Posts by beanie1125

I'm sorry you are hurting and that your relationship ended.  And regardless if you cheated or not, relationships hurt when they end.  I'm in the "suck it up and move on" camp.  Okay, so you'll grieve for a while and feel bad, but go out with your girlfriends and don't feel guilty if you find someone else for an evening. 

On the other topic of note: honesty is better.  First, if you own up to your mistake, you have broached the subject yourself.  The SO knows you made an error and can act or not on it as he or she chooses.  What will hurt the SO more: finding out you cheated or finding out you cheated 6 months ago and lied to him or her about it?  Chew on that for a moment. 

Second, especially if the infidelity was sexual in nature, your SO... your primary sexual partner DESERVES to know if he or she is at risk for any STDs.  You have a responsibility to the person you ostensibly care about to let them know if you put him or hur at an increased risk for STDs.  They're out there.  Yes, there is protection that can decrease risk, BUT if you are in a relationship, your partner deserves to know what's been done with your naughty bits - preferably before he or she puts his or her naughty bits near yours. 

Honesty, trust, and communication are keys to good relationships.  Spesh, you did right by confessing what happened, and you are facing the consequences of your actions.  Honesty is important, and maybe you could think about reasons why you cheated before you get into another long-term relationship. 

Just a suggestion.  I'm sorry you're hurting, and I hope you're back on your feet soon. 

Original Post by kathygator:

No Fear, Ig. Vote with your soul, not your logic. Somewhere along the way it became passe to vote for ideals. We got to be able to get past that cynicism and take a chance. We got to better than any 2 term president we've ever elected.  We are 'the people' the conservatives have heard so much about. Sometimes you gotta risk a little to get a lot.

 I like that philosophy. 

I'm willing to take a risk on Obama because McCain seems more to me like he would be 4 more years of the same old crap that we're in now.  And it seems more that way to me because he picked Palin as his running mate. 

That's why I'm leaning McCain at the moment. Now if the democrats lost considerable ground in the house and senate or if Obama could prove to me that he's fiscally conservative (unlikely), then I'd be in Obama's camp.

But really, I think people should just make me king, because my policies are far better than anything the other two candidates have put forth individually or combined. :)

 Oddly enough, Democrats tend to be better at economic tasks important to Republicans.  There are caveats mentioned in the article, and you can look at the numbers yourself.  Of course, it won't say what Obama's policies are.  It's just historical trends. 

Original Post by safina1:

This is a very interesting topic. I am eager to know if being overweight has played a role in any relationship? how does it affect the relationship?? in a bad way or a good way?

Would love to hear some stories...

 In my current relationship, the Boy has expressed that he found me attractive no matter what my weight - that it is other things about me that make me attractive: my brain, my smile, the conversation, the spark between us, etc.  He is supportive of my weight loss (and is losing some himself - I'm so proud!), but it doesn't really affect the relationship.  I've put back on some weight from my first big downward climb from 250, and I'm physcially less flexible, which does have it's downsides.  ;)  I'm going to get tha back, though.   He just doesn't want me to get so small that I'm unhealthy nor does he want me to get so small that he would be afraid of breaking me. 

On the other hand, I've been with someone who did not want me to lose the weight.  He preferred me larger.  I preferred me smaller.  One of the (many) reasons that the relationship was not going anywhere on my part was that it felt like I hadn't lost any weight when I was with him. 

Off the topic of weightloss in relationships and back to an earlier poster about consideration: Yes, that is a definate must.  I was a doormat once, and I will never be again.  I'm someone who can give a lot of myself; fortunately, the Boy is also that sort of person, so there is a lot of consideration all the way around.  And it feels effortless.  It does not seem a hardship to think of him and do things to make him happy; it just happens.  We have a lot of conversations that center around teeny little things that he has done for me or I for him and how it was something huge to the recipient of the consideration, yet seemed effortless to the one providing. 

Zen,

I have little to say that hasn't already been said.  There are many times and ways you just know a relationship is over.  A lot of it comes from how you feel when you're around the other person.  If you're not happy around that person, or you feel like you're putting on an act, then the relationship is doomed. 

If you're looking of ways to end it, you should start with a conversation.  Tell the other person that you're not feeling it the way you used to.  You might discover some things that might make you reconsider, and if not, you have been honest to your future ex. 

Caloricat -

The "It's nothing that you did or didn't do.. it's just me," is not always a line of bull.  I dated someone who was a perfect gentleman, and he will undoubtedly make someone blissfully happy.  He was the type of guy who would hold the chair for you, and give you random flowers, and buy you dinner, and all the wonderful things that women often say they want.  And I can't say that all of that stuff was horrible.  The problem was that I wasn't feeling for him all the mushy romantic stuff.  He was good, he was nice, he did everything right.  I just did not have an attraction for him.  He didn't give me that "spark."  I found myself resenting time I spent with him, and all these lovely gestures, because the spark wasn't there for me. 

So it really wasn't what he did or didn't do.  It was all me.  The compatibility wasn't there on my end.  We're still good friends, but that's what it was supposed to be - friends only. 

"I don't use clumping litter at all; I use the Tidy Cats (or Fresh Step, whichever is on sale) crystals.  They don't spread as far and my vacuum picks them up easier than the clumping litter.  I used to use the Arm and Hammer and my floor was gross with litter.  My cats jump over any pads I might put in front of the box (because they're jerks! lol!), "

 Odd, because I use Arm and Hammer for my 3, and they don't track it around the house, from either of their litter-box locations!  No rugs or anything by the boxes either.  Of course, they do most of their business outside, and will often go outside just to do their business before coming back in.

Then again, cats can be picky about where the go and in what they go.   If they're not happy about their litter situation, they'll let you know!  Maybe they don't like the feel of the litter in their paws so they "fling" it out of the pan.  Maybe they don't like the location, so they use it grudgingly.  There are many reasons for litter tracking other than the brand. 

One of my kitties (all three are indoor-outdoor) had enforced indoor time because he had a vet appointment.  Apparently, despite the litter-box, he held it all day so he could go outside.  The vet tried to put a pan down, with litter, and he pawed it like he knew what it was for, but he would have none of it.  He opted instead to go in the sink, directly down the drain!  Smart kitty knows plumbing!  The vet couldn't believe it, and had to feel his bladder to prove it was empty because he left not a drop in the sink! 

Cats are such moody wee beasties, so it might be a combination of things!

I don't really have an answer about the stigma surroundig sex.  The US has created a culture that simultaneously tells people SEX IS WRONG and SEX IS BAD while hypersexualizing children at a young age.  And while there is a stigma attached to having sex, once you are 16 or 18 or definately 21, there is a stigma attached to being a virgin.  

Regarding the earlier comments about more committed relationships and how they don't decrease the chance of pregnancy, for example.  At least in a committed or long term relationship, there is a greater chance that you are not alone in whatever happens. 

I also believe, as others do, that there are emotional consequences to sex that you might not be ready for.  Not just the added intimacy for the person with whom you are having sex, but also the emotional consequences to the potential consequences of sex.  Can you handle an STD?  Can you handle an unplanned pregnancy? 

That being said, yes sex is fun, and more power to the people who can have a good time with strangers.  Have your fun.  I don't think we need to be trapped in Victorian social mores; however I also don't think that young teens, or indeed anyone, should feel pressured into having sex when they are not ready and exposing themselves to risk for which they are not ready just because "everyone is doing it" or they will lose their boyfriend/girlfriend if they do not put out. 

While not as obsessive as Molly ;)... I weigh every day. I wake up, go to the bathroom, and eliminate as needed.  Then, naked, I walk to my sewing room, where the scale is, and stays.  The red line is lined up to a join in the hardwood floors.  I turn on the overhead light, then a little spotlight focused on the scale dial (because if I didn't have the light, my shadow and the shadow of the line makes the scale difficult to read).  I step on with my left foot and slowly transfer weight, utnil I step on with my right.  I read the number and step off (right before left), and hope the scale will come back to zero.  I repeat getting on and off the scale until the scale re-zeroes. 

Yes, the scale is old and persnicketey, but it's the one I started with, so with it I shall continue. 

The hope is in the fact that we are intelligent beings who can make choices for ourselves and make the most of the genes we were given.  I could take the route that I'm "condemned" to be obese from both sides of my family.  My father is obese, my mother is obese, my paternal grandmother was morbidly obese, my maternal grandmother is at least overweight, 2 of 3 maternal aunts struggle with their weight... I could sit back and blame it all on genes and be fat and blame it on everything but my own personal responsibility.  OR I can do something about it.  Of 5 granddaughters, I am the only overweight one.  Of 8 grandchildren, I am only one of 3 who have ever been overweight/obese.  One was my brother, and he lost 80 lbs and he looks great now and is a healthy weight.  One is me.  I've lost 80 lbs, have 20 more to go and look better than I ever had. 

How's that for genetics? 

Okay, so my genetics have determined that if I'm lazy and don't move around and eat junk, I will gain weight easily.  They have also determined that I will lose weight slowly.  That's what I'm stuck with.  The hope is despite all that, I HAVE lost 80lbs.  My brother did it too!  He's kept it off for about 5 years now.  My mom was skinny until she switched from a job where she was walking/running around all the time to one where she was more sedentary.  It was her activity keeping her skinny.  So her genetics say that she can reach a fat potential of obese, but because she was constantly moving around, she was burning and it was keeping that fat potential as only potential. 

So I've been at a plateau for a long time, barely losing any weight.  I've been stuck in the 170s since March.  It's been a battle, but I'm smarter than my food, and I can will myself to exercise and move around, and I WILL lose the remaining 20lbs and I WILL be a healthy weight because I'm smarter than my genes.  I do NOT have to achieve my genetic obesity potential.   And there is the hope.  Just because the potential is there does not mean that you HAVE to achieve it! 

I'm seeing Tori on Saturday with my best friend.  It's gonna be fantastic!  :-D

Everyone has mentioned the jealousy, and I agree.  I'll be one of the first person to point out that every woman has her dark side where she's a total catty... well, not nice person.  But since that's been said enough already, I want to add that even though it's jealousy, it might not be totally negative.  It's probably commenting on you having achieved what they want.  There's a woman I work with who keeps telling me I'm fading away to nothing!  I'm not even at a "healthy" BMI yet!  I'm still 80lbs lighter that I was, so comparatively, I'm skinny.  My mom always calls me "skinny-minny" now.  I know they're both a little jealous (they've said so), but they're also saying it in positive tones of voice or in my mom's case, the teasing tone of voice that we often use with each other, so it's both saying "dayum, you've done a fantastic job" and "dayum, I wish I could do what you did!"

Congrats on the weightloss! 

Add me to the not-tanned column.  I look horrible and unnatural with a tan.  I do freckle.  I like that I have pale-ish skin.  My tone isn't porcelain, but it is light.  I do not like the overly tanned look.  I do not like the premature aging that comes from the overly tanned.  I will go and get "color" which, if I judge my sun exposure just right, will make me a pale beige color - exceedingly far from tan.  Of course, my genetics make it hard for me to "build a tan."  Of course, I also tend to hold onto my "beige" for a long while.   

I don't find that being tan (or beige in my case) or not affects how I percieve myself as far as fat or thin goes.  I do know that sunshine makes me happy and no sun makes me sad, but I don't feel thinner when that happens.  I feel thinner when my pants are loose!  :) 

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