Posts by innocenteyes

stop it and eat something doesn't really work when it's in the past though...

ahh the eating out dilemma...I literally just came back from dinner with friends actually, luckily there was birthday cake so I was ok ;) but I definitely empathise with the problems it causes. personally I usually do eat a smaller afternoon snack when I'm going out, but I have to be careful not to cut back too much. I think it's the uncertainty of the situation which makes it hard. could you think of having two separate options...having dessert if you know the main wasn't enough, and telling your parents ahead of time that you might need to, or even friends if they know the situation? or you could try not thinking about the calories in the actual meal when you go out at all (obviously I mean ignoring it when you're worried about it, cause not thinking about it at all probs isn't possible!) and just thinking of it as 'a meal' which should meet the requirements thereabouts. it would be hard but a great step forward for the future, kind of like 'practice' for one day being able to trust that small differences in one meal won't matter and not counting. obviously that's not a good idea in general for all meals when you're gaining but when you're out it won't hurt, especially as you're not making the meal yourself. also, do you plan what you're going to pick beforehand? that sometimes helps. and I've had dietitians before who've given details about what 'counted' on my plan at the time at popular restaurants.

about why it takes some people longer to gain...bodies are weird (that's my explanation for everything lol) seriously though you can never predict. I gained really fast when I was at a very low weight & you would have thought it would be more likely for me to get hypermetabolic. it was like 3/3.5lbs a week. now I'm happy if I get a lb a week & I'm eating what, only 200cals less? I'm more active now but not enough that it should account for that so who knows what happened.

breakfast - 150g yogurt, honey, 60g coco pops

lunch - guava juice, slice toast w/ 2 pork sausages, slice w/ tuna salad, marshmallow wafer

snacks - 200g fromage frais w/ honey, slice toast w/ mustard & chicken slices, rice krispie bar

dinner will be prawn stir fry & rice (wagamama huge portions), plus fruit juice of some sort (out with friends)

then a huge bowl of cereal w/ banana and some Nesquik milk when I get home.

Original Post by mashed_tatties:

Fi - I often eat 100g Alpen with milk for night snack = 420 calories without 'trying' ha. The other Godsend is GrapeNuts - they're teeny tiny so even 60/70/80g of it is a small amount, but 1 cup packs 400 calories!

Failing that... Sometimes I have a bowl of 80g bran flakes for a snack too.. :)

ohhh I just looked up Grape Nuts and Alpen they look very useful ;) I can't digest fiber well so cereals are a total pain, but I bet I could add smaller servings of those to yogurt or another cereal and it wouldn't be too bulky or indigestible but just up the cals enough. time for some experimentation I feel, thanks :)

Original Post by agruskin:

INNOCENT+MASHED-i cant for the life of me FATHOM WHY ON EARTH anyone woud set a goal of unhealth???!!!! not to scare you? from living life? what, how, i just dont get it???

ok dunno about mashed but as for why my 'goal' is supposed to be 17...

I've never been at a healthy weight (like, 18.5 never mind 20) in my life, and I was at a ridiculous weight at the start of this year, I've already gained a lot. also I was fairly non-compliant & ambivalent in hospital, so I think they are just aiming for me to be 'stable'...along with the fact that I'm going to university in 2 weeks & they can't really push for me to gain weight when I live 400 miles away from them. BUT they have always been clear that in the long term, their goal for me is full recovery, so that means getting into the healthy BMI range obviously. and I plan to do that this year, altho they don't know that yet ;) thing is, if they'd said right from the start 'get to bmi 19/20/21' or whatever I just wouldn't have gained anything at all cause they'd have scared me away! it took an 'intermediate' for me to accept the weight gain more readily.

for me it depends how and why I am making the physical changes.

when I gained in hospital my mind was WAY behind my body, because I was fighting it and only really complying under coercion. I made pretty limited progress mentally despite gaining a fair bit.

now I'm gaining on my own though I feel like my mind is way ahead of my body, it drives me nuts when people assume I'm not committed or am not very far along in recovery because of my weight, because I feel like my mindset is not one associated with being at a low weight at all. probably because I HAD to make that progress in order to gain anything at all I guess?

^^ do you get Luna bars online? have always wanted to try! well done on today :)

breakfast: two slices toast w/ Philadelphia, smoked salmon, lemon & pepper

lunch: one slice toast w/ half can worth of tuna salad, one w/ Philadelphia & honey

snack: chocolate, apple & blueberry energy bar, can of pineapple chunks, tea w/ honey

dinner: egg noodles w/ curry sauce & tofu scramble (tofu, egg, more curry sauce)

snack: 60g Frosties, soymilk, banana

snack x2: probably another 2 rounds of toast and hot choc unless I can think of another bright idea by then  going shopping tomorrow and am totally running out of food, so annoying! really scraped the barrel for these meals lol

this is not that uncommon...I've had my period under bmi 14 before. I've also got it at lower and lower weights over the years. I currently have regular periods and am still aiming to gain quite a lot more weight. basically, periods are not the only indicator of health, I've had them before and been very unwell both in terms of weight and other indicators. there are far more benefits to attaining a genuinely healthy weight than just a regular cycle.

^^ well done on the dinner anyway  with the snack, I don't know how to advise on exactly what to have, but I know when I'm in that situation I panic and it's very hard to 'make choices'...why not start with your normal snack then try to add the extra you need there instead of coming up with something new? or maybe have a drink with it, horlicks or similar? anyway I hope it works out. don't apologise for being negative...no wonder given that your upcoming move is hanging over you. could be a motivation too though? I promise, relapsing at uni and moving back home in a total state is one of the most humiliating and depressing experiences ever...you deserve better.

glad everyone else shares the wonder/incredulity/jealousy about normal people and their random snacking! I can't wait til I can be like that...

my day...last bit is planned obviously...

breakfast: 45g Frosties, soymilk, slice toast w/ Philadelphia & plum jam

lunch: can regular cream soda, tortilla wrap w/ tuna salad (whole can tuna, salsa, chutney, yogurt etc)

snack: 200g fromage frais, tsp honey, banana, 250ml Red Bull

dinner: 300ml fruit/carrot V8, 62.5g (dry) rice, japanese curry sauce, 125g tofu baked w/ chilli/soy/honey etc

snack: 50g rice flakes cooked in soymilk, cocoa powder, banana

snack: one slice toast w/ Philadelphia & jam, one w/ Philadelphia & honey

however, looking at this now I feel like it's a bit short :( (aiming for 2800) ahhh I hatehatehate cramming at night! looks like we are all having the same dilemma lol. might have hot chocolate...will run out of milk tomorrow then though...stocking a kitchen for a gaining diet is such a pain! I am going to be a very poor student in a few weeks time.

well, I went to uni last year at exactly your height and weight, and no-one SAID anything to me so I didn't have to tell them. people can be quite tactful, so you can leave it until you know them better if that make you more comfortable.

however, I left a few months later having lost a lot more weight, not saying you will but I'd caution you to take care and seek support because moving away and dealing with the uncertainty around food and so many things changing can be really difficult. be mindful, get help from the local NHS or the uni counselling services, and keep making your recovery a priority alongside having fun. I hope it turns out ok for you :)

I agree with all above, you are right to take that comment with a pinch of salt. I also struggle with wondering whether I am 'bingeing' and I can tell you right now that a lot of the time is is an ED driven fear. when I was ill I had severe purging AN and would genuinely binge on tens of thousands of calories...yet I still wonder if licking a spoon when I'm measuring jam or adding a banana to a snack cause I'm particularly hungry means I am bingeing. when I write it out it sounds ridiculous but it is just another way for my ED to try and scare me out of eating in a less overcontrolled way :P

think about it: are you eating multiple servings of things at once? like, not just weight gaining servings but 4, 5, 6? are you eating mindlessly without really 'deciding' to? are you eating far more than you had planned for or were hungry for? if so, maybe you should worry. but eating a weight gain diet with combinations of foods like you described isn't bingeing.

I think there is a middle ground here - ways of making sure you meet a 'minimum' amount of calories without counting as you go along. when I counted it was far too linked with restricting for me and I always always ended up planning too little and figuring it would 'somehow work out' then having 800 calories hanging over my head at the end of the day. not fun.

a few things I do...

~ sometimes I count halfway through a day if I think I might have got something wrong or eaten particularly differently to normal. then I'll have an idea but I won't count the rest of the day, I'll just have in my head how much more I need.

~ sometimes I look back and log a few days from a previous week, especially if my weight has done something unexpected.

~ most days, I rely on the idea that my breakfast, lunch and dinner always have similar constituents and calorie values. I don't eat the SAME thing every time, but for example breakfast has recently always contained at least a large serving of cereal (200-250), soymilk (50-100) and an add-in, usually fruit. so basically I always get 400 there. other meals are similar stories. but my snacks vary and I sometimes add things into meals, like a glass of juice at breakfast for example. so basically, I know the 'basic' calorie count of the things I will always eat, like a skeleton plan. it's about...500-800 below what I need to gain I guess? and the rest is much easier to vaguely count without obsessing about it. it's easier on me psychologically and involves less obsessing to make sure I'm getting enough 'extras' than to count the whole plan! of course, an exchange system for 'dinner' type meals and sandwiches helps me here cause I get variety with lunch and dinner but I still always know they're close to being the same without counting calories.

ok that was long! but basically my answer is, yes I try to break away, but I have to take steps to avoid overestimating!

Original Post by marcvs:

Thanks for the advice, everyone.  I do eat a lot of calorie dense stuff, but I struggle because I also want to get my veggies in there, too.  Plus, a lot of this high-cal stuff is high in fiber, and I can't imagine that's helping anything.  Nevertheless, smaller, more dense meals and more high-cal liquids sounds like the way to go for me right now.  I'm sure this stomach stuff will all start to clear out once I start really gaining.

I currently try to eat high cal with minimal fibre, and liquid calories are certainly the way to go - I recommend milkshakes! toast is also quite a good one for me cause I can pile honey on it lol. tastes good too and doesn't fill me up too much. can you replace at least one fruit/veggie serving with juice? that should help a lot with the density issue.

It can still be water retention, and even if not, the weight of the food you are eating has an effect if you've literally just increased your diet. Although you aren't as underweight as before if you've been slipping down in weight and restricting there's still always going to be a jump at first. believe me, it's happened to me on much much fewer calories than 2000 in the beginning of refeeding! but your body will adjust. maybe try remembering how you got through this period before and how that benefitted you in the long term. good luck x

^ I've said this before but you can't be very underweight and have bulimia by current diagnostic criteria. the last criterion is 'patient is not currently experiencing an episode of anorexia nervosa' or something like that...so if they are ED'd and within the AN weight criteria that will be their diagnosis not bulimia. you can't have both diagnoses at once (altho I believe this should be possible)

anyway, I have experienced severe physical nausea and involuntary vomiting while recovering so thanks for this :) there is a psychological element but for me there's also the fact that I totally screwed up my stomach due to my ED.

ohhh i'm so glad you had something new and liked the change! pb on toast is great :D

don't worry about the protein thing, didn't mean to judge you, just cause you have troubles overanalysing it doesn't mean you're not doing well, baby steps right? just wanted to flag it up cause i know sometimes it can be hard to tell what's the ED and what's not ;)