Posts by ekko123

So I had a minnie binge session today. I'm a nanny and I get so bored and or stressed on this job that I always almost always resort to bingeing if the parents aren't there. I'm not as disappointed in myself as I usually am because the day is fairly young and I'm just going to suck it up and get over it.. go to the gym or something.

One thing that I decided though is that  I'm going to start to cut back on my hours and look for a job that has more opportunity and less boredom and stress. I honestly feel like a drug addict working in pharmaceuticals. Baby sitting is my worst trigger and I feel weak because of it. It could be such an awesome job. Sitting around, watching kids, watching t.v., doing mindless tasks, ect... I'm just so addicted to food and it is a really hard thing to tackle and it's been such a fight for so  long. I've seen my looks deteriorate over the past few years as I get heavier and heavier. I feel like everyone looks at me like wow she's gotten big, or wow she used to be so pretty. It's embarrassing to be seen in by my old classmates, not to mention a specific ex-boyfriend. ugh. I just want so badly to be at a healthy weight with a healthy appetite. I need to be happy and that's the only way all this will come together.

Thanks for the encouragement guys. Today is my first day technically, yesterday was a disaster, or rather last night. Totally raided the cabinets, seriously I could have eaten a stick of butter as long as it was food. I felt pretty disgusting today, but didn't binge, oddly enough I didn't want to that much, there were certainly moments though. The fears are definitely something I have been trying to identify. Last night I really don't know what was wrong, perhaps boredom ... probably something more. From the fear to the anxiety I handicap myself. Unable to wake up in the morning on too many days feeling like I can control myself. I fear that I will never reach my potential if I keep this going, I fear that I will never be happy, however Sandrako you are right, we are worth it, why wouldn't we be, ya know? Thanks for the support and I will continue to blog the ups and downs of this process aswell as offer advice  and  support to others suffering.