!

HEY GUYS!!!

I know...long time no post--just a quickie, because right now I am going crazy trying to get everything done.

I actually went to the doc last week to check out my random edema...and he said I sound/look great...and guess what--my blood pressure and temp were actually normal!! My weight is somewhere around 102-105, I think...but water weight seems to come and go at will, so I really don't know--at the docs it said 110, but my scale the next day said 102. I really think that last week I was going through PMS--I was bloated, and wanted to bite everyone's head off--but I still didn't get a period :( Has anyone gone several years without one and still been able to get it back?

I am doing good with the food---and not charting it is actually really helping me...it is so strange...I am actually eating "less healthier", i.e. not eating as many veggies (unless they are combined with olive oil or cheese), or saving fruit until I have eaten more cal dense stuff--sometimes that means the fruit doesn't get eaten because I am too full..is this ok? I also realized I was far too concerned with making everything "healthy"...and so I have been allowing myself to eat moderate amounts of fear foods...like eating a doughnut or pizza, etc.

Strange thing is, I am really enjoying eating the real food....hope I never have to go back to the fake stuff :)

You guys are truly a real help--I read every day, and you keep me from getting complacent and letting ED work his way back in. Dana, your progress has been amazing! And slr--your doc needs help--I meet too many weird docs as it is--remember, just because he/she is an MD does not mean that common sense is included in their diploma :)

Happy eating to all---I will try to post more often. Thanks for your great example!

I just want to thank everyone who has posted here--you have really helped me on a gray day when my drive to gain was waining. I have been worrying about the fact that a lot of my gain is going to my stomach, or wondering how I will ever maintain, or if recovery is even possible....

AND IT IS!

Thank you, thank you, thank you! Look out world, here we come!

lol :)

Hello all!

Well, I am hoplessly behind now, so I will just send out best wishes to all--it would take me hours to read all the posts!

Wow, it is amazing how much this site helps--a few days without it, and my loverly ED was rearing its ugly head...especially yesterday. I have not been counting, but decided to estimate for yesterday, and my total came to about 3000. Also, my weight has gone up--I think it is 102...that's what it said on Tuesday, but today it says 107--I am thinking salt/ water weight?! I have a real issue with "triple digits"--we Americans should really move to the metric system ;) Really, though, any time I get over 100, I lose steam, so if anyone wants to round-house kick me, feel free!

Also, I have started worrying...I am still exercising and am not having quite the hard time gaining I usually do...have I ruined my metabolism? I keep getting some edema in my ankles and calves, but I have done a lot of reading and really don't think it is connected to heart probs...ok, what I am really worried about is that I won't ever stop gaining weight, and it will all continue to deposit on my abdomen, and I will be ugly and fat and lazy and...AACK! STUPID ED!!!! I am afraid my period will never return, and that I will never figure out how to maintain, and will never be normal...I want to ask someone about the edema, because as a nursing student I am an incurable hypochondriac, but will then have to answer tons of questions about my weight...I need to get new clothes because mine right now are getting too tight, but I am afraid of what size I may have to get...basically, I am trying to beat this demon, and it is getting really hard!!

Whew--really sorry, but I had to get that off my chest, and I knew that at least here no one thinks I am completely crazy--you know I am still 5% normal :)

Sorry to be so self-absorbed...and I am not restricting in the least, even though it is tempting.

Hope everyone is doing great!!

Height: 5' 9"

CW: 97lbs

LW: 89 lbs

Goal: 120

Up about 2 lbs from last week! Yay!

Hello again!

Replies:

Dana--you will probably have to eat for that job...which would be good, but I don't think it's a great idea. I LOVE to cook, and my dad is a chef (ironic, I know) but I have done way better being out of a kitchen due to college...I cook a lot of my own stuff, but also often get free food at events, which forces me to be "adventurous" :) Still, do what is best for you!

Gibbit--lol, I was feeling the same way earlier...had a club meeting with free food, so of course I had to eat--made myself take a slice of pound cake and eat all of it, even though I really did not like how sweet it was...the tum-tum was quite upset this evening because of it, but after a few baathroom trips I was able to get in a snack. Some things just really set off my GI tract, and it is really annoying--but hey, I still ate a mammoth dinner, right? And remember: your body doesn't really care what it is--it just wants cals!! I mean think about it--we were all eating absolutely horrid diets in the ED stage, and our bodies still made the best of it--and it will do it even better now :)

aqua--I too am a ball of energy...It drives my mom nuts. I could never have a desk-job full time..have one part time now, and it almost kills me :)

Spunky--you are amazing, and so much help! I need to print out your posts and tape them to my mini-fridge :)

foods for today:

b-soy protein in milk poured over 1 c mixed Total and Fiber one cereal, 1 peach, about 5 prunes

l-salad made w/spinach, peas, tuna, canned salmon, some leftover nuts (lg spoonful?), cheese, ranch dressing and 1 plum. 1 kashi bar

s-soy protein in milk, 1/2 piece ww bread w/ pb and jelly

d- (fear food galore) bbq pork sandwich, baked beans, coleslaw, 2 chicken wings (so good), 1 piece of pound cake (this was prob at least 800 cals...and I'm sure the fat was out the roof, but who cares? The cake was a bad idea, but now I know for the future;p)

s-1 apple microwaved w/honey and topped with granola and yogurt.

I def made 2500--probably more like 2700!!

tomorrow I have clinicals at a school where they mix kids w/mental and physical disabilities with normal kids--the idea is that the disabled kids learn norm development from the normal kids, and the normal kids learn how to appreciate ppl w/diasabilities. I will be in the infant room...I am SOOO EXCITED!!! I LOVE kids, and want to do Peds nursing one day....

Good night to all!

Wow...I was totally slammed with work/school, and now I feel like I am behind here too! There is no way for me to keep up with all the posts, so here is a big hello to all!

Dana--I have a similar prob w/carbs that I am working on...I always quiver when I have bread at more than one meal, etc., don't ask me why, because there is no reasonable explanation :) However, I have been doing it, and am still living--it does assauge my thought process if I aim for whole grain products, and most of the ones sold are actually higher cal than the processed stuff.

Spunky--you are really inspiring with your dedication! It is really neat to have a "neutral" party critique our posts, because it made me realize how many things I do are really ridiculous and counter-productive. I am in nursing school, and it seems Crohn's Dz has been lectured on every semester I have been here...I really hope you don't have it, but I do know that reducing your fiber intake may help somewhat, as counter-intuitive as this may seem. Basically, the goal is to rest the GI tract. Kudos to you for fighting all the discomfort!!

To everyone with all the exercise questions: for me personally, not exercising has been the downfall every time I have regained--I wouldn't exercise at all while gaining and felt totally gross, and then would go overboard when I finally could and would lose all the weight. So, this time I am staying active, although I am focusing more on weight lifting, and am eating back the loss (or at least I hope so!). however, I really think each person needs to do what feels good for YOUR BODY--if you need to rest, do it! And find something you really enjoy--ballroom dancing, rollerblading, even just raking leaves can be fun forms of unstructured activity (or playing with a rowdy toddler!) that don't feel like work. Balance is the key...and I think those gym rats are just as disordered as an ED!

Well, today was a really good day, but I totally didn't count and worked about 11 hours--nothing strenuous--I worked our dorm desk from 7-10 am and then worked at the football stadium (Roll Tide--6/0!!!) from 11am-8pm...then had a fun late night trip to Walmart...where I spent way too much money on food--guess I'll just have to eat it ;)

b-1 cup cereal (Total +Fiber one), 1 c. milk, 1 peach, 2 prunes.

l-large BBQ chicken sandwich (this thing is huge and so good---Alabama BBQ is really good stuff!) w/some ranch dressing, large bunch grapes, couple spoonfuls mixed nuts, chocolate chip cookie, 1 piece candy.

s-plum and 1 Kashi granola bar, few nuts

d-wrap made w/ cheese, tuna, spinach, tomato, flax seed, and sour cream and salsa on a ww tortilla; carrot sticks w ~1/2 tbsp ranch dressing; 1/3 more of a plain tortilla w/margarine; 3 prunes w/ pb

s-1 banana topped w/ pb, 1 small cookie, granola, and a mix of vanilla yogurt and frozen moose tracks yogurt (yum!)

does anyone else find that the more they eat, the less they want some of their "crave foods"? I used to crave cookies and ice cream all the time, but now I want something like granola or reg. yogurt instead....I ate sweets today, but more out of need for cals than anything...it is really weird.

Also, do you guys have problems with edema (swelling) in your calves/ankles? I have had this since this summer when I was working 13 hour shifts at a busy hospital...I went yesterday and got some support socks, but I know this can also be a side effect of malnutrition...just hoping it's not permanent?!?!?

I really am glad that most people have enjoyed this!

Here's one that personally happened to me :)

when your brother says: "wow, you don't look like a crack addict now". (hope that was a compliment!!)

Yes you are!!! Normal people just listen to their body's cues, and if they want 6 cookies, then they eat them and move on! I am starting to notice that everything I once thought was a "binge" is actually just normal eating.

Hang in there!!

I really did not mean for this to be offensive...so I apologize. However, after looking at some of your recent postings, joanne, I might hesitate to say you are fully recovered...

Remeber--the ability to laugh at yourself is important for mental health...and that is straight out of my psych nursing textbook!

Again, if people really feel this is rude, I will remove it.

*glad you got a laugh xmasbaby!!

First the foods...

b-soy protein w/ milk, seven grain bread toasted and topped with pb, honey, and one banana

l-one of my "clean out the fridge" salads ;)--fresh spinach, leftover eggs and 1 sausage patty from last night, carrots, tomato, last few spoons of beans, broccoli, ranch dressing. 1 kashi bar

s-about 1/3 of a huge pear w/pb, soy protein in milk

d-(FINALLY made it to the store!!) 1 Amy's whole wheat bean, rice, and cheese burrito (300) , lotsof sour cream to bring up the count, about 1/3 c quinoa (all I had left) w/margarine, handful of red grapes

s-peach topped w/1 whole grain cranberry and walnut muffin (240), some granola, and a dannon yogurt (140)...think I might have some graham crackers and pb...yeah just did, lol

Thanks so much to everyone who encouraged me--I did not restrict at all today to "even out" last night!

Gibbit: Your weekend sounds great, but I get the same way--I really naturally like healthier foods, and I was that way before the ED...sometimes you just really want a bowl of simple, unaltered veggies....and then everyone says you are "disordered"! And I am also somewhat lactose intolerant...for some reason cream sauces always make me (and my dad) feel quite ill, alhtough a lot of ppl also think this is just another excuse. They didn;t believe me when I was in the hospital 6 years ago, and made me eat a bunch of mac and cheese...I spent the next 24 hours curled up in a wad on the couch..."faking it all", of course!

Fallingstar: you didn't binge...remember to listen to your body...some days I may not really want a big breakfast, but I'll be hungry for brunch...don't plan so much that you can't listen to your own cues!

Hope all is going great with everyone...I have got to study for another test and do a ton of stuff for my jobs....I am also kinda nervous--am not weighing for a week (which will end this Fri) so I have no idea what I weigh right now...kinda nice though, really :) I eat stuff w/out having to worry what dreadful number may pop-up in the am!

ok...so there is no way I will ever be able to keep up with all the posts...lol.

CONGRATUALTIONS to everyone for doing so great! Special kudos to xmasbaby--you did great, now just cut back some on the exercise and enjoy life!

Thanks for all who reassured me on fats...as you will see, today was def a very "bad" day for my ED, lol. And I have found in previous attempts to gain that am snacks do not work for me personally, because then I have no appetite for lunch :)

Anyways, here goes:

b-soy protein w/milk (about 300), 1/2 english muffin with margarine, pb, and a little honey (80-100) ---I know this was low, but I let myself sleep in and was running late to church

l-salad made w/ fresh spinach, tomato, carrots, cheddar chz, bit of leftover tuna, blackeyed peas, fiber one (as croutons), and ranch dressing. Some canteloupe, and 1 KRISPY KREME DOUGHNUT that I topped off with PB!! (huge fear food)

s-soy protein w/ milk (250)

d- I had worked out, and really wanted a waffle, so I let myself go to the campus diner and had an ENTIRE belgian waffle W/SYRUP, scrambled eggs, and a sausage patty. I don't even care about the count here, I know it would be large, but it was so good!

s-large peach w/granola and 1 Activia yogurt, graham cracker w/ pb (i was actually hungry again!)

I really feel almost giddy..I ate about 6 "bad" foods in the same day and am not feeling guilty...and I did work out, but I am toning down my cardio and doing more weight lifting--and covering what I do by eating. About 3 weeks ago I would've run for 3 miles for eating that doughnut, and I avoided waffles and eggs like the plague! lol...wow, it feels nice to live!

Happy eating to all...I am off to study some more...bleh