Posts by rcj92

hi :)

i had a ganglion on my right wrist and about a year and a half ago i had it removed via surgery, not through the syringe.

i had my right arm in a sling for about ten days afterward and was not allowed to bend or use my hand at all! i now have a vertical scar  about 5cm long on my wrist. ugh, it is horrible, but since the surgery i havent had any pain in it at all, only the ugly scar i have to bear!!

sorry, i hope this isn't too off track. hope all recovers well :)

fidget- i agree that acceptance is the key- and one needs to 'accept' this in order to recover, which is the hardest part.

driven, thankyou <3

i am 18 soon, and i fear being responsible for myself. my mum is my lifeline, and i am afraid of the real world. i am glad i am not as crazy as i feel.

hang in there guys xx

Breakfast: Porridge (rolled oats, muesli, unprocessed wheat bran, blueberries, stevia, skim milk) 1 slice WW toast, 1/2 tsp. vegan margarine

Snack: cottage cheese, sugar free apple sauce, cheerios

Lunch: 1 apple, sandwich (2 WW bread, slice no fat cheddar, cottage cheese)

Snack: Porridge (rolled oats, wheat bran, blueberries, cheerios, stevia, skim milk)

Dinner: Butternut pumpkin cubes, Zucchini Spaghetti Bolognaise (zucchini spaghetti, lentils, pureed tomato, broccoli) topped with fat free cheese

my sugar intake is mostly always above 50g but it all comes from natural sources such as fruit and veggies. I make sure I don't go over 50g of 'added sugar' a day

5'5'

lw: 86/7

cw: 93

gw: unsure :/

wow, marissa, you just described exactly how I feel!

I really understand how you are feeling, really. I have been trying to put that into words for so long and youjust did it!

To begin with, I think that being at a low weight really alters the way we think. And one of the most frustrating things is knowing you want to get better, knowing the consequences (hospital, IP (been there done that) amenhorrea, osteoporosis) I thought I would've learnt my lesson by now, but no. ANd honestly I hate myself for it!

Please search inside yourself for that small, tiny voice that is telling you to do the right thing, and listen. easier said than done, trust me, I'm still searching, but please, you are only 14. You DO have the strength. That is what that little voice is. It IS there.

Good luck hon.

hi, (:

i cant answer your questions, because i am in the exact same position as you are right now. i just want to let you know you are not alone in the process. i know exactly how wanting to be happy in your own skin feels like, and although it is what you desire, for some ungodly reason, ED doesn't accept it. It really sucks.

I know, this probably hasn't helped you at all, but I just wanted o let you know that there are others out there asking the same questions, and the support is always here. x

45g rolled oats& blueberries cooked in no fat yoghurt with cheerios mixed in....yummmmm (:

Hi chcolate,

i am going to be completely honest with you here, so I apologise if it seems odd.

My personal experience with IP was a horrible one, due to the conditions and other reasons, I ended up discharging early...but that is another story.

However, I am NOT trying to discourage you from going IP, I am saying you find one that you have heard alkot of positive feedback from. It is an easier way of restoring weight, and the responsibility is taken from you. This approach does not work for me, but everyone is different, so it is just a matter of finding the right approach for yourself.

Onto answering your question,

My typical day included, school in the morning, group therapy a couple of times a week. It wasn't really a good programme. It was more about getting the weight on and getting us out of there, they didnt believe that we were ready to recieve psycological treatment yet, which was the wrong approach for myself.

With meals, breakfast was at 8am, Morning Tea 10.30, lunch 12.30, afternoon tea 3pm, dinner 5.30pm, and supper at 7.30pm.

My IP was in a hospital, so we ate hospital food but large amounts of it. I started off being tube fed overnight, this lasted for about 3-4 weeks, and as my 'feeds' were decreased, my meal plan was increased. Once my tube was removed I was put onto a higher meal plan plus 4 ensures a day. I lost weight after my tube being removed and was still gaining slowly on about 4000kcal and bedrest. I WAS NOT cheating, and the doctors wouldn't believe that I wasn't and were always accusing me of this which was so wrong.

My meal plan looked roughtly like this (if youre interested):

Breakfast: Cereal & Milk, 2 slices WW bread, margarine, apple, fruit juice, hardboiled egg

Ensure

Morning Tea: 6 large crackers, vegemite, margarine, 200ml yoghurt

Ensure

Lunch: 2 sandwiches (WW bread, margarine, cheese or egg), apple, fruit juice, dairy dessert (gluten free ice cream)

Ensure

Afternoon Tea: 9 small crackers, 50g? cheese, margarine, apple

Ensure

Dinner: 2 servings vegetable, 1 carb (rice, noodles, mashed potato), serving of a course (eg. vegetable lasagne, omelette, whatever was on for the day), 2 slices WW bread, margarine, apple, fruit juice

Ensure

Supper: fruit salad, fruit juice (I can't remember really, cos I was always changing it)

Hope this has helped. good luck with recovery.

Thanks for much driven, its so nice to know im no alone!

I just want to live a life without worry, with a healthy slim body and be able to eat out, go out, not eat something without looking it up first etc. I think ED has tried to blind me of this being an actual problem, but slowly I am starting to notice that it is such a problem in my life & interferes with everything. It's another way of restriction. Although it may not be under XX calories for a day, it has turned into this control with what i DO take in now (which is still wayyyy too low, but i just CANT increase).

The erratic moods! It's horrible! And emotion...I hid all my emotions, I was numb to life itself, didn't feel anything,physically or emotionally.

I cannot focus on my school work again. when I came back from IP, school seemed okay, I was coping. Now I'm just setting all assignments aside, thinking i'll do it later, and not even going to school because ED interferes.

GIJANE- the doctors i was working with now have NOTHING to do with me. A quite frankly, I dont care, because they were HORRIBLE. The way they worked with patients was irrational and unsuccessful. they were also 5 hours away from home, which is where I was IP, and why I discharged early (medical abuse too) but because not having ANYONE and being so isolated and far away from my loved ones, sent me spiralling downwards, and into depression, and further into ED's web, whilst IP.

I do accept help from my mum. But I feel she has not given up on me, but trusting me, becuse she thinks I eat enough, and has no clue with calories.

What I want, is to find MY OWN strength and pull myself together. It's just needed to realise this is as bad as it actually is, because right now, it doesn't seem so bad because it is different to how it has been in the past, so I'm finding it hard to seeany problems. i don't know if this is my brain (which i'm not sure is malnourished or not because I eat).

Thanks again.

I do strength exercises everyday

I am very much the same as you.

As much as I want to recover, I just seem to lack strength & positive state of mind.

As for upping calories, I am still struggling to get past 1400 :( I want to do it more than anything but I just lack strength as I said.

I just want to let you know, that by you doing this, you are improving your life! I know without IP, I wouldnt be here, typing this now, I would be in a box underground. (blunt truth, I was told). Having an ED is like a curse, but we must fight, we were put on this earth to live, and we only get one shot at it.

I know you have the strength to up your cals, because you saw that you needed to at the beginning so now you must look back & think about what made you want to recover & stick with it! (I really must listen to my own advice)

Best of luck babe, You have my support all the way xo

hmm...

where to start?

- had to stop dancing, the love of my life, because i was too physically unwell and couldnt do it

-fasting for days on end and waiting for the one day a week i would allow myself a dish to which i would purge anyway (im so disgusted in myself)

-refusing to go anywhere or do anything

-having my mum check on me during the night to make sure i was still alive

-my sister crying asking mum if her sister was going to die?!

-being told i was about to go into cardiac arrest

-GOING INTO HOSPITAL! definately the worst of memories. Being tube fed overnight is horrible

-exercising every single day.

-purging at work! (for gods sake)

-sitting practically on the heater alllll day long instead of school

-layers! says it all.

i could be here for hours....

and im still struggling to get my a** into gear. only eating 1400 a day. i want nothing more in the world than to live my life. im only 17 once. im so blind to myself.

I knew it was a major drop in food, but at first I wasn't counting and it just managed to get lower and lower. I realise this is my own fault-My ED's fault. I want to kill this more than anything.

I've just got to do it. How did you work up the courage to do it? It's like 'right, i know i need to do this to live, i want my life, i want my friends etc' but then physically doing it is such a challenge.

It's like I need the approval of others for it to be 'okay' to take in more. it is so RIDICULOUS- it is this stupid ED as much as I know I need to.

thanks so much!

rthe tummy seems to have settled now.

does anyone else have any views on this? i dont mean to be pushy...