Posts by vschuster

Hey! I'm curious about this too...I recently hit my goal weight from gaining (!!), and am a little confused about this...Right now I seem to be maintaining on a range of etween 1500 and maybe 1800 but I'm not entirely sure. I'm 5'3, about 105, by the way. I haven't weighed myself, but I feel the same..I'm curious to see what others have to say.

(P.S. chrissy-I've read some of your posts about you reaching your goal weight- that's awesome, congrats! Keep up the hard work, and don't let any of the naysayers tell you you could do better!)

It's most likely just water...sweating helps you lose water weight.  If you keep losing after you recover from your illness without any explanation, see a dr.

Hey-

I've been the exact same way since I started recovery. Very reclusive and having no energy to go out with friends, etc. 

It is depression. I have been depressed before too, and yes, it was different from the way it is now. Now, I don't feel like crying often or anything like I used to feel...I just want to sit home and be alone, limited emotions one way or the other.

Recovery is a rough road, so there is no cure-all. What I found helps (in addition to therapy) is taking a day completely to yourself...get up early and go shopping alone, go spend a few hours browsing a bookstore or take a long walk.  The worst thing you can do is sit around all the time, you'll just end up losing more energy, becoming more depressed, etc. Vicious cycle.

You mentioned your doctor didn't know anything about EDs...common problem...but he/she should know the risks associated with being so underweight. Did you have blood work taken yet? If you haven't, then yes, you need to go back to your doctor and get that done to make sure everything is okay.

After that, medical doctor appointments aren't necessary as long as you are regularly seeing your dietician and therapist.

Hey twhitt =)

You came to the right place...CC has helped me often to do what's best for my body.

Anorexia's such a tough thing to deal with. The littlest stress can set you off, looking to count or restrict in order to find comfort in SOMETHING.

The best advice I can offer is to step back and realize how badly you are treating yourself. You would never tolerate someone abusing you, why are you letting YOU abuse yourself? When you think about it, you are the only TRULY permanent thing in your life...it doesn't make sense to treat yourself so badly. Who else does more for you than your body? No one. Stop taking advantage of it.

However, while I truly believe strongly in that advice, I am also in recovery and struggling, so I understand it will not be easy to follow that right away. So here's a trick I recently learned: google "effects of anorexia" or something to that effect. (Here's a good one that really helps me : http://www.something-fishy.org/dangers/danger s.php ) Even if you may think you know the damage you can do, read up extensively on the damage you are doing by not eating enough. I know after I read it, it makes me want to go downstairs and eat a huge bowl of ice cream.

I hope this somewhat helps =)

Hey =)

I understand what you are going through. I'm in recovery too and it is the hardest thing...small relapse behaviors make me scared that I will never change my ways and I will be a disordered eater forever. At the same time, it's those same behaviors (counting calories, for example....even if I am eating more, I still feel comforted counting them.) that make me feel comforted and in control, which essentially is what EDs are all about.  Let me guess...you don't have an adequate support system? Sounds like you don't have a counselor, and the relationship problems, although you didn't give specifics, probably means you're feeling a little lonely and/or misunderstood, am I right? I understand that. Dealing with an ED is enough to make you crazy, forget all the added stress.

The best advice I can give you is keep your head up. You are much stronger than you may feel right now. Acknowledge the feelings that make you want to restrict (loneliness, anger, sadness, etc) without having to justify them (AKA restricting).  Make your boundaries clear to yourself and others- it's really easy, especially for ED sufferers, to take on more than you can handle. Allow yourself to make mistakes, but make sure you learn from them...if you end up restricting one day, realize how badly you are treating yourself by doing so, and make a conscious effort to do better the next day. Sometimes if I'm having a bad day and can't convince myself to do better, I read up on the effects of starving myself. On more than one occasion, it has scared me into eating better.

I promise you can do this. We're all here to support you =)

It is really frustrating, having to change everything about your thought process-the "good" is now "bad, "bad" is now "good".  I find myself struggling to get through the day with a few more calories...all the while, I'm feeling totally defeated. I usually keep reminding myself a few things to get through the day:

1) I need to gain weight. I look terrible now that the most prominent feature about my chest is my bones, and it's a sucky feeling to not be able to sit for long periods of time because my hip bones hurt. I'm a girl, I should have curves :). Also, I don't know if I want kids yet, but I don't want that decision to be made for me, you know?

2) If, for some strange reason I end up gaining more weight than intended and I end up overweight (irrational, I know, but you know the thoughts are there regardless), there is nothing stopping me from getting back to a healthy weight.

3) Tomorrow is another day.  This is one of my favorites because it reminds me that nothing is permanent-I can and will do better tomorrow. This helps me cut myself some slack; this is a hard and slippery slope I'm tackling...I cannot expect myself to be perfect all the time.

4)  Finally, I can enjoy the foods that I love but have been cutting out for so long. It's a slow process, but the littlest things give me pleasure now...I had a bagel for the first time in who knows how long...stupid, I know, but a big win for me :)

I've also noticed that it's really hard to get proper support from friends and family who can't relate, making me realize I am the best friend I have (not as sad as it sounds, I swear, haha), and if this is true, why am I treating myself so badly?

Hope this helps a little :)

I was just browsing around on the forums, and I happened to come across this topic. It's very strange that I decided on this one, because I am in the EXACT situation you are- I am very, very confused on the whole recovery process. I have been asking the same questions.

I have upped my calories from the small amount I was restricting to (more than doubled, actually), but I still haven't reached the 2500 that I keep hearing I have to eat (minimum). I just feel like, for some reason, this is an excessive amount for me, and even if it isn't, I'm afraid that I will have to cut back eventually (be it months or years later) and I won't know how to go about it.  I am afraid of losing all control (ridiculous, I know, but still...)

Also, I have a lot of problems with mechanical eating and planning, too. I usually fall asleep thinking about what I should eat for breakfast and if it's enough/ too much/ healthy enough. My sister does the same thing yours does-waits for a few hours to eat breakfast as opposed to me getting up and eating right away, and I can't do that, I eat right away. I am afraid that this is just another way for me to gain control after losing the "control" the ED brought me. I never know why I'm eating, and struggle with the whole "eat when planned vs. eat when I'm hungry". It is very frustrating, and it causes a LOT of anxiety, especially when everyone else doesn't have such a rigid schedule or excessive concerns about eating.

I often find myself staring into the fridge or cabinets trying to decide the best option for me to eat. I make sure to eat every 3 hours because I hear that's the best way to get your hunger back or something- don't know if it's true, but I need SOME guideline to follow. I worry if I should be eating, and if I decide to, I spend a lot of time trying to convince myself that I need to gain weight and eating is good for me. However, like you said, I get worried that once I do gain weight, it will be hard for me to change my eating habits again.

It's like the drive for full recovery is there-you want to be able to eat normally (whatever that means) again, no counting, but feel in control anyway. It's just a really difficult, lonely path.

I'm sorry I couldn't specifically answer your questions (looks like lalabanana has that covered anyway) but I just wanted to provide the little support and understanding I could- I hate the feeling of abandonment that anorexia provides.