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| Weight Gain | Worried I'm gaining weight too fast... | Oct 03 2009 19:35 (UTC) |
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Hmm well in many senses one would assume I'm your typical anorexic - neurosis about becoming overweight even when my BMI was at a lethal level, body dysmorphia, preoccupation with food and nutrition, high achiever, insecure, highly sensitive blah blah blah. Yet most people with anorexia (again, I say 'most,' not 'all') have never been overweight, and I certainly was. It's not common for people to go from bulimia nervosa to anorexia nervosa, yet I did. On a smaller level, most people with anorexia are uncommonly neat and tidy... In inpatient, my room was a total mess while everyone else spent at least fifteen minutes making sure there were no creases in their duvet. Labels schmabels! :) |
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| Health & Support | Vegetarian going on a getaway with Carnivores | Oct 02 2009 22:03 (UTC) |
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That is such a backward view of vegetarianism! Good luck hun! And - off topic - but I giggled SO hard at the typo in the title ;) |
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| Weight Gain | Worried I'm gaining weight too fast... | Oct 01 2009 20:57 (UTC) |
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Can I be really anal? OK. Even though the OP doesn't have Anorexia Nervosa, she still suffers from anorexia - self inflicted starvation - she just doesn't have the mental issues. As far as the body is concerned, the medical symptoms are the same as those of a recovering eating disordered person - so with regards to refeeding she should be treated as an anorectic. Anorexia is the 'medical' part, while 'nervosa' is the term for the mental illness. Always makes me laugh how the latin translation of 'anorexia' is 'loss of appetite' - nothing could be further from the truth! |
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| Health & Support | Anorexia Recovery and Energy Levels - Please Help :( | Oct 01 2009 18:09 (UTC) |
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Thanks guys <3 It's encouraging to know that it WILL get better.... More reason to keep plugging onwards. God to feel warm would be SO nice. The worst is after lunch - for some reason I always get FREEZING then. Brrr! I'm just tired of feeling nauseous, tired of then having to eat on top of the nausea, tired of headaches and aches and pains and stomach bloating and weird BMs and just.. everything. And on top of that, seeing my body change and trying to challenge my eating disorder at every minute of every day.. it just gets tiresome.... And then there's the fears about uni, moving away from home for the first time, away from my treatment team, away from all the things I feel keep me 'safe.' Ungh. Sorry... Just feel so frightened. |
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| Health & Support | Anorexia Recovery and Energy Levels - Please Help :( | Oct 01 2009 17:34 (UTC) |
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Thanks so much GI Jane - it's just frustrating to feel like I've tried so hard yet am still not reaping the benefits of recovery... I can't bear it if I'm going to feel enormous AND cold, tired and miserable! |
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| Weight Gain | shopping basket | Sep 30 2009 12:59 (UTC) |
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**** question but I always get confused - does FF stand for Full Fat or Fat Free?
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| Weight Gain | Weight Gainers: What Did YOU Eat Today? 9/18-10/2 | Sep 30 2009 09:26 (UTC) |
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Agru - awww I think your attitude is good love, I do highly doubt it's a real weight <3 Everyone is doing great guys :) Love you all. Breakfast Weigh in today :-\ |
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| Weight Gain | Weight Gainers: What Did YOU Eat Today? 9/18-10/2 | Sep 28 2009 09:20 (UTC) |
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Lilmissgutz - congratulations, that's fantastic! I would ask though - are you scared of carbs? Your meal plan looks very lacking in them! |
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| Weight Gain | Weight Gainers: What Did YOU Eat Today? 9/18-10/2 | Sep 27 2009 09:49 (UTC) |
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Thanks Driven - it's a big step for me as as far as I know I'm gaining sufficiently on what I'm eating now, but advice that people gave to Betty (Laura) really resonated with me. I like the advice about adding in 'smaller' chunks to each meal so that 300 adds up without having to have more bulk, though I was also wondering about just biting the bullet and having say, toast and PB or something with my Fortisip - I've been avoiding doing that as for some reason (ha) having a 600kcal snack freaks me out no end! I wish I could eat dinner earlier, and I think after this week when I'm at uni I might well be able to, it's just that my family all eats together in the evening and my Dad doesn't get back from work till 8ish. I used to eat seperately but everyone was so proud of me when I started eating with them that I don't think I could go back to eating earlier on my own? |
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| Weight Gain | Weight Gainers: What Did YOU Eat Today? 9/18-10/2 | Sep 27 2009 09:29 (UTC) |
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Hey, thanks for all the reassurance everyone.. It's so frustrating because if I'm at home, with access to 'my foods' then I'm absolutely fine and meet my calorie needs no problem. In the past that would have been fine, but I'm moving to uni in a week :( I need to get over this fear of going 'over' like you all said, because frankly otherwise I'm going to drop a shed load of weight at uni if I constantly end up shorting myself because I'm 'eating out' or 'drinking alcohol.' I was thinking about just jumping by 300 calories actually. Just to give me a final push before I go off this time next week. Anyone have ideas for an easy 300 cals I could add to my diet? Maybe if I show you today's plan it will help. Sorry, I feel I'm being a bit pathetic, just feeling vulnerable! Breakfast Just to point out a few things - if I eat too much full fat dairy I start to feel really sick and my stomach goes funny - not majorly, but enough to cause me discomfort and keep me in the bathroom! So while I have ice cream and stuff every now and then, I do tend to stick to 2% or below yoghurts and skim or light soy milk then add in the cals later. So if anyone has any ideas...I'd love your advice :) Edited to say: Agru, I love your straight-talking advice, and I know you truly care, but I just wanted to set you straight on one thing - in no way do I think this is a game. I've had an eating disorder for over half my life (I turned 19 yesterday, it was my birthday dinner I was stressing about!) I've spent 2 years in hospitals, 6 years in some form of therapy/outpatient care, I've had to fight to avoid section under the mental health act and nearly had to drop out of school several times. I've fought SO HARD to be where I am now - tomorrow will be my 2 year anniversary of staying out of inpatient - and in the past year I've come from a BMI of 12 to a BMI of 16ish. I don't think this is a game, and I hate this illness. I've fought so hard to be free but I've still got a way to go, and I'm ready to tackle it head on :) |
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| Weight Gain | Weight Gainers: What Did YOU Eat Today? 9/18-10/2 | Sep 27 2009 00:32 (UTC) |
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Frustrated. Does anyone have any advice as to what to do when you're going out to eat in the evening? I'm fully aware this is an ED issue - the sensible, 'gainer' thing to do would be to eat as I normally would all day and then if my dinner happens to be hundreds of calories over what my normal 'goal' for the end of the day is, so be it. But I find it so bloody difficult to eat normally on a day when I'm going out for dins, because I think I won't be able to enjoy it if I am constantly worrying about eating too much. As a consequence I 'cut down' during my daytime meals, and assume I'm eating more for dinner.. except I ALWAYS overestimate dinner calories... I knew the second the waitress took the plate away that I hadn't had enough.. and I asked to see the dessert menu but then my parents asked for the bill! *facepalm* And being an idiot, I felt too self conscious to speak up and say 'I should probably eat some ice cream.' And then I should have had something when I got home but fell asleep instead, and now it's nearly 1AM and I'm stressing. Feeling angry at myself. |
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| Weight Gain | BMI confusion | Sep 26 2009 12:20 (UTC) |
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Ambivilance - well, my team suggest a BMI of 17.5 as a 'starting point' - to get you out of the anorexic range, and after that a BMI of 20. I agree 'mini goals' are good as milestones, but mental recovery is impossible without physical recovery - no one can be physically and mentally healthy at a BMI of 15 as your body is still starved even if you're eating enough to maintain, and thus the food obsession/distorted thinking continues. I agree a BMI of 15 is better than relapsing from a higher BMI down to say, 12 or something stupid like that but I don't think anyone should aim to maintain forever at such a low weight if they're serious about getting their lives back from anorexia. |
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| Weight Gain | Weight Gainers: What Did YOU Eat Today? 9/18-10/2 | Sep 26 2009 00:21 (UTC) |
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Agru - try to think what you'd tell someone else if they were saying the same thing - 2500 is what a sedentary gainer needs, so if you're doing no activity, you're on track! Plus, and you'll laugh at me for this, but when I was doing my A Levels, my timetable screwed up so for the whole week I was literally in an exam hall for eight hours a day. I did NO activity whatsoever, kept up my meals and lost weight in spite of it- mental activity - ie. working - is pretty exhausting and does require a lot of energy, even if you're not 'physically' moving. After 8 hours in the exam hall in a day, I'd feel totally wiped out by the end of it. I used to be overweight (binge eating and bulimia) too, so I really sympathise with feeling like 'that's why you were fat before' - but you need to realise you're not that person any more. The fact you're still underweight (don't say to me '18.5 isn't underweight' cos you KNOW that's not where your body wants to be!!!) is a testament to that. You need to take care of yourself now, and part of recovery is learning that you still require nourishment and care, whether you're sitting down or standing up :) |
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| Weight Gain | Weight Gainers: What Did YOU Eat Today? 9/18-10/2 | Sep 25 2009 12:04 (UTC) |
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Agru I am indeed gaining weight consistantly, though it slowed a little this week (last week I gained 2lbs, this week just under 1lb) so I'll give it another week before I see if the diet needs upping. Lilmissgutz Fortisip are like the British equivalent of Ensure - high calorie supplement milkshake style drink with 1.5kcal/1ml so a 200ml bottle is a high density, low quantity way of shoving in 300kcal :P Blargh! Would prefer to avoid but in a way, but sometimes I think they're good for me psychologically - no way of skimping, plus the fact they're medical supplements means I'm admitting to myself that I AM gaining weight and that I DO need to. Breakfast |
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| Weight Gain | Weight Gainers: What Did YOU Eat Today? 9/18-10/2 | Sep 24 2009 19:40 (UTC) |
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Emma - I have a lovely friend in the US who sent me some, and I got some more when I went to NY in the summer (WHOOHOO for being well enough to travel!) :) BUT you can order them online from the UK (in certain flavours) or if you're in London (like meee!) the High St Kensington WholeFoods has them in Oatmeal Raisin and Chocolate Chip (though for some reason these ones are smaller - 50g compared to 68g and 195kcal as opposed to 250ishkcal - odd!) |
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| Weight Gain | Weight Gainers: What Did YOU Eat Today? 9/18-10/2 | Sep 24 2009 19:00 (UTC) |
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Emma you can get Fortisip (the supplement I use) on prescription from the GP - all you have to do is go, be weighed (so they know you're underweight) and ask for them and they'll write out out one. Easy and they're free until you're 18. Breakfast |
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| Weight Gain | .. | Sep 24 2009 16:21 (UTC) |
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Helen you are SO sweet and adorable. *hugs* |
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| Weight Gain | Weight Gainers: What Did YOU Eat Today? 9/18-10/2 | Sep 21 2009 16:25 (UTC) |
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Hmm. Does anyone else find they'll make a meal plan and the calories will all add up, but then when they re-add it at the end of the day, it comes up as less? Even though you've stuck to the plan? I'm going insaneeee. Still, all on track for today. Drinking strawberry fortisip as I type. Would be nice if it wasn't for the aftertaste. |
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| Weight Gain | Weight Gainers: What Did YOU Eat Today? 9/18-10/2 | Sep 21 2009 00:38 (UTC) |
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Fi - I often eat 100g Alpen with milk for night snack = 420 calories without 'trying' ha. The other Godsend is GrapeNuts - they're teeny tiny so even 60/70/80g of it is a small amount, but 1 cup packs 400 calories! Failing that... Sometimes I have a bowl of 80g bran flakes for a snack too.. :) |
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| Weight Gain | Weight Gainers: What Did YOU Eat Today? 9/18-10/2 | Sep 21 2009 00:03 (UTC) |
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Awesome Agru :) Keep it up! I think you call beetroot just 'beets' in America? It's a purple vegetable that's really sweet and stains everything else on the plate pink - it's delicious! I like it chopped up with a bit of plain yoghurt, salt, pepper and chives. Damn good. Breakfast BLARRRGH WHEN WILL THESE FAT FEELINGS GO AWAY?????? Sorry. Outburst. |
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| Weight Gain | Weight Gainers: What Did YOU Eat Today? 9/18-10/2 | Sep 20 2009 18:07 (UTC) |
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Opeth- I was scrolling down really quickly and I just saw a list of food and '1230' at the end... I was about to blow a fuse 'OPETH WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING EATING 1230 CALORIES YOU SILLY SILLY BOY, I DEMAND YOU GO AND EAT CAKE RIGHT NOW.' And then I realised it was a recipe. Oops. ;) Looks awesome though! Amy- *HUGS* Is all I can say. We're ALL with you, and when Lala was here, she was aiming for a BMI of 20 and posted right until she was there - and look what an inspiration she was!! And she's now out living her life! <3 On a complete side note, when I look at your username I pronounce it in my head 'Ah-groo-skin' It took me FOREVER to figure out that 'gruskin' is (probably?) your surname! But then I did pronounce 'Hermione' (harry potter) 'Hermy-own' until I heard the audio book *hides* |
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| Weight Gain | Weight Gainers: What Did YOU Eat Today? 9/18-10/2 | Sep 20 2009 08:58 (UTC) |
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Tessa - did you mean me? Thank you for the lovely words anyway :) My BMI is currently in the low 16s, but I have no intention of staying here! |
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| Weight Gain | Weight Gainers: What Did YOU Eat Today? 9/18-10/2 | Sep 19 2009 21:52 (UTC) |
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The reasons my team gave were similar - chronic anorexic, never maintained - let alone gained - outside of inpatient, blah blah blah. At the time, I agreed. Now I'm pushing foreward... But like Innocenteyes, I doubt I'd have managed to come this far if I hadn't had a 'first base' point. Also, my periods came back last time at a bmi of 17, and the UK ED specialists put far more emphasis on period - weight than the US specialists. Like, if you get your period twice in hospital, they'll let you maintain at a kilo above that weight, regardless of your BMI/percentile. (I suppose unless it's like... 12 or something!) |
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| Weight Gain | Set a challenge and ask for help | Sep 19 2009 21:07 (UTC) |
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Great job Drivenlass :) You have some awesome coping strategies - the advice you gave to Waycat was great and even better because you're practising it yourself too :) Yeah I got up at 8 today having fallen asleep at 4AM :( But I managed to stay awake for the whole day, so hopefully I'll be sleepy in a few hours (it's just gone 9.00PM now) Struggling a LOT with my changing body but *sigh* trying to keep positive!
OH! And I wanted to add... I'm really proud of myself because today I emailed the counselling service at my university and let them know my situation, when I'm starting, and asking if there would be anything available for me with a counsellor with experience of eating disorders.. Normally I'd NEVER ask for help, especially someone/somewhere I don't even know, but I just want to have 'something' in place if I need it, because I'll be away from home for the first time and I won't have my ED team any more :'( |
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| Weight Gain | Weight Gainers: What Did YOU Eat Today? 9/18-10/2 | Sep 19 2009 19:45 (UTC) |
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Agru - I can always rely on you to give me a kick :) (in a nice way!) Re: a goal.. well my team want me at 17.5 but I know that's not enough to get rid of the preoccupation with food etc. I'm currently eating 3000 (just upped again) and I gained 2lbs last week on that, so I'll see how it goes this week... It's hard, because though I now look back at where I was at my lowest... which was a ridiculous weight.. and I know that was nasty, disgusting. BUT I maintained SUCH a low BMI once I was out of IP for such a long time that it's hard to even see myself as I am now.. I don't feel underweight. I know that's 100% anorexia talking, but compared to where I was.. I'm just going to take it each month or so at a time and see how I go. I ultimately know that I need to get to a healthy (not 'minimum' but HEALTHY) weight, and that is my ultimate goal, but it feels like such a big mountain to climb! I'll get there. I will. I think I'll see how I go on 3000 and hopefullyI won't need to increase too soon - I've just got my head arounnd 3000 and at the moment I go through stages.. sometimes I'm hungry and like a bottomless pit (which terrifies me, I used to binge eat and was bulimic from the age of 10/11, started at 9 but not to the same extent, and I was overweight from 11-14ish, before AN kicked in) and others I'm so stuffed I have to force down my food and can barely stop myself wretching. So annoying >
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| Weight Gain | Weight Gainers: What Did YOU Eat Today? 9/18-10/2 | Sep 19 2009 18:52 (UTC) |
315 |
Ooh Agru <3 You're a little like me - you want to save the world but in the process you forget to look after #1. Stick with it, know that I'm here - if you feel you need 'permission' to keep pushing - we ALL give it to you in heaps - you know what to do :) When I joined CC in October I was a BMI of 13.9, and that was having gained a substantial amount in hospital - I'm now over 16 :) I've come a LONG way and it's hugely down to you guys motivating me and kicking my ass when I need it... I agree it gets SO much harder the closer you get to target... But we CAN do it! |
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| Weight Gain | Weight Gainers: What Did YOU Eat Today? 9/18-10/2 | Sep 19 2009 17:18 (UTC) |
317 |
Agru - I'm OK. Pre-uni nerves, heaviest I've been in 2 years and even back then it was only through force feeding in hospital.. So I can relate to struggling. But we can push through this. Come on, look at ALL the advice you give to others -getting to a BMI of at least 20 - you know that's the right thing to do. And if your natural weight is actually lower, it will settle. You never let other people get away with listening to ED's bull, so I'm not going to let you either! You CAN do this. You've said it yourself you look 10000 times better at a higher BMI. People told ME I looked great when I got to a BMI of 14 - at the time I took it as 'so you can stop now!' but what they meant was I looked BETTER than I had done before. It's the same thing - 18.5 isn't a natural weight for 99% of the population, and you'll still be consumed by food and body thoughts if you force yourself to stay there. Be brave lovie! |
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| Weight Gain | Weight Gainers: What Did YOU Eat Today? 9/18-10/2 | Sep 19 2009 17:11 (UTC) |
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Managed to force myself to get up at 8.00AM today despite getting to sleep at four... I do actually feel like a mashed tattie... ie. like someone has been pounding away at me with a potato masher, but never mind.. It's been nice not having to cram calories. I've just had my afternoon snack but I'll post the whole day. BLUEID - Ohhh I so envy you - I really want to move to intuitive eating but it's such a struggle. My healthy voice tells me I overestimate (which is true) while my anorexic voice tells me I'm underestimating and eating far more than I think I am. So I sort of get stuck counting.. Which I hate, I feel like it's such an ED thing.. I mean I know people who are just trying to eat healthily count... But it doesn't feel the same. AGRU - Hey love! How are things going for you in the gaining department? Hope you're doing well <3 Breakfast Do try the chicken salad - obviously if you're not veggie, use real chicken :) It was very good if I do say so myself - I admit I adapted it from a 'hungry girl' recipe, but mine is more calorific and I bet tastes nicer too! |
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| Weight Gain | Weight Gainers: What Did YOU Eat Today? 9/18-10/2 | Sep 18 2009 23:12 (UTC) |
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Tessa - yeah I thought about adding desset but the trouble is, my family don't eat dinner until 8-8.30pm, and I usually have my night snack at 9.30 and even then it feels a bit like cramming.. Maybe I should have a bigger lunch dessert? We'll see. I'm setting my alarm for 8 tomorrow, even if I go to bed at 5AM, and hopefully as long as I manage to stay awake throughout the day that should sort me out sleep-wise. Line - Ooh that sucks :( Is it mind-racing that's waking you up? Cos I think that's what keeps me awake at night - plus sleep paralysis (which I've had since I was a child and still scares the hell out of me, and makes me afraid to go to sleep.) |
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| Weight Gain | Weight Gainers: What Did YOU Eat Today? 9/18-10/2 | Sep 18 2009 19:28 (UTC) |
338 |
Somebody stop me waking up at 10.30AM!!!!!! My sleeping patterns are such a mess at the moment - I don't fall asleep until 4/5 in the morning (I know.) and then sleep until 10.30, which is a NIGHTMARE when it comes to eating. Normally I have an AM snack about 2 1/2 to 3 hours after brekkie, but at the moment I'm not finishing breakfast until about 11 :| So that means cramming in the later half of the day.... Grr. And then, because I've woken up so late, I'm not tired by 11PM so the cycle persists.. Anyway, today (about to have dinner but I'll post now anyway.) Breakfast Not THRILLED about the night snack but I can't think of a 'quicker' and less bulky way of getting in 420 calories. Damn this waking up late/not sleeping :( |
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