Posts by confused10111111

Original Post by jules817:

Original Post by toomanyhoneytoasts:

You are absolutely justified to feel disgusted and angry at uneducated and crass men. I live in Boston, a city that's supposed to be liberal and full of students and great education, yet every single day, myself and every woman I know is harassed in one form or another. It's unacceptable and disgusting, and I'm completely sick of it. Being uneducated is a choice, it doesn't have anything to do with money or privilege, and you are completely in the right to feel how you do. Don't feel helpless, and it is not how you're dressing— you can and should feel angry, and you can feel powerful that they can look all they want, but when it comes down to it you are a beautiful and intelligent female that they can NEVER HAVE. Don't feel meek, don't feel objectified, don't feel powerless.

 ummm...

really? i work in Boston, take the T into town every day, walk through the common, walk all around the city really, and I can think of VERY few times i've been harassed in the 10 years i've lived here. certainly not every single day. what kind of harassment are you talking about? and what part of boston? is there some neighborhood full of scum bags i've never been to? 

i certainly wouldn't compare the men in Boston to the men in Egypt after hearing afluffy's accounts.

I have to agree with toomany here. I live near Boston, and usually visit friends there, but every single time I am walking alone - even in the "nice" parts - I get cat-called, and very inappropriate comments made to me. The men there seem so desperate and disgusting. I even had three men start following me down a street as I was heading to my car! And my other girlfriends have had the same, and many have had even WORSE experiences in that city. And these are intelligent, educated, beautiful women (I can't tolerate unintelligence or the immaturity of "stupid" girls). Jules, I don' t know where you go, but you somehow shelter yourself. Or, just need to give every other women lessons on how to look intimidating. ;)

And to all you who think that this stuff doesn't happen in other countries: I spent a year living abroad and - it DOES! you get assaulted every single day, you get the most inappropriate comments, and after awhile, it starts to wear on you. I consider myself a strong women who is able to just let these comments and slurs slide off - but day after day after day....it starts to get really aggravating and tears you down, especially in a country where you know that there is nothing you can do about it - not even vent.

To the OP - you are strong, and completely validated. I know these men get to you, and that does not testify to weakness. Rather, it testifies to the knowledge of what is right and fair, and that this is not it! That in itself is a strength. Celebrate your power! But, don't forget to acknowledge when you need some building up, too (which you have totally done here). Good job in handling the situation as you did, and seeking the strength and support you knew you needed. You seem very intelligent and on the ball, the type of person I would love to have the privilege of knowing. Rock on!

Welcome, Sarah! (my name is Sarah, too :))

This community is awesome. Very supportive, extremely knowledgeable, and fun! Check out the various forums and read along, and don't be afraid to ask questions. Many will arise on this journey, I assure you! I also like to search the forums (in the top bar) for a topic to see if my question has been previously asked adn answered, or debated and see what the conclusion is. This is usually because I'm too impatient to wait for ppl to answer my own question, or maybe I just don't feel like asking. Eitehr way, thought I'd share that tidbit since I love it!

This journey will not be easy, but it will be worth it. Cherish what you learn on the way, and try not to despair when the going gets rough.

Regil, the prayers sound like a great idea! I'm a Christian, too, and would love some prayers and even a buddy in Christ on this journey. I'll be praying for you, too! Have a great labor Day Weekend, everyone!

Corvuscorax: i think you may be right about the hyper-self-protective thing. I have considered ending it early before I'm vulnerable (and before he can end it) so I don't get hurt. I have not spoken wtih a therapist, but I do have plans to start seeing one sometime before the year is up. Would it be a bad idea to move forward before speaking with one? Or should I try to throw caution to the wind and allow myself the possibility of getting hurt?

My friends know how "anti-guy" I am, but they themselves like relationships. I think they're excited for me to see what I'm missing and how they can be good, too (they know I'm perennially single by choice).

I'm actually a lot more mature than I sound right now. Thanks for your well-grounded reply!

I second panda's idea, cuz I, too, find the old threads useful. I started this site in 2006 (under a diff username who's password I forgot) so it is helpful for me to search and find threads that were informative and started back when there was more helpful information on this website.

Maybe the mods can be sensitive to everyone's needs? Thanks!

Thanks for all the replies, guys and girls! I knew i could count on the calorie-count community :)

I just want to clarify. The part-time dating for a part-time guy thing... that's how I see it, why bother? I'm not looking for something serious, so it's fine with me if the guy can handle it. I don't want to hang out with a man all the time, and I've always assumed I'd never get a serious bf, mostly since I'm not that interested and wouldn't know how to be in a relationship anyway. 

The deep convo thing - that's his gripe. He whined that last weekend we had no good conversations. Um, I was chillin on a holiday weekend meeting new people, getting to know them, and enjoying the fireworks. Sometimes i just like to laugh and have fun, but apparently it bothered him. Whatever.

My only thing is the acting like we don' tknow/are ignoring each other in public. He's said he doesn't like it, either, but I pointed out that I was following his lead in case any of the girls he is dating are there, and I respect the boundaries he places. I'm very perceptive on other people, and can easily follow others' leads. I wanted to respect his actions around people he knows better than I do, but I just realized that it leaves me feeling kind of worthless, and I know I'm worth much more than that.

Anyway, thanks for the support adn replies. I'm feeling like I'm glad I broke it off. Even though it would be nice to experience being with someone for the few weeks or months that it's going to last.  I thought I could handle it, adn still think I could, as long as we mutually respect each other and our differences - specifically our faith. And you are all right - that is the reason we can't be serious with each other. It's my own boundary, I know, but I know deep down that if a guy doesn't at least share some parts of my faith that it won't work. I know it sounds judgmental, but to become that close with someone, there are some thigns that can't be compromised. I suggested we just be really close friends, that I can handle and many of my very close friends have beliefs and political views that are the polar opposite of mine. As longa s both parties can respect the other, then it works and is totally fine. Except, if you are in a very serious relationship, imho anyway. I know akirakun has made it work, and for that you have my utmost respect. Can't be easy.

And, I never said "boys think only of sex." Not sure where that came from, although for some guys I'm sure it's true. I try not to judge or stereotype, though, until i know the person, etc.

I was dating a guy who was almost exactly like that! Freaked me out, too! Finally, after listening to a lot of his stories, I found out why...

He is DESPERATE! Been trying to find a girl to be with for a while, the girls are either not into him (mostly) or psychos who like him that he wants nothing to do with. I figured out that he was just so happy to be with a normal, fun, hot girl that he was afraid to lose me. He was being very careful to not "scare me away" like he said he did with past girlfriends by being too fast, etc.

All of this made me feel like crap. I felt like he was only with me because I was willing to be with him. I liked him, he was cute and all, but I stopped feeling special. It felt like he was looking fora  girlfriend, not particularly that he wanted to be with me.

I hope this isn't the case with you, but it's definitely how I felt. I broke it off after 3 months.

Thanks for the replies, everyone! Yes, he definitely called me the first time and invited me out. I told him I was busy moving into a new place, but would let him know when I might be free. I then texted him a few times that would work, and he replied with that. So now I'm feeling like I was tricked or something.

I like the idea of saying that "No, but You can take me out" and add a wink? I don't know, with all the stress I've been through I'm not sure I can take a weird situation now on top of it all. GAH!

Thanks again, though! :)