Posts by happinesswhereartthou

everything in moderation

thanks guys for the replies. of course getting better is number 1 priority. I'll try out the suggestions you guys gave. I was just surprised by their content b/c there's no nutritional label in the back. Didn't mean to sound crazy. 

first off, I just want to give you a HUGE hug and congratulations. As a recovering bulimic myself, I know exactly how difficult that is, and I commend you for it. The best you can do is to just look forward and reflect upon why you binged yesterday, so that when the urge hits again today, then you can prevent yourself. For me, I am not addicted to the purging more than I am to the binging. I binge to the point where I feel like I have to purge or else I will explode. I have been eating my parents out of their house and home and it's mortifyingly humiliating and I feel so bad. They wake up every morning to find most of the food gone. I vowed yesterday with my dad that I would really try my best and stop this addiction, and I even made myself go to sleep extra early to avoid the temptation of binging. But I ended up dreaming about food and woke up from the neighbors downstairs at midnight. I walked into the kitchen and sat on the floor for about 30 minutes trying to convince myself why I shouldn't binge (detrimental to my health, breaking promise to myself and my parents, disappointing them further, etc.). But I still ended up binging horribly. But I'm keeping my chin up and starting over today. What happens in the future lies only in MY hands and only I have control over it. And so do you.

Good luck to us both.

hug

omgoodness I can totally relate. Honestly, I was fairly comfortable at 130-135lbs, but society, particularly the dating world has been one of my biggest triggers in my EDs. It doesn't help that people actually did not recognize me when I was about 140lbs (used to be 113lbs) and said that I "really packed on weight", when in reality, I thought and felt fine. And I know that that is all that matters, but it's hard on someone who has been suffering with various eating disorders. And it also doesn't help that guys start complimenting and asking me for dates when I am 120lbs or less. Ugh.. Totally relate. Totally relate. 

I think the biggest hurdle for me when trying to stop binging was that it was just a habit for me. Once the day winded down, I would relax in my room or watch shows on my computer, and it became habitual enough to binge during that time that I would actually convinced and believed deeply that I couldn't do without the binge. I know I know I know that it's soo much easier said than done, but I've been where you were at, but I'll say it anyways.. it's a matter of self-control.. a mind game, and it's a battle that you can win. The hardest part for me was breaking the habit.

^ i second snapshot8d. sooner or later, the kind of lifestyle that your friends are leading will catch up to them some day (not that I'm wishing ill will on them, but you know what I mean). TRUST me. It will catch up sooner or later. If you keep up your healthy diet and exercise lifestyle that you are doing right now, then maintaining your physique in the future will seem like next to nothing since it is the way of life that you have been used to for so long.

And I'm sure that your friends are just as envious of you. Everyone has their insecurities and problems. Don't dwell on them. As long as YOU are healthy and know you're doing your body right, what does it matter about how your friends treat theirs. Even if their body looks "fat-less" on the outside, I'm sure your insides and bodily functions are in much better condition than theirs. Just know that you are doing your body well.

And if this helps any, I think you are one HOT TAMALE.

thanks a lot! I basically borrowed out all of Geneen Roth's books from the library :P I'm already almost done reading "When You Eat at the Refrigerator, Pull Up a Chair", and it is absolutely wonderful! I love how it not only touches upon eating issues, but about kindness and curiosity towards one-self. 

^hilary77: I will definitely borrow that book once it's available! Looks like someone has already checked the book out from the library. Plus, I have a pile of books to read first. :)

p.s. I don't know if it's just me and lack of will-power, or if other people experience this too, but after each time I read these self-help books, I have a moment of epiphany and kind of wake up to reality and feel "cured". But this usually lasts at most, a month, and slowly but surely I spiral down back to my usual self-hating, eating disordered self. What would you suggest I do when this happens or before this happens? Should I re-read the book to remind myself? Is there something innately wrong with me? Is my personality just fleeting like this? (<== or this me being self-critical again?)

thanks a bunch!! :)

thanks lala. that was a very helpful site. I found this quote to be especially helpful:

I will take care of my body as a loving mother takes care of her 
child. I love myself unconditionally.

As gi-jane and lalabanana said, do not compensate for a binge. Just go on about your day as if nothing happened. 

i am trying very hard to recover from bulimia.

here are my worst moments:

locking myself up in a single restroom, sitting on the floor next to the toilet and stuffing as much food down as possible, then throwing it all back up. skipping classes because i sadly preferred to binge and purge. locking myself up in a public restroom for 3 hours because i refuse to let my "fat" self be seen. almost missing my flight back home because i was too busy purging in the airport restroom. thinking that i would rather stay home binge and purge rather than seeing my boyfriend whom I love to death and only get to see twice a year, lying to my grandparents that I didn't have time to take a shower so asked them if I could use their shower so that I could purge out the New Year's Day food that my grandmother cooked for me (so sad and pathetic of me, I know..), taking 3 "showers" a day at my boyfriend's apartment as an excuse to purge out as much food as possible, eating molded bread and expired peanut butter and nutri-grain bars because I needed anything to binge on, practically eating my sister out of her home when she had graciously let me stay over her home during winter break, eating all of her boyfriend's snacks, passing out the whole day from exhaustion yesterday after the purge and not being able to do any of my homework, buying a crapload of binge food at the cafe this morning and sitting on the public restroom toilet and proceeded to binge on the food, decided that I would rather skip all of my classes today so that I could spend the day binging, but luckily I drew up the willpower to make myself go to classes today because I refuse to let this demon control my life.

I empathize with all of you. I wish all of us the best of luck in recovery and a congratulations for those who have recovered.

I send my love~*

what a great post!! Count me in!! This new year is a whole new beginning for me. No more obsession with weight, numbers, calories. Just focus on my health and appreciation for what God has given me and blessed me with. Good luck to us all!! Love you!

I guess the reason why I am so scared about gaining weight is because my ex-bf dumped me because I gained weight. I was absolutely heart-broken (I went from 115 lbs to 130 lbs)... and unfortunately, when I gain weight, my appearance changes quite dramatically. I know that my current bf is NOT the same person as my ex-bf, but I can't help but think that all men are the same... that they will be less attracted to me if I gained weight. :(

^ thanks ekko. Kudos to both of us for being realistic and knowing that today wasn't the end of the world and getting back on track :)

^ AMEN to you silentdeadlyrose!! You go girl! :)

i am a recovering bulimic. it sucks because it's fighting two evils: purging and binging. As I am fighting the temptation to purge, the binging is continuing. It is 1am, and I wolfed down 6 slices of high-cal whole wheat bread, cup of milk. My stomach is about to burst, but I'm not going to purge. Just not looking forward to the subsequent weight gain...

thank you for the advice everyone and thank you chlledavis! I think I should really reduce my sugar intake, and processed foods in general. I just need to focus on being healthy. It's just that I have this enormous enormous fear of gaining weight. Like there's this side of me that wants to be thin, but then there's also this other side to me that just wants to be healthy, and if that means that I look a little chubby then so be it. (The thing is, if I go up to my healthy weight, my body looks pretty healthy, but my face looks chubby, and when I get really thin by unhealthy means, my body is thin, but my face finally looks normal.. it's quite annoying). I guess I just need to accept myself and love myself for however way I may look. And if people are going to talk ish about me having gained weight or me looking chubbier and "less attractive", then they're not worth my time.

by the way, chelledavis, how much water per day is recommended? 8 glasses?