Posts by lucylocket1966

Original Post by ltsmith1:

Well, it's nice to hear that I'm not alone or going crazy...

The weight has crept up to 140, my hips and knees ache all the time, I eat like a bird (force myself to stay at or below 1000 calories daily) and I walk 2+ miles at this time due to lower back surgery in July which totally exhausts me.  This is soooo not my normal self who has been a work-out nut my entire life. 

My endo has made it very clear that he will only treat me according to my bloodwork.  I've been freezing now for 3 years, there IS NO such thing as multi-tasking anymore and I can hardly stay awake during the afternoons.  I fired my endo last Wednesday....finally.  I went to another doctor on Monday (a Family Practitioner) and he has put me on 25 mcgs of Cytomel once daily along with the .125 mgs of Synthroid. 

HOW THE HELL DO YOU FIND A GP WHO WILL TRY THIS ... HERE IN NZ I wonder how far up the pharmaceutical companies @sses the doctors are because they won't even give it a whirl despite bloods coming back relatively normal with only one LOW normal reading, but all the other symptoms (cold, tired, lack of concentration, weight gain or no loss on eating next to nothing ...).  GRRRRRRRR  What on earth did you say to your new doctor?

thanks MM ... I think part of the problem is that I am perceived as being "strong" therefore an eating disorder is a "weakness" and so are feelings of "guilt" over lots of things, so probably yet another reason for hiding my weaknesses .... under layers of fat apparently!  :)

Unfortunately for me I think I have fallen off the wagon and I too think I am, after many many years, bulimic.  I have called myself a "fat anorexic" for a long time, after actually being mildly anorexic. 

I don't know how to stop.  I have been injured lately very badly - sliced my fingers open on a tin lid and because I couldn't do much (i.e. wasn't allowed to move alot, and keep the blood from pumping into my hand) I have had to stop exercising in terms of my normal moving around, horseback riding, etc.  So I have gained 3-4kgs in a months.  I can't afford $150/mo rental for a dreadmill of any quality nor do I have time or motivation anymore for the gym.  The one thing I find really hard is so many who seem to lose weight say "Oh, I ate less, and did more, hit the gym, blah blah" but they don't seem to talk about having young children to mind.  I can't take my 7yo to the gym as they don't allow under 11yo's there without "supervision" and I can't supervise him if I'm working out and they don't "do" care for over 5yo's.  So I'm rooted really. 

My husband is a gym bunny which is great but he won't take a break from his routine to help me - he used to run, I would like to get up to running (again) but he just won't do it.  He gets sh*tty if he misses a day (he goes every other day) for himself cos of life, so won't miss a day to help me.  We can't really afford two gym fees either and my ex-husband used to push me to do so much exercising and starving that I actually hate the atmosphere now so much, I would rather stand in a gym stuffing pies and chocolate down my face than work out. 

So, how do I start?  I know I emo-eat.  But how to stop that.  Even now, I want to just run and stuff biscuits or cheese or bread or anything easy into my face.  During the day I can eat OK, manage up to about 1100cal (aim for 1500 day).  But night time.  Oh dear.  If hubby serves up dinner he will put too much out despite me asking him to serve less - he says do it yourself.  I get sick of doing it all myself.  He will buy crisps and although I can do a small bowel, then I get up even after he's asleep and sneaky-eat some more.  And then I feel bad about it, so will then have some chocolate to feel better about it.  I usually stop with something dark chocolate.  That seems to 'fix' it.  My husband is a nice man, but he just doesn't "get" it that I need some more help to get going and to start exercising in some way without the gym or whatever.  Besides I feel so bad about myself, that if I got to a gym and see all the skinnies going hard out, it makes me feel hopeless.  And I don't see results as easily at 43 as I did at 33 so I feel doubly useless. I love watching shows about recovering anorexics as they discuss all their purging and habits and tricks and then I try them ...

There has to be a "key" out there somewhere to switch off my brain.  Please help as I know I have fallen off the wagon well and truly right now.  I'm not a dummy and I used to be absolutely stunning at about 60-65kg - but now I feel like an ugly blob at 85kg and am terrified I'm going to eat myself bigger again.  I was OK at 72kg before I had my baby but then I got really sick through pregnancy and put loads of weight on, couldn't exercise afterwards as I used to continue bloating terribly and my entire body hurt - the midwife wouldn't give me diuretics (cow) even after I finished b/feeding.  So I started at a reasonably good looking 72kg, ended up about 95kg, gave birth and in 7 years have only achieved 10kg loss.  No, I lie.  I got down to 81kg, and couldn't get any further.  So went to an endocrinologist who thought I needed Prozac (for whatever reason) telling me most girls lost weight on it (LIAR, LIAR PANTS ON FIRE).  And I bounced up to 88kg.  And then I WAS DEPRESSED.  And it's never really come down again.  SOMETIMES I can get to 82kg and then it bounces up to 85kg (like now) - help me break the 80kg barrier someone????????????

Sounds to me like your family feels bad that her own parents are f****d up (i.e. one deceased, one done time for it) and have made up for that by becoming her family over the years. 

My father-in-law was real nice to me up until the day our son was born - see, in his and the ex's eyes, I'm "the other woman", the one he left his wife of 11 years for.  I think everyone would have found it easier had he gone and floozied around, instead of swapping one wife for another as it meant it became HER problem, not his.  That there was an issue with her, rather than him having a total crisis.  Something no-one wanted to confront. 

Suddenly once "the love child" was born FIL didn't want anything to do with him and barely spoke with me.  He has always stayed in touch with her (no problem, there are three other boys involved) BUT he always takes her side.  It is really hard, as in all honesty, she really is a bitter and twisted b***h who has NEVER gotten over it, even after 8 years and her remarried for 3.5 of those.  Child support time is heinous and I always end up punished financially and emotionally.  The hard part is I can't even talk about it with my MIL (whom I love) as FIL is a b*st**d of the first order and emotionally blackmails her over it too.  Last time I just told him outright NO, I'm not going to give it up, we need to talk about it.  BUT I have since discovered that he feeds all our conversations back to the ex.  What REALLY bites about this is my FIL isn't my husband's father at all, but his STEP-father.  He's a 65yo child who plays games of the dangerous sort and unfortunately it's driven a wedge and now we dont' talk with MIL as much (any of us) as it is awkward. 

As for my husband, he left when his 3rd son was four days old - he has always stressed he wasn't leaving the kids, but leaving his ex.  So he was treated like vermin at the christening, wasn't allowed to choose names, god parents or anything.  Mind you, he wasn't allowed to choose ANY of their first names, only one of the second names of the second child.  And being vegetarian, she used to make him chip in more of his wages (when they were both working pre children) to the shopping bill as he ate meat.  And he was kicked out to sleep on a campstretcher while he worked nights (police officer, 6'4" tall) while the babies slept in the bed with her.  After he left, about 3 months later, he got a call about 11pm - 2nd son (then 2.5) has been sick in his bunk.  I need you to come and change him, I'm in bed with the baby.  Her own MOTHER was in the spare room with the baby and wouldn't come out either.  So we (I sat in the car outside for support) drove like 16km at 11pm, he had to clean R up, change his bunk bed (yes, on the top) and sort it all out and then go back home an hour later, another 16km drive and then go to work the next day.  That was just plain old mean.  Counselling?  Hah, what a laugh.  They say through 45mins of mythering with the one-sided counsellor and she whittered on about of course I want him to have lots to do with the baby.  As they left, he offered to carry the car seat to the car for her - she snatched the baby away and said "I can manage leave him alone".  And let's not forget when WE got married ... our weekend for access, so irrespective of what we were doing, we should have had the boys.  But no, the eldest who is a product of his mother, played her like a fiddle and prevaricated about wanting to spend the weekend with us, so she said, it's OK darling, you don't have to do what you don't want to and drove off with him.  We now have a "hole" in our wedding photos.  BUT it was ok for them to all go to hers.  *Sigh* BEARCH of the FIRST ORDER.  Go figure why he left!!!!  There is a reason why they are ex's. 

What your folks need to realise is that this is YOUR RELATIONSHIP with your ex now - albeit a non-relationship.  You still have one, as you say mother of the kids, ex wife, but it is a DIFFERENT relationship.  And they need to adjust too - keeping it all the same only makes it worse.  She needs to learn to stand on her own feet - even "our" ex admits she was next to useless before he left - couldn't even change a battery in a kid's toy if it required a screwdriver as well.  Played endless games and with the FIL obviously still does.  I know my life with my husband is financially penalised for a maximum of another 11 years (here they have to pay C/support until the 'child' is 19yo!!!!!!! Not 18, 364, but 19) until No3 is 19, or gets a job, gets student allowance at university or shacks up with some chick in a defacto relationship.  Tongue-in-cheek we're hoping they turn out to be completely unmoralistic, shack up with some bird and end up on the dole at 17 hahahaha.

Seriously, Caspar - you will just need to quietly withdraw - let your family see their grandchildren by all means, and with their mom, after all that is not YOUR relationship with her but theirs.  BUT when it comes to family events with YOUR family, there is just going to have to be a hole in the group photo.  Mom cannot come - or if she is, say it's our weekend for access.  She sees you every day that I don't, so it's our turn.  The boys also have to get used to get to knowing dad in a new way too - as "Dad" by himself, not "dad and mom" dad.

Sorry for the novella - just thought I'd add my 10c.  Hope it helps.  PM me/us if you want. (( ))

Original Post by corinth13:

Alright; I will probably go talk to HR because I was getting angry. The people we were working with weren't girls and boys they were older and above the age of 20. I don't know if he is jealous because he has a physical disability and I can be physical and he can't or if he was just having a bad day but still he should be more professional. Thank you everybody for all of the advice! :)

Hmm, my ex husband was a narcissist who broke his back.  He was still mobile but not very and got really fat and at the same time starved me (abusive relationship) and even at 5'3" and 48kg wringing wet still called me fat because I was capable and he wasn't.  It's probably his insecurities BUT an employer has a duty of care to employees and he isn't maintaining his end of the contractual obligations.  In any case mediation is usually the first port of call, so it might just pay to take him aside quietly but in eye sight of others or with a trusted friend to support and witness and just mention you don't appreciate his comments, would he mind refraining.  And document it.  That should just make him realise he's overstepping the boundary. 

You do not have to talk with him other than to ask him to refrain.  If going over his head causes issues, tough.  Ask him to refrain from making what you consider to be personal comments on your figure and lifestyle, and also tell HR that you have done this, so there is a paper trail.  It is not appropriate.  I once got told by airlines that the glasses I had "did not fit our image" and "would I please buy more discreet ones" [this was the early 90's and I still had Raquel Welch style bigger frames, or Diedre Barlow's for our UK members LOL] ... the same ones I had on in my accepted application photos. 

I told them a) they were discriminating against me and b) when I got out on line and earned more than the training pittance, I would consider it. 

I never heard another word, funny that .....

PC ANSWER:  Go to HR, etc, it is not appropriate to comment on ANYONES weight, either directly or indirectly

NON PC ANSWER:  Tell him to ***k *ff ....

If you can possibly bear the AMWAY word, their XS Energy drink is wicked AND made with inert sweeteners which pass through (not like aspartame) and they do some neat wee sachets of water flavourings which are kind of like the Mizone and powerade flavourings but with electrolytes and no sugars.  Yum and guilt free.  The cans of XS cost in NZ about the same as the regular - not special - price of a 250ml can of V or Red Bull, so I figure that's not bad.  They have some with caffeine and i think a couple without - most flavours are REALLY yummy and one or two are so-so.  AND they kick@ss foe energy without that hangover type feeling as the others wear off.  Just a thought.

EDITED to add info from the website:

XS Energy Drinks

XS Energy drinks energise your body and mind without storing fat from kilojoules, carbs or sugar. High powered adaptogenic herbs mixed with B vitamins and key amino acids gives you a rocket powered lift any time of the day.

There is no added sugar and it contains less than 1 gram of carbohydrates with less than 16 calories and 80mg of caffeine. The kilojoules from XS Energy Drinks are from amino acids which aid your bodies natural metabolic rate. Sugar does contribute to an increase in energy. However, this is short lived and is followed by a sugar crash. The unique XS formulation has been developed to ensure a sustained energy lift not a sugar hit or crash.

XS drinks use a proprietary blend of Sucralose, Acesulfame and Potassium (Ace-K) to give the drinks a great flavour without all the sugar and empty kilojoules. Ace K is a non caloric, non nutritive sweetener that delivers a great-tasting sweetness.

XS Energy Bars

Guilt free chocolate coated snack that is high in protein, low in carbs and fats that gives a sustained boost in energy.

An XS Energy Bar has 14-15 grams of protein that is low in fats and carbs that give you a sustained release of energy and that is satisfying. The 2 great flavours are Chocolate flavoured Almond Nougat and Caramel Fudge. To the health conscious people, they are an alternative to chocolate biscuits or other unhealthy snacks. It is particularly marketable to children and teenagers as a healthier more nutritious alternative to snack foods commonly consumed.

NILFISK X300 ... Extreme range.  LOVE IT.  End of story.  Great product.  Dogs, cats and humans ... turbo brush, loads of suck.  Beats Dyson hands down, esp on long hair german shepherd hair.  Most of my horsey and doggy friends have these including one with 13 dogs.  Hepa filter.  What else can I say?  :)

The heart is a muscle too and you can strain it easily.  What's the old saying?  "Starve the cold and feed the fever"?  Drink soups, have light protein and rest - stringy cheese is good as you can eat, feel like you've eaten and have filling protein.  Also, talk to us on here cos you can't eat and type at the same time LOL!!!!

OK - I have one of these. He's not fat but is a big 6'4" man. 

i SWEAR last year after 8 years I finally snapped and said if you don't put another pillow under your head I'll put one over it!!!!  EDITED TO ADD: This by the way is a man who could snore standing on his head!!!  But more usually when his head is turned my way ... and no it doesn't matter if I swap sides lol.  He just says it's cos I relax him so much.  Liar lol   

Anyway, it didn't stop.  We live in a damp house with mildew so I don't think that helps, but that aside stress can not help either.  BUT on the advice of horsey friends who use this for their kids with colds, I tried last week rubbing Vicks on the soles of his feet.  Old wives' tale or not, he didn't snore ONCE except for the time he got in fromwork at 4am & forgot.

*shrug* i dunno, but he didn't snore for 5 days straight!!!

you never know he may really WANT a baby and be scared you don't.  Like I say, he hasn't asked you to move out, so get your knee sorted and take time to talk with him about stuff while you're laid up.

Nup, no wrong, just that is what CAN happen.  I screwed the crew too and have been happily married for 8 years now :)  BUT was also air crew for some years and have seen some real nasty situations.  What I was meaning is there is the potential for this to happen when you, well, you know, with colleagues and especially hierarchy ...

Hope it all works out, but meryl's right - he needs to make a decision. 

Seriously, who would know with men?  What on earth does he mean by a "friendship that could lead to a relationship" ??? You guys already HAVE a relationship - by now it may have deteriorated but you still HAVE ONE.  You can't back up the bus and say, oh let's just be friends and see what happens.  To me, to be honest, that sounds like a cop-out and he wants the friendship you give him but not the "hassle" of a relationship - like cold-feet sort of.  And honestly, if anyone was dating like 8 years and only JUST got engaged?  Don't these guys know what they want?  If I were you, I would save yourself some heartache and withdraw tactfully.  I know it's hard because you work together, but ya know, that's what you get when you "screw the crew" so to speak. 

Let him know you're still sweet on him, but that you don't want to get hurt and need to focus on your work for now until he's ready to make his position right with you one way or the other.  For me, that should buy you a little distance and emotional space to get back to working for him but not being with him in the immediate future.  BUT if he wants to court you, and take you out, you aren't going to say no, but set some boundaries. 

As my nana used to say, "Let the man chase you, until you are ready to be caught."  So, let him do the running as you know where you stand, and if he doesn't then I guess you will also know where you stand.  Don't know if this helps, but it seems sensible to me, if you are to come out of this relatively intact one way or the other. (( ))