Posts by boppityboops

Original Post by rebelchick1017:

Really? Hm. I suppose I should ask about it then. If I'm right-on about where my weights at, I suppose that means I'll have to push back up to 3600-3800. Though, I can't imagine that my doctor would say 17 was good. Though, he hasn't asked or checked me for my height since I started going again a few months ago. Hm. I wonder if perhaps it still has me at 5'6" on the chart from years ago. Three inches makes a difference, yes?

 Rebel...

Is ED twisting things so much that he's changing your stats in your head? It's one thing to be at a low weight, but it's really falling in to the jaws of ED if you can't even face where you are.  Weren't you starting to maintain at 105?

=first problem--ED will destroy you with the deciet in stretching your stats to hide the problem

...and then, at some point, you are going to have to decide if you are going to have ED or not.  The security you get from being underweight is choosing ED, even if your new weight is "safe" because it's still "under."  Safe as under is choosing ED security over life.  And as much as ED loves it, keeping your weight at this point will destroy you.

I only say it so bluntly because Ed is so sneaky and twisted--but you deserve to know the truth because it's your choice, your future--and you have the power over whether it's gonna be handed over to ED or taken over for you.

Original Post by lalabanana:

I am at this point, save I do not think I am fat. I am just unhappy. This has done nothing for me. I'm still as ridiculed, depressed and static as I was before - I just weigh a bit more.

I think you and I both need to remember recovery is not just about weigh gain but self-acceptance. Establishing a connection with life and living it again.

I think a big part of it is that you have to realize how much the disease was more than the weight.  While the weight loss and physical health was dangerous, the immediate dealing with that just treats the symptom.  You still have the roots of the disease--the very thing that would cause one to subject themselves to such torture!

It's not that getting healthy doesn't solve anything, it's that:
1. You still have to face the same challenges and emotions that come with life--it's a cop out to hide in ED
2. The underlying things that made us go to ED can make this more difficult--if you can get to these roots and work on them, life can have a whole lot more to it.

I am not yet to my target weight, but am finally at a place where I am "healthy" and don't have to have special requirements to go to class and whatnot.

The closer I get to my ultimately healthy weight the more I find myself "accidentally happy"--enjoying things in ways I felt I "should" before [but really just was going through the motions] and easily amused, smiling, laughing.  I also find more and more interests.

Mentally too, the "correct thinking" I have to force at first comes naturally, i feel more logically rather than just thinking logically.  I stress less, am on edge less, and eating doesn't take such a central role in my life  --I TRULY would rather do things besides eat [and make my calories last and enjoyed and all that].

I've also had more opportunities...jobs, friendships, possibilities.

This last season I've had three guys where I practice HIT ON ME instead of having people ask my coach about if I'm okay and whisper/gape behind my back.

Skeletons symbolize death, and the more we leave that death behind, the more life we gain as "living people" in all areas!

What kinds of foods are you eating?  I remember making a pact to have a solid 4000 cals for one month straight, and practically puking after a week.  Why?  because of what I was eating.

I thought the fact taht I now eat bread, peanut butter, nuts, meat, dessert, and all thsoe "real foods" that are "high calorie" in comparison to Ed days, I was eating bulk foods.  But really, even people on diets, and at least average intakes, include those along with chips and goodies.

So with an additional 1000 cals above a "normal" diet it's not enough to just break away from safe foods...we need to bulk up on the kinds of things that fit in a normal diet.  Extra bowls of ice cream, the highest calorie snacks munched mindlessly throughout the day, nachos instead of a burrito + the works for toppings. 

Eating like that it scary as hell for ED, but it's the ticket to your happy tummy, health, and eventually a freedom from ED so it doesn't scare you so much!

Quick update/checkin of my own:

Journal entry to sum up the dynamics this week--but bottom line I let my tenacious progress up up up [intake and weight] slip.  My weight stayed about the same, but I'm starting to feel the fact that low-3000's is just NOT enough for me, even if I did get a big gain off of it last week.

I maintained this week, fine after the 3lb gain last week, but methinks I need to hold 3500 [though "would 32-3300 steady be enough" has been a thought I admit to entertaining...]

Honestly, the fix is simple but the hardest to do.  You've just got to make an overhaul to your diet and eat how you SHOULD be able to eat with a normal metabolism.

I learned this firsthand--unfortunately after years wasted not believing it when my Dr. and nutritionist said I "could" be eating 2500+ and not be gaining weight.

I used to maintain on 12-1500 cals/day with working out 2-3 times per day.

After consistently getting my intake up to a truly "normal" level and reigning in my activity my metabolism did come back.

I was SO SURE I was the exception.  I knew i didn't eat normal, but I couldn't or I would gain.

I was wrong.  I gained 3lbs my first week on 2500, but a couple months later I was losing on 3000.

3000 calories, without activity, now results in weight loss for me, and I am also smaller than I was then--but far stronger.

It will come back, but you have to really teach it.  Just a bit more, while still meager calories, keeps your body thinking it won't get enough so it just hangs on to the couple hundred extra.

But if you day after day after week after week give it how much it would need to work normal, it will get the message and do that.

Original Post by clay010:

Sportchick: PWO you should totally have carbs, and not just carbs.... simple carbs. Something with sugar thats gonna flood your bloodstream quick and create an insulin spike to move the nutrients throughout your body. Reason being that since you ust tore your body down via workout it is now ready to absorb any and all nutrients it can. Picture your body being a brick wall that just got alot of cracks in it and the insulin is a big ball of concrete that was thrown at the wall. That wall is gonna take all the concrete and get stronger.

 Hey Clay-

I couldn't help but notice that you posted this, but then the meal plan you posted reflects a severe LACK of carbohydrates at all.  The only reason I call you out is because a common trick ED uses is to allow you to "know" something healthy or good for recovery and do it vicariously through others.  Kind of like in the grips of ED it is common to love to cook, bake, grocery shop, a way of "vicariously eating."  It can be the same thing if you get stuck in the "ED land of recovery." 

It sounds like you KNOW some valuble things--just make sure ED doesn't screw you over so you don't get to actually reap the benefits of the tools you have [your knowledge and your tough spirit] for some great potential.

idgk-

Start by logging more carefully what you are eating.  Find out specifically how much you are eating for a couple days, then take lala's advice.  You don't want to get your body all confused or it really messes things up on the GI front [in addition to others]--I know first hand!

Original Post by agruskin:

hi- for myself, i found what worked was tough, scarey love, real pushes, threats, and kicks from others to get moving towards recovery bc when i was so severely underweight, not only was i physically unhealthy but i was mentally unhealthy.  everything about weight was distorted to me, an amount of food seemed more to me than actually was.

i kick ppl when i post bc thats what worked for ME, and it might help others also.  i think gentle coddling only kills time, ofcourse, thats my own opinion and experience.

i have a bmi of about 20.2 but i still wouldnt mind gaining more bc i dont think i look quite healthy enough for my own taste, thanks for asking tho.  its uncomfortable in the fact that i dont think im quite healthy enough yet, but i feel that im on my way.  its comfortable in that i know i am healthiER than i was and that im on a path back to life so id side w feeling more good about myslef than not.

im adamant bc this is a deadly horrible waste of time+life disease and when youre in the think of the disease you dont see it.  its horrible and so  many of the posts on this site are so unhealthy and damaging that when i do post i just hope it can counteract some of the ridiculous BS that some idiots post.  its maddening and i just hope that i can help at least 1 person bc i know when i first got on the site, i read some of what ppl wrote and it only helped to spur the disease.

so, sheesh, long! gl

 It's not your tough love/wanting to kick people that makes me wonder, it's that you seem to always watch and post threads about weight and immediately ask people what their weight is--it just makes me wonder if maybe another part of tackling this disorder for you might be to disconnect from being attatched to what others might be settling for.

You're right, the disorder is a way of destroying and wasting life, and if some people on this boad are just living that life--so bit it.  But you have to ask yourself, what do you want for YOUR future and life?

Hey sportschick!

I am in a similar situation to you. I need to gain weight but I am also an athlete [my mega motivation for the weight gain!] so it takes a weight gain diet + athlete diet!

Think about it this way, a normal person can easily eat 2500-3000.  A nonathlete. A nongainer.

Eating less than that is normally with taking restrictive measures, cutting foods, monitoring portions, etc.  This can be for weight control...or because you have an eating disorder.

So you can make the choice, are you going to be an eating disorder victim or an athlete?
...then eat to back that up...

As far as specifics, I took some time off to "help" gain weight--which backfired immensely--and am not just gradually getting back into training, 1/2 practices 3-4 days per week.  My calories are at 3500-4000 for this week. 
And I am smaller than you [= burning even less + doing less].

A good weight gain diet should be over 3000 sedentary, plus more for athletes.

You have to eat like an athlete + extra to build the athlete!

Original Post by gibbit:

 I made myself another 1400 calorie or so bowl last night for snack. (just checked the stats on this and OMG i had no idea!) Not even because I was low specifically, I didn't really count til today.  but it's because I put what I felt like in it and felt like putting all my calorie dense foods into it. And it was damn amazing tasting! "

 Sounds like you were giving your body maximum resources to heal, build, and create your life!  Plus giving ED a kick in the butt while you were at it so he can't have a part of your life.

I agree with what's been said already--the adding calories isn't the hard part, it's being willing to do it.

If you stick to safe foods, focus on structure and rules and portions instead of "how can I best serve my needs and kick some ED butt every opportunity I get til he's history"...of course they'll slip off.

If YOU take control it'll happen.  And then look out ED because life in YOUR control could be a pretty scary thing for him!

Original Post by gi-jane:

 And that's the part you're struggling to accommodate.

 Thank you--that really sums up the confusion for me here.

Yes, I'm used to heavy training.  Since high school it's been almost daily, often twice a day, workouts up to 2-3 hours.
 Not your standard fitness training, but elite athlete type of training.  While recovering from anorexia I was out of sports for a while, even not allowed to walk, but it was actually when I got back on the team that I made a real recovery.  With activity I gained much faster than I had IP on bedrest and more importantly that is the point where I achieved "mental recovery" because I saw myself as an athlete, not an anorexic who was supposed to be afraid of certain foods or have a life governed by eating.

Anyways, the thing is, while I'm not being told by any of my Dr.'s [sport or PCP] to abstain from activity, I do feel like my long term potential as an athlete is being limited because my weight is still too low.  But it's the inbetween I don't know how to deal with.  Currently I'm just flat out taking a break, but I'd like to start something up next week.  What do you advise?  Once I do get back to the 2-a-day workouts and all that I'm used to, I want to get the kind of results I'd expect, rather than just being "ok" while my teammates head to the Olympics.

But how to get there?  I was thinking some sort of fundamental cardio to maintain fitness, while Pilates and weights to build a foundation to work off of.  Should I base my hours/week off of how much I weight perhaps?  That way my physical state could work with my training to get me to the body of an athlete that can support the training of one.

Maybe I have posted this topic in the wrong place, but it really isn't a question about having appropriate calories, because historically I've gained the most weight when active.  I could potentially "gain faster" with more activity.

I am really, really just wanting to know what the process of building my body physically should be--assuming the calorie balance needed to support it is there.

Right on mashed-

Back in the grips of ED I only ate my safe foods and was stuck in the mindset of "less is better.'  At that time just eating 2000+ calories seemed like a lot, and I remember 3000 feeling massive--because I was still eating mostly "safe" foods and not really eating normal random eats.  A cookie was a savored treat, and any high calorie food was portion controlled.

ONLY after a couple years of counting 3-4000 calories do I realize it is holding me back instead of helping me--because now I"m the idiot careflly measuring stuff and figuring how I"m going to get X for lunch or dinner, when the bottom line is I know what a 3-4000 calorie diet is, and counting only limits that.

This also goes WITH the mission I said in my last post.  I hate what's been stolen from me.  I hate being controlled.  I want to do the opposite of every rule and anything that could be a part of something that has destroyed so much of me.  It is NOT freedom to "eat the diet stuff" or fillup on fruit--I have to be stubborn of doing the OPPOSITE of everything that was a part of that life.

Original Post by gibbit:

This is my goal exactly! I just want to stop thinking about it all together. Stop caring about food and what or how much I eat and how much other people are eating, and how often I need to eat.

I want to feel normal! However be careful with this because every time I decide to stop thinking about it and eat normally, including eating cookies, and italian take out and everything everyone else is eating, and going out with friends, drinking, the whole bit, I still lose weight :\ It seems my body's needs are still abnormally high so I still have to put some effort into planning out specific weight gain meals and making sure I eat way more often than "normal" people. This sucks but I"m still managing to do this and still turn most of my attention on other things.

Good luck!

 Oh yes! The only way this works is if you TRULY act on your needs.  When I've stopped calorie counting before the ED monster uses it as an excuse to say "well I only want that much, I'm not hungry now, why have that when I can have this more filling thing for less calories, etc." 

The KEY to really starting a mindset that works for you is to make the decision not just to stop counting or planning, but also to take over your choices--always what serves you best!  The top, the bigger, or right now ANYTHING that goes against the old life, every choice and every chance.