Posts by flightotc

Ugh, I totally know how you feel, sentimentalheart.  I mean, I always used to binge on occasion, but university is what made it become a real issue.  When I have free time, I can prevent myself from binging and generally take care of myself, but then stress from finals on top of everything else just makes me want to shove things in my mouth (...that's what she said.)

BUT I didn't binge yesterday, and I'm thinking I'll be able to make it through today, too :)

No binge yesterday, but today is feeling sketchy...I have an english essay due tomorrow that I haven't started, and an online chem assignment that closes at 11:30...a lot of stress, and this is usually what triggers me...

I just want to say, this thread is seriously the most motivational thing I've seen, and everyone is doing so great.  Like seriously, sometimes I feel like I'll never be able to do/eat certain thigns, and then I'll come on here and see that someone has done it, and it sudden;y seems possible.  It's like, this thread makes me challenge the ED, bevcause I want to be able to come online and post my latest accomplishment.

For me, I had a MASSIVE binge last night...like, worst in awhile, stayed up till 3 am eating, and actually had to stay home from school as I was feeling so unwell from the binge.  I challenged ED by not working out today, and making sure I ate enough, even though I really don't have much of an appetite lol.

And my mom and sister are making chocolate chip cookies right now.  I just saw my sister mashing up the butter in a bowl...I think I'm going to have to eat at least one of the cookies, and HOPEFULLY not binge, because I really consider the binging behaviours just another element of the ED.

...sorry for the novel 

female, 5'7, 18

GW:127-128

Last week: 126

This week: 128

So...I haven't binged properly since last week (the one I mentioned last time), have been eating my calories, staying hydrated etc...I think this time it's for real...I may or may not have actually hit my goal in more than just water weight.

I'm so...I don't know.  Nervous.  Happy, but like, part of me is SUPER freaked out.  Oh well, going out with friends tonight, no room for ED :)

To be honest, we haven't actually discussed ways other than restricting/binging to deal with these feelings yet, but I'm going to keep seeing him, and since he specializes in various forms of ED, I'm assuming he'll help me figure that out.

As it is, the knowledge that I'm on my way to beating this things is helping me eat resist the urge to binge/restrict haha.

I just discovered Ingrid Michaelson.  I want everyone to go listen to her right now...SO GOOD.

Haha I was this close to...acquiring it through less than honourable means, but I'm too scared of viruses and sketchy files :(

Back when I was bigger, I used to ski race competetively.  I was pretty good, and there was one girl who could never quie match my time.  Her reasoning?

"Yeah, well she only beat me cuz she's fat."

From my grandparents at my birthday (we were discussing mine and my sister's racing):

"Well, you girls must have a bit of an advatage since you're so much bigger than the other girls."

And these weren't even when I was overweight!  I was just...soft.

After ED developped:

"Look at your ethiopan legs!  You look like those kids on the commercials!"

Horrible on so many levels.

I was 18, it was drunk, sloppy, and with a guy whom I considered one of my best friends, and honestly, our friendship hasn't been the same since (and not in a good way)

I've kissed plenty since them (still 18, btw), but I still haven't had a sober, meanignful kiss.

Don't feel bad about the age in which it happens, because I think it's more important for it to be special than anything.

Original Post by goobyb:

Original Post by agruskin:

yup, i actually thought 120 would be a bmi of 20, only last week did i actually look and see it was something lower, 116.  im just getting all those old fears that ill go back to being overweight, like i used to be, i dont want to starve like my friends and family do, i mean they walk around saying they r, im just scared of being overweight again, i know im not and not close to it, but ya know.

 I totally understand!! I have that same fear too. :(( I also find it hard to eat sooooo much compared to my family. They all barely eat anything, and then there's me sitting having like 3x what they eat. D:

Same!  It's even worse when I go to get a snack, and my mom will say something like "how are you not overweight?  All you seem to do is eat!"...like, thanks mom, just made me feel AWESOME.

AGRUSKIN-  thanks!  My energy was never really low to begin with, although I am finding I have these random moments now where I'm like, giddy and hyper that seem to come out of nowhere.  I don't have to think so much about food, and even though I'm weighing more, I'm less hung up about my body (I've more or less stopped checking how bloated my stomach is, something I used to do every chancce I got).  I'm still binging, but it's less frantic, and is happening less often...do you think if I gain abit more, the binging will stop?  Or should I try maintaining this for awhile and see if it works itself out?  I'm thinking it could have more to do with my attitude towards food than the physical amount I've been consuming...

TESSA- haha yeah, I think that could be a factor, I'm going to weigh in again tomorrow to see if it's actual weight rather than water weight.  I'm not going to lie...I still don't like the number :(

Spent the day with my friends today...we went to blockbuster, rented a movie, and bought candy to eat while we watched it.  That's right, I sat still, and ate candy.  And when they started getting out stuff to make terryake rice for dinner, I didn't make an excuse to leave, but instead stayed and enjoyed it.

Yeah...it was fun to be normal :)

I put milk in my coffee today!

I honestly think I prefer it black, but it's nice knowing I can add some milk and the world won't implode.

Original Post by sereneinsanity:

   I completely agree with Misty.  I know it's tough, but we need to be responsible for ourselve.  Whining and saying it's not your fault because you were "influenced," or that you have low self esteem and are teased is not a good answer.  I've felt enferior my whole life pretty much; I am obviously overweight, but instead of binging, anorexia or bulemia I am stepping it up and dealing with it the hard way.  I got myself in this mess, and it's noone's fault but my own.

I do not like this.  I agree with what the OP is saying about some girls going crazy to get to a weight that just isn't possible, but I don't like how this is turning into a thread about girls being stupid and choosing EDs as an easy out.

Ordered 2am pizza last night with my friends, and ate 2 slices.  That's a quarter of a large pizza.  And there were guys around, and I didn't care that they saw me eating.

And we're currently doing renovations on our kitchen, so I can't prepare my own meals.  Instead, we're getting takeout tonight.  Chinese, one of my biggest fear foods.  I'm hoping I don't freak out...