Posts by yogurtqueen

thanks all for your replies. Lala, while I know it may have come across as me using my exercise as an alleviate to "an irrational fear", I really use it as a means of escape from my depression, which I have been suffering from for quite some time. Undoubtedly I do not want to have pain in the future due to having overdone it at an underweight state so I will reevalutate how much and if I should continue. 

thanks for all the replies guys...i really appreciate it. Ughh this process is so scary and I HATE showering and washing my hair because SOOO much comes out. My hair is so thin now and it used to be so beautiful and full. :( I am currently taking Biotin and have been for about two weeks but I haven't seen any difference yet. I'll keep my fingers crossed and look into some other supplements and eating more fats. Thanks again everyone! :)

oops! thanks lala :)

thanks lala, yeah i had thought the same thing too but then i asked my nutritionist and she just said that it means my body is actually a lot healthier than expected and it was capable to bounce back so fast. I dont know know though, seems weird to me. Thanks so much for the advice though! And phewww, cannot wait for the weight to redistribute! 

is this a joke? do you understand that at the weight you could be hospitalized? you need to reevaluate your goals

personaltrainer, i was suggesting disordered thinking not necessarily disordered eating...they are different but I can see where you could mistake them for the same. sorry for the confusion! 

you don't see health issues immediately and it can take a LONG time before they start to show up. And not all doctors recognize serious health problems associated with being super underweight. I had numerous blood tests run and things came back clear. I was weighed at the doctors office and nothing was said about having a bmi of 14. It wasnt until my parents started getting more and more worried about the irregular bruising I had and my excessive thinness that they looked elsewhere. It was only then that we were finally warned of how SERIOUS being so underweight is. Trust me, it all seems like a bunch of **** sometimes, especially if you feel fine, and you eat, and you can do things like run or lift trays or whatever, but it boilds down to medical facts and if we are going to be ignorant of them then what is the point in even trying.

I dont know...to be honest, I'm just not a fan of your defensive and argumentative attitude. You came here for help and you are ignoring what people have to do say and instead of really taking to heart what these people are offering to you, you are getting angry. I am sorry to say but your picture makes you look emaciated so how no one could be thinking that you do, seems absurd. Your bones are protruding, you can see your chest bones very clearly, and it is evident in your face that you are underweight. I really apologize if you feel that any of us have offended you but you came here looking for some advice and you really don't seem to want to hear any of it. Please understand that people are making observations based on the facts in front of us...not only those given to us by you but also the information we have recieved from trained professionals and those specializing in this field. 

and by no means did i insinuate you needed to be institutionalized...it was a blatant fact about others living at weight similar to yours. dont be so defensive

I eat plenty of food, I just avoid those that are fattening.

While most people don't know this, most anorexics eat plenty of food but not enough for their own body. This was my own situation. i ate more than my friends and ate whenever i was hungry and stopped when i got full. Regardless, I was underweight and unhealthily as are you. If you haven't already spoken to a specialist, they will tell you that once you reach a certain low BMI and your body drops to such an unhealthy weight, your mind alters and the hypothalamus undergoes a serious change. It is a PHYSIOLOGICAL fact that if you are underweight to the degree that you are at, you medically considered anorexic. Anorexia isn't a negative term. It is something that happens to people, whether it be by choice or by accident. In my case it was by complete accident but regardless I had to face the facts that at a bmi of 14.0, despite the fact that I was eating all the time, I was sick. You are harming your body more than you could possibly know. If you are really dedicated to losing weight and claim that there is absolutely no concern with the fact that your body will in fact change then there should be no issue with counting calories or even being concerned about them. While 1800-2000 might be enough for some it is undoubedly not enough for your body type because otherwise you wouldn't be 85 pounds. I hate to say it but I really think you need to reevalutate your situation and perhaps realize that it could be a little bit more than what you thought it was. Chrissy was correct in her comments and the information she provided was completely legitimate. Sometimes it is the hardest thing to hear but at the extremely unhealthy weight that you are at you are at major risk right now and shouldn't be worried about people's comments or how many calories you are consuming but should worry about your generall health. This may or may not help but given your weight and stats, you are at the levels for being hospitalized. With your stats, not one outpatient treatment center would take you in which means that you would only classify for IP. Perhaps take a step back and think about what you really need to do. If you are very passionate about gaining weight and being healthy and you claim that there is NO way you have an ED, then there should be no issue with calories or weight gain whatsoever. 

"I could just take big helpings, but I don't think I could live with eating a ton and not knowing how much it is lol.

askewing, I really don't want this to come across as harsh but it really really seems like you are in denial of the fact that you have disordered eating. Why does it matter the exact calories you are consuming if you are just trying to gain weight in general? It seems that you are OBSESSED with counting calories and knowing the exact amount in everything you put in your mouth. This is a very distinctive trait of disordered eating and thinking and it is an obsessive characteristic. Also, the fact that you always seems to put "lol" or "haha" afterwards makes it seem that you are just shrugging it off and not taking it seriously. I think that if you are really serious about gaining you wouldn't care so much or be so preoccupied about your calorie count and you would be eating a ton of healthy, calorie dense food to gain and not just rely on a turkey sandwich, apple, and what not for lunch. I really do apologize if this comes off as strong but if you want to gain then you either need to commit yourself to really doing so or take a look at yourself and realize that perhaps there are more serious issues at hand. 

it sounds to me that if you are really obsessed with knowing how many calories you are consuming that you have disordered eating. I can guarantee that if you asked the majority of your friends if they counted how many calories they ate every day that most of them would probably say no. It isnt a normal habit for people to be consumed with the exact amount of calories they are eating. If you are claiming to want to gain weight and having no problem eating 2500 or more, then you should be eating more and adding in calorie dense foods regularly. Start by making every meal a little bigger and try to break away from the habit of being so anxious about knowing exactly how many calories you consume. I mean, if you are writing down everything and keeping an exact count of every thing you put in your mouth, it is more than just being conscious.

Ya I know exactly what you mean...I feel like my arms, ribs, and back are what REALLY need the weight gain. It is so frustrating to have the weight gain go to the places that don't look bad. I wish I had a magic wand and could fix it all haha Guess I will just have to wait this out. :/

first of all, AMAZING on reaching 2500! I know that the first time you hit it, it can be scary but very much worth it. Don't start slipping now, though. Once you get up there you want to stay up and there and be consistent so as to allow your body to become accustomed to the idea that it is being fed well. Once that happens, you can start to repair your metabolism and all the damage that has been done to your insides. 

So about feeling full. I have been there and know what it feels like. In the beginning stages of reaching 2500, I would suggest eating 3 meals and 3 snacks pretty evenly distributed. Try to eat every 2.5-3.5 hours and make sure to eat at night as well...don't just stop at 6:30 or 7 or so. Try including a bunch of densely caloric things as to take up less bulk but still meet your caloric requirements. These could be things like olive oil in your veggies or salads, pasta, breads, avocado, nuts, dried fruit, full fat yogurts, etc. You can find all the greatest things that will be great in terms of meeting your calorie needs but won't stuff you to the point of feeling like vomiting. And while I know how hard it is to eat when you don't feel hungry and your stomach hurts but sometimes you just have to remind yourself why you are dong this and suck it up. You want to live to see yourself reach your greatest potential and be the beautiful person you deserve to live life as. 

I think that you are spot on when you say "I really feel like I need to keep my calories up...I need to be consistent about this so that my body will trust me and my metabolism will rebound." Yes it will but with consistency and giving your body what it needs without fail. 

The 2.5 pound weight gain is water weight and my suggestion is not to weigh yourself at all. It just becomes another number, thing, idea to obsess over. Just let it be what it may be because in the end, we all all carry weight differently and a number is just a number. I know that you feel like your clothes are feeling tighter and that may be true due to edema or the water weight but it isnt permanent and is most likely the effects of the disorder on your minds. Disordered thinking. Our perception of reality is NOT reality. You probably don't look a thing different but just think that you do...we've all be there and done that. You're not alone in this, hun. Just hang on and keep fighting...you'll make it out a stronger, better person because of it!

thank you both SO much for you input and advice. It feels so amazing to know that there are other people going through similar type things, whether they are less or more serious. I would LOVE to talk to both of you and just have someone to chat with...I've felt so incredibly alone. 

Lala: I am so sorry to hear that you relapsed but you seem to understand how important it is to gain weight so I have all the faith that you will bounce back and realize just how amazing you are and how well you have been doing and that falling back into your old habits is NOT the way to go. 

Again thank you guys so much for everything. I look forward to hearing more from you.