Posts by lauryluary

Well, that usually does it. I'm not complaining about being hungry, that's fine. I've been eating more lately in general, so I am finding myself hungrier more too. I was just not that happy about my choice of food! And that raisins are good..  that's my beef. 

i was walking down the street today, and i thought to myself, just because my stomach isnt completely flat now (even when i try to stick it out) doesnt make me FAT. (im bloated and ache-y from eating too many raisins this morning so my stomach was on my mind). nobody is perfect and i have to learn to accept that i am not and DONT NEED TO BE. it's not that i thought i was by any means even at the worst part of my eating problems, but physically, i felt closer to it than i ever have before, especially since i was at the highest end of my healthy weight range all throughout high school- when you really seem to develop your sense of self. so it took a lot to change the way i see myself, and even now, i am under 110 pounds and often times still see myself as the 140-150 girl. now it seems that anything bigger than what i was at my lowest is somehow just unacceptable. nobody is perfect. i have to learn to beat this. bones protruding and eyes sunken in is not perfect anyway.. it's disgusting. i'd rather be a few pounds heavier, but a hell of a lot happier, right?? i know that i do. why can't i LIVE that way?? i hate that i say these words and i know that i believe them, but i still have so much trouble changing what i DO.

i just needed to vent a little. 

I definitely OVER-indulged last week, and, when home I was complaining to my mom about how guilty i felt, and her response was simply "you're just enjoying the holidays, relax."

i found that satisfying in that, yes, its sort of an american way of life that you indulge on holidays.. and everyone does it. but unsatisfying in that thanksgiving is only a day, and then the holidays over but the weights still there.

:\ BUT i suppose if there is any time to feel at least BETTER about indulging, holidays are the time! i say don't worry. 

ya its weird cause when i used to always be 109-110, i thought that was so great. then i dropped down, and now im not even back there but feel like i was more fit then at 110 then i am now at 106/7.  its frustrating.

140s

mmm i love the rice krispie wreaths and meringues :) o jeez, i hope i can keep myself in check this year! i think i had one (or two!) of every cookie last year lol  also i love shrimp dip with ritz crackers! anyone else? its not especially for xmas, but we have it at most family holidays and its always been a favorite of mine :)

lol i always find my mouth watering for a pop tart until i actually eat it and, and then its, like you said, not really as good as i remember. especially the choclately ones--the fruit ones are much better!

probably my least favorite part of living in a city is that my "treat" foods dont need to be kept in my house for me to have such easy access to them. just at the 7-11, 30 seconds out my door! i find it MUCH harder to resist cravings this way.

as my profile says, im looking to only lose a pound or two (if even!--just toning) from what i gained back, and mostly when i say lose weight, im just referring to not gaining.   no worries, i just didnt want to be drinking too much cofffee if its gonna be counterproductive. if im gonna gain anything, id rather if it at least get to be from something other than a beverage lol

you know your body better than ANYONE. every bulge, every crease, everything. so you're going to see things that NOBODY else sees. im sure that you're getting great results, but yeah, everyone is there own worst critic. try not to stare too long or things will get distorted. if only i could take my own advice, lol.

i havent done this since i was starving myself and would make these candy-binges my nourishment. but on monday i ate a pack of almond m&ms, one of peanut, a bigger (tear and share?) one of peanut, and 2 of the big sized reeses cups with nuts. 

i actually cried.

today, i feel fine. 

give it a few days and everything will be normal :) your goal is not lost forever!

i appreciate your opinion, and i obviously get where you're coming from.  hell, im not arguing with you. but i have certain questions and i find this to be a helpful place to ask them. they are the kind of questions that you think of all the time, but never ever get actual answers to. so i finally found a place where i can get some opinions on the answers to those questions and i'd like to stick around and ask them. im not twisting anyones arm to answer. i think its healthier to ask about these things. i mean, im going to THINK them anyway. why not get them out in the open?

 if you've also noticed from my past posts, i openly admit to having a problem in the past that im currently working out of (which i still have questions lingering from --such as this one) and am now focused on getting healthy. so yes, i do exercise a lot, but no more than anyone else i see on here, and i AM working every day on getting a good amount of healthy calories, and am just looking for input in topics that i am clueless about moreorless, and i don't have anyone else to talk to about. no one intelligible on the topics anyway. ive also made note in a past post that i DO ask a lot of questions on here, and i've apologized for bombarding, but isn't that what this site is here for?

i didn't mean to sound snippy, and sorry if i did. i do appreciate your concern and advice. 

being cold ALL the time... having everyone tell me "its because you have no body fat" and then me becoming defensive and yelling at them for saying that. pushing everyone away. 

being irritable all the time.. having no energy

spitting for 10 minutes after using mouthwash because if ANY of it got down my throat i would freak that those were more calories

i wouldnt even take tums because i was scared of the extra calorie.

weighing after EVERYTHING i ate.  letting that decide my day.

it hurt to sit in chairs because my spine and back bones and tail bone would hurt so bad

i made up a **** illness of "why i couldnt eat", so no one would think it was on purpsose.. i said i got sick everytime i ate something and that i hated it.  even went to multiple drs appointments and specialists, fully knowing there was nothing wrong with me. it was the most elaborate lie of my life.

there are so many

i know this isnt really a recipe.. but i make wraps all the time of canned tuna (no mayo) and diced up apple mixed together. SO DELICIOUS. yum. 

wow, i didnt even think to check the activities for circuit training. dur. lol. thank you caverlady. :)

i feel the same way! i am 5'6 and somewhere between 113-115. ive gained about 7 pounds since recovering, and even still people still tell me im too skinny. (i do NOT even feel skinny anymore) but then i look at other girls who are tinier (i dont consider myself tiny whatsoever, and never have- im athletic) i think - why are they allowed to be so small and when im 109-110 pounds, all i get is flack from friends and family? it is obviously because i didnt get to that weight in a healthy way, and because it probably isnt a natural weight for me, as it is for them. but i still can't help feeling like because of people like them, it should be okay for me to want to be skinner. sometimes i KNOW its all in my head -- i'll look in the mirror and feel like i look like how i did when i was 10-20lbs heavier, even though my jeans have gone down 2-3 sizes, so like they said above, i logically know its not true, but it doesnt change what i see.

i think ive gotten way off topic.. BUT, really and honestly, if you're above 5'0, there is no way 112-110 is anything but thin. in fact, 125 seems to be the magic number for most girls. unless you have literally zero muscle and its all body fat, you must be fit and slender. and you sound incredibly healthy, so dont worry!