infinityontrial voices echo, this is what salvation must be like after awhilee

Posts by infinityontrial

Forum	Topic	Date	Replies

Maintaining	Intuitive Eating	Oct 14 2007 17:36 (UTC)
Flowerbud - Please feel free. I haven't been logging in much (a sign that I'm finally getting this intuitive thing?..) and didn't see the reply until now. But as much as I am getting happier each and every day I find myself moving away from calories and weight and obsessive thinking and guilt, I do love talking about my experiences with intuitive eating so far. Peyto_Delialih: It definitely takes time. I think I'm finally starting to get there, though when I think about how many large non-homecooked dinners I've had this week and the big plate of cheese I shared with friends last night, I start to get back to thinking about calories. But at the same time, a weekend at a wedding eating fancy catered food sent me home craving tofu and vegetables all week. I learned my lesson on the cheese - I remain too lactose intolerant for more than a little bit. I'm also discovering the feeling of being pleasantly satisfied and barely full. It's a great feeling and as I begin to recognize what gets me there, I am losing the desire to eat just because something is tasty or for emotional reasons. There's another couple mental things that help get me away from thinking about calories and weight. One is that I'm doing all I can to STOP thinking that "I ate cheese; I was bad." Or thinking of food as good or bad, sinful or virtuous, something I deserve or don't deserve. There is no moral value in food. There is no need to "confess" to a friend for reassurance after you ate too much. I'll stop and ask myself why I overate and what I can do to prevent it next time. But seeing mistakes as lessons (because they weren't eating intuitively, such as eating to stuffed, or ignoring what my body craved) as opposed to eating unacceptable foods is very helpful. Hell, sometimes if I am craving the "less virtuous" food and I eat something I think will cause less guilt, I also remind myself that that was not eating intuitively. The other thing that's helped is to remember that gaining weight is not the worst thing in the world. Yes, we criminalize it constantly in our society and it's okay not to want to gain weight. But to realize that it's not the end of the world is the last thing that I need to slip into place. I think it is near impossible to remain below one's set point while eating intuitively, but I've given up any desire to do that. I'm healthy and look good and have the possibility of not being totally obsessed with food and paranoid about weight at my set point. I did something I'd been trying to avoid and weighed myself a couple times recently. While I have gained 1-2 pounds since I started doing this a couple months ago, my clothes fit the same as before, if not more loosely and I seem to be building significant muscle mass. I do get paranoid, but then I realize my pants are too big and my waist measurement is the same. Then I realize that's not what matters. Eating what makes me feel good physically, not obsessing, and remembering there is way more to life than food and weight is what matters.
Maintaining	Intuitive Eating	Oct 05 2007 01:00 (UTC)	3
flowerbud - the idea behind this is that if you're listening to your body, you'll soon realize that if you eat nothing but ice cream and steak, you'll start to feel sick and deprived of the nutrients in vegetables and whole grains and fruits and fish and whatever else. if we listen, the body self-regulates. if we restrict, the mind feels deprived and craves what we don't need. once we realize that ice cream is not the forbidden holy grail of awesomeness, it's just another tasty food that it's damn hard to subsist on. same with starving yourself for hours, then eating so much you feel sick.
Maintaining	Intuitive Eating	Sep 25 2007 21:44 (UTC)	8
Imogene - I've been embarassed about that one, too. All this effort and making myself miserable and really? Just eating healthy, working out and relaxing and I'd be about where I am now. But, sadly, there's people who are well into obesity who struggle with this stuff, too. I know (and know of even more) people who were into the 50-100 pound overweight category and had issues with bulimia. Isn't the point about how healthy and happy we are and not what's going on on the outside? Yeah, sometimes easier to say than believe. Katopong - If your body wants to gain muscle from cardio, then I'm not sure what advice I can give you besides to be happy about it. Muscle is VERY good for you, even if it adds weight. It's the loss in muscle mass that leads to lowered metabolism and weight gain as people age, so be happy that your body builds it naturally. I have trouble sometimes with the fact that my weight will never be low (it's healthy, but the lower end of my BMI range? will probably only ever be reached through amputation) Yes, not getting enough food to survive could mean you'd do the same physical activity without building muscle, because your body is desperate to use that energy as food. I try to think of my musclar build the way I think about my long torso and high waist or the fact that I'm only five foot two. Yeah, they make mean I'll never be super skinny, but there's only so much you can change about your body. I'll never be taller and I'll never have a small frame, but I can learn to embrace the things that are awesome about it (guys who like short girls, plane flights are more comfortable, I can lift heavy things, eat more food, lower risk of osteoporosis.) Someday I'll even fully accept that I'll never be 110 pounds. And, yeah, my thighs have been bulking up, too, of late. But it's not the jiggly stuff. It's these two hard little mounds at the bottom of the muscles as I've crossed from running 3-4 miles/day to 4-5. Kind of unusual, but hard as a rock and kind of cool, too.
Maintaining	Feel so guilty when I run for 20 mins instead of 30 mins...	Sep 25 2007 21:15 (UTC)	1
lfrigo - Sometimes your idea works for me. But it's also lead to pretty much every overuse injury I've had (and I overdo it and can barely walk once every few months of late). Getting in a good workout is a great thing. but living based on guilt and anxiety is far worse. I like it much better when I feel like my running leads to less guilt and anxiety, which it does when I don't think about it as part of weight maintenance (and I run so much more like that, too!).
Maintaining	How long til you don't feel fat?	Sep 24 2007 16:00 (UTC)	2
The second I start thinking about calories and when I'm going to eat next and what and running because it burns calories not because I like giong fast? I feel fat. When I manage to push that out of my head and eat mostly healthy, get food when hungry, stop when satiated and pay attention to other interests that have nothing whatsoever to do with weight or looks or food? I feel thin.
Maintaining	Intuitive Eating	Sep 24 2007 15:55 (UTC)	11
Katopong, the scale might be going up because you're building muscle. While intense cardio often burns off muscle, weight-bearing excercise does strengthen. (I've found that I've built a ton of leg muscle up from running). But you're right in that it's really important to excercise for reasons other than weight loss/maintenance. I find that when I think about it that way, it zaps my motivation. Whereas days when I run extra far because I want the stress release or the feeling of pushing myself to a new limit are much better.
Maintaining	Intuitive Eating	Sep 24 2007 13:11 (UTC)	13
I think that's the idea, katopang. I think it's also easier to tell hunger from satiety (and healthier) when one bases his/her diet around whole foods rather than the processed stuff. And I'm ALWAYS hungry to eat on excercise days. My boyfriend has trained himself over the years (as he calls it - I call it destroying his metabolism) to be able to go all day without food, but I need three full meals minimum Frankly, I feel better about my habits when I've worked out, even if I eat way more that day because working out makes me hungry.
Maintaining	Feel so guilty when I run for 20 mins instead of 30 mins...	Sep 19 2007 03:18 (UTC)	5
I'm like that, too. If I run less than usual or eat a bit more or just eat something where I don't know the calorie count. But really? I think the stress is probably worse for you (and apparently can lead to weight gain, particularly in the abdomen) than the twenty minutes less of running. And if you're stressing over running only 20 minutes AND running when your body is aching at stress points (ie, knees, ankles, not just being tired and a bit achy), then you're doing double the damage. Though try telling me to stop stressing about stressing!
Health & Support	question about metabolism	Sep 12 2007 03:13 (UTC)
There are people on here that believe that it's sheer number of calories. After all, it's the calories you eat versus the calories you expend, right? But personally I believe that going a long period of time (particularly ignoring hunger to do so) lowers the amount of calories you're expending AND makes it hard to resist overeating when you finally do feed yourself. Once in awhile, it's not an issue. But a pattern of slowing yourself down and then eating a days' worth of food at night is not a particularly healthy one.
Maintaining	Intuitive Eating	Sep 12 2007 00:01 (UTC)	16
That's awesome, finallymeagain! I have moments where it all works, but it's hard. I also feel like I'm going against pretty much every bit of nutritional advice out there, between trying to forget calories and nutrition and eat intuitively and trying to cut down on anxiety-based vegetable abuse. Hopefully I'll be able to let go of this idea that even if my set point ends up being a few pounds heavier than I am now, it's the end of the world. I keep feeling like I must be gaining weight (because I am paranoid) even as my clothes are fitting the same. But I promised my nutritionist I wouldn't step on a scale until I saw her again. But ack! The idea of wanting to get to the weight my body will be at when I eat mostly healthy and am not usually hungry rather than "must stay thin and healthy" feels like a criminalized sentiment in our society.
Maintaining	Intuitive Eating	Sep 10 2007 23:22 (UTC)	18
Oh, yes, I'm finding it HARD to read signals, too. And I'm not even coming from a health-threatening eating disorder - just being anal-retentive about nutrition and body image to the point where it felt very disordered. I'm having a lot of trouble paying attention to my hunger without continuing to be obsessive about food. I've also found that there's different types of hungry (blood sugar hunger, stomach hunger) and different types of full. I can feel bloated and stuffed yet still have my blood sugar screaming. I can feel like my stomach is full up on water and roughage but still begging me for food. It can be incredibly frustrating. The idea of being able to eat ANYTHING is scary. Before I had Food Issues (tm), I was put on a no-simple-carbs-whatsoever diet in order to manage these weird blood sugar issues. Before that, I spent six years as a vegan. No rules besides eat what I feel like I want to be eating?! Scary! Part of me is TERRIFIED of gaining weight back again. I think it's mostly paranoia, but I'm not sure. I know that until I let go of that fear, I won't be able to truly listen to my body, but I can't bring myself to do it. I also go from "meh, maybe I'm hungry, maybe I'm not" to "I am going to pass out from lack of food" incredibly suddenly. I've found that since I started running a couple years ago (and to some extent before that), I'm hungry more than 50% of the time. And I can't eat 50% of the time! I do really appreciate having people to discuss this with, even as I'm trying to avoid almost all diet-related websites because it triggers the obsessive thoughts about.
Health & Support	Constantly Hungry!	Sep 07 2007 02:23 (UTC)	6
I have this issue a lot of the time. It's not thirst - I drink 25 cups or so of water a day and that's AFTER cutting down. It's not lack of fiber or whole grains - I've recently had to cut down on those, too, since I was eating so much it had upset my stomach for months on end. I think it's a combination of a couple things in my case - one is that I tend to work out in the mornings. Running 3-4.5 miles or lifting heavy weights for 30-40 minutes. Enough to really get my system hungry and going for pretty much the whole day. The other is maybe genetic? I've talked to my dad, and he is hungry all of the time as well. The other possibility is if you've recently increased a calorie deficit (or started trying to lose). It does take the body time to adjust. I know that even when I eat enough to really fill me up, it's less than it used to be. It is possible, though, if the hunger doesn't go away, that your deficit is too large. Seriously, it's okay to be patient and may be more effective if a slow loss doesn't cause you to binge.
Health & Support	I'm a little worried.	Sep 07 2007 02:13 (UTC)	7
Don't diet at 13! It's impressive that you lost 28, but you're not going to get any healthier eating anymore. And even if you want to, everything I've read says that the more people diet in their teen years, the more they end up being overweight later on. You need the food to grow! You might not yet be at a weight where someone older would stop menstruating, but your body is clearly not happy. Please, please, please listen to it.
Maintaining	Skinny Fat girls????	Sep 07 2007 02:10 (UTC)	1
Rubester - You shouldn't stop cold turkey. You'll end up feeling deprived and eating a ton of unhealthy food again at some point. Better to remember that these things are foods to eat in small amounts when possible. Also, think about if something is worth it or not. If you friend made you your favorite brownie receipe? Worth a brownie (save the rest for later/to share). Someone at work buys chips ahoy or other processed food cookies for everyone? Meh, save the treat for when it's worth it.
Maintaining	5'2" and maintaining: how many calories?	Sep 06 2007 02:14 (UTC)	30
As for counting and maintaining, I do find it somewhat distressing that so many people don't maintain their losses. But I peg a lot of that on the "diet" mentality a lot of people have. There's a difference between learning what's in stuff and building good habits and deciding it's time to stop agonizing over every calorie (when, really, the best foods are the ones without nutrition labels whose precise content varies with the seasons and subspecies) and saying "all right, goal reached, let's go back to normal eating." If you need the strictness of counting and measuring to keep from going back to that, I can see that. I know to me it leads to over-counting, under-eating, going hungry, eating too much at night and feeling miserable. I think another reason people gain weight back is dieting below one's set point. (man was it a relief when I remember my old weight was not only based on less excercise and eating until stuffed, but four years of taking an ssri.) I'm not trying to stop anyone from continuing to count. Different things work for different people. But it's not necessary to do so in order to eat healthy, once you know the basics of good nutrition. I find it's easier to listen to your body, but if one's body is saying "eat chocolate, eat pizza, large quantities, all the time... I can see how counting might help."
Health & Support	B.L.O.A.T.E.D.	Sep 05 2007 19:08 (UTC)	3
I find that I tend to get bloated and um... related issues when I'm not eating enough. It's like my body wants to hold onto what I'm giving it.
Maintaining	Intuitive Eating	Sep 05 2007 15:42 (UTC)	22
I get somewhat dysmorphic as well. It's particularly hard since I live somewhere where there's a ton of young, VERY thin women and there's a lot of value placed on that. Sometimes I feel like if I didn't live where I do, it'd be EASY to get my head screwed on straight about this. But I weighed myself once two weekends ago, since I was at my parents', discovered that more food lead to feeling better, had houseguests, and ate what I considered pretty decadently all week. Visited my parents again and my weight was the same (and still the lowest it's been since high school). My body really does seem to be adjusting by running better. The housemate thing is hard. I live with my boyfriend who in some ways is a good influence (he would harangue me if he saw me measuring or weighing food or eating nothing but veggies). But he has the metabolism of a slug and rarely eats before he's been awake for HOURS. Then he's starved himself all day and eats a big dinner. It's kind of scary for me to know he might want to order in something rich when I've been purposefully eating more during the day so I'm not starved at night. But I find that not being starved all day does make it easier to eat a reasonable portion and stop when done at dinnertime. I do also run and I am starting to lift, too, which helps even more. Possibly because generally enjoy it a LOT, or because I can feel the increase in ability when I pick up the weights and throughout the workout rather than at the end like with a run (if I'm outside and don't know my precise pace). When the social stuff gets me down, I remember that the idea isn't just to listen to my body, it's to let go of this obsession with food and nutrition. So getting busy and social and not eating the second my body says to (unless it starts off by shouting) are okay things to do. So maybe there's two things to concentrate on. Not just the way your body feels - starved or powerful, fast or strong or slow or dizzy or aching. But also on life beyond this meal and that snack. Food as fuel for workouts and life rather than something life should revolve around, either for enjoyment or control.
Maintaining	I need reassurance	Sep 05 2007 15:26 (UTC)
Jen - I don't trust the numbers on that site. It tells me I'm overweight for not being between 100 and 120 pounds but then my BMI and all my other measurements are right in the middle of the healthy zone. It is also telling me to eat 2500 calories a day (might actually be about what I should be eating, but the average girl my size, especially if she should weigh 110 pounds??? does not compute). Just goes to show the crazy about of contradictory advice out there, often from the same source. Finallymeagain, I am glad to be of help. God knows this not doing things by the math is kind of scary sometimes. But you know what? You are probably at least a few pounds underweight (but probably not about to need hospitalization underweight). The way to find out is not to count calories and go up 100 and down 100 every day. The world is not that particular. Calorie counts are averages, fruits and vegetables differ according to the season, and some days our bodies run differently than others. Eat a diet based on healthy foods, eat when you're hungry, but not enough to feel stuffed. Keep up your activity level. When you do this, and you'll be a healthy weight.
Health & Support	Breakfast	Sep 03 2007 02:48 (UTC)	9
God, yes. I wake up FAMISHED every. single. morning. Less famished if I ate a big, late dinner, but still hungry. STARVING if I didn't. It's so annoying because my boyfriend has destroyed his metabolism and doesn't eat until he's been up for HOURS. But honestly? My way is better. Rationally? I know that the 300+ calories I eat for my post-workout (and post-preworkout fruit) breakfast is probablt too little. But it's so hard to eat when the guy I live with won't eat a bite for hours without feeling like a pig. Seriously, though, eating breakfast will jump-start your metabolism and tell your body to expect food and burn it off. Letting it simmer hungry will tell it to store whatever it gets because who knows when it will eat again. Eat enough breakfast that the hunger subsides. Stay away from total junk and then eat WHATEVER it takes to make the hunger go away. You'll feel better for it later. (honestly, upping my breakfast intake has helped with bloating issues SO MUCH if you're prone to the same)
Health & Support	I haven't had my period in over a month. Advice?	Sep 03 2007 02:42 (UTC)	3
I've had issues of not having my period for a year and being bloated on what I can't possibly figure to be less than 1500 calories/day. The period thing might have been my getting off of birth control combined with less food than my body wants. But considering that upping my food intake has helped a LOT with the bloating, I'm guessing I haven't been eating enough. Remember that 1200 is ABSOLUTE minimum. Everyone is different. I have about the musculature of a guy and if you're anything like me, you need WAY more food than you think you need. Honestly, I thought nothing bad could come of rounding up. And it was NICE to get home from work and think that I had 1000 calories left to play with. but back-ended calories leads to bloating and feeling terrible. So does significant under-eating. If you want to count, stick to a clearer count rather than rounding everything up. It's hard for me to reconcile fully, but I'd rather be a size 6/8 that doesn't feel gross all the time than a gassy and bloated size 4/6.
Maintaining	Intuitive Eating	Sep 01 2007 15:40 (UTC)	25
Imogene - I definitely feel that we're very similar in body type / the way we lost weight / the issues we're having. And it's HARD to realize the good things in that. But the intuitive eating is helping. It'd be a lie to say I don't have hard times. That I'm not often totally paranoid about gaining a TON of weight now or losing control of my good habits or tendency to crave healthy things. The trying to eat more during the day makes me paranoid that I'll still be as hungry at night, still eat as much, and be less vigilant. Once or twice a day, I try to do a mental tally, try to figure out if it should be time to eat rather than if I'm hungry and what my body is hungry for. The other thing that makes it difficult is the other aspects of eating. I'm lucky in that I'm not much of an emotional eater (and my comfort food is really spicy stuff, so frozen vegetables with tabasco sauce does the trick as well as anything else). But eating is still a social thing. Last night I didn't want Indian food. In fact, I wasn't all that hungry yet. But my friend had a 9 pm train and we had to eat before 7:30 and everyone else wanted Indian. But part of what I want to accomplish is letting go of this need for control, this being a pain in the butt to myself and everyone else every time food comes up. So I served myself very small portions of what we were sharing. Turns out they were too small - was still hungry - ate more. On one hand, I feel like I probably ate too much. I'd had a snack a couple hours before and a rich dinner the previous night. But at the same time, I never felt full anywhere resembling stuffed. Just satiated, maybe somewhere between satiated and approaching full. So I must have been okay. What I've found really helps is focusing on sensations. If I'm not feeling full I didn't eat too much (assuming I ate because I was hungry). If I'm not feeling satisfied, I probably ate too little. I had Indian last night and rich cajun food (homemade, but my boyfriend's brother works in a restaurant and I have never seen as much oil as was on his shrimp on home-cooked food before). Didn't stuff myself on either, but I'd normally feel guilty eating two days in a row like that. I backslid a little and measured myself, and I hadn't gotten any bigger. Which... shouldn't be focusing on that so much. So instead I'm focusing on how I feel. And my body - my physical body, not my mind or guilt or anxiety - feels kind of gross. It feels like if I eat one more big, rich, buttery meal, it will go into serious revolt for a couple days. I just don't want that food today. Or probably tomorrow either. So, yeah, let the physical feelings be your guide. They're as good if not better than the mental ones, as long as you tune into them and don't stop to think about the number of calories or hours since the last time you ate. The physical cues are BETTER because they're based on what your body needs, not what you think your body should need. The difficulty is in seperating them from the mental ones telling you that chocolate tastes good or that steak is a bad food or that girls shouldn't eat so much even if they did just go running.
Health & Support	Meal Plan - ED, please don't judge	Aug 30 2007 20:24 (UTC)	5
I've found over the past few days that the thing that has helped keep me from eating too much at night (not really a binger, just very large dinners) is... eating more during the day. I find that when I'm hungry all day, I'm INSATIABLE at night and no amount of food satisfies me... at least until my stomach decides all of a sudden it's had more than enough. I think in the end, I'll end up eating the same amount, as now that I'm adding in a bit, I can leave some of my dinner on my plate and not be hungry anymore.
Maintaining	I need reassurance	Aug 30 2007 15:57 (UTC)	6
I think that's only a healthy weight if you have a ridiculously small frame, no muscle, and no hips/bust. If you have any of the above, you definitely should be looking to gain. And if you don't, maybe try to build some muscle by eating more and lifting. finallymeagain, you gave some GREAT advice to someone in another thread. You should not be counting calories. You should be working out, eating when hungry to support that, and listening to your body. You are probably well under your set point and will gain weight if you do that. When you stop gaining, assuming you're eating mostly healthy foods when hungry and getting moderate exercise, you'll weigh what you should. And the person who said 94.5-115.5? I think that's too low. I've only got an inch on you and the healthy range for someone my height is something like 103-136. (and that's on the new bmi scale, before they changed it in the late nineties... my nutritionist still believes that up to a bmi of 27 is usually fine healthwise)
Maintaining	Is it possible for me to gain weight on 1600 calories a day?	Aug 30 2007 15:51 (UTC)
I agree with finallymeagain. I say keep going to the gym - it's good for you. You don't need to do 90 minutes (seriously... these studies that say it takes 90 minutes a day of exercise to maintain? they're usually talking about moderate-paced walking). But go 30-60 minutes a few days a week and have clear fitness goals for yourself. Run faster, lift more, work up to a higher resistance level on the elliptical. And then eat when you are hungry. Someone pointed out to me recently that we're not supposed to be hungry to stay healthy. We're supposed to move around enough and eat enough healthy foods to train our bodies to maintain without starving. Also, if you possibly, possibly can, STOP counting calories. I know, it's hard. I'm trying. But calorie counting should be a tool. The true way to judge how much to eat is hunger. Don't eat if you're not hungry. And it's REALLY hard to tell when you're hungry and when you're not if you're counting calories constantly.
Maintaining	Intuitive Eating	Aug 30 2007 15:45 (UTC)	29
I was just on that site, reading one of the studies that suggested hunger-based intuitive eating is BETTER for weight management than strict control. I'm nowhere near underweight and have been way more orthorexic (not really a diagnosis, but obsessed with control, proper nutrition, amount of calories, carbs, etc) than classically restrictive. But I NEED to start relaxing, start realizing that it's time to listen to what my BODY wants to eat, not what careful calculations suggest I should have next. I'm so very there, but may not check in (I'm trying to cut out reading any sort of weight-related website from my reading list as part of the whole recovery thing - though a post about obesity on one of my econ blogs lead me astray!). Honestly, I think being in touch with one's body is the way to do it. Though I'm terrified. I even confided in my boyfriend that I was scared he'd leave me if I gained a few pounds (and um... he lives with me. it's not really a superficial relationship). His response: "you know what would be worse than gaining weight? continuing to talk about food all the time."
Maintaining	Letting Go Without Letting Go	Aug 28 2007 15:17 (UTC)	3
Thanks, dm84. You've been a big help, making me realize that I shouldn't be counting calories my entire life. Maybe it works for some people, but with my OCD tendencies and the fact that eating enough to not spend half the day hungry leads to a basic need that looks scary enough for someone my size, it's a bad idea. Perhaps if I really did need to lose, or needed to learn good eating habits. But I'm lucky in that neither is true. It's just very hard sometimes, in our society, to accept that sometimes you don't need to lose weight, and not just because you're severely underweight. It's very interesting trying to get in touch with my body that way. I've been doing a lot of eating very slowly and thinking about the taste, the texture, the different levels of flavor in each food I eat. Realizing that I shouldn't feel guilty for taking pleasure from food. Trying to remember that food isn't a moral issue and anyone who thinks it is needs to re-examine why they're so focused on it as one. Also, trying not to push off eating until I'm so hungry I can't concentrate on anything but not shaking anymore. I feel like since this is probably going to lead me to eat more during the day, less at night, more snacks throughout the day, any caloric increase is probably going be nullified by my metabolism functioning the way it wants to. Or by getting really buff...
Maintaining	Letting Go Without Letting Go	Aug 28 2007 14:48 (UTC)	5
I just wanted to update on this... it feels like something has clicked in me and I'm getting on the right track. Like I'm starting to realize that my desire to work with my body and not against it is a good thing. And my body? Does not want me to be a teeny tiny thing. It wants me to be fit and strong and if it takes eating what someone much taller than me normally would, it's going to demand that. I've realized that, no, I was not eating little enough to be doing myself serious damage, and I was eating REALLY healthy. But even that can cause me to not quite function right. Fiber may be fabulous, and so may small portions, but 35 grams of fiber in a 1500 calorie diet is a BAD idea. I've started having more oils, not eating 1-2 large salads a day, but instead mixing my vegetables in with turkey burgers, udon noodles and seitan, whole grain cornbread. (yes, these are the sort of things I'd been considering delicious but a bit deviant...this is why I was so ready to brush off concerns that I was looking to go back to eating junk.) I've stopped trying to count calories and instead am trying to concentrate on the feeling of hunger and the feeling of satiety, to learn what I am craving (see foods above... chocolate cravings are rare and I hardly ever crave other unhealthy things... yeah, I'm strange). It's REALLY hard, but the thing that reassures me is that the bloating I've been feeling for MONTHS seems to be subsiding. I FEEL better, as if my body can let go of food. I can't believe I was in starvation mode on the amount I was eating, but it was certainly suboptimal. Too little fat and possibly too much protein (unless I've done heavy weights, my body seems to function best with a fairly sizeable carb load). I think my weight is down, too, though that may just be from being less bloated up (yeah, ew, it sucked and it's not perfect but omg the past few days? sooo much better). One thing that's helped is trying to focus on my plan to get a trainer when the weather cools off and the idea of working out at the gym on a gorgeous morning isn't a deterrent. Not to lose weight - but to LIFT weight. I want to be STRONG. For some reason, that's my genetic predispotion and I'm trying to remember that it's AWESOME. Yeah, some people like the super skinny thing, but that'll never be me and I want to be able to run fast and lift heavy things. I like goals. And those goals? They take some serious energy, in the form of mostly-healthy foods (ie, good stuff, but stuff with calories... not just fiber and water). It's not perfect. It's terrifying, and there's still some guilt. There's still the temptation to look at the clock and say "I can't eat now... I just had lunch a couple hours ago." But I'm getting better at learning to read my body and learning to work with it. I'm realizing that I CAN'T eat based on calculations and timing. Eating is sustenance, not a spreadsheet. I'm getting better at realizing that while my body clings like glue to a set point that may be a bit higher than societally optimal, it's actually a good thing. I can live on healthy foods, enjoy eating them, eat quite a bit more than most people my height (though sometimes I wonder if the reason so many people here eat so little is because they're weighing less than their bodies want to be), and look and feel seriously fit. It's not perfect, but that's the point. In the persuit of my own kind of perfection, I'd lost touch with myself and my strengths.
Fitness	is my bodyfat percentage too high?	Aug 26 2007 04:04 (UTC)	3
20.7 is great! It's not low enough that you need to be carefully supervising any athletic training to make sure you don't have any hormone issues, but it's still very low. Remember that women NEED body fat in order to function, and a lot more of it than men do. Below 12-14 and you're not even talking being suboptimally skinny, you're talking too little fat for essential body functions. And I do think it's possible that you can have anorexia without being underweight. Maybe not according to the official diagnostic criteria, but if you're eating less than you need to function and feeling like you ought to be losing weight when you're already thin then there's something not right. I think it's great if you realize that - it's the first step towards having healthy attitudes towards food, your body, and yourself - sooner rather than later.
Health & Support	Does this site make you feel even worse about yourself?	Aug 25 2007 20:19 (UTC)	6
Oh, man, YES. I may be one of the 5'2" ones, but I'm really muscular (could do curls with my dad's 18.5 lb weights today!) and or 1400 calories a day leaves me sick with hunger by the end of the day (dizziness, nausea, etc). Sometimes this site makes me feel like I'm being indulgent when I eat 1700-1800 calories a day when in reality I probably need even more of that, as I'm not trying to lose so much as maintain my eating and increase my fitness goals over time. I do have trouble sometimes seeing so many people who are already skinnier than me trying to lose more. It makes it hard to accept that my current size is not only not fat, but super fit and right for me. Though I've tried adopting a couple of new goals over the past week - not only not counting, but trying to eat "intuitively" and eat more throughout the day, so I'm not absolutely insatiable by nighttime. As much as it terrifies me to let go a bit, some people DO need more food. I actually seem to have dropped weight and I feel like my digestive system is functioning much better. It is a struggle, Kate, and I wish you all the best with it. It sounds like you have a lot of self-awareness though, and are getting on the right track. Avoiding comparing yourself to others is soooo difficult and these forums do exacerbate it...
Maintaining	American obsession with food	Aug 25 2007 04:29 (UTC)	9
The simple solution is don't go to bad resturants, unless you really are going to enjoy the company. It's not that difficult. There's plenty of places I go to where the food is either fairly healthy or not particularly healthy but so good that it's worth the indulgence once in a blue moon. I get that there's a lot of stuff in America that's not just unhealthy - it's gross. Hell, I refuse to eat 95% of what I see in the supermarket. But there's unhealthy and gross foods everywhere. Frankly, I make my own habits, eat what I want. It is not my problem and not my benefit if other people have different preferences. Eat what you want, where you want. Just don't be so nationalistic and self-rightous about it. It's attitudes like that that make healthy eating seem like the enemy. As an aside, I've noticed that I prefer not to talk about food particularly often - it tends to happen in one of two circumstances. Occasionally when eating somewhere truly special that brings cooking to an (albeit unhealthy) art form, but mostly when with people who I don't really have anything else to talk about with. Everyone has to eat, and it's not as potentially offensive as religion or politics or going to the bathroom - which everyone also has to do. I don't see it as a great terrible thing. But then again, I don't see other people raising their risk of health issues as a great terrible thing, either. To each his own, and if it's only my eating habits that make me a worthwhile, confident person, the rest of me has some far more serious issues.

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