Posts by bsh0611

This is in advance for tomorrow:

1.) I will buy new clothes so that I am not aware of tightness. I am 26, I will buy clothes from the grown woman's section and will stop rejoicing in being a smaller size. I am nearly 5'8", I have had breasts since I was 8 - I'm not meant to be a size 1 juniors.

2.) I do not want to be on a diet. I just came to this realization. I don't want to "go back to that" or "start again tomorrow." I just want to be normal.

In your face, guilt mentality.

I didn't run again. I didn't starve. Breakfast lunch snack snack. Can someone please tell me why I am so darned hungry now that I am back at a good weight AND have stopped running?

I was 11 when I developed bulimia. I'm 26 now and still fighting thoughts and urges.

I was 11. Throwing up every night; then starving; then compulsively exercising; starving some more, bingeing, purging, etc. That I had developed some kind of disorder was abundantly clear; it was fodder for gossip with other kids' moms.

But my parents did nothing.

If my daughters developed any eating issue, I'd be on them doing everything in my power to help exorcise the demons and supporting them all of the way.

Sometimes you have to smother someone with love so that the things inside of them  that want to hurt them don't have any air to breathe.

Appreciate the love that you have. Get better for yourself, but keep your family in mind as you go.

I'm trying to challenge it. I had a 10K race and I toldmyself "run it like its your last" because I have to give up running for a while to let my body heal.

I'm struggling with the weight I've gained but I just need a little encouragement because it is such an all encompassing feeling - that self loathing.So I'll challenge it further by having a good date with my husband today and not mentioning it.

I just wanted to applaud all of you on your health. I agree with you, sealion, that the thoughts will always be there, but its controlling them that is the big problem.

I look at pictures of myself from just a few months ago and I REMEMBER That I was sick, tired, exhausted even, and didn't look well.

To the OP, I have no doubt that you are beautiful, and that you can adapt to living in your own place without letting the ED isolate you, remove you from society, or take over your life.

I think this thread is a good idea. Though the physical effects of the ED can be ameliorated through getting to a healthy weight, it is important to talk through the thoughts that plague those AFTER weight restoration. It's important to encourage each other. I don't get why there is so much frustration with the posts that are related to ED's. They are very common, and everyone is entitled to help and support.

EDIT to say that even though I said something to you before Meryl congratulations again and I want you to know you sound like you're going to be a great mom. It's GREAT that you got healthy before getting pregnant and its going to benefit you and your baby to no end. God bless you both - and the baby's dad, too!

I think its unrealistic.

Now, I know almost everything I post, even though I only tend to post when I'm feeling most neurotic (which is a bad sign I know!!), is greeted with the "oh you have an ED" thing. But I'm pretty well functioning. I understand that people shouldn't be enabled or emboldened even in their eating disorders.

It's just that... this is a calorie site and there are SO MANY eating disorders: binge disorders, bulimia, EDNOS, anorexia with bulimic tendencies, anorexia, orthorexia, etc., and they relate ALL OVER the spectrum from weight gain to weight loss and weight maintenance. So... a lot of the time, people who have issues with gaining or losing weight have some kind of food issue and there needs to be at least the ability to post a question or make an inquiry as it pertains to that. I don't think people should just be dismissed; I think that everyone posting KNOWS that CC is not a doctor's opinion.

turning people away because of an ED isn't right; perhaps chastising those who say the same thing over and over for attention (like ok, saying one is 5'5" and 90 pounds and would like to lose a few or what not about the 800 cals a day) is one thing, but shutting people out can be dangerous. It's HARD to reach out and the anonymity of the internet does help people START to get in touch with what causes food issues and give them a sense of community... where one in the external world may be lacking or nonexistent.

Helen dear it happens to me too! I just get little jolts, I think its just trying to get to sleep and some parts of the body don't cooperate.

LOL fidget walking for digestion purposes isn't a game (and that's not a sarcastic or snotty "lol") its a very real verrrrrry real thing. and digestion is a loose term...

I did drive a long way and get a sitter for a few therapy appointments when it became clear that it couldn't be done. But what you guys are surely right about is that unless I get behind stopping and being free, I never will.

OK, so I really just needed to talk and I knew there were some people who could articulate what I needed to hear.

I wasn't looking to be enabled, so no thanks for the snarkiness. EVERYONE who has made any effort to "get better" or get "healthier" slips up. And just so you know, seeing a therapist, something most people could benefit from, isn't always just something one can do.

yeah - that they're ok. you know, feeling good? I'm not going to for one minute say that I feel HEALTHIER at a lower weight because I DID NOT AND DO NOT.

GI Jane, I'm just asking for input, I'm certainly not promoting what I do or suggesting that anyone engage in anything unhealthy. Quite the opposite, I'm an example of what not to do.

I'm grateful for all the responses. I KNOW that I have to stop and am not looking for a way around it. I'm starting to understand that back when I ran so much and was undereating I damaged my body and - this is what I'm getting confused with - even when I ate more, I wasn't repairing my body because I was still running, which at that point was PART of what my body saw as my attempt to malnourish it - right?

So... stopping an intense exercise helps a body heal?

agru you are such an example ... i wish i could be more like you

Back in the day when I was at a really healthy weight, wasn't restricting or purging, I think I was about 20 or just 21 at this time... I was like that. I could lose 5 pounds if I cut calories but then my appetite would be all consuming. I think my metabolism was fast. I also think when you're at a healthy weight for your body, your metabolism functions well. I say keep your weight and exercise healthily to make sure you have a healthy distribution. It sounds like you're perfect to me!

5'7.5" now... but back then yes I was 5'4" and then 5'5" because I was still growing. At 26 now I sure as heck think I'm done lol!

Helen, you don't need a miracle! You just need your committment. You're going to do it. You're such a doll, you are going to go on to do amazing things but I think I told you that I'm flying to the UK for a period party when you get yours!

Agruskin- I was always heavier and I'm with you in that a bmi of 20 isn't enough for my body frame. I gained from 113 to 133 to get pregnant (with the help of hormones and then Clomid, the ovulation drug) with my second and even after gaining to 133 - I think that's a bmi of 20.5 or something for me - it wasn't enough. I had my least painful periods at about 145 but I was usually heavier, with a bmi between 24 and 27 for most of my teens and early 20's.