Posts by helthknut

I have tried to stop counting calories, but found that unless I have absolutely no idea what the calorie is in the item, I tend to do it anyway without trying. I usually always have some number running through my head though, since now that I know the calorie count for most things (or groups of things), I can give an educated guess to the things that I don't know.  It's a process I guess, to stop doing it, once it has become an "obsession."  Good luck!

Original Post by lalabanana:

 I'd never really heard of someone wanting to make it clear they were unwell with their ED.

Yes, that's the part I wanted to make sure was clear. I didn't go around saying "Look at me! I have an eating disorder, watch me not eat!" There was always an unrelated reason as to why I wasn't eating -- so that I could get away with going out with friends and having an excuse as to why I would not eat anything at dinner. Ex. "I have this stomach issue. The Dr's are trying to figure out what it is, it makes me sick to my stomach every time I eat." Once people knew that, I never had to re-explain it, or think of new excuses every time. That's what I meant by not hiding, really.

But anyway, I don't want to exhaust the topic, just really wanted to make clear what I meant, cause I realize how misconstrued it could get.

I realize lying about an illness like that is awful, and I am still very ashamed by it. It was a year long lie, the biggest most elaborate I had ever told, and by the end I started to actually believe it myself.  Very ashamed..

I won't say you're wrong,  because honestly, I don't know what qualifies an official ED. What I DO know is I dropped 25% of my body weight in a month and half (BMI to 16.7 i believe?), I would have anxiety attacks if I was forced to eat something that wasn't "safe", planned, or able to be worked off. It consumed my life (I'm talking like it's in the past, though its not 100% there). I lost friends, kept to myself, rarely went out. I would rather stay home alone and focus on not eating than have fun. I do have self esteem problems, obviously, but although thats where it started, I don't think it was all vain. I couldn't stop. It was a compulsion. 

Thank you for your feedback. And I hope I didn't explain it in a way that made it seem like I was going around showing off the fact that I was starving -- because that was absolutely not the case. It's just hard to explain how I didn't always hide it. When I did start hiding, it led to the beginnings of bulimia. I would eat so that people would think I was better, but then be so anxious about it that I would purposely throw it up. Slippery slope, kids...