Posts by muppetlips

MSN:  I can't say I blame you.  I've put off appointments SO much, because though I have insurance--it's horrible and covers nothing.  Last time I went to the gyno, I had an irregular pap, had to go back and get a biopsy and make sure everything was fine (it was)--but the two visits cost me over 700 bucks.  So I put off going again as long as possible.  My appointment is in January, and I'm only going because my BC prescription will have run out.  Horrible but true.  Unsafe--but I have no money!  Sorry!!  HOWEVER--maybe try the CVS Minute Clinic if things get really bad.  It's 60 bucks, but if you have something serious, hopefully they could point you in the right direction.  No matter what--I hope you feel better.  As for the small wedding--Girl I WISH I could invite 30 people...but my family is literally 50.  That is the ONLY reason I will invite so many. It is unheard of in our family to not invite everyone--cousins, aunts, uncles, everyone.  And as much as I would like to say, "It's my wedding, I do what I want!"--it's not so simple.  Politics and all.

Dalma:  I AM GETTING THE SCALE!................BLARRRRRRRRGH!  Poopoopoo.  I liked not knowing at first.  But now I must, must, must know!!!

Wedding Bells:  Here's the deal.  I want Ry forever.  Forever-ever.  And I totally fantasize about our wedding and my dress and who the  bridesmaids will be and where we'll have it and all kinds of stuff.  And if he asked me to marry him tomorrow, I'd say yes--(as long as we could have a really long engagement.)  I KNOW that I want that...but my life (our lives!) are in such an in-between stage that I don't feel like I could really celebrate a marriage.  I've applied to grad school.  If I get in, we will DEFINITELY be moving to Rhode Island in August 2010.  If I don't, we will be moving somewhere in the New England area--hopefully still in 2010, but 2011 at the latest.  We both work full time (and I also work part time AND seasonally)--and yet still get paid total crap.  (As in--our combined incomes would be an acceptable-but-not-impressive-salary.) We eventually want to start an arts venue business together--but aren't even moderately close to that stage.  So basically--we're broke, he has debt, we want to move within the next year, I may or may not be going to school again, neither of our parents have money now...like...when I get married--I want it to be this sort've..."Yay!  We've figured some shiz out!  Now we can DO THIS."  I know nothing is ever perfect.  And I'm certainly not waiting around for us to become rich.  But I at least want to have found a place we could see ourselves living for the next several years--and him have started paying off his debt--and us have moderately secure jobs where we at least make a non-laughable amount of money.  Le sigh.  WHY ISN'T THAT NOW?!  And also, can I be thin, please?  Then we can get marrrrriiiiieeeed.

MORNING WORKOUT COMPLETE.  Oh yes.  I have done it.  I actually woke up at 5:50 AM, got dressed, took Waffles out, walked my saggy butt to the gym, did 55 minutes, went home and got ready for work...where I now...am.  And I've got to say, though it was very hard to make myself get up--just knowing that it's over and done with and I don't have to go back today is pretty nice.  Though, admittedly, I'm still sleepy.  I'm told this is supposed to energize me for my whole day--but I didn't sleep very well last night.  Probably got about 5 hours...as opposed to my normal 8.  Nonetheless, mission complete--and hopefully I can continue to get my butt up and do that.  Also, I imagine I'll be having my 30-minute walk with my coworkers as usual around 9:30.  Hoo-rah! LET'S DO THIS.

I have scale fever.  I really, truly wanna buy a scale.  I told myself I would try and wait a month or two...but I can't stand it.  I may go buy one today.  Or...well...maybe this weekend...or next...I'm SUPER broke, but I guess I could take a little money out of savings or something.  I just...I thought I could put it off, because I have such a scale addiction, but at this point, I just have to know.  Is it 275?  265?  I don't know.  I can't imagine it's lower than that right now.  But I just need to KNOW!!!  Ryan told me if I bought a scale, he would take the battery out and hide it so I'd only weigh once a week...that may have to be the plan.  I'm prepared for (but not thrilled about) the number 270.  260 would make me feel like I was in a good place. I was 248 when I left CC in April.  But the fact that I can no longer fit into my bridesmaid dress or my smaller pair of jeans means I must've put a bunch of it back on.  I'd like to be back down to 248 by February.  2 months.  So, if I'm at 260, that's pretty freaking doable.  But if I'm at 270...oh balls.  I hope I'm not.  I HATE SCALES.  KILL ME. 

Kdegraw:  There are definitely girls in this group that can answer you better than I can about the too-few-calories thing.  I would generally say--don't force yourself to eat if you're not hungry, but make sure you stay about 1200 MINIMUM.  One day isn't going to kill you, but in general, you should be eating over 1300 calories.  Like...I'm shooting for about 1700 calories a day...but this burn-meter says I burned like 700 calories at the gym this morning (which seems like that's a little too much?  I'm not sure I believe that.)  But, I feel like 1700 calories a day PLUS working out an hour a day is a pretty aggressive start.  So 1300 plus all that working out...is intense.  But hell, if you aren't hungry and it's bedtime--I wouldn't beat yourself up about it--as long as it isn't a regular occurrence.

Work:  Ewww...Being at work is soooo not cool right now.  I had Wednesday-Sunday off from my full-time and part-time jobs.  I had to work a total of 9 hours at the seasonal job, but that's it.  Now, coming back to real work...I'm sitting here like "What do I do here?  What am I supposed to get done?  Do I have to?  What can I do instead?  Is the day over?  Do I really have to go to my part time job after this?  I need more money." 

The end.   Happy Monday.

Hey hotties.

MSN:  All over it!! GET IT GIRL!!!!  (I wish you guys could vote on my getting into grad school, yikes.)

Back on board:  Got up today, had an apple, went to the gym for an hour (plus a five minute cool down)--and am eating a turkey sandwich from Publix on wheat, no mayo (I LOVE MAYO), and am planning a Lean Cuisine for dinner.  I swear, that episode of Say Yes To The Dress was a slap in the face.  Weird, the things that hit you.

Dalma:  It is SO amazing to me the change that significant weightloss can make in a person's appearance.  Like--I'll see some pictures of women that...(and this is horrible)--you couldn't even tell that they had a beautiful FACE because the weight was such a big deal.  And while (from all your pictures) you have always been obviously beautiful.....you do not look like the same person.  I check out your pictures often as the proof of what that amount of weight being taken off can do.  And though I could always see that you were gorgeous--you look like a completely different person.  And while you may feel lumpy/extra-skin-y at this point...keep in mind that there are people who have so MUCH extra skin that they don't even look very much smaller at all.  I'm sorry that you don't feel like a nude goddess (yet)--but it has to be better than how you felt before.  ALSO--I think you have every right to be pissy about it.  Like, YES, I would love to be in your shoes right now...but after putting in all the work and time and  you've put in, you deserve to see the body you've worked for in front of you.  Nonetheless, you look unbelievable.

Ana:  What IS that feeling?  Like--WHY, why, why, why--when we binge at lunch do we feel like it's okay to eat more later?  Why do we say "Well, I've just wasted today" as opposed to going, "Okay, I ate a bunch, so I'm just gonna REALLY book it at the gym and maybe I'll come out even."  I don't know what it is.

Shapie:  I DID do the gym three days in a row, but skipped Thursday and Friday and ALSO pigged out those days.  I SWEAR--I CANNOT just do one or the other.  I can't watch my food intake without exercising.  And I can't exercise if I overeat.  As for the jeans, don't feel like you're being negative--Ryan said the same thing.  And though the jeans ARE due for a wash...there's a way my jeans fit when they need to be washed...and a way they fit when I'm losin some weight (because I always start losing in the same places.)  I definitely don't think my old jeans are going to magically fit soon...but I think I've lost a couple pounds this last week--AND I'm on my period now, so my PMS bloat is gone.   ALSO--I have a four-hour floorset tomorrow with BBW.  Yuck!!  As for the wedding dress thing:  as I was sitting around, post-yesterday's pig-out, watching the show...I started looking online at wedding dresses (not that I intend on wearing one for awhile)--and I was looking up PLUS-sized ones...and I decided then and there that I can't be plus-sized on my wedding day...because whether or not it's FAIR or NICE--the plus-sized dresses were more expensive, often special-order, and had a smaller selection.   It may not be FAIR that it's so hard to find cute clothes...but it still IS, you know?

How many of you are morning-gym-people?  I am NOT a morning person.  But I work 10 hours a day, so when I come home at 6PM, it's dark, I'm exhausted, and I have four hours to myself in which I need to make dinner, eat dinner, take a bath, play with Waffles, spend time with Ryan, watch any TV-addictions AND go to the gym.  I feel like I'd resent the gym less if I could really make myself get up and go before work...then, it's out of the way,  I don't have to think about it, I'd be less likely to skip it, etc...I'm just SO bad at getting up early, that I don't want it to have the opposite effect....How do I make myself do this early? 

I WILL say that I ate less than last year--had seconds on proteins and veggies...had cookies but stayed away from the two pies--had no stuffing or potatoes--and probably didn't eat too many more calories than on a normal off-the-wagon day. 

I work Bath and Body for 7 hours tomorrow, then wanna come take a nap, then hit the gym, then do NOTHING.  And I have all Saturday off and most of Sunday to work out and eat normal, healthy meals. 

Unrelated to food:  Thanksgiving went really well.  It was my parents, my brother, his girlfriend, Ry's (divorced) parents and his half brother.  And everyone seemed to get along just fine.  Nothing was awkward.  No one completely offended anyone else.  Ryan's dad apparently gushed to Ryan about how much he loved my family...so, in general, it was really good family-meet-family situation.  The only one missing was Ry's sister--who is like--my BFF.  But she lives in Boston, sooooooooooo.......

Hope everyone had a great turkey day!  Hope everyone did better than I did--but that if you didn't--you plan on crackin' down tomorrow like I do.

I love my man.

First time eating out: since I started this a week ago.  And I'm proud of myself!  Ryan took me to "Le Peep"--this great breakfast/brunch/lunch place.  I went straight to the "Lite" menu--got a broccoli/turkey omelet made with egg whites. I ate all but a few bites of that, half of the english muffin and half the potatoes it came with and gave the rest to Ry.  I came home, had a 100 calorie pack for something sweet, and am planning on a Lean Cuisine for dinner. 

Am going to the gym for the third day in a row today, as soon as Ry starts getting ready for work. 

Maybe I'm insane...as it's only been a week......but I could SWEAR my jeans feel loose.  I mean, sure, maybe they just need a good wash...but I think it's more than that.  I'm getting boy-crotch and bag-butt, just ever-so-slightly.  Could this be true?

Thanksgiving:  I have cookies and two pies in my fridge right now.  God help us all.

MSN:  A Mormon?!  By golly, sheesh!  :)  I'm very happy you've found someone who appreciates you.  I remember months ago--when you would be talking about Michael--there was a lot of negativity--until suddenly, out of nowhere, things became really blissful (or so you said.)  And (forgive me!) but I had doubts.  Maybe it's just me, but I have very rarely been able to turn a bad thing into a good thing, so I was worried for your emotional life.  I'm glad you're with someone now who has always been a friend--and can now be more.

And yeah--eff what other people think.

DO YOU NOT HAVE YOUR DOGGIES NOW?!!!! (Read:  I'm obsessed with my dog.)

Workin' out witcha boo:  So, I asked Ry if he wanted to work out yesterday, and he said he'd like to, because he needed to start and we could hold each other accountable...but by the time I got home, he had a stomach ache.  (REAL stomach ache or don't-wanna-go stomach ache?  I don't know.)  But I think he will eventually want to start going (as he'll feel lazy and inferior if I go all the time while he sits at home.) And I think that'll be good for me, because when he's in there, I won't wanna puss out and just do minimum effort.

I'm already aching to buy a scale.  But A) I REALLY don't have the money for one right now...yes, even 20 bucks is too much for my budget at this point.  And B) I really DO get addicted to the scale, and obsessed with it--and I MUST weigh every day without fail, and I go insane, and I just REALLY don't think it's a good idea for me to have one right now...but I really WOULD like to know where I am.  I should find a friend with a scale?  KILL ME.

msn:  LOVE your presents!  Lingerie ALWAYS makes me feel sexy. 

The thing is--I have enough jeans to last me through the next 40-60 pounds, haha.  And I have plenty of lingerie.  And plenty of dresses in all sizes.

Though I think my gift(s) to myself would ALWAYS be dresses.  Nothing makes you feel better than lookin' hot-hot-hot in a dress and going out.  I'm glad you're rewarding yourself!

Shapie:  I have a fake-ass leather jacket (thirty bucks from Target, bia!) but it's so, so cute...and it has pretty much NEVER fit.  Like--I can't move my arms in it right now.  I think I'd like to be able to wear that before the cold completely goes away.  Like March or something. 

Dalma:  I'm not sure when those pants last fit pound-wise, because I haven't had a scale in months.  But they fit (though tighter than normal) in late September.  I definitely haven't gained 30 pounds in two months.  They just went from, "Uh-oh, these are starting to get tight" to "Oh yeah, these are definitetly muffin-top-tight." I would say a 10lb difference, maximum.  The now-won't-button jeans are probably more of a 20lb difference--and THE EPIC jeans are probably 30-40lbs.  So, I pretty much am set for jeans on this journey for a good while. 

Ladies:  I think something that Dalma touched on yesterday--was the best dieting advice I've ever heard:  it isn't going to be easy, it isn't going to suddenly GET easy, you WILL have to force yourself, and it is a daily, hourly, minute-by-minute battle.  I went to the gym last night, even after Ryan said he didn't want to go because his stomach was jacked up.  And 85% of me was like, "Well, Ryan doesn't wanna go, so we can just go tomorrow." And I had to yell at myself and push through it.  And when I got to the gym, as soon as I got on the elliptical, I was like, "GOD, it's only been 3 minutes?!  I'm NEVER going to get through this.  Maybe I'll only do a few minutes."  And I had to push through that.  Last night, I dreamt about eating chocolate cakes.  Really.  And I think...I think that knowing that this is a battle between me and my brain---NOT me and my body (as my body will eventually follow along)--makes me more determined to persevere...because it ISN'T me giving in because, "Oh, who cares, I like the way I look" or "It's the weekend!  I can have a full rack of ribs, fries AND dessert"--It's me giving in because I've convinced myself that I'm not REALLY giving in.  I feel like I've had a revelation.  Like it all finally makes sense.  You can want it all you want, but unless you're really willing to work at it...nuts to you, heffah.  It ain't happening.  I've OFTEN said things to myself like, "Well, it's supposed to be a 'lifestyle change'--and in real LIFE, I'm not going to go to the gym all the time, so I'm not going to go to the gym NOW."  As opposed to, "I guess I'm just going to have to be a person that goes to the gym.  Now to lose it, later to maintain it.  Oh well, it's only a few hours of my week."  I finally GET IT.

SO...I went for my 30 minute walk yesterday, then walked the 10 minutes (round-trip) to hit the gym, spent 30 minutes on the elliptical, and am planning on doing more than that today.

I don't have a scale right now.  I know that seems counterintuitive.  I know it seems like I should.  I know that weighing every week or day or month or whatever is totally great..........but at this point...I think I need to back off from the scale.  Am I afraid of what it'll say?  Sort've. I'm kind've expecting the worst, so it's not really that.  I just feel that right now...I need to do this without the reward of seeing numbers.  I have had a scale issue in the past....I lose weight, I am proud, I'm doing well!  Yay!  I continue to lose.  I plateau for too long, I start to give up--even if I'm losing inches and not pounds.  I don't know why.  Then--when I want to give up--when I fall off the wagon--I just avoid the scale.  If I pretend it doesn't exist, then I'm not really gaining weight.  I just feel like...to start with...I just need to commit to this, trust that it is working, and leave the scale alone for right now--as it is an addiction in itself for me.  Maybe once I start feeling a lot better...or I'm able to do a month or two WITHOUT a scale and still really commit...maybe then I'll get one.  I just get so number-focused--and I don't want that to be what it's about. 

Akela:   I feel you.  Before this last week--or at any time when I'm not careful--I never eat when I'm hungry--because I'm NEVER hungry--because I eat ALL THE TIME.  I just eat so much, so often, that hunger isn't even a thing that I recognize.  I think it's a very natural thing (for us) to just--eat because.  Not for survival--but because we like it. And hey--22 pounds!!  That is AWESOME, Asia.  You think that's wimpy...but babe--I've lost 60 pounds before--only to gain 50 of it back in the next year.  I WISH I'd lost 22 pounds this past year.  Instead, I lost 30 and gained (I would imagine, since I don't have a scale) probably 20-25 back.  So you may feel that your accomplishment is small--but it is so, so big--because you have a net loss of 22.  And that is awesome.  I WISH I were in your shoes.

MSN:  Haha!! I got sucked into their buy 1, get one half off before too!  And then I bought panties with it...I remember that day, because I immediately called Akela and told her that I'd spent 150 bucks on underpants.

Dalma:  I feel like I'm at rock bottom.  I don't think that my rock bottom has to be gaining another 50lbs or feeling hideous...for me--I am just (moreso than I ever have been) aghast at my inability to say no.  Like--I've always thought that I could say no if I wanted.  I could lose weight if I wanted.  I could do it if I put my mind to it.  And I am suddenly terrified because I....can't.  Or haven't.  I can promise you, though I do think I rule--and though I do consider myself attractive--I am in no way HAPPY with my body...and I certainly don't think I'm just carrying "a few extra pounds." 

.......The good doesn't outweigh the bad in my life, honestly.  I try to stay positive, so that I don't sink into a sad, sad death.  I have a decent family, an amazing relationship, a lovely apartment, and a stupid-face dog. But I also have three jobs, work nearly 60 hours a week, still have no money, struggle to pay bills, am busting out of my clothes, constantly tired, am not practicing my art, am stuck in a state that I hate away from nearly all of my girlfriends....I'm generally a happy person--not because things are going well...but because it's my nature.  I don't think there will ever come a point where my weight causes me to completely hate myself. 

But I don't think it's ever made me feel this bad.  Cry-at-work-out-of-nowhere-bad is about as bad as I get.

But I think that I've always thought that...I don't know--that it would get easier.  Or something.  Weightloss, I mean.

I think I'm ready to fight every day...because literally--and I have NEVER felt this way before--but literally--if someone offered me free weightloss surgery, I would take it in a heartbeat.  Because I'm started to fear that I don't have what it takes. 

And I am not used to feeling weak or useless or incapable.  This is not about just losing weight.  This is about beating what I feel is a disease that is holding me back.  It's not just that I can't buy the clothes I want--or that I don't like shopping anymore because nothing looks good. 

I don't feel bad about myself because of my weight--I feel bad about myself because I am being beaten by my inability to commit to this. 

I'm ready for battle.  I'm ready to admit that this isn't easy--not even moderately...I'm ready to admit that this is going to be a constant struggle.  And I think...I think that maybe admitting that it's going to be really hard--instead of pretending that it won't be that bad---maybe that's what I need.

At least, I hope it is.  I feel like hell. 

Ladies:  This is part of an e-mail that I just sent my mom...and it pretty much describes exactly how I'm feeling right now:

akasha:  HEEEEEEEEEEEEY.  Congrats on the popcorn.

SO: on my lunchbreak, I went home to let Waffles out--and I tried on THE jeans.  If you recall--I used to talk about THE INFAMOUS jeans.  Size 18, yet smaller than my Old Navy 16's by far.  Death in denim.  I've been worried that I gained back EVERYTHING I lost last time I started my journey with you ladies.  (Read: refusing to buy a scale for a bit.)  So I had to try on THE JEANS as an indication of...where I am.  The Good News:  When I put them on last year at this time, they wouldn't even fit over my thighs...like--I couldn't pull them around my hips.  Now I can!  The bad news: is though I can pull them over my hips--they aren't even CLOSE to buttoning--I can't even squeeze my stomach INTO them...and at my smallest this year, I could button them (though they weren't wearable.)  So...I've gained...but not all of it.  Better than nothing, I guess. 

.................................Hi.

I exist.

I don't know what I thought.  I don't know what my excuse is.  I don't know why I left.  I've gained weight, for sure.  I don't have a scale anymore, so I don't know how much.  But I'm up from an 18 to a 20, so that's not good.

I think that...I got so miserable with my work schedule...and the hotel had free cookies and regular soda and hot dogs and all that....and I stopped caring about what was good for me and started to go with what was easy.  And even after I quit the hotel, I'd already gone off the deep end...

I tell myself I'm starting over every week.  I usually don't last through dinner.

I have six months to fit in a bridesmaid dress that fit when I bought it in May, fit in a spine-crushing-can't-breathe way in maybe September....and I haven't tried in on since in fear.

I feel okay about myself.  Like--I'm not sad or crying.  I don't feel ugly.  But clothes don't fit the way they used to.  I'm tired more often.  And I have to stop this, because I am whole-heartedly addicted to food.  It is an addiction, like any other addiction.  And I can't be beaten by it.

I've eaten well today.  Walked an hour.  Am having salad for dinner.  And am walking the dog with Ryan tonight.

My life update:  Ryan and I live together now.  I love it.  He's an amazing roommate and boyfriend and person.  Our apartment is lovely.  I am very happy there.  I have made a couple see-every-once-in-awhile girlfriends that make me feel less alone.  I just applied to grad school for playwriting, but the (SINGULAR) school I applied to is only accepting 2 people for 2010, so that blows.  I am always broke.  Waffles ate a blanket the other day. I quit the hotel.  I am happy about that.  I have a new part time job at a Printing/Decal place.  I like that pretty decently.  I'm also working seasonally at Bath & Body Works--just doing floor set, which has proven more obnoxious than it's worth.  Ryan and I are hosting Thanksgiving next week for our families.  This will be the first time they all really meet.

My weightloss goals:

-Forget scales for now.  I KNOW this may seem crazy.  But A) I don't own a scale since the move, and B) If I really wanna change my life, then I have to do this because it's right, not do this because I see a numerical value as a reward.  And C) I'm scared.  Maybe I'll buy a scale when my finances suck less...and I've been back on track a couple months.

-Walk as much as possible.  We bought Waffles a harness.  I want to walk her at least a little every day (for her sake, mostly.)  I wanna walk at work.  I wanna walk around the mall.  I wanna walk all over the place.

-Get a Wii Fit.  Look--I work 10 hours a day, I'm lazy, I hate the gym, and I why not replace food addiction with video game (that is healthy for you) addiction?  Sure, maybe it isn't as good as running a marathon, but it's more than watching TV, right?

-PORTION CONTROL, MY GOD, MAN.

-Lots o' salads.

-STOP TOUCHING REGULAR SODA OR DIE.

That's all I've got.

Can I come back?  I don't even know what happened.  I am not sad about or ashamed of my weight gain.  I am just...annoyed that I can never break the pattern.  All I can do is try again. 

It's funny--I obviously cannot do this without you.  Because as soon as I disappeared...as soon as I started not checking the site or talking to you all REGULARLY--I fell apart...I need you.

I hope you are all well.  And as hot as always.

Yours,

Brit

Akela:  Who would understand better than me?  My ears have been jacked since (LITERALLY) one week ago today...and today I went to the doctor again.  A DIFFERENT doctor.  But still--my third visit in the last 7 days.  I finally got someone who gave me oral antibiotics AND ear drops.  Maybe this will finally help.

My doctor nor the pharmacy could really tell me if Augmentin affects the Nuvaring.  So, to be safe, do any of you know how long you need to use back-up BC when you're taking antibiotics?  I'll be taking it for 10 days.  My ring is out now (period week!) and I put a new one in on Sunday.  STUPID EARS.

Leaving in 35 minutes for Ryan's mom's birthday dinner.  (With his sister, who just arrived and is staying at my hotel.)  My manager agreed to cover me for three hours so I could go to eat with him.  Best manager ever.  Wish I had the rest of the night off.  Le sigh.

About to leave work, call Akela--and have her entertain me while I go to the 24-hour grocery store to buy ear drops, vinegar to mix INTO the ear drops (as the straight alcohol ear drops made me die in pain,) and probably a pregnancy test.  Because mine usually starts Wednesday at the LATEST after taking out the Nuvaring on Sunday.  So--ya know--I'll always pay 8 bucks for a decent night's sleep. 

Then I guess I'll go home, let Waffles out, pee on a stick, dump crap in my ear, chill out, and go to bed.

Ladies:  Thanks for the well-wishes...unfortunately--they didn't go so well.

The ear drops that the cracked-out doctor gave me made my ears WORSE.  I HATE ear drops.  They NEVER work for me.  And these I was apparently allergic to.  So, my ears were getting worse by the day on vacation...and this morning, I woke up at 6-something, crying.  Only after 3 tylenol for pain and 2 benedryl for the HORRIBLE itching IN MY HEAD could I even FUNCTION.  So I made Ryan wake up so we could leave a few hours early so I could go back to the doctor ASAP.

I go BACK to the doctor...where he tries to give me MORE drops.  I was like, "No.  Drops have NEVER worked for me.  And not only did those not work--they made it worse--I don't want to put ANYTHING ELSE in my ears."  So he calls "His boss" who says that I should use drops to dry out my ears.  I say no.  So he says I should use vinegar to dry out my ears.  HELLO DICKFACE, MY EARS ARE SO DRY FROM YOUR PREVIOUS DROPS THAT I HAVE A NEW TYPE OF INFECTION!  YES, I still have a little fluid in my ears.  But the main infection is now the reaction to the drops--leaving my outer ear canals totally dried out, itching and cracking.  I DON'T NEED DRYING.  I NEED PILLS.  Well, they tell me pills won't help, despite my listing off the 4 different oral antibiotics I've taken for my other 40 ear infections I've had in my life.  So basically, I leave with nothing. 

Came home...used some nasal spray.   Put some veggie oil on the outside of my ears so they won't itch so much...and am planning on just...OTC-drugging myself for the next 24 hours.  If it's not better tomorrow, I'll go see an ENT. 

In addition, apparently my roommate had the psycho ex over here that she hadn't seen for like 2 months.  Then she split before I came home...but like--all I want to say to her is, "You've made me even MORE ready to get the **** out of this apartment."  Also...if the apartment makes us pay ANY money for damages--then SHE'S paying it.  Because the pet deposit AND the apartment deposit were mine.  So if there's any extra--it's hers.  The end. 

So basically, I'm cranky.

On the bright side--Ryan and I DID go boating, we DID hang out with my folks, we slept 14 hours the first night...and just got to..take a BREAK. Which we needed.

I just wish I'd felt well enough to realllllly enjoy it.