Posts by charleet

I'm a former EMT, so I keep a basic "jump kit" in my car.  It's in a small backpack, and includes gloves, a blood pressure cuff and steth, trauma dressings, some various sizes of gauze rolls, tape, emergency blankets (the kind that you can find in most sporting goods), along with the stuff that you find in a store bought first aid kit.  The basic stuff that you'd need just until the ambulance arrives.  (The bp cuff isn't necessary, but can be helpful to the paramedics if you can give them a bp history so they know right away if the vitals are stable, falling, etc.... plus it can be used in a pinch as a pressure dressing for heavy bleeding on an extremity, IN SOME CASES)

I think it sounds like you did a great job of caring for the guy...thanks for being willing to help when so many would not! :)

Took 6 months the first time, and 1 month the second....

Was years ago tho....

All good sugestions....

What do you snack on at home when you're not camping?  Take that... if you can cook lobster for a camping trip...surely you can eat some of the same snacks that you eat on a regular basis?

according to Fazoli's website one slice of cheese pizza is 270 calories making TWO slices 540 calories...plain breadsticks are 100 each, garlic breadsticks are 150 each...

I do love Fazoli's!!  I'm just not active enough or have enough calories to eat much of it! ~sigh~

Stop looking. 

Seriously.

As soon as I said I am DONE!  There will NOT ever be another man in my life that I will answer to,  he found me, and we got married. 

Original Post by pgeorgian:

accessible, affordable rehabilitation (addiction and mental health are health issues after all, not moral ones) is definitely important.  but it has to be voluntary.  people can't be forced into rehab just because they're poor.

 You're right.  Rehab SHOULD be affordable.  Subsidized, even.  Addicts rarely have any money...certainly nothing like what rehab costs...it needs to be made available at little or no cost.   Maybe just charge what they'd have been spending on drugs to begin with...THAT much is evidently affordable.

And no one is suggesting that people be FORCED into rehab.  Doesn't work anyway.  There should be options for welfare recipients.  Test clean or lose your children and benefits until you DO test clean.  They don't have to give up their drugs, they just have to decide what's more important to them....their children, food,and a check to maintain a home with, or living alone on the streets and getting high.

~shrug~

Original Post by azirra:

I see a trend in this thread.

A lot of people seem to view welfare recipients - and poor people in general - as lazy, or as drug users who dont contribute to society, or as people who are responsible for having messed their lives up by having bad moral values. People on this thread have said that poor people waste their money, they make poor choices about what kind of food to buy, and that drug users shouldnt be raising kids. There is a broad stereotype that poor people are "bad," and that they can't handle money so we shouldnt give them any.

Rarely does anyone change the economic status they were born into. People who are poor were extremely likely to have been raised in poor families. Blaming people for their poverty is blaming the victim.

 

I will state it again.  Drug users NOT be raising children. 

I'm not rich.  I do however, work 10 hours per day as does my husband. I grew up poor.  With an alcoholic father who should NOT have been raising children.  Even being poor, my mother worked her **** off to support us the best she could.  Poor people are not necessarily lazy, nor are they necessarily out to scam for money.

No one here is blaming the victims of poverty, unless said poverty is a choice that they've made.  Then yep.  It's their own fault.

Agreed.  The system IS flawed. 

Welfare recipients that test postitive for illegal (unprescribed drugs) should lose not only their benefits, but also their children.  So should those that test positive on a regular basis for blood alcohol.  Those children will fare better in the foster care system than they will in a home where alcohol and drugs prevail.

Been there, done that, know what I'm talking about.

Test them.  If they're clean, no problem.  If they're addicted to illegal drugs, remove them from the welfare system. 

Druggies shouldn't be raising children to begin with.  The money saved could be used to improve the foster care programs and the drug programs.  Drug tests are much cheaper than welfare payments made to druggies.

Sorry...I work for a living, and I pay taxes.  I resent my tax dollars going to support illegal drug habits of those that don't work, and don't care to get help for their addiction.  I'd rather see it spent on drug rehab programs...

I agree that  you're a "fill-in" for the times when a more likely candidate isn't around. 

You were right to break it off...if he's seriously interested in you, he'll change his ways and treat you like you SHOULD be treated, with respect, no matter who else is around. 

You sound like a wonderful young woman, and you have my admiration!  Stick to your guns, and don't let a jerk like him sidetrack you!  You're worth ever so much more than that!

Congrats on your engagement!  I wish you a lifetime of love and happiness!

I've  been married most of my life....to three different men.  All of them completely different kinds of guys.

Marriage #1:  I was barely 16, he was 27.  Lasted 4 years, he couldn't keep his pants zipped.  Most likely because of the age difference.  Young and sexy just doesn't cut it in the maturity dept....and he went looking for that.

Marriage #2:  I was 20, he was 31.  (Yep...didn't let any grass grow!)  I left after 21 years.  It started as a good relationship for us, because he was what I needed at the time.  He controlled things, I let him.  Very few arguments, because I did what I was told.   Then I grew up, and he didn't want to acknowledge that, nor did he want to relinquish control.  Lasted several more years with some nasty arguments, nothing physical, until my boys were old enough to be on their own.  Then I left.

Marriage #3:  Mr. Wonderful finally arrived in my life!  10 years now, and going strong!

To answer your questions with my opinions, (Lisa has wonderful answers, btw!)

1) What are some of the most important aspects of your relationship that keep things working?

Realizing that I'm not always right.   Or even if I AM right, that sometimes it's just not that important to insist that I am.  We recognise each other as our best friend, and treat each other in that same way.  There are disagreements, the same as in ANY relationship, but we make an effort to see the other's point of view, and evaluate how important it is to us (as individuals) to be "right".

It's also important to KNOW who/what your partner is, and to accept them the way they are.  Don't try to change them, but allow them to change, as all humans do during the course of their lifetime. 

Example:  My hubby is a flirt from the word go.  I don't care that he's a flirt, I know that he knows where his bed is, and who is supposed to be in it.  Flirting and charm is a part of his personality, and some of what attracted me to him in the first place.  Why would I want that to change?  He's good tho, he may flirt right in front of me, but he ALWAYS acknowledges that *I* am his love and his life, maybe his way of reassurance?  He will make the effort to say something personal to me, and call me by a pet name in front of "them".  Not many women, unless they're dense idiots, think for one minute that he's really interested in them.   He also knows better than to "touch" in the course of his flirtations.  That's reserved for flirting with me, which he does often!  The short version?  Jealousy is UGLY...and it breed discontent, on both sides.

2) What is meant by the saying “a marriage takes WORK”?

The "work" comes in when you consider the brain power that it takes to make a relationship work.  Constantly thinking of ways to make your partner glad that he/she is with you instead of someone else.  It's also in "giving in" on decisions... as in:  "What will we do this weekend?"  Sometimes he'll go shopping or to the theatre with you, sometimes you'll go camping and fishing with him.  Neither of you being overly fond of each other's favorite activity...make the effort to help them enjoy it... and realize that it doesn't HAVE to be constant!  Understand that each of you sometimes can go do your own thing by yourselves, or with your friends independant of each other.

3) How has your time together, in general, changed or not changed?  For example, are you more best friends now than lovers, and so forth.

We're best friends AND lovers.  Sometimes the pendulum swings more towards one or the other, sometimes it stays still in the middle.  One of the best things I ever read was of a couple that was married for 70 years.  When being interviewed, they were asked what the most important part of staying happily married that long was.  The woman replied, "We never fell out of love with each other at the same time."   I think that's so important...and it happens all the time. 

4) What would you strongly want to emphasize to a young couple getting married?

Two things.  Let one another change on his/her own...don't try to direct that change or make it happen.  The other thing would be to make the effort if necessary, to laugh together every day.  Don't forget to have fun together...it's important.

5) If your marriage has not worked, do you have regrets or not? Do you think back and see things that could have been changed. If so, what?

I pretty much answered this in the beginning.  I have no regrets over my failed marriages.  I recognise that *I* didn't fail, the marriage did, for reasons beyond my control.   Both of those men helped to mold who/what I am today, and how I react to things.  They are the fathers of my two sons, and I adore my sons...I could never wish that they didn't exist by wishing away the men that fathered them....regardless of how I feel about those men now.  I try to remember the good times that I had with them...and to pass that along to my sons...

Don't feel alone!  I'm the same way...altho so far I've been able to control it SOMEWHAT....

I don't  have any answers for you...but I'm reading the replies with interest!

It doesn't matter what time you eat.

The reasoning that I've heard for not eating just before bed is that your body is having to work to digest food when it should be resting. 

If you can't trust him now, when the two of you are "crazy about each other", then you will never be able to trust him.  Love does NOT include doubting one another's fidelity.   If you doubt, get out.

You don't want to hear it, I know...but there IS someone out there for you that will respect you, love you, and stay true to you and your feelings... go find him and leave this one behind.

When I got pregnant with my second baby, the doctor, blessed his warped soul, laughed and told me, "Plants and babies...both can be started with one little slip".

Get the EPT!