Posts by drea99

have you had it inspected by a mechanic?  does it need new tires?  brakes?  other cosmetic issues or standard maintenance?

And always bargain--- and know your top price.  He has been trying to sell for six months.  He is overpriced or something is wrong with the car.  I would go lower-- you want to buy it for no more than 14K total, he is asking 13, 500--- I would start at 10,500 or 11,000, maybe even less AND GET THE CAR INSPECTED.

You know-- I took this a little different than everyone else did-- maybe as a result of my own bias.  Instead of hearing "you arent worth anything except for your vagina" or "the only thing that is usable about you is your vagina" I heard "you are just like us except you have a vagina" or "get off your horse, its just a vagina" or "you arent dipped in gold, you just have a vagina."

And this was partially validated by the OP's comment that she tries hard to avoid men-- which may come off as haughty and denigrating. Like, I don't know, crossing the street to avoid them, giving off the dont talk to me look/vibe, etc.

In this case, its probably not the case but I can (and have) certainly see the situation where the man sees the woman who thinks her ass is sancrosact and yells something about her **** not stinking.  Its more of a class and inferiority thing than a woman/gender thing.

Sorry you felt abused, Bunny.  These sorts of things you just have to not acknowledge--- and let roll off your backs.  People who yell anything in public are looking for validation-- which you give them by responding.  So dont.

Hey Moonie:  OH!

quick q: the upper east side isnt the other side of the world.  isnt it CRAIG's list not GRAIG's list?  did i miss a g for a c somewhere?  im not crazy, right?

and safina-- you are going to have to compromise.  you are a single female trying to live in one of the most expensive areas of the world on YOUR terms.  um. compromise.  its an art.

and dander and salvia from pets will not survive on hard surfaces past a wash or two.  even with carpet, go rent a green machine and give it a good clean. 

lowered expectations.  its not just a funny short about fugly people.  its real life.

a) get a credit card (at some point--- you need to build credit.  you dont need to use it or put on a recurring bill, like your um car payment :) and set up auto pay to pay it each month immediately.  Your score is based, in part, on your debt to available balance ratio).

b) credit unions are usually based on locality or place of work.  for example, i could be a part of a credit union in my home state because i lived in the specific county, and because i joined a long time ago, i can stay with them.  because of this-- and 20 years with them and my parents with them etc-- they financed my mortgage-- despite my very poor credit.  you may find one based on local or job type, etc.  as a student, i was eligible for being a party of my college's credit union.

c) whomever said credit union for car loans is RIGHT on the money.  try that!  and second, just because you have LIMITED credit does not mean you have no credit.  go run a credit report and get your FICA score.  That will give you a better idea of what you are looking at.  Yes, at your age and your likely low income, you are looking at a higher interest rate and maybe a higher dp-- but-- knowing where you stand in regard to other borrowers will help you get the best deal.  Also-- you can look at buy here/pay here lots (higher interest rates/up the b-u-t-t/but have a car because i have to have one/type of lots), but i think you are better off trying to get a conventional loan OR finding enough cash to get a cheap car (i.e. 3K can get you a lot).

GOOD LUCK!!

totally off topic:

Kathy-- i love the way you call him your man.

im almost jealous. and i have tears in my eyes.

on topic:

sometimes quitting does NOT mean that you cant collect unemployment.  it depends on the circumstances and the state.  in my state, if you quit under circumstances where the employer employee relationship has been irreperably damaged due to the employer-- still eligible.  fancy that, huh.  (i.e. admin leave, quit or be fired--- you quit-- you fight-- you get unemployment).

Original Post by santonacci:

Although I get from your post that you don't really believe that this girl protested.  Why do you not believe her testimony in which she says she did?  (No flaming, just curious.)

 The report notes no semen in either the vaginal vault or the rectum, and no signs of sex (from what I was seeing) in the rectum.  Any anal sex is going to leave signs-- particularly when one is young and doesnt have any (presumably) experience with anal sex.  What I am saying is that if anal sex did occur it could not of occurred without leaving "bad" signs unless she was complicit AND experienced with it.  Im NOT saying that she was able to consent (at her age and under the influence) but that I do not think that this portion of her grand jury testimony is credible.

Also, when one is drugged, the signs that are left by sex, i.e. the bruising pattern, is different than when one has consensual sex (i.e. participatory).  I also do not think that relaxation by drugs is enough to account for the complete lack of "resistant" bruising in the vaginal vault or "damage" to the anus.  I don't do rape kits so I could be completely misguided as to the anal damage.

I do question myself a bit on the why to me that her experience level matters but it does.  I think she is not quite telling the truth about a lot of what happened, based on my own levels of experience.  I just cannot get over the details on the anal sex and her calling her mom, etc.  I have known quite a few teens her age that would have willingly walked into that situation and participated in what happened, especially with the drugs and him being famous.  It just doesnt ring true to me that she really protested-- maybe she was just so f*d up that it was only in her head or she was really so afraid that she thought that acquiescing was the way to get it over with.  I can't be sure, I don't know.

It was illegal and really, that is all there is to it.  It doesn't matter if she climbed onto his lap and begged for it.  It would STILL be illegal.  And he still ran away from a properly entered plea agreement.  And the government still declined to pursue him for 30 yrs.  And its still a f*d up situation.

(Someone asked where the testimony came from-- it is grand jury testimony.  Typically, there is no cross on grand jury testimony or limited cross, depending on the state and circumstances.  The judge was not required to accept the testimony of the victim as true but is required to evaluate the plea from the perpetrator and his elocution to the charge to which he is pleading guilty.  The judge then does evaluate as true the facts behind that charge, as you can see from the transcript.)

The smoking gun has the plea hearing, the grand jury testimony, and the sentencing report up.  Go read all of it.

Most notable from the sentencing report:  there was no sign of forceable sex (either anal or vaginal).  No tearing, no bleeding, etc.  Psychological testing indicated no "pedophilia."  The 13 year old "looked" at least 18.  He admitted to vaginal intercourse and did not admit or deny oral sex or anal sex.  He was recommended probation only.

He was never charged with forceable rape.  He was charged with getting her f*d up and then having sex, charged with oral sex, charged with sodomy, and charged with sex with someone younger than 14 (she was 2 weeks away from turning 14).

I absolutely believe he had sex with a 13 year old girl.  I absolutely believe that was wrong.  I also believe he gave her drugs and alcohol-- however, I believe she requested said drugs and alcohol, that they called her mom to make sure that they could continue on the path they were moving on, that she "consented" to sex (however much a 13 yr old can consent to sex, especially when f*d up), and that mom had this all pretty much planned out-- and that when the pics werent good enough for vogue-- it was time to call the cops.  It is also clear from the examination that she was much more sexually active then she stated--- there is no way to go into anal sex from vaginal sex without having some sort of ill effects if you are not "used" to anal sex-- you just don't "slip" in there-- especially when someone is afraid, tense, or has never done it before.

Furthermore-- he ran to France and Switzerland.  Not exactly third world countries where everyone is committing child rape on a daily basis, to whomever said something about where he was not prosecuting child sex.

Should he go to jail under the way the law was written when he pleaded to unlawful sex?  Should he reap the benefit of the plea that he RAN from upon potential threat of imprisonment?  Should he be punished for fleeing?  Has the statute of limitations effectively run on his crimes, as the government here has declined to pursue him for THIRTY years despite knowing exactly where he was?

I don't know.  I think this is a terribly f*d up situation for all involved.  At some point, the law is not about retribution but dissuasion.  Does making an example of him (vs say, Woody Allen or any of the other men who have been over 18 with a willing under 15 yr old) act to dissuade the conduct?  Is it likely that he will repeat or that he has repeated?   And how many times do we take the victim through all of this-- especially with people like me who think her testimony is not credible?

(This is an attempt to view the statements logically and in context with the original situation.  This is no way a comment on rape or unlawful sex in general or a statement that he should get away with it.  It is my interpretation of the documentary evidence provided.  Thanks for not flaming my opinion.)

its right on par with normal to want to look as hot as possible.

plus getting all dolled up can make you feel better and is soothing to do...

and you never know-- maybe he wants to talk about... moving in, moving away, a new job, getting married, his aspirations to become president.....

i got vodka.... pull up a couch ;)

This ^

Go SomaKiss!

(and as a postscript-- if you do use the morning after pill it is COMPLETELY normal for your cycle to be wonky for the next one after.  And the morning after pill is about 80% effective within 72 hours of intercourse .. 3 days... and a little less as days go by.....  get a scipt, keep one in your house and a refill available.  A saving grace for a condom breaking, ,potential date rape drug use, etc.... it will not harm an already impanted embryo.  Its fairly inexpensive (about 30 bucks)...and totally worth it even when you dont think you should have a problem)

AND BIGGER PS I just remembered IF YOU ARE OVER 17 NO RX NEEDED FOR PLAN B.  Gosh amazing. Keep a pack in your nightstand.  No excuses. 

totally off topic: pjwag your profile pic is giving me the heebie jeebies and now i must navigate away from any thread that i see you on!  eeeeekkkk

god, evolution, brains what the f ever gave us intuition.  you had an inkling he was up to no good-- HE WAS UP TO NO GOOD-- and you followed your good sense.

Get a new job.  Now.  you get sent into way too many of these sorts of situations (even if it is just mustard man and penthouse man--- that is 2 too many-- esp with no support from your work.)

edit: gratuitous spelling mistake.

I have had therapists that hug me-- and as an atty, I hug my clients-- both for happy stuff and sad stuff.  No matter how you are dealing with the scutt and emotion of human existence-- we all crave touch when we are under it all.  (something a few drs should learn)

A good therapist knows how to reassure with touch without crossing a boundary.

(and sorry, I just had to answer-- i think there is a reason we are called counselors....)

Are you looking into sw or psych?

conniption is such a good word...

apoplexy.. apolplectic....

ah the language of fits....