Posts by kiote

Thanks everybody, I've definitely decided to tell my surgeon, don't worry. I guess I'm just really ashamed of my anorexia and feel like he'll look down on me, plus the eating disordered side of my brain is ashamed because I never managed to go under 100 lbs and I'm scared the surgeon will say be thinking, yeah right, you thunder-thighed big-butted person, you don't have anorexia. Even though I know my lowest bmi is clinically considered anorexic plus I'm constantly told I'm so thin and I have no curves, etc, so I have to work hard at believing what other people say instead of what I see in the mirror.

Anyway thanks for all replying, I'm going to tell my doc and my surgeon.

I ate an ENTIRE panfull of pasta, with butter, olive oil, sausage, cream of chicken soup, and CHEESE! 1930 cals! I can't believe I did it. Oh my goodness, I'm going to cry now. (Happy tears)

before i started losing my hunger - fasting and being so hungry that i was down on my knees on the kitchen floor ready to vomit. i felt so awful i wanted to purge even though i had nothing in my stomach.

not being able to even get out of bed without putting shoes on that have gel heel pads - bcuz my feet are so bony that having my heels touch the floor is like standing on axe handles, and i cannot even stand in bare feet on a carpeted floor. and yet taking my shoes off all the time to step on the scale and weigh myself.

having my chest hurt so much i thought i was having a heart attak coming on, and i was scared i wouldn't live through the night, watching my bro's football game and wondering if these were my last moments.

collapsing on my knees in front of all my family members at a reunion and having to have my bro pick me up off the floor.

collapsing so often that my family thinks its no big deal and just steps over me on the way to wherever they're going.

you are describing both eating disordered behavior and actions. remember that you can be a healthy weight and still have an eating disorder and STILL be doing damage to your body. dont think just because you aren't deathly underweight yet that you arent doing damage - possibly irreversible - to yourself.

eating disorders like anorexia distort your perception of yourself and make you see yourself as if you are looking into a funhouse mirror. it makes you see yourself as fat even when you arent. you need to talk to a doctor, parent, or other trusted adult and get help.

here is a 48-second youtube video that will help you understand what is happening to you and what your mind is doing to you: please watch it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7umojyvQoTw

if you continue to eat 400 calories a day you will starve to death. it may not happen right away but it will happen. concentration camps during nazi germany fed their prisoners 1200-1500 calories per day. you are feeding yourself  at least 800 calories LESS than a CONCENTRATION CAMP PRISONER.

also, you talk about feeling floppy and not toned - this is what starvation is doing to you. It eats away your muscles and they lose their tone and definition and your skin becomes saggy. if you want tone, then you have to eat enough to enable your body to build muscle.

please talk to a doctor, school counselor, or parent as soon as possible. you need to get help so that you can heal and live a happy and healthy life.

oh, no audience, could you tell me more about the edmonton program? i.e. how it worked for you, and also why a lot of people dont like it? is it really rigid or do the doctors look down their noses at you or something? what specifically do people find difficult about it?

good idea...

but, wont the doctor say, 'what, your self-diagnosing yourself on the internet!?' if i bring him some questionnaire i printed off?

i definitely will read that thread.

oh and yes, when you wake up id love to hear about some of your daily eats! thanks so much!

well, i know they definitely have some eating disordered mental processes going on, but so far as I am aware none of them have any physical ED symptoms - i.e. none of them are fasting, restricting, over-exercising, purging, etc. although i know for a fact none of them eat enough because of their very busy lifestyles. so are you saying that i probably shouldn't tell them about my AN? i dont want to push their disordered thought processes into actual disordered eating. i work very hard at giving them good advice on eating, and explaining to them all the scientific reasons why they should not fast or restrict - so far i seem to be convincing enough, theyve agreed not to restrict or diet, which i know for a fact they would have done if i hadnt set the facts straight for them. yet they think people who diet or have eating disorders are stupid and misguided, so i think that although they have an unhealthy fear of fat, they do want to use only healthy ways of maintaining fit lean bodies. i think i scared them out of restricting by explaining how it makes the metabolism slow down which makes your body actually hold onto fat and gain even faster when you stop restricting. they dont want to hold onto fat or gain so now they dont want to restrict for sure!

see, i know all the facts and science and yet im still eating disordered (but trying to recover). so even though i know they know the facts and so far it is keeping them away from unhealthy methods of maintaining/losing, i think that if i talked to them about my eating disorder it would push their already disordered thinking into actual physical disordered eating, especially since im the oldest and they copycat me. so you're right, they're just on the borderland of developing EDs, and ive changed my mind, im not going to tell my brother about my own struggles. i think rather than scaring him it might just rub off on him and id never want that to happen.

ok so i have finally admitted to myself that i have a problem - anorexia - and i really want to get better. i'm pretty nervous about all this, but i know that i was happy helthy & strong b4 i lost so much weight, and i just want to feel that good again. i'm working on upping my calories but i keep running into one major prblem - my stomach is SO not used to food & every time i eat ANYTHING i feel nauseated, full, bloated, and crampy (even tho Im still HUNGRY @ the same time - crazy). ive been reading and finding out this is normal when first trying 2 eat again and that eventually my stomach will get used to food again - i'm just wondering how long it takes to get to that point where it doesnt HURT so much to eat anymore? how long did it take u guys b4 your stomach didnt feel so awful after eating?